


I'll See You On The Other Side

by FancifulFollies



Category: Hamilton - Miranda, Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Kaiju (Pacific Rim), M/M, Modern Day, Multi, Pacific Rim AU, Polyamory, Sacrifice, The Drift, The End of the world, War, aaron wants to be a superhero, crossover fic, drift compatible, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-07-22 14:38:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 120,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7442941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FancifulFollies/pseuds/FancifulFollies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Drifting allows co-pilots to act as one and control the movements of the Jaeger,” Sally reads aloud from the newspaper, her chin digging into Aaron’s shoulder as she does, “one pilot controlling the right hemisphere, the other the left hemisphere. It requires pilots to share memories, instinct and emotions.”</p><p>“So it’s like a superpower?” Aaron asks, following the words with his finger. “Like mind control, or mind reading?”</p><p>“Yeah, kid, I guess it is.” She pinches his side and he swats her hand away, but smiles up at her when she steps back. “Guess that means we live in a world of superheroes now.”</p><p>-</p><p>Aaron is ten years old when the first Kaiju attacks and the world turns upside-down, AKA a Pacific Rim/Hamilton crossover fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> *Deep breath* 
> 
> Okay, here it is, the first chapter. It's not exactly where I want it, but I think it gets the idea across. If you haven't seen pacific rim, this fic should still be understandable! I'm doing my best to put a lot of detail into the chapters so things make sense. (but also tbh you should watch the movie cause it's great).
> 
> If you start the journey of reading this, please be aware of the archive warning; people will die. BUT also look at that Aaron Burr/Jonathan Bellamy/Alexander Hamilton tag and GET EXCITED cause it's going to be amazing!!!! I really hope you guys enjoy this and continue to read, it would mean a lot!

Aaron is ten years old when the breach opens for the first time.

He’s on vacation with his family in San Francisco, visiting his uncle. They’d been there for a week already, were set to leave and go back home to New York the next day. But then it happens.

And everything changes.

It starts out as a normal enough day; Aaron is standing in the living room, fighting with his sister, Sally, over who gets to be the first to read the new comic book their uncle bought them. Sally is trying to pry it from his hands when the ground shakes. It shakes so hard that Aaron stumbles to the ground, his elbows breaking his fall as the comic books goes flying from his hands.

 _Earthquake_ , his mind supplies when the ground shakes again, even harder this time. A picture frame on the wall comes crashing down, the glass shattering onto the carpet. Suddenly, Sally is next to him, her arms wrapping around him as the ground continues to move beneath them. There’s the sound of footsteps, and then more arms are around him as his parents and uncle kneel down beside them.

“It’s okay.” His mother tells them. “It’s just an earthquake. We’ll be fine, it’ll be over soon.” But then there’s a sound that doesn’t make sense, something like a roar that peals through the air, making Aaron clap his hands over his ears. Then Sally is pulling him up, her eyes wide as their parents and uncle scramble to their feet, all of them looking around in confusion.

Another roar. The ground lurches.

His parents seem to spur into action at the same time; both of them starting to grab things around the house. The next few minutes are a blur, Aaron’s parents shoving his shoes onto his feet and grabbing the car keys from the table. Sally takes his hand, pulling him out of the door and out onto the street. That’s when they see it.

Aaron always thought that aliens were supposed to come from the sky, but the form rising up from the ocean, right near the Golden Gate Bridge, proves that theory wrong. The monster is a dark blue color, resembling a dinosaur in the way it’s built; large head, powerful arms and legs, with a tail rising up behind it, sending water splashing up into the air. Its size is enormous, making it seem closer than it really is.

Aaron had always liked dinosaurs, had enjoyed learning about them in school, but as he watches the animal continue its path towards them, he thinks that perhaps dinosaurs are better when they’re just pictures in a book.

The ground trembles with each step that the monster takes, and it throws its head back in another piercing roar. It continues to move forward, and its body hits a portion of the Golden Gate Bridge, causing it to crumble and debris to fly into the air before hurtling towards the ground.

People are screaming now, running in all directions and Aaron feels like his legs have turned to lead. He feels frozen to the ground. He doesn’t know what to do. There are too many people in the streets, making it impossible to drive, so his parents pull them into the crowd, following the rush of people heading away from the monster. Aaron doesn’t know what’s happening, can’t comprehend anything, so he focuses on Sally’s hand in his, pulling him along.

They run for what feels like hours, but the crashes and screams follow them and seem to just get closer and closer. Aaron isn’t sure when he started, but he slowly becomes aware of the tears falling down his face, and feels Sally squeezing his hand harder, urging him to keep going. Looking around and seeing all the people running and shouting, it makes Aaron scared. He can feel his hand shaking in his sister’s, so he looks down, focuses on his shoes and how the Superman insignia on both sides light up with each step. He reminds himself to breathe in and out.

But after awhile, Aaron has to beg his parents to let them stop. His chest is tight from running for so long, and his feet are burning. His mother nods, and they all turn into a small alleyway, and Aaron leans his shoulder against one of the walls, trying to get oxygen back into his lungs.

None of them say anything as the screams and shouts continue. The world is crashing down around them, what is there to say?

A roar, closer than any previous one, tears through the air and Aaron jumps, scooting closer to his sister and looking up at her, wanting her to tell him everything will be fine. She looks back down at him, her eyes unreadable, but gives his hand another squeeze, a silent reassurance.

What happens next happens fast, too fast for Aaron to comprehend.

Another roar rings out, and then a car goes flying through the air past the alleyway they are hiding in. There’s a strange beat of silence, and then the ground feels like it’s going to split apart as a large, clawed foot descends onto the street. Even when Aaron cranes his head up, he can’t see the top of the monster. He stumbles backwards on instinct, pulling Sally with him.

The monster turns, its scaly tail hitting one of the buildings next to them, and bricks come tumbling down, one of them landing right at Aaron’s feet. A loud scream makes him turn, and he sees his mother holding a hand to her head, a trickle of blood making its way down her face. Aaron takes a step towards her, but Sally pulls him back as more of the building starts to crumble, and Aaron watches as his uncle starts to run towards them, watches as his father puts an arm around his mother and tries to move them away from the monster.

Then the scene changes, and everything starts to happen as if it’s in slow motion; the monster turns again and swipes a strong arm through the air. Sally yells and drags Aaron farther away from the rest of their family as huge chunks of debris come hurtling down. They make it to the other end of the alley, their uncle catching up to them seconds later.

Aaron turns back to his parents, looks at their scared faces and opens his mouth to call out to them, to tell them to run, but then the monster roars. It steps forward, closer to the alleyway. His parents stumble forward, but the monster follows, and in one more step it’s trying to force its way into the alley. But it’s too large, and its sides rub against both buildings. The effect of its action is that both buildings start to come crashing completely down, and dust flies into the air, blocking their parents from their view.

Aaron yells again, a fresh wave of tears falling from his eyes as he struggles against Sally’s grip, trying to get back to their parents. But Sally tugs at his hand and forces him to keep moving, taking him further and further away from them.

They run and run, more screams filling the air. They lose their uncle in the crowd surrounding them, but Aaron doesn’t even bother to look around for him, his vision too clouded by tears to be of any use. _They’re okay_ , he chants in his mind, _they’re not dead, they’re okay_. He forces himself to keep moving, putting one foot in front of the other, but then one of his feet catches on something and he trips, skidding hard onto the ground. Sally’s hand is wrenched from his. He tries to pick himself up, but people are running around him, stepping on him.

Aaron looks up, fear flowing through his body as he searches the crowd for his sister. Seconds go by, each feeling like an eternity, but then Sally’s face breaks through the masses, and she struggles to make her way over to Aaron.

“Sally!” He cries out as she moves against the flow of the crowd, her eyes wide but determined. But people keep pushing her back in their haste to get away, and Aaron sees her falter. “Don’t leave me, don’t leave me!”

Aaron reaches a hand out, grasping at nothing but air. Then Sally is suddenly closer, reaching her own hand out towards him. The crowd pushes at her, but she extends her hand further, and her fingers curl around Aaron’s hand. A brief moment of relief, but then someone slams hard into Sally, and she stumbles back, hand slipping from his before she can pull him up.

“Don’t let go!” Aaron screams at her, his heart pounding in his chest. “Sally! Sally, don’t let go! Don’t-”

A hand is on his again, and he’s pulled up roughly from the ground. He stumbles, but Sally steadies him, keeps her hand in his this time. Then they’re weaving through the hoards of people, trying to find a place less crowded, less frantic.

A hand descends on Aaron’s shoulder, and he looks behind him to see their uncle there, his other hand on Sally’s shoulder. He guides them out of the crowd and over to a small café whose windows had been smashed in but is otherwise intact. They step inside; the monster’s roars now coming from a distance ahead of them.

Aaron’s breaths are still coming too fast, and he pushes his face against Sally’s shoulder and throws his arms around her waist. His parents’ faces are in his head, his mother’s scream ringing in his ears.

“Don’t let go.” He whispers into the fabric of Sally’s shirt, and her arms come up to encircle his shoulders, holding him tight as he cries.

“I won’t.”

-

It takes six days for the government to shoot down the Kaiju. That’s what they’re calling it now. _Kaiju_. It has several meanings; strange creature, beast, giant monster. No matter which translation people choose to use, Aaron thinks that all of them are fitting.

Three cities are destroyed before the Kaiju is taken down, and tens of thousands people are dead, including Aaron’s parents.

Aaron is ten, Sally thirteen, when they become orphans.

They move in with their uncle afterwards, and they try to cope with their new life as the rest of the world tries to cope with the aftermath of the attack. The Kaiju is given the name Trespasser, and the attack is tucked away as a one-time occurrence. The dead are mourned, cities start to get rebuilt, and everyone tries to move on, glad, at least, that the nightmare is over.

Six months later, the second Kaiju rises from the Pacific Ocean.

This time it heads towards Manila, wreaking the same amount of havoc that occurred in San Francisco. The third Kaiju hits Cabo months later. After the fourth one attacks Australia, the world slowly begins to realize that the attacks aren’t going to stop, that this is only the beginning.

This thought becomes confirmed when the government announces that the there is a breach in the ocean that the Kaiju are coming out of, and that there is no known way of closing it. They say that the whole world is in the midst of what is being called the Human-Kaiju war, that the day of the first attack in San Francisco is now being called K-Day. Riots break out after the announcement; People want action, a reassurance that things will get better. They want a solution. But there doesn’t seem to be one.

Aaron and Sally rarely leave their house except for school, too scared of what will find them if they do. Nothing looks like it’s going to get better. It all seems hopeless.

Aaron starts having nightmares soon after. He sees his parents dying over and over in his head. Or if it’s not that, a Kaiju haunts his dreams, chasing him for miles and miles until he can’t run anymore. And then it’s descending on him. He always wakes up right before its foot is threatens to crush him, but he screams anyway, thrashing in his bed.

His uncle tells him to man up, to toughen up, that worrying about it won’t make things better. The harsh words just make Aaron cry more, and his uncle always leaves him in a huff of frustration.

Sally starts sleeping in his room.

After another one of his nightmares, she slips into his room and nudges him to scoot over in the bed before climbing in next to him. She doesn’t say anything, just falls asleep within minutes with her back to him. Aaron stays awake a little while longer, wondering if she’ll leave, but she doesn’t. He falls asleep easier that night, and for all the nights that follow.

One night, however, Aaron can’t sleep again. He stares up at the ceiling and then turns to where Sally is next to him. She’s staring at him through the darkness, and raises her eyebrows at him, a silent way of asking him what’s wrong.

“It’s my fault, isn’t it?” Aaron whispers, as he picks at the hem of the superhero shirt he’s wearing. He can feel the tears pricking at his eyes. “That they’re dead. Mom and Dad. If I hadn’t asked them to stop running, they’d still be alive.”

Sally doesn’t say anything at first, but then she sits up and motions for Aaron to do the same. When they’re facing each other on the bed, Sally reaches out and pinches Aaron hard on the arm.

“Ow!” He rubs at the spot and glares at his sister. “What was that for?”

“For saying something so stupid!” She tells him, but then she’s reaching over and pulling Aaron into a hug. “What happened that day was not your fault, Aaron. An alien came out of the ocean; no one was ready for that. You couldn’t control what happened.”

“But if we had just kept running-“

“No!” Sally pulls back to look at him, and Aaron can see the tears in her eyes. “You can’t think like that. You don’t know what would have happened if we had kept going. We would have had to stop eventually, and maybe a different spot would have meant that we all died. You can’t control everything Aaron, not even Superman can.” She pokes him hard in the chest. “So why should you? Don’t think like that, okay? It was _not_ your fault.”

Aaron sniffs loudly, but nods. He lets Sally pull him back down into a hug for a few more moments before pulling away again.

“Do you like living here? With Uncle Tim?” He asks her, lying back down on the bed. Sally sighs and huddles back under the covers as well before turning to look at him.

“No.” She tells him, and she gives him a small smile. “I hate it.”

“I wish we could run away.”

“Yeah?” Sally asks with a small laugh. “Where would you go first?”

“Back to New York.” Aaron says automatically. “I miss it there, miss walking around the harbor. I would get on a boat and become a pirate.”

“A Kaiju fighting pirate?”

“Yeah.”

“I’d like to see that.” Sally says with another laugh, rolling onto her back with a sigh. “I bet you could defeat a Kaiju.”

“You’d come with me.” Aaron says, punching her arm gently. “We’d do it together.”

“Sure, kid. Whatever you say.”

The room falls silent, and Aaron smiles at the idea of him and Sally fighting Kaiju together. He could turn the idea into a comic book. He tucks away that thought for later, thinking he’ll draw out the first edition for Sally’s next birthday.

“Hey, Sally?” Aaron asks a little while later, turning to look at his sister.

“Hm?”

“You wouldn’t leave without me, right?” He turns on his side so he can look at her, but her back is to him. He sees her shoulders rise and fall, and then she turns back to look at him, a smile on her face.

“I wouldn’t even think of it. Never letting go, remember?”

-

A little over two years after the first Kaiju attack, the Jaeger Program is announced.

Aaron and Sally listen to a newswoman make the announcement on their TV one night as the words ‘Breaking News’ scroll across the bottom of the screen. Aaron is sprawled on the ground, staring at his homework with blank eyes as Sally sits on the couch, diligently reading one of her books.

“The world has come together for the sake of the greater good in order to create a solution that could save us all.” The woman says, and then she is replaced by an image of people running around a large robot, which is taller than most buildings Aaron has ever seen, almost as tall as a Kaiju. “The Jaeger Program has been officially started in Hong Kong after negotiations began months ago in South Korea. It is a project that focuses on the development of massive mobile weapons called Jaegers, a German word that means hunter. You can see one here in this image.”

Aaron picks himself up from the ground so he can focus more on the TV, which is now showing a close up shot of the robot. The Jaeger. Aaron watches with wide eyes as the camera zooms back to show more of it, and he can see the section inside the head of the robot where people must stand in to control it.

“Looks like they got to your Kaiju fighting pirate idea first.” Sally jokes, but Aaron hushes her, wanting to hear more of what they’re saying. The image changes again to show a broad shouldered man talking to reporters.

“Marshal George Washington, shown here discussing the program, will be one of the first to pilot a Jaeger. The machines work through something called the Pons System, which allows a human being to actually control the Jaeger’s movements with the help of a uniform called a circuitry suit. Here’s what Marshal Washington has to say on the subject.”

“The Jaeger Program is the solution we have all been looking for.” Washington says in the video, his voice confident. “The suits utilize nuclear reactors in order to function, which is our alternative to turning towards nuclear weapons to fight this war. Thanks to the combined efforts of leaders around the world, we can now start to fight back. Jaegers are weapons strong enough to do battle with a Kaiju.”

“Creating monsters to fight monsters.” Sally murmurs from the couch, and Aaron turns to see her looking at the screen with thoughtful eyes. “Wonder if it will work.”

It doesn’t. Or at least, not at first.

The neural load and mental capacity required to control the Jaegers proves too much for a single person to handle. Two pilots die in a practice attempt, and the failure is a big letdown. The government threatens to close down the Jaeger Program, worried that more people will die, that too much money will be spent funding it. There are setbacks. The world continues to wait.

The solution comes in the form of a process that is termed Drifting. Aaron reads about it in the newspaper, Sally resting her chin on his shoulder as she reads from behind him.

“Drifting allows co-pilots to act as one and control the movements of the Jaeger,” Sally reads aloud from the newspaper, her chin digging into Aaron’s shoulder as she does, “one pilot controlling the right hemisphere, the other the left hemisphere. It requires pilots to share memories, instinct and emotions.”

“So it’s like a superpower?” Aaron asks, following the words with his finger. “Like mind control, or mind reading?”

“Yeah, kid, I guess it is.” She pinches his side and he swats her hand away, but smiles up at her when she steps back. “Guess that means we live in a world of superheroes now.”

And they do.

The Jaegers alter everything; the world starts to change again, but this time for the better. The human race starts to win the war. Jaegers are stopping Kaiju left and right, and over the next two years, the casualties lessen, and the destruction left in the wake of attacks isn’t as bad. The Jaegers are saving the world.

But, Jaegers are only as good as their pilots, and the whole world seems to start to worship the them. Some of them can’t even leave their homes anymore without being mobbed by people wanting their autographs or pictures. Jaeger pilots became something close to rock stars.

Even action figures of the pilots come out, and Aaron collects them all. He gets especially excited when Sally buys him a George Washington one for his birthday.

“He’s the best pilot ever!” He tells Sally excitedly, waving the action figure in the air as he runs around the room. “He takes down Kaiju faster than anyone else, and is the only one so far to control a Jaeger by himself and live to talk about it!”

“Alright, you weirdo.” Sally says with a laugh, standing up and placing her hands on his shoulders. “Try not to pee yourself from excitement.”

“I’m _fourteen_ , Sally, I don’t pee my pants.”

Later that day, Aaron lines all his action figures up on his bookshelf; he’s got six in all, just needs two more to have the complete collection. He arranges them so they’re facing his bed. He’s been sleeping better lately. He rarely has nightmares anymore, not since the Jaegers started to win the war. He feels safer, knowing that there are people out there to protect them now.

So Sally starts to sleep in her own room again, at least for the most part. But sometimes Aaron’s door will creak open, and Sally will shuffle in and climb into his bed, slipping under the covers. When Aaron asks her if she’s okay, she just shrugs.

“You’re not the only one who has nightmares.”

Months pass, and Aaron slips further into his obsession with Jaegers and Jaeger pilots. He starts reading the comic books that come out about them, even dresses as a pilot for Halloween one year despite Sally's teasing. He can't explain why he loves them so much, but they make him feel safe, make him feel hopeful that things will be okay.

The Jaeger Academy opens the summer after Aaron turns sixteen.

An advertisement for it is pushed under their front door, the words “Take A Stand” printed in bold letters across the top of the pamphlet. Aaron reads it, a growing sense of excitement rising in him. He turns around to see Sally leaning against the wall, watching him. He steps forward and holds out the pamphlet. He watches her read it, her eyebrows rising higher with each sentence.

“I want to do it.” Aaron tells her firmly, and she looks up at him with a small frown. “They need pilots, and I want to do it.”

“Aaron…”

“I want to do it.” Aaron repeats, his fists clenching at his side. “I have to.”

Sally looks at him, her bottom lip caught between her front teeth. Aaron sees her shoulder rise and fall with a sigh, and then she’s handing him back the pamphlet before turning around and heading back into her room without another word.

Late that night, long after Sally and his uncle have gone to sleep, Aaron sits cross-legged on his bed, reading the pamphlet over and over. He looks up when his door opens, and Sally slips in, closing the door and leaning against it.

“How serious are you about doing this?” She asks him, voice steady.

“One hundred percent.” He responds, gripping the pamphlet tightly in his hand. “I have to do it.”

“Why?”

“I told you, because I-“

“Give me a better reason.” Sally tells him, her voice suddenly sharp. “Not just _‘I want to’_ , tell me why. Why is this so important? Why do you want to risk your life to be in one of those things?”

Aaron opens his mouth and then closes it, unsure of what to say. He lets his eyes roam around his room as he thinks, landing briefly on his pile of comic books before settling on the action figures that are still lined up on his bookshelf.

“Because I could help people.” Aaron finally says, turning his eyes back to Sally. “You told me once that I can’t control everything. But I can control myself. I can choose to do this, and help make people safe. I have to do it, Sally.”

His sister looks at him for a long time, and Aaron looks back, wishing he knew what was going through her mind. After a few minutes, she pushes herself off of the door and sits next to him on the bed.

“Where is this place, anyway?”

“Kodiak Island.” Aaron says excitedly, showing her on the pamphlet. “In Alaska.”

“Alaska.” Sally groans. “Why couldn’t it at least be somewhere warm? I hate the cold.”

“Wait…” Aaron looks over at her. “You…you want to come with me?”

“What, you think I’m gonna let you take all the glory? Please. We both know I’d made a way cooler superhero than you. Look how scrawny you are.” Sally wraps her hand around Aaron’s bicep, and he pushes her away with a laugh.

“Sally…” Aaron pauses and looks back at her, more serious now. “You…but you have college. You want to be a teacher. You’ve, you’ve got plans and-“

“No point having plans if there isn’t a world left to live in.” Sally says, cutting him off with a wave of her hand. “Now, is there a number on there to call? Cause I sure as hell have no clue how to start making our way to Alaska.”

“There’s a number.” Aaron says after another brief pause, flipping through the pamphlet. “They said that we can call and someone will help us get there, will even pay for plane tickets and everything if we need it.”

“Good, cause I don’t think Uncle Tim would be willing to help us out.” Sally scans the pamphlet one more time before nodding and standing up. “Call them tomorrow. We’ll start planning after we get more details.”

“Shouldn’t we just go now and-“

“Slow down, Superman." Sally says, crossing her arms. "We need to wait. We can’t just up and go right now. We don’t even know how to get there, what we’ll need, if they’ll even accept us into the program! So just wait, Aaron.” She slips back out of his room and Aaron lies back down onto his bed with a huff.

He doesn’t want to wait. He wants to walk out of the front door right now and leave, never come back. He wants to be in a Jaeger, wants to feel like no one can touch him, wants to be so high up in the air that everyone looks like ants. He wants to fight a Kaiju. He _has_ to. For his parents. For everyone.

The next week passes by so slowly for Aaron, each day feeling like an entire year. He calls the number on the pamphlet and explains his and Sally’s situation. The woman on the phone tells him that the Academy can arrange for them to be brought over, that they just need to tell them when they’re ready to leave and they’ll send a taxi to the house, even have a plane ready and waiting for them at the airport.

Aaron writes down each detail and gives the information to Sally, who reads it quickly and nods before crumpling up the paper and throwing it in the trash. She tells Aaron they need to wait a little longer before heading into her room.

So Aaron waits another week, and each day that passes makes the nervous excitement in him grow more and more. Every time his uncle critiques his homework, or tells him he’s not doing enough, Aaron just smiles and nods, because he knows that he’ll be gone soon. He might not ever need to see his uncle again. The thought makes the waiting endurable.

One night when the excitement of leaving soon is too much for him to fall asleep, Aaron is reading a comic on his bed, flashlight in hand. He jumps when his door opens, but relaxes when he sees that it’s Sally. She steps fully into the room, and that’s when he notices that she’s fully dressed.

“You ready?” She asks him, crossing her arms over her chest.

“What? _Now?”_ Aaron scrambles up into a sitting position and watches as his sister smirks at him.

“Yes, now. You wanted to go, so let’s go.”

“But I’m not ready now! I don’t have anything packed, I don’t-“ He breaks off when Sally rolls her eyes and steps further into the room. He watches as she walks carefully on his floor, pressing at a couple floorboards with her foot. Then a smile lights up her face and she presses down harder on one, and Aaron watches in confusion as the floorboard lifts up.

Sally reaches down and pulls out two backpacks, placing one of them and her feet and tossing the other one at Aaron.

Aaron catches it and looks inside, seeing clothes packed in it along with a toothbrush and other necessities. He looks up at Sally with questioning eyes, and she shoulders her own backpack and looks back at him expectantly.

“I already called the number.” Sally tells him with a shrug. “So there’s no changing your mind now. The taxi will be here to get us soon. I would get dressed if I were you.” She looks him up and down. “Or you can leave wearing your too small superman pajamas if you really want to.” She smirks at him before opening his door and slipping back out.

Aaron stands and quickly throws on jeans and t-shirt, and hesitates when he passes his bookshelf, his action figures catching his eye. He zips open his backpack and shoves them in before following Sally out of his room.

She's standing in the kitchen, scribbling something onto a piece of paper and then leaving it on the kitchen table.

“For Uncle Tim.” She tells Aaron as he watches. Then she straightens and walks over to the door, turning back when Aaron doesn’t move. “What?”

“Are you sure you want to go?” Aaron asks. “Cause you don’t have to, I can do this myself.” But Sally just rolls her eyes and steps over to him, throwing and arm around his shoulder and guiding him towards the door.

“Sorry, but you’re stuck with me, kid. I told you, I’m never letting go.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Saturday, which means another update! :D
> 
> It starts out with a lot of technicalities of the pacific rim universe, but I just want to make sure you guys understand everything! 
> 
> Enjoy x

The Jaeger Academy training program is split into three, eight-week periods of five different sections that each recruit must pass in order to move forward. Overall, it’s supposed to take twenty-four weeks to complete.

Aaron and Sally both fly through the first section, which is officer training. They’re taught study tactics, engineering, and basic and Kaiju science. Aaron gets top scores in the class, beaten only by Angelica Schuyler, the eldest of a group of sisters who are also in the program.

Then the recruits are moved onto combat training, where they’re all matched against each other in order to assess their potential for drift compatibility. At first, Aaron doesn’t understand how whacking someone with a three foot long stick repeatedly can test for drift compatibility, but the more he does it, the more he begins to understand.

It becomes clear that the more a fighting pair can anticipate and counter each other’s moves, the more likely they are to be able to anticipate each other’s thoughts when they’re actually in a Jaeger. There’s also the fact that if you manage to keep knocking your opponent onto their ass during training, which Aaron does with most of the other recruits, then that probably means that you won’t drift well together.

It doesn’t really come as a surprise to anyone when Aaron and Sally discover that they’re drift compatible.

It becomes immediately apparent how in sync they are with each other within the first few minutes of their combat training. They step around each other gracefully, blocking blows and flowing back and forth. Their instructor calls for them to stop after ten minutes, and Aaron lowers his hanbō, smiling at his sister as they walk over to the sidelines.

“Guess I really am stuck with you.” Sally whispers in his ear, giving him a hard pinch on the arm, which Aaron returns a moment later. They stand side by side as all three of the Schuyler sisters walk out into the middle of the room.

Aaron’s admiration of the sisters grows as he watches them begin to fight, the three of them dancing around each other with ease. It’s clear that all three of them are drift compatible, and Aaron wonders if having three co-pilots in one Jaeger is possible.

His eyes move away from the sisters as another movement catches his eye, and his gaze lands on a boy around his age who is slipping through the crowds of people. His eyes are wide with awe as he watches the Schuyler sisters continue to fight, and Aaron watches him with interest.

He keeps his eyes on the boy as he tucks a piece of his long hair behind his ear, and then his eyes are suddenly on Aaron, making him jump. Aaron blinks at the boy a few times, but then he feels his lips curving up into a small smile, and he gives the boy a small nod of acknowledgement. The boy smiles back, but then someone is stepping in front of him, blocking him from Aaron’s view.

Over the next few days, Aaron finds himself looking for the boy again, wondering who he is. When each day passes and he still doesn’t see any sign of him, Aaron becomes certain that he can’t be one of the recruits. But Aaron doesn’t have the time to think about the boy for long; training continues to be demanding, and Aaron throws himself into it.

Once combat training is complete, they move onto Drift Testing, the hardest section of the program. Here they start to train in a mock-pod simulator and learn how to drift with their partner, something they have to do before they can move on to being in an actual Jaeger.

Aaron knows that drifting requires co-pilots to have a strong personal connection, and an ability to work in sync with each other, so naturally Aaron and Sally excel at it. It’s almost second nature to them, to silence their minds and let the other in.

A lot of people get cut at this part of training, but Aaron and Sally pass and move onto the next section, accompanied by a small smattering of other recruits including the Schuyler sisters.

Most of the remaining recruits ignore Aaron, mistaking his young age for inexperience. It annoys him at first, how the others look down their noses at him. That annoyance quickly turns into anger, and that anger to action. Soon he finds himself getting into fights with the older recruits who tease him on a regular basis

After his fourth fight, Sally sits him down and presses a washcloth to his split lip. Aaron can feel himself shaking with rage and barely held back tears, but Sally wraps her arms around him and says nothing as he lets the tears fall.

When he’s done, she pulls back and taps a finger to his mouth, a silent reminder of something their mother always used to tell them when they were young and lost their tempers at school, a piece of advice for keeping themselves out of trouble.

Aaron sniffles loudly but nods at Sally to show that he understands, that he remembers the words.

_Talk less, smile more._

-

Learning the technicalities of their Drivesuit is the next part of training, the last section before they move onto the final stage. Aaron lines up with the rest of the recruits as a tall woman steps in front of them, a clipboard in hand and a nametag that reads Theodosia Prevost.

“Your Drivesuit is like an extension of your body.” Theodosia tells them. “It will protect you, and allow you to connect with your Jaeger.” She holds up a black body suit. “The first layer is the circuitry suit, which is designed to read electrical impulses of your body’s muscles. It then relays those impulses directly to the Jaeger.”

Aaron watches her speak with rapt attention, eager to understand how the suit will connect them with their Jaeger. It all still seems so unbelievable, that Aaron will soon be able to step into a Jaeger and control its movements, that he’ll soon be doing battle with Kaiju.

“Now, this also means that you will feel everything the Jaeger does, but on a smaller scale.” Theodosia pauses to look around the room, her eyes landing on Aaron. She gives him a small smile before continuing. “You need to remember that you are not invincible inside a Jaeger.”

The rest of the day involves each them being fitted for their circuitry suits and battle armor, which Theodosia tells them has magnetic interfaces at the spine, feet, and all major limb joints and will relay incoming and outgoing neural signals. It will also allow them to survive the physical requirements of piloting a Jaeger. Lastly, Theodosia holds up a helmet for everyone to see.

“Your helmets provide oxygen and have communicators in the circular point that meets the jaw. Your helmets also contain relay gel, which is what allows you to communicate with each other during the drift.”

Aaron is being fitted for his suit when Theodosia stops next to him, clipboard in hand to record his measurements.

“What’s your name?” She asks, giving him another small smile.

“Aaron Burr.” He tells her, watching as she writes his name down. She’s about to walk over to the next person when she pauses and turns back to him.

“How old are you, Aaron?”

“I’m sixteen, ma’am.”

“Please.” She says with a laugh, shaking her head. “Call me Theodosia, ma’am makes me sound far too important.” She looks at him with thoughtful eyes. “Sixteen. What made you decide to come here, Aaron? At sixteen, you have your whole life ahead of you, why choose to become a pilot and put that at risk?”

“I…” Aaron hesitates, licking his lips and staring down at his feet before continuing. “Because I want to make sure that other people have their whole lives ahead of them as well.”

He looks back up to see Theodosia staring at him, her head tilted to the side. Then she smiles again and nods before heading over to the next person. Aaron watches her go, and starts slightly when Sally punches his arm.

“Don’t stare, weirdo, she’s older than you, and way out of your league.”

Aaron frowns and punches her arm back, sticking out his tongue quickly, which makes Sally roll her eyes.

“Wasn’t staring.” He mumbles, but he turns his head again to watch Theodosia move down the line of recruits.

-

Aaron becomes the youngest pilot ever at sixteen, a fact that makes his chest swell with pride.

The graduation ceremony takes place in a large room with a podium set up in the front. It seems like everyone from the base is there, seated around the edges of the room as the recruits take their spots in the front row. There are speeches and awards given, and then each of them, along with their co-pilots, line up and wait for their names to be called and to be presented with a badge signifying their official status as Jaeger pilots.

Aaron rocks back and forth on his feet as he waits next to Sally, nervous excitement bubbling under his skin. A tap on his shoulder makes him stop and turn around to see Angelica staring at him.

“Would you stop, you’re making me nervous.”

“The famous Angelica Schuyler is nervous?” Aaron teases. He had become rather close with all three sisters during the duration of the program, and had begun a friendly sort of competition with Angelica. “Never thought I’d hear that come out of your mouth.”

“What, and you’re not?” Peggy asks him, squeezing between her two sisters.

“Aaron is the youngest pilot in history.” Angelica says before Aaron can respond. “Of course he’s not nervous. Remember? He’s a _prodigy_.” She says the last word sarcastically, making her two sisters laugh.

“Play nice, Angelica.” Eliza tells her sister, but she laughs again when her sister simply shrugs. Aaron is about to respond, but then the room goes silent, and he turns back around to see a man walking up to the podium at the front of the room, and his eyes go wide.

“That’s Marshal Washington.” Aaron whispers in Sally’s ear, and his eyes track the man as he looks around at the recruits assembled in the room. “The only guy to pilot a Jaeger by himself after his co-pilot died.”

“The guy you have an action figure of?” Sally whispers back, and Aaron nudges her in the side, making her smirk.

“Congratulations on finishing the program. “ Washington addresses all of them. “It is not an easy feat, and you should be proud. I hope that all of you know that this is a serious business you are about to embark on, one not to be taken lightly. Being a Jaeger pilot is not about fame, or trying to overshadow others, it is about protecting others. ”

Aaron watches as Washington looks down at a piece of paper and begins to call out the names of the graduating recruits. He starts to bounce on the heels of his feet again as his excitement grows, and he sees Sally start to smile beside him.

“You are such a dork, Aaron.” She says under her breath, and Aaron just chuckles and shrugs, letting his excitement wash over him.

“Sally and Aaron Burr,” Washington says loudly, making Aaron plant his feet firmly on the ground again. He walks up to the front of the room with Sally and stands in front of Washington, who holds out two badges to them. “Welcome to the Jaeger Program.”

Aaron and Sally accept the badges with a short nod, and then they turn on their heels at the same time to exit the room. As soon as the door closes, Sally looks down at her badge and smiles, her eyes flicking over to Aaron.

“They should have given us a trophy for all the shit we had to do.” She tosses the badge up into the air before catching it again in her hand. “Alright, kid, what should we do to celebrate?”

“Can we do something with the Schuylers?” Aaron asks. “Peggy said she brought some comics with her and I really want to read some of them and-“

“Dork.” Sally says again, poking him in the chest and laughing. “Whatever you want, you are the prodigy after all.” She continues to walk ahead of him, and Aaron means to follow, but then there is a hand on his arm, and he turns back in surprise to see the same boy that had caught his attention in the combat room all those weeks ago looking up at him with eager eyes.

“Aaron Burr.” He breathes out, letting go of his arm. “I’m…I’m Alexander Hamilton.”

“Hi.” Aaron says back, waiting for him to say something else, but he continues to just stare up at Aaron. “Uhm, what-“

“How did you graduate so fast?” Alexander asks in a rush, cutting him off. “I…you’re sixteen and the youngest pilot ever and I…how did you do it?”

“I don’t know.” Aaron says with a shrug, not exactly lying. “I just…did. I worked hard, kept my head down and focused. There’s not like…one big secret.” He watches as Alexander’s shoulders slump, and something like pity rises up in him. “But hey, if there is a secret, maybe you’ll find it.”

“I doubt it.” Alexander responds, but he gives Aaron a small smile as he runs a hand through his hair. “I’m not allowed to be a pilot anyway.” His smile only grows wider when Aaron looks at him in confusion, but instead of expanding on his previous answer, he asks another question. “Where are your parents?”

“I…they’re dead.” Aaron responds shortly, his temper flaring for a moment. Who is this kid? He watches as Alexander stills and gives a small nod of his head, having the decency to look at least a little embarrassed.

“Mine are too.” He says quietly, and Aaron feels his anger leave him immediately. “I want to fight for them, but I’m not allowed. I-“

“Alexander.”

They both jump at the sudden emergence of another voice, and Aaron turns to see Marshal Washington watching them both with stern eyes. Alexander slumps even more and mumbles something under his breath that Aaron doesn’t catch.

“Alexander.” Washington says again, not even looking at Aaron. “Son, I need to speak to you.” And then he walks away, clearly expecting Alexander to follow.

“I gotta go.” Alexander says, but he looks back over at Aaron with a smile. “It was nice to finally meet you, Aaron Burr.” He holds out a hand and shakes Aaron’s, and Aaron can’t help but think how warm and soft his hand is. “I’ll see you around.”

Aaron watches as Alexander scurries away after Washington, and his hand still feels warm where Alexander had touched him. But then he gives himself a small shake, and moves his feet to go and find Sally.

They spend the night crowded into the Schuyler’s room. Sally, Angelica, and Eliza all sit in a circle, swapping stories and jokes until all three of them are laughing so much that they’re near tears.

Aaron sits next to Peggy on her bed, and they trade comic books back and forth. Peggy is more into Captain America than Superman, a fault that Aaron promises to forgive her for. He has fun talking to her though, and it doesn’t take long for him to pass out on her bed, clutching one of the comic books to his chest.

He wakes up in the middle of the night to see Sally awake, leaning against one of the walls. He sits up and steps carefully over Angelica and Eliza, who are fast asleep on the floor, and then sits down next to Sally.

“Can’t sleep?” He asks, and she gives him a small smile.

“Those pesky nightmares just won’t seem to stop.” She tells him softly, but then she puts an arm around his shoulders and pulls him down until his head is resting on her shoulder. “Good thing I’ve got Superman here to protect me.”

Aaron tries to stay awake, wants to help Sally feel better, but he feels his eyes fluttering shut, and he falls asleep with Sally’s arm draped around him.

The next morning, all of the new pilots are told that they need to attend a psych analysis, which will help them focus on understanding and controlling their psyches. They’re told that they will have to attend one before every mission and after every mission as way to make sure that they stay healthy mentally as well as physically.

They’re each assigned a private psych analyst, and when Aaron steps into the office of his, he’s surprised to see a boy about his age sitting at the desk. He had been expecting someone much older.

“Uhm,” Aaron starts, shifting on his feet and feeling suddenly nervous. The boy looks up at him and stands, a smile forming on his face. “I’m Aaron Burr, are you…?”

“Jonathan Bellamy.” He says, stepping out from behind his desk and extending a hand, which Aaron takes. “But you can call me Bellamy, everyone does. It’s good to meet you. I’ve heard about you, youngest pilot in history and all that. Very inspiring.”

“I…yeah.” Aaron says, still shaking his hand. He’s not sure why, but there are butterflies forming in his stomach. “And you…you’re…I mean, you’re young too.” He stumbles over the words and wants to punch himself in the face for sounding so stupid, but Bellamy just laughs. Aaron can’t help but think it’s a very nice sound.

“Well, you have to let some of us share in the glory too.” He smiles at Aaron. “I’ll be seventeen in a few months. But to be fair, they’re low on Psych Analysts. They flew me over here from the Hong Kong unit.”

“Oh.” Aaron says, and then he doesn’t know what else to say. He shifts on his feet again, and Bellamy lets out another small laugh, biting his lip as he looks at Aaron.

“Well, we can start your evaluation now…once you give me my hand back.”

Aaron looks down and sure enough, his hand is still holding Bellamy’s, and he lets go quickly and clears his throat.

“Sorry.” He mumbles, and turns to sit in one of the chairs. He rubs at his hand and peeks up at Bellamy, who is now sitting down across from him. He looks over at Aaron and smiles again. Aaron feels his face heat up, but then his own lips curl up into a smile.

He wonders if he only imagines the faint flush appearing on Bellamy’s cheeks.

About an hour later, he emerges from the room and Bellamy gives him a small smile as he starts to walk away in the opposite direction. Aaron feels a strange tug in his chest, and he takes a small step towards Bellamy.

“Wait!” Aaron blurts out before he can stop himself, and he feels nerves prickle under his skin as Bellamy turns back around. “I…uhm, would you want to…to get food, or something, sometime? I mean…” He trails off when Bellamy looks at him in surprise, feeling suddenly very stupid. “Nevermind, just forget I-“

“Yes.” Bellamy says, cutting Aaron off. “Yes, I…food. I eat food, I-“ He pauses and shakes his head before a wide smile spreads across his face. “Obviously I eat food, uhm, but I would love to eat some with…with you.”

“Okay.” Aaron breathes out, feeling his own smile form on his face. He nods at Bellamy, watching as the other boy waves at him before turning around again. Aaron stumbles over his own feet when he continues to watch Bellamy walk away, and he hears someone laugh loudly.

He turns to see Sally watching him, and she gives him a knowing look that makes him duck his head and flush all over again.

“How’d it go, lovebird?”

“Good.” Aaron says automatically, ignoring her tease. “Really good. Yours?”

“Also good.” She nods, but then she smirks. “Though not as good as yours I’m sure.”

Aaron smiles and shrugs his shoulders, and Sally laughs again before slapping a hand on his back.

“Alright, time to get started.”

-

Two years later, Aaron wakes up to a blaring alarm.

“Krypton, please report to Bay 08, level A-42.”

Aaron sits straight up in his bed, arms flailing at the sudden wake up call. He rubs the sleep from his eyes as the voice continues to speak through the intercom in their room.

“Category three Kaiju has been spotted in the breach. 8700 metric tons, codename: Knifehead. Krypton, prepare to deploy.”

“Sally!” Aaron says, getting out of his bed and smacking the upper bunk mattress with his hand. “Wake up, we’ve got movement in the breach.” He hits the mattress again when all Sally does is roll over onto her side and groan. “Come on! We’re getting deployed.”

“Ugh.” Sally throws the covers off and swings her legs over the edge. “God, what time is it?”

“Two in the morning.”

“Can’t the Kaiju at least learn some goddamn manners? Two in the morning, Jesus.” But Sally hops down from the bed and glares at Aaron when he shoots her a wide smile.

“Come on, Sally! It’s the first category three Kaiju ever, and we get to take it down.”

“Whoopee.”

Aaron rolls his eyes and opens their closet, pulling out his circuitry suit and throwing Sally hers. They’ve taken down four Kaiju over a two-year time period, holding the record for the most kills, the Schuyler sisters close behind at three. And now they get to put their fifth kill under their belts.

Once they’re in full uniform with their battle armor on over the circuitry suits, they’re escorted down the hall towards the drop area where Theodosia meets them, handing them their helmets.

“There’s not that much time before the Kaiju is expected to make land.” She tells them, her voice tight. “So you’re meeting with your psych analyst will have to be brief.”

“How come the Schuylers aren’t handling this one?” Sally asks. “Aren’t they better suited to handle the big ones, since they have a three armed Jaeger?”

“Their Jaeger is undergoing repairs, so you two are up.” Theodosia gives Sally a small nod and places a hand on Aaron’s shoulder. “Good luck.”

“Aaron!” A voice calls out, and Aaron turns to see Bellamy making his way over to him, his usual bright smile on his face.

“Bell.” Aaron breathes out, ignoring Sally’s smirk. She leans in close to him to whisper in his ear.

“Don’t take too long flirting, lovebird. We’ve got a mission.” And then she’s walking away to talk to her own analyst, a man named Tapping Reeve.

“We’ve only got time to go through some breathing exercises to relax your mind.” Bellamy tells him once he’s next to him. “So lets do those quickly, okay?”

Bellamy takes Aaron through the exercises, instructing him to close his eyes and breathe through his nose, exhaling through his mouth, and various other techniques that help calm him. When one of Bellamy’s hands splays over his chest to check Aaron’s breathing, Aaron shivers and cracks open an eye to see if Bellamy noticed, but then closes it again quickly when they make eye contact.

They've become close over the past two years, and Aaron would be lying if he said that he didn't want to get closer. He thinks that sometimes, when Bellamy looks at him a beat too long or brushes their hands together, that Bellamy might want that too. But Aaron's always too nervous to ask, so he settles for the quiet flirting and the soft touches that they already share.

“You’re ready to go.” Bellamy tells him a few minutes later, and Aaron sighs and opens his eyes. Bellamy looks at him, worry spreading over his face. “They said this is the biggest Kaiju yet…”

“We can handle it.” Aaron assures him, and he goes to put his helmet on but Bellamy grabs his wrist, stopping him. Aaron looks over at him and Bellamy stares back with dark eyes, determination replacing the worry that had been there. Then, in a sudden blur, he leans forward and presses his lips to Aaron’s.

Aaron freezes at the contact, his heart pounding as he feels sparks run up and down his entire body. He’s about to press forward even more, but then Bellamy is stepping away, a deep blush covering his face. His eyes flick up to Aaron’s.

“Good luck.” He whispers, and then he’s shuffling away, throwing Aaron one more look over his shoulder before disappearing into the crowd.

Aaron gives himself a small shake and starts to walk over to the lift that will take him up the Jaeger. He raises his fingers to his lips as he walks, feeling a smile spread across his face. He sees that Sally is waiting for him and speeds up a little. Before he walks onto the lift, he makes eye contact with someone else in the crowd.

Alexander.

Aaron pauses, and then raises a hand in greeting as Alexander continues to watch him. Aaron sees him around all the time, thinks he even saw him sneaking into some of the training rooms a few times. They don’t speak often, but Aaron feels a strange sort of connection with him. Alexander gives him a nod before slipping back into the crowd.

“Ready to go, Superman?” Sally asks him as he reaches her.

“Of course. Are you?”

“Always.”

The lift rises and they step into what is known as the Conn-Pod of their Jaeger, which is the space inside the head of the robot. Aaron takes his place on the left, Sally on the right, and they connect themselves to the Conn-Pod’s Pilot Motion Rig, a command platform with geared locks for their boots, and cabled extensors that attach to their suits at several spots, including the spine.

At the front of the Motion Rig there is a command console, but most of the commands are issued either by voice or through interaction with the holographic heads-up display that is projected into the space in front of each of them.

“Ready to go you two?” Theodosia’s voice crackles over the intercom, and Aaron reaches forward to the control panel in front of him, pressing a button with his finger.

“Ready to go.” He responds.

“Alright, door lock is secure, releasing for first drop.”

With a loud ringing snap, the scaffold holding the Conn-Pod and its frame in place lets go. The unit drops down a vertical shaft before lurching slightly, easing into place on the assembly that locks the head into place with the rest of the Jaeger.

Aaron smiles over at Sally as the mechanical whirring sound of the gate opening underneath their Jaeger reaches them. This is always his favorite part, the final drop. There’s the sound of popping as the lines holding up their Jaeger are snapped, and then there’s another feeling of falling as they are released, descending towards the Pacific Ocean.

They hit the ocean ground with a boom that shakes the entire Jaeger.

“Rangers, this is Marshal Washington.” The deep voice rings through the Conn-Pod. “Prepare for the neural handshake. Starting in fifteen seconds. Fifteen…fourteen…thirteen…”

“Ready to step into my head?” Sally asks as she attaches a cord to the back of her helmet, and Aaron just smiles and rolls his eyes as he does the same. “I swear, if there’s a new memory in there of you and Bellamy getting down and dirty I will-“

“Sally!” Aaron squeaks out, narrowing his eyes at his sister. “We’re not…we haven’t…” He trails off as Sally starts to laugh and then he looks at her with a smirk. “It would only be fair, since I’ve seen one with you and Reeve that will never leave my m-“

“Shut up!” Sally says, but she’s still laughing.

“…three…two…one…neural handshake initiated.”

Aaron closes his eyes as the memories start to run through his mind. Sometimes he can’t even tell which are his and which are Sally’s anymore. All of them blend together into one. They zoom through Aaron’s mind and he keeps his thoughts silent, just lets it happen. Then, there’s a slight jolt and he opens his eyes.

“Neural handshake strong and holding.” Theodosia’s voice tells them. “Good job you two.”

Aaron raises his left hand, and sees the Jaegers left hand rise as well. He smiles and clenches his fist before letting it drop back down to his side.

“Your orders are to hold the miracle mile off Anchorage.” Washington tells them. “Copy?”

“Copy that, sir.” Sally says, glancing at the map hologram on her side. “Sir, there’s still a civilian vessel in the gulf, should we-“

“Your mission is to protect the city of two million people.” Washington cuts her off. “You will not risk their lives for a boat that holds less than ten. Clear?”

“Yes, sir.” Sally releases the intercom and then looks over at Aaron. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“I’m literally in your mind right now, Sally.” Aaron says, but gives a small nod. “Let’s go get them.”

Aaron lifts his feet, controlling the left foot as Sally controls the right, and they make their way to where the boat is on the map, keeping an eye on the signature that shows them where the Kaiju is. It’s closing in, but they have time.

As they move, Aaron can’t help but marvel at how amazing it feels to be in a Jaeger. He knows that’s that there are certain things he still can't fight, things that he can’t win against. But when he’s in a Jaeger, it feels like he can fight anything the world throws at him. He loves that feeling.

He looks over to his right as Sally reaches her arm out and sees the Jaeger’s arm moves out as well, scooping the small boat out of the water.

“What are you two doing?” Washington’s angry voice rings out immediately. “Leave the boat, the Kaiju is almost on you.”

“The boat is secure.” Sally says, her voice strained with the weight of carrying it. “Sir we can-“

There’s a loud roar accompanied by the sound of something breaking from the water. Aaron turns his head to see the Kaiju, Knifehead, emerging from the ocean. He swears under his breath and raises his arm and presses some of the buttons on the control panel in front of him, watching as a circular beam of light envelops his hand.

“Loading plasma cannon.” He yells, and then he grits his teeth as his arm starts to vibrate. He looks over at Sally, who makes a motion with her arm that sends the boat through the water, pushing it a safe distance away from the Kaiju that is gaining on them quickly. “Cannon ready!”

Aaron levels his arm with where he can see the Kaiju, and presses another button that causes a beam of light to leave the Jaeger’s hand, steam and static flares crackling around it. The first shot hits Knifehead square in the midsection, and it staggers back. The second shot knocks it even further back through the water, twin craters now showing on its torso.

Aaron and Sally watch in triumph as the Kaiju falls.

“What the hell was that?” Washington asks them a moment later, voice still angry. “You disobeyed a direct order.”

“Sir.” Aaron pants out. “We hit the Kaiju and brought it down, and saved everyone on that boat.” He smiles over at Sally. “We did what we had to do.”

“Get back to your post.” Is all Washington says before signing off.

Sally chuckles and lifts her feet, and Aaron mirrors the movements a moment later. They don’t say anything, there’s no need to when they’re connected to each other. Aaron can feel the confidence radiating from Sally, and the pride she felt from watching him take down the Kaiju. He smiles to himself and continues to move.

“Kaiju signature rising!” Theodosia’s frantic voice breaks in, causing them both to look up. “We’re getting a signature! Sally, Aaron, it’s still alive!”

Him and Sally scan the area and spin, looking for the Kaiju, but all they can see is open water. But then Aaron feels it, the wave of the Kaiju’s approach. It crashes into them from behind and before they even have a chance to get their balance, Sally’s side of the Conn-Pod collapses.

Sparks fly and water rushes in through the ten foot wide gap that is now in the head of their Jaeger, and Aaron can see the Kaiju through it. He watches as it swings around and down, and then its mouth is descending on their Jaeger’s arm, severing the limb in one rough bite.

Aaron screams, his left side feeling like it’s on fire, and he barely registers the sound of metal being torn apart before another wave of pain flows through him. He can just make out Sally’s voice.

“Theo, we’re hit!”

“The left arm’s gone cold.” Theodosia answers. “What the hell happened?”

“The Kaiju knows where we are, it tore right through the Conn-Pod. We’re completely exposed! One of the arms is gone too, on Aaron’s side. Aaron!”

Aaron lifts his head and tries to breathe through the pain. He makes eye contact with Sally, can feel the fear she’s experiencing in his mind.

“Aaron.” She says his name again. “Stay with me, okay? Focus on me. Don’t let go.”

Aaron screams again as Sally’s side of the Jaeger is torn open even wider, and he can see the Kaiju looking in with one of its large, terrifying eyes. It rises up and smashes a single claw through the gap in the Conn-Pod, digging around and shredding medal, blacking out all the electronics on that side.

Then it finds Sally.

There isn’t any need for Aaron to scream this time; Sally can already feel what he’s thinking. She looks at him, the raw terror of the moment cutting through all of the shock and pain he’s still experiencing from his injury.

“Aaron!” She says his name calmly despite the fear on her face, and she opens her mouth to say something else, but the Kaiju roars again, cutting off whatever it is she was going to say. The roar shakes the entire Jaeger, and Aaron feels his bones vibrate in his body. He blinks up at Sally, tries to raise a hand, tries to reach her...

But then she’s gone, torn away into the air by the Kaiju along with the entire right side of their Jaeger’s head.

Aaron experiences a split second feeling of fear, then pain, and then _nothing_. It feels as if the entire world is suspended in time.

Then he screams.

He screams when his mind can no longer pick up Sally’s emotions or thoughts. He screams and screams, raising his arm and pointing it towards the Kaiju.

“Aaron, Aaron!” Theodosia’s voice crackles through, sounding panicked and distant. “You can’t pilot it on your own, Aaron! Your arm, it’s hurt!”

But Aaron ignores her. He ignores everything except the Kaiju in front of him, holding on to the crazy idea that if he kills it Sally will come back. She has to come back.

He presses a button on the control panel, making it so all the power of the Jaeger is controlled from his side. He raises his working arm and yells as the plasma cannon recharges, his entire body shaking with the effort. But the cannon is taking too long; it’s too soon for it to work again, and Aaron experiences another blaze of searing pain as the Kaiju rams the pointed part of its skull that gave it it’s name through the middle of the Jaeger.

Aaron’s chest feels like it’s on fire, and for a brief moment he can’t breathe. But then he feels the Kaiju detach from the Jaeger and he forces himself to take in a breath. The Kaiju steps closer, roaring, but Aaron roars back and raises his arm again, watching through a haze of pain as the plasma cannon fires and the Kaiju falls.

This time it stays down.

“Sally!” Aaron calls out, his voice breaking on her name. “Sally!” He lifts his legs, willing the Jaeger to move forward. He has to find her.

He doesn’t know how long he walks, doesn’t even know where he’s going. The comms are down, must have fried out when he used the cannon again, but Aaron doesn’t care. He has to find Sally. They made a promise to each other.

“Never let go.” Aaron murmurs, and he repeats it over and over as he walks, exhaustion and pain ripping through his body.

His mind is numb as he moves, and he doesn’t register anything for a while, feeling as if he’s floating. He feels lopsided. _Your arm is gone_ , he thinks to himself before shaking his head No, the _Jaeger’s_ arm is gone. It’s hard to tell, everything is so jumbled in his mind.

After what could have been only minutes or hours of walking, the sound of approaching helicopters pulls him from his daze. He looks up to see the shoreline in front of him, and he wills the Jaeger to keep moving.

The Jaeger stumbles on to the shoreline, bending down as Aaron bends down inside of it. Something is burning under his skin, but he doesn’t look down to check, he has to focus, has to concentrate on not landing too hard. There are two people on the shoreline, he can see them, and he can’t let the Jaeger crush them.

He feels the Jaeger shake as it comes crashing down onto its knees before falling completely down onto the shore. There’s a brief period of darkness where Aaron registers nothing. Then suddenly everything is bright, too bright, and Aaron realizes that, at some point, he had managed to climb out of the Jaeger through the hole the Kaiju had made.

Through the hole that Sally had been torn from.

“Sally.” Aaron whispers, taking a shaky step forward and looking around. But she’s not there, there’s just bright light and the worried faces of a man and a young boy who are approaching him. He thinks the man says something, but Aaron can’t hear him.

He takes another step, feeling the pain in his ribs and chest flare up again. He looks down and sways on his feet; the redness of his blood against the white of his battle armor makes his eyes burn.

“Sally.” He whispers her name again, searching for her in his mind, but there’s nothing, it’s completely empty. She’s not there. “Sally…”

Soon, the pain becomes too much, and Aaron feels himself fall the ground as he slips into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watch THIS VIDEO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VpNGrj9IsQ if y'all want to see the fight scene from the movie, it might help make things more clear if you've never seen pacific rim before.
> 
> A lot of people got introduced, and a lot happened in this chapter (and yes Aaron and Sally named their Jaeger Krypton cause they're both nerds). First of all I apologize for the ending, and second I promise that there will be more character development for the other characters in the next chapter and the ones to come.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading, and kudos/comments are loved and appreciated. Thank you again!
> 
> Follow me on tumblr @ fanciful-follies if ya want! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's saturday aka time for another chapter
> 
> this isn't based off any scene in the movie, but it felt necessary to write. hope you guys like it!
> 
> enjoy x

When Aaron wakes up the first time, there are bright lights in front of him, blinding him, and his vision is blurry. He can just make out the doctors swirling around him, and Aaron registers their panicked voices. He looks down at himself, sees the blood covering his arm and chest. He expects to feel terror, to feel pain, but his mind is still strangely empty. It’s so empty.

He can’t stand it.

He grabs at a doctor’s coat suddenly, asks them where Sally is, but they don’t respond. Aaron tries asking again, but his head is swimming, and a loud beeping noise fills his ears. He feels a small prick on his arm and then he’s falling under again, his vision going dark.

The second time he wakes up, he’s in a bed, covers tucked over him. He blinks a few times and turns his head to see Theodosia sitting in a chair across from him.

“Aaron?” Her voice is quiet and she scoots closer. “Aaron, how are you feeling?”

Aaron doesn’t respond, just looks at Theodosia briefly before letting his eyes roam around his surroundings. He’s in a hospital room; there are white walls and a smell that makes Aaron scrunch up his nose. The room is unfamiliar; it’s not his and Sally’s. _Sally…_            

“Where’s Sally?” He asks, his voice hoarse as he looks back at Theodosia. She stares at him with eyes full of pity, and Aaron feels his stomach drop, but he forces himself to keep looking at her. He has to know. “Where is she?”

“Aaron.” Theodosia leans over and takes his hand in hers. “Aaron, I’m sorry, Sally didn’t make it.”

“No.” Aaron says firmly, shaking his head. It’s not true, it _can’t_ be true “No. You don’t know Sally, she wouldn’t do that. She’s not dead.” _She wouldn’t leave me here._

“Aaron…”

“No!” He says, trying to sit up, a wave of pain crashing over him at the movement and he breathes in sharply. More beeping echoes in the room and Aaron feels his heart pounding. “She promised! She’s not dead, she’s not! Stop lying to me! Stop-“

Theodosia stands up quickly and grabs something from the table next to his bed. She comes closer, tears in her eyes as she puts a hand on Aaron’s shoulder, either trying to push him down or comfort him, or maybe it’s a little bit of both.

“Shhh.” She whispers to him, and then there’s another prick on his arm and Aaron feels his eyes closing. He tries to fight against it, but it’s too late, and that same darkness from before is surrounding him.

The third time he wakes up, Bellamy is the one sitting across from the bed. Aaron tries to sit up, but he finds that he has restraints around his wrists and legs. He looks down at his body, taking in the bandages that are wrapped around his arm and ribs before looking over at Bellamy.

“You tore your stitches.” Bellamy tells him as an explanation for the restraints, tilting his head as he looks at Aaron. He doesn’t smile like he usually does, just looks at Aaron and waits for him to speak first. He seems so calm, and for some reason, that makes Aaron angry.

“What?” Aaron snaps out. “Here to give me a psych evaluation? To tell me that it’s normal to feel this way when your sister dies?” His voice breaks on the last word, and he forces himself to swallow around the lump forming in his throat. It’s the first time he’s admitted to what’s happened, and he feels his head start to pound.

“Aaron…”

“Just save it, Bellamy. I don’t need to hear it. I don’t need to hear any of it. Just get out.”

“I’m not here as your psych analyst.” Bellamy tells him, his voice soft. “I’m here as your…as your friend.”

Aaron snorts at that. He doesn’t know what him and Bellamy are, but “friends” doesn’t seem like the right term. He tries to sit up again, forgetting the restraints for a moment. He lets out a frustrated huff before giving up. He feels some of his anger leave him, and he lets his eyes look around the room. His eyes land on a blue get-well card on his bedside table. He raises an eyebrow at it.

“Alexander stopped by.” Bellamy tells him as he continues to stare it. “He’s stopped by every day, actually.”

“Every day?” Aaron asks, dismissing the first part of Bellamy’s explanation. “How long have I been here?”

“About a week.”

“A week?” Aaron repeats, searching in his mind for the memories of being here for that long. He can’t find them, and Bellamy must sense his confusion because he scoots his chair closer to Aaron’s bedside, looking down at him with worry, and that’s when Aaron notices how tired he looks.

“We all thought you were going to die, Aaron.” He says, his voice wavering, and his eyes seem to be tracing over every line of Aaron's face. “Your injuries were bad, and the doctors thought you had brain damage from piloting the Jaeger alone.”

 _Alone._ Aaron ignores most of the other information and squeezes his eyes shut. A feeling of desperation, a feeling of grief, is welling up inside of him. He tries to take a deep breath, but his chest is so tight. He wants to go back to sleep. Wants to never wake up.

“Aaron.” Bellamy’s hand is suddenly on his shoulder, causing him to open his eyes. “What do you need?” He sounds so sincere, but Aaron lets out a shaky laugh at the question.

“I need my sister back.” He chokes out after a moment, and he feels his heart break at the admission. “Can you do that? Can you give me that, Bellamy? Can you?” His voice has risen to a shout, and a sob escapes him before he can stop it. Then the bed is dipping as Bellamy sits on the side, and his ands are undoing the restraints on Aaron’s wrists. He pulls Aaron into a hug, and Aaron tries to focus on the warm feeling of Bellamy against him, and not the deafening silence in his mind.

“I wish I could.” Bellamy whispers, a hand rubbing circles into Aaron’s back. “I’m so sorry, Aaron.” He holds Aaron until the sobs subside, until he can breathe again, and then pulls back so he can look at him. He opens his mouth to say something, but Aaron can’t talk about it anymore, he isn’t ready.

“You know Alexander?” Aaron asks before Bellamy can say anything, lying back down onto the bed. Bellamy looks at him for a brief moment before nodding.

“I do. I’ve known him since he got to the base. He’s nice, once you get used to all the talking.”

“Who is he?” Aaron asks, reaching over to pick up the card on the table. His eyes trace over the words “I hope you get better” written in letters that are also blue before setting the card down and looking back up at Bellamy. “He’s not a recruit, right? So who is he?”

“He’s…he’s being trained by Washington.” Bellamy says slowly. “To be a tech specialist, in charge of repairing Jaeger’s and making them better suited for battle.”

“But he wants to be a pilot.” Aaron says, remembering what Alexander had told him, and Bellamy nods. “Why isn’t he allowed?”

“He…” Bellamy pauses and shakes his head. “That’s not my story to tell. But I’m sure he’ll be back to see you soon, you can ask him then.”

“He said he lost his parents.” Aaron continues, looking up at the ceiling as he speaks. “That he’s an orphan. Do you have any family, Bell?”

“My mom passed away when I was young, before the breach opened. My father was killed during an attack. I have a brother in Hong Kong, but I don’t see him often. We kind of drifted apart after…after everything.”

“Sally and I got closer after our parents died.” Aaron whispers, his eyes still on the ceiling. “She practically raised me, you know. Helped me with homework, read to me, made sure I was always okay.” He turns his head to look at Bellamy, his heart starting to beat uncomfortably in his chest. “She was always there, and-and I-“ Aaron breaks off with a small gasp, feeling his hands shaking. “I don’t-“

“I know.” Bellamy whispers, taking his hand and running his thumb over the back of it. “It…it’ll get better, Aaron, you’ll be okay.”

Aaron shakes his head, but squeezes Bellamy’s hand tightly. He’s not going to be okay, he’ll never be okay again.

“I’m tired.” He breathes out a few minutes later, blinking over at Bellamy. “But I…is there something to help me sleep? I don’t think I can…I…” He trails off as Bellamy releases his hand and gives him a small pill that the doctors had left. He swallows it and lets out a long sigh.

When Bellamy moves as if to stand up, Aaron reaches his hand out and stops him.

“Will you stay?” Aaron asks softly, his eyes already starting to feel heavy. “Just till I fall asleep, please.”

“Of course.” Bellamy whispers, sitting back down. He takes Aaron’s hand again as he shifts on the bed to get comfortable. Aaron closes his eyes and focuses on the warm feeling of Bellamy’s hand in his.

If he tries hard enough, he can imagine that it’s Sally’s hand.

-

The next few days pass in a blur, and Aaron spends a lot of his time in and out of consciousness. Doctors seem to be constantly around him, asking him questions and bending his arm in different positions to test its mobility. They tell him it won’t be the same as before, but that he’ll still be able to use it.

Aaron is probably supposed to feel thankful for that, but he finds that he’s indifferent to the news. He’d give up both of his arms if it meant bringing Sally back.

He still isn’t released from the hospital; he needs to be observed at all times. But there seems to be a regular trickle of visitors coming to see him now. Bellamy stops by every day, and Aaron thinks he wakes up one time to see Alexander sitting beside him, but he’s not sure if that was a dream or not.

The three Schuyler sisters come to visit him as well, all of them sitting in silence, unsure of what to say. Peggy drops off a pile of comics on his bedside table before they leave, telling Aaron that he can keep them if he’d like something to read. Aaron thanks her, but he doesn’t touch them. He doesn’t want to read them anymore. He’s not a superhero. If he were, he would have been able to save Sally.

His nightmares start to come back, and not even his sleeping medicine can keep them at bay. But instead of his parents, it’s Sally who haunts him now. He sees her being torn from their Jaeger over and over, sees his hand reaching out to her, but he can never get to her. She slips away every time.

One evening, he jolts awake from a nightmare, breathing quickly and clutching his blanket as Sally’s terrified face starts to fade away. He blinks his eyes open slowly, and that’s when he hears the murmur of voices in the room.

“How has he been doing?” One says, and it takes Aaron a moment to realize that it’s Alexander speaking.

“As well as you’d expect.” The other responds, and Aaron recognizes Bellamy’s soft voice instantly. He considers turning over to look at them, but stops himself, curious to hear what they say, and too tired to try and hold a conversation.

“Will…will he get better?” Alexander asks quietly, and Aaron can hear the worry in his voice. “I mean, his injuries, are they….”

“He’s recovering. His arm will have limitations, but he can still use it. It’s his mental well being that doctors are concerned about.”

Aaron almost snorts at that, but he refrains from doing so at the last minute, still not wanting them to know he’s awake.

“I wish I could do something…” Alexander whispers, and Aaron feels his heart tighten at the words.

“Maybe you should visit him when he’s actually awake.” Bellamy says back, and Aaron thinks he hears them both laugh softly. “That would be a good start.”

“I don’t know, Jon. I’m…I’m bad at helping people when they’re grieving. You know me; I always say the wrong thing cause I don’t know what to say. I would just make him mad. He probably doesn’t even want to see me.”

“That’s not true, Alex. He’s asked about you. I’m sure he’d want to see you.”

A silence falls after that, and Aaron only hesitates a beat longer before sighing and turning over onto his back so he can look over at them. Alexander looks back at him with a guilty expression, but Bellamy is smiling at him, like he knew he’d been awake the whole time.

“You should listen to Bellamy.” Aaron says, eyes on Alexander. “It’d be nice if you visited me when I was awake.”

“Did we wake you up?” Alexander asks, still looking guilty. “I’m sorry, we can go if you-“

“I was already awake.” Aaron assures him, forcing his lips to curve into a smile. “In fact, I’ve been awake a lot lately. Nightmares.”

“We can talk about them, if you want.” Bellamy says, and Aaron laughs before he can stop himself. He doesn’t want to talk about them. Talking about them won’t help.

“Maybe later.” Aaron lies before looking back over at Alexander, who is picking at the material of his jeans nervously. “I got your card.” He smiles a real smile when Alexander makes an embarrassed noise.

“I…I’m sorry the entire thing was in blue. It was the only paper in my room, and I couldn’t find any other colored pencils.”

“That’s fine. I like blue.”

Alexander opens his mouth to say something else, but then a beeping noise fills the room, and Bellamy reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pager.

“Sorry.” He says, standing up. “I have to go. But you two talk.” He walks over to Aaron slowly and reaches a hand out, his fingers tracing his cheekbone. Then he leans down, kissing Aaron’s cheek gently before pulling back. “I’ll see you soon.” He whispers, eyes roaming over Aaron’s face for a moment before he turns around, walking out of the room.

Aaron watches him go, resisting the urge to touch his cheek where Bellamy’s lips had just been. Instead, he moves his eyes back to Alexander as the door clicks shut.

“I…” Alexander squirms in his seat and his eyes flick back and forth between the floor and Aaron’s. “I’m sorry about to not talking to you earlier, but I…”

“Didn’t know what to say?” Aaron says, echoing the words Alexander had said earlier. “It’s fine.”

“I’m sorry, though.” Alexander blurts out, his eyes finding Aaron’s. “About…about what happened. I’m…I’m really sorry.”

“Yeah.” Is all Aaron can think of to say back. He’s sorry too, but being sorry doesn’t mean anything. He sees Alexander biting his lip, and can’t help the other small laugh that escapes him. “You want to say something else.”

“Hm?”

“You want to say something else.” Aaron repeats. “But you’re worried it’ll be rude. Just say it, Alexander. I’m too tired to get angry anyway. Just talk to me, please.” He needs someone to talk to, someone to fill the silence.

“How…how did you pilot the Jaeger alone?” Alexander breathes out, leaning forward in his seat. “You…only Marshal Washington has done it, but he was in his thirties then, but you…you’re _eighteen._ ” Alexander’s eyes are bright as he looks at Aaron. “How did you do it?”

Aaron looks away from Alexander, away from the eagerness in his eyes, and stares at the wall in front of him. The first response on the tip of his tongue is to ask why it matters? His sister died, he somehow survived, and now he has to live with that. Who cares how he managed to do it? But he knows Alexander looks up to him, can practically feel the admiration flowing from him, so he sighs and looks back over at him.

“I know you hate this answer, but I honestly don’t know. I just did it.” He shrugs a shoulder. “I swear I wasn’t even conscious the whole time. I just…” He pauses and swallows, “I just thought if I kept going, that I…that she would…” _That she’d come back_ , he finishes silently in his mind.

“Sorry.” Alexander says again, looking slightly abashed. “That wasn’t a good question to ask right now.”

“How about I ask you a question that you might not want to answer in return?” Aaron asks, and Alexander chuckles before nodding. “How come you can’t be a pilot?” He watches as Alexander squirms even more, but keeps going. “I see you sneaking off to the practice rooms, so it’s clear you want to, that you physically can, so…what’s stopping you?”

“It’s not really a what, exactly.” Alexander says, waving a hand in front of him. “It’s…I made a promise.”

Aaron waits for him to say something more, but Alexander is back to looking at the floor, so Aaron just hums softly, figuring that the conversation is closed. They sit together in silence for a few minutes, but then Aaron sighs, feeling sleep start to edge its way back into his body.

“I should sleep.” Aaron murmurs. “Or at least try to. But…” He peers over at Alexander, who is watching him again with a soft gaze. “Will you visit again?”

“Yeah.” Alexander stands up with a smile. “I…yeah. Of course. And hey, do you have a phone?”

Aaron raises an eyebrow at the question, but nods, motioning at the table beside his bed. Alexander opens the drawer and rummages around, pulling out his cell phone seconds later. Aaron watches, still confused, as Alex messes around with it before pulling out a pair of headphones and plugging them in. He hands the phone to Aaron with a smile.

“I pulled up a playlist for you.” He says as Aaron looks down at the screen. “It plays the sound of a thunderstorm. It helps me sleep, so I just thought…” He trails off awkwardly, but Aaron looks up at him and puts a smile on his face.

“Thanks. I’ll give it a try.”

Alexander nods, and then he ducks his head and shifts on his feet before looking back up at Aaron, a strange expression on his face. Then he steps forward, getting closer to the bed, and before Aaron can even blink, Alexander is bending down and pressing his lips to Aaron’s cheek, right over the spot that Bellamy had kissed earlier.

He pulls away quickly, a faint blush spreading over his cheeks, and he murmurs something that Aaron can’t hear before turning around and almost running out of the room.

This time, Aaron does raise a hand to his face, his fingers trailing over his skin softly. He feels his lips curve into a smile without his permission, a smile that actually spreads a warm feeling through him.

Holding onto that feeling desperately, Aaron puts the headphones in his ears and rolls over onto his side as he closes his eyes. The sound of rain and distant thunder fills his mind. It’s calming, in a strange way, and soon Aaron feels himself drifting off.

No nightmares come that night.

-

A few weeks later, Aaron is released from the hospital. The doctors give him medicine to take and instructions to check back in once every week for the foreseeable future.

At first Aaron is relieved to leave the confines of the hospital, to be able to walk around, but when he gets back to his own room, his and Sally’s room, he feels like the walls are closing in, and suddenly he wants to escape.

The Schuylers let him sleep in their room. He curls up on the ground with blankets and pillows, clutching his phone to his chest as he listens to the sound of thunder, trying to imagine that he’s back home, his real home, in New York. Sometimes in his dreams he actually manages to trick himself. He’s with Sally, he’s with his parents, and everything feels better.

But then he wakes up.

Bellamy and Alexander visit him everyday, which Aaron is thankful for. They don't ask him about Sally either, which he's also grateful for. He's not ready to talk about it, and Bellamy and Alexander seem to understand that. So they talk about other things when they visit. They just fill the room with their voices, making it more bearable for Aaron to sit inside of it.

“I can’t believe you’ve never seen the original Star Wars movies!” Alexander practically shouts at Bellamy one day as they’re all sitting cross-legged on the floor of Aaron’s room.

“I mean, I’ve seen the first three. Like episodes one, two, and three, don’t those count as the originals?”

“Oh my god, you are killing me, I’m actually dying over here. Aaron, help me out!” Alexander uncrosses one of his legs and pokes Aaron’s knee with his foot, chuckling when Aaron tries to swat it away. He smiles crookedly at him as Aaron’s hand remains on his ankle afterward, and Aaron feels his face grow warm. He removes his hand quickly.

“I’m staying out of this.” Aaron says a beat later, holding his hands up in surrender. “I think they’re all good.”

“Betrayal.” Alexander says, holding a hand to his heart. “That is all I feel in this moment. You can’t put episodes one, two, and three at the same level as the originals. You two have zero taste.”

Aaron rolls his eyes and shares a look with Bellamy. They’ve been having this conversation for almost an hour, but Aaron would be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying it at least a little bit. It’s the closest he’s felt to having fun in a long time.

The door opens with a creak, and Aaron jumps to turn and see Theodosia walking in, a small smile on her face as she takes in the three of them sprawled out on the ground. Aaron pushes himself up, wincing slightly as his arm moves uncomfortably in the sling he’s wearing.

“Hey.” Aaron says once he’s on his feet, swaying a little, and then Bellamy is suddenly next to him, a firm hand encircling his good arm and steadying him. Aaron gives him a smile before turning back to Theodosia.

“I see you’re doing better.” She says, stepping further into the room. “I’m glad.”

“Thanks.” Aaron says, watching as Theodosia walks around, stopping when she sees a pile of his comics. She picks one up, flipping through it curiously before looking over at Aaron.

“Would it be alright if I borrowed this? My book supply is running out, and my daughter might enjoy the pictures.”

“Your daughter?” Aaron asks, unable to keep the shock out of his voice. “I didn’t know you had a daughter.”

“She’s only four.” Theodosia says with a small laugh. “So she’s not exactly out and running around the base. But she’s my entire world, and I’m hers.” She looks over at Aaron. “Her father died just a few months after she was born.”

Aaron nods, not knowing what to say. He steps forward and grabs more of his comic books from a small bookshelf. He holds them all out for Theodosia to take.

“I don’t need them anymore.” He says. “Your daughter should have them.”

“Thank you.” She responds slowly, looking at Aaron with a searching gaze. But then she straightens and sighs. “Washington wants to speak with you.” She says, and Aaron feels his stomach twist. “That’s why I came, to get you. He wants to talk about…well…about everything.”

Aaron nods, his throat suddenly dry, but he takes a small step towards the door. He knew that Washington would want to talk to him eventually, about the mission and what happened, but he’d hoped that there was a small chance Washington would just forget.

“We’ll wait for you here.” Alexander says from the floor, and Bellamy nods, also searching Aaron’s face before letting his arm go.

Aaron lets Theodosia lead him out of the room and down a series of hallways. He doesn’t really pay attention, just lets his mind wander, but then Theodosia is stopping, and Aaron sees a door in front of them. Washington’s office.

“I’ll wait here for you.” She tells him, giving him an encouraging smile. “He only seems intimidating, I promise. You’ll be fine.”

“Right.” Aaron says, taking a deep breath. He knocks on the door twice before opening it and stepping inside. Washington is sitting behind a desk, and he looks up when Aaron enters.

“Mr. Burr.” He looks at Aaron briefly before gesturing for him to take a seat opposite his desk. He waits for Aaron to sit down before continuing. “How has your recovery been going?”

“It’s been fine, sir.” Aaron says, the fingers of his good hand twitching slightly on his lap. “I was released from the hospital a few days ago.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” Washington says, but then he sighs and stands up from his desk. “Your Jaeger, on the other hand, is not in such a good condition. The damage to it is extensive, and if possible to repair, will take a long time and a lot of money to make that happen.”

Aaron bites the inside of his cheek as he watches Washington start to pace up and down the room. It’s clear that Washington didn’t call him in here to discuss his well-being; the man has something else on his mind.

“The government has some concerns,” Washington begins slowly, “that the Kaiju are getting stronger, evolving. They’ve had these concerns for a while, and after your…defeat, of the most recent Kaiju, those concerns are heightening. The Kaiju should have gone down with the first cannon blasts, but it didn’t. Leaders of the world are watching this program, our every move, Mr. Burr.”

“Sir, I…” Aaron pauses, slightly confused as to what Washington’s point is. But he doesn’t have to wait long to get an answer, because Washington spins to look at him, his hands behind his back.

“You and your sister disobeyed my direct orders, Mr. Burr. I told you to leave the boat alone, but you went after it anyway. Because of that, because of your disobedience, the Kaiju almost did not get taken down, it could have reached land. You jeopardized the lives of thousands of people by disobeying me.”

“Sir-“

“And now I’m dealing with the backlash. There are talks of closing down the entire Jaeger program, of finding another solution that would cost less money. Your mistakes have affected the entire world Mr. Burr. I’ve lost valuable resources, both a Jaeger and a pilot and-“

The rest of Washington’s words are drowned out as Aaron stands up, his chair scraping across the floor. His breathing has started to quicken, and he can feel anger bubbling under his skin. Washington’s words are running through his head.

_“Your mistakes…lost valuable resources, both a Jaeger and a pilot…”_

Aaron breathes heavily and clenches his good hand, digging the nails into his palm Who is Washington to talk about his sister’s death so casually? Like it’s just some inconvenience? Like she was just a _resource?_

“Mr. Burr…” Washington must be sensing what is Aaron is thinking, because his voice is softer now. “I’m sorry to be blunt, but we are at war, there is no time to beat around the bush. I need to take some of the blame as well; you and your sister were not my first choice for the mission, but I took the chance. Now we both need to deal with the consequences of that. You will need to go through the training program again before you are allowed to enter a Jaeger, and-“

“Excuse me?” Aaron interrupts with a loud laugh, his anger still rising, and Washington’s eyebrows shoot up at his outburst. “If you think I’m going to continue to be a pilot after everything you just said, after everything that’s happened, you’re wrong. I’m done.”

“Mr. Burr, you made a promise to protect the world and you backing out is-“

“I kept that promise!” Aaron says, his voice breaking. “I worked my ass off to become a pilot, to save people. And I did! Despite me not being your goddamn first choice, I saved people! I kept my promise, and I lost everything because of that!

“Mr. Burr, control yourself, you-“

“Fuck you.” Aaron spits out, losing his last ounce of restraint. He takes a step back and turns around before Washington can see the tears on his face. He wrenches the door open and pushes past Theodosia, ignoring her questioning look.

He gets back to his room quickly, somehow knowing the way, and he wrenches that door open too, making Bellamy and Alexander jumps as he enters. They are talking to him, asking him what’s wrong, but Aaron continues to ignore them, digging around in his drawer until he finds what he’s looking for.

He stares down at the tiny action figure of Washington, breathing heavily through his nose as his thoughts swirl in his head. Washington blames him for everything, and it’s too much, the guilt is too much. It’s all too much. Aaron turns and hurls the action figure at the wall, watching as one of its arms pops off.

Then he’s crying, his chest heaving with sobs that he can’t stop. Bellamy steps in front of him, wrapping his arms around him, and Aaron feels Alexander’s hands trailing down his back, trying to calm him. He squeezes his eyes shut as he feels his body shake, but he starts to take deep breaths, forcing himself to regain control.

When Aaron finally looks up, he sees that Theodosia is there too, leaning against the door. He takes another deep breath before stepping back from Bellamy and wiping his eyes angrily with the back of his hand.

“I have to leave.” Aaron says, staring at the floor. “I can’t stay here.” He looks up at Bellamy who nods immediately, but then he turns to look at Alexander, who is staring up at him in shock.

“Leave?” He asks, eyes wide. “You…you can’t leave, you’re a pilot! I…we need you here!”

“I know I’m a pilot.” Aaron snaps out more harshly than he means to. “Washington has already tried to guilt me into staying, I don’t need you to either, alright? But Washington won’t give a fuck if I go, he thinks I’m a waste already.”

“Aaron-“

“Just stop it, Alexander!” Aaron yells. “Just stop! I don’t care what you have to say, all right? I’m done, I can’t be here, I can’t do it! I’m sorry if your great image of me is slipping but I didn’t ask for you to fanboy over me.”

Alexander ducks his head at Aaron’s words, but not quick enough for Aaron to miss the tears building in his eyes. Then Alexander pushes past him and storms out of the room, the door slamming behind him. Aaron feels more guilt build inside his chest, but he forces it away.

“I have to go.” He says again, turning back to Bellamy and Theodosia. He feels himself starting to shake again. “Please, please don’t make me stay. I can’t do it again, I can’t drift with someone else. Please don’t make me stay, don’t make me do that, please, please…” He hiccups as the tears start to fall again, and he moves forward to clutch at Bellamy’s shirt. “ _Please._ ”

“Okay.” Bellamy whispers, covering Aaron’s hand with his own before looking over at Theodosia, who gives them both a small nod before slipping out of the room. Once she’s gone, Bellamy pulls Aaron closer to him, wrapping his arms around his waist and letting Aaron cling to him. “Okay, it’ll be okay." He murmurs calmly into his ear. "I’m here, I’m always here.”

-

A week later, Aaron is standing at a train station with Bellamy beside him, holding nothing but his phone and a small backpack filled with a variety of things, including a small envelope of money that the Schuylers had slipped to Aaron before he left.

In fact, the Schuylers had been a big help in helping Aaron leave. They had threatened to also leave if Washington forced Aaron to become a pilot again, and apparently they would be too much of a loss, because Washington turned a blind eye to Aaron packing up and walking out. Of course, Theodosia and Bellamy had helped him too. The only person not involved had been Alexander.

“He’ll come around.” Bellamy tells him, and Aaron pulls himself from his thoughts to look over to see Bellamy studying his face. “Alexander. He just…he’ll miss you. He _likes_ you, Aaron.” Bellamy gives him a small smile and takes his hand. “You can’t blame him for feeling upset to see you leave.”

Aaron nods, shifting his backpack on his shoulder and taking a deep breath. He doesn’t want to think about Alexander, doesn’t want to think about the way Alexander looks at him, or the way Bellamy is looking at him now. It just makes all of this so much harder.

“You’ll call me?” Bellamy asks him, his voice quiet. “Once you get there? And after?”

“Yeah.” Aaron says, his stomach dropping at the lie. He knows he won’t call, he _can’t_ call. He needs to leave all of this behind. He wants to forget all of it, wants to pretend this part of his life didn’t happen. “Sure, I’ll call you.”

Bellamy lets go of his hand and reaches out to touch Aaron’s face gently, making him shiver. Aaron wants to kiss him before he goes, but he knows that if he does, he won’t want to leave. So he pulls Bellamy into a quick hug, trying to memorize the way he feels, and then steps away from him, boarding the train and not looking back.

He sits down at a seat and places his backpack down on the ground, trying to steady his breathing. He doesn’t know where’s he going, or what exactly he’s going to do. He’ll try to find a job, there’s always some kind of construction work available these days. He just needs to start over.

Aaron sighs before unzipping his backpack and pulling out a small picture. He stares down at it as the train begins to move, his heart clenching. It’s from the day they graduated, Sally has an arm thrown around his shoulders, and Aaron is looking up at her, laughing at something she must have said. Aaron searches his brain for what it was, but he can’t remember.

He traces a finger over Sally’s face before tucking the picture away in his pocket, turning to stare out of the window. He presses his forehead against the cool glass, watching as various things pass by in a blur, like they don't even exist.

A lot of people say that the world as they knew it ended the day of the first Kaiju attack.

Aaron’s ended the day Sally died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaron <3 BELLAMY <3 ALEXANDER <3 All of them.
> 
> Next chapter will have a time jump, and things will start to pick up. We'll meet a few more new people, and be reintroduced to others, who may have experienced some life changing events while Aaron has been gone. 
> 
> Comments mean the world to me and keep me motivated, so please take the time to leave kudos/feedback/comments if you can! Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> Follow me on tumblr @ fanciful-follies if ya want! :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S SATURDAY aka time for another update.
> 
> I keep telling myself to shorten the chapters, but there is just so much going on in this fic. We meet a few new people in this one.
> 
> Enjoy x

_**~ Five years later ~** _

The first thing Aaron registers when he steps outside, as always, is how cold it is.

A light snow is falling, and despite the morning sun rising into the sky, the air is still icy, and the wind is knife-like against his skin. Even with the heavy layers Aaron is wearing, his teeth chatter as he makes his way to work. But he supposes he shouldn’t be surprised at the temperature anymore. It had been his choice to stay in Alaska, after all.

He had considered briefly going back to New York, after everything, but he quickly learned that he didn’t have the money to get there. Then the he had found steady work with the rise of the Coastal Defense Program, so he stayed in Alaska, moving from place to place, following the building of the coastal barrier.

Aaron cranes his head up to take in the sight rising up in front of him; a four hundred foot wall, spreading across on either side of him for miles and miles. There’s a sign attached to it that reads, _ALASKA ANTI-KAIJU BARRIER: KEEPING OUR COASTS SAFE_ in bold, red letters.

Jaeger pilots had fallen from fame, and walls had risen up to take their place.

The Coastal Defense Program started almost two years after Aaron had decided to stop being a pilot. The costs of keeping the Jaeger Program going had apparently proved to be too much for world leaders, and they had decided to put their money into the building of coastal walls to keep the Kaiju out, leaving the heads of the Jaeger Program to fend for themselves. The world had chosen flight instead of fight, choosing to hide behind walls that they thought could keep them safe.

But Aaron didn’t believe that they could for one minute.

Still, he worked on the walls, helped build them despite his belief that they would do nothing against a Kaiju. It was a steady job, a way to get ration cards for food, and a way to keep Aaron’s mind from focusing on the silence that still fills his mind.

He makes his way over to the part of the wall under construction, his backpack on his shoulders. He’d learned quickly not to leave his stuff lying around, not in times like these where people barely have anything left. The work is usually first come, first serve, so Aaron pushes through the crowd of the rest of the morning shift workers, the aching feeling in his stomach pushing him forward. He hasn’t eaten in two days.

“I’ve got good news and bad news!” The shift foreman yells from where he’s standing as people circle around him. “Three people died yesterday working the top of the wall.” Not even a murmur goes through the crowd at his words. The wall is being built fast, and fatalities happen all the time. They aren’t even a surprise anymore. “The good news is, there are now three openings for work at the top of the wall, so who wants ‘em?”

Aaron watches as the man holds up three red ration cards, and two people step up immediately, one of them with a young child clinging to their hand. When they push past Aaron, he sees the hunger plain on their faces.

The man holds up the last ration card, and Aaron rocks back on his heels as he thinks. Work on the top of the wall is dangerous; if you manage not to fall, you still have to deal with the bitter cold and the thin air. But Aaron is hungry, and the red ration cards are some of the best. He could get a lot of food with that.

“I’ll do it.” Aaron says, raising a hand and stepping forward. A small murmur does go through the crowd at that, and people turn their heads to look at him. As much as Aaron tries to keep attention off of him, people had still managed to recognize him over the years. He had been a pilot, and people knew his face.

“You sure, flyboy?” The foreman sneers at him as he takes the card. “This work isn’t beneath an important man like you?”

Aaron ignores him and makes his way over to the elevator where the rest of the up-top workers had gathered. The doors close, and the ride up is silent, but Aaron can feel eyes on him.

He’s used to people staring, used to people asking him questions. They’ve always been the same over the years. _Did you really used to pilot a Jaeger? Is it true that you piloted one alone? And then crashed it? Is it true you left the Program? Why did you do it?_

Usually Aaron tries to ignore the questions, or give the shortest answers possible. He doesn’t like talking about his past, or thinking about it. The past holds nothing but guilt, the future nothing but uncertainty, so Aaron focuses on the present.

Once he’s at his section of the wall, he spreads his feet across two parallel beams and welds a brace to the vertical beam in front of him. He focuses on the task as clangs and the voices of other workers fills his mind. The noise that constantly surround the wall is one of the main reasons Aaron likes the work; there’s never a moment of silence. And it’s the only time he doesn’t think about Sally.

Because when he’s not at work, she’s all he thinks about.

He’s never had to live alone, never had to fend for himself for so long. When it had been him and Sally, things hadn’t been as hard. Sally had always made things better, had always known the right things to say and do. But Aaron isn’t like that. He has no idea what he’s doing, or if he’s made the right choices. He feels more lost than he did when he first left the Jaeger Program.

Once his shift is over, Aaron flips his safety visor off and clips himself into the harness that’s waiting for him. He jumps off the edge, enjoying the fifty-foot drop to the platform below, and then he unclips himself so he can walk over to the elevator. His stomach is growling, and it’s time to see what his ration card will get him.

The dining area for the wall crew is just a tent with tables inside, but that’s all they really need. They grab their food, a few drinks, and sit and talk about the work they did, and then repeat all of it again the next day.

Aaron is in line for his food when a word catches his ear, one that always catches his ear, _Kaiju._

He turns his head to find the source, and his gaze lands on a small TV set up on one of the tables. He walks over to it, food tray in hand, and watches as an image of a Kaiju is shown on the screen. A few people in the room gasp as the image shows the Kaiju breaking through one of the coastal walls in Australia, moving in for the cities.

“It…it broke right though.” A nervous voice says from behind him. “Like the wall was nothing.”

 _Just like we all knew it would_ , Aaron adds in his head. Because it’s true, no one really thought the walls would protect them. Aaron has heard workers whispering their doubts to each other during shifts. The walls had always been a false hope.

“A little over two hours ago,” a newswoman starts on the TV, “a category three Kaiju broke through the Sydney coastal barrier. This is the second attack in three months, and has resulted in the loss of another Jaeger.”

Aaron sighs as the screen changes again to show footage of a Jaeger sinking into the ocean, the front of its chest torn open by the Kaiju. Walls don’t work, Jaegers don’t work, what else is there to try? Maybe there’s just nothing to be done, and the world just needs to accept that.

“However,” the newswoman is back again, her tone much brighter than before, “the Jaeger Striker Eureka, piloted by couple James Madison and Thomas Jefferson, finally took the Kaiju down.”

Cheers go around the room as the TV screen shows the Jaeger taking down the Kaiju, but Aaron feels a bitterness rise up in him. Striker Eureka is a mark four Jaeger, new and improved, moving at an impossibly fast pace as it lands punch after punch on the Kaiju. If Aaron and Sally had been in a Jaeger like that, maybe they both would have survived.

Aaron knows he should just walk away, sit down and eat, but his feet feel glued to the floor, and he continues to watch the TV as it changes the image again to show the two pilots, Madison and Jefferson, who are being interviewed after their victory.

“Mr. Madison, Mr. Jefferson.” A reporter runs up to them “With the loss of yet another Jaeger, do you think today’s events prove that the Jaeger Program should be discontinued for good?”

“We stopped the Kaiju, didn’t we?” The slightly shorter one, Madison, says coolly, eyeing the reporter with disinterest. “So no further comment.” He starts to walk away, but his co-pilot, Jefferson, remains.

“Well _I_ have a comment.” He says, clearly not having Madison’s self-restraint. “We bagged our tenth kill today, which is a new record; kind of a big deal.”

“You’re keeping track at a time like this?”

“Well, sweetheart,” Thomas gives her a wink, “someone has to.”

“Hear that, flyboy?” A voice rings out, and Aaron turns to see the morning shift foreman sneering at him. “Ten victories. Ten Kaiju taken down by that team alone. Think how many more could have been taken down if you hadn’t left, the Jaeger Program might still be going at full force. Those guys are real heroes. You’re just a coward.”

Aaron clenches his food tray tightly in his hands as he finally forces his feet to move. He sits down at a table alone, heart pounding and hands shaking as he starts to eat, not even able to appreciate the taste of the food. The foreman’s words are ringing in his ears; _coward, coward, coward._

Maybe he is a coward. Aaron has stopped thinking of himself as any kind of hero the day he lost Sally. He had left the program for so many reasons, but one of the main reasons is his fear of death.

Ever since he had felt Sally die, had felt the life leave her, it had haunted him. He knows what it feels like, dying, and it scares him. That combined with the thought of being connected to someone else and having to feel that again, it had been more than enough to push him to leave.

Aaron lifts his head when the sound of a helicopter reaches him, and he looks back over at the TV, but the newswoman is back on the screen. The noise, however, continues, so Aaron stands up, leaving his now empty tray and walking outside the tent, searching for the source.

It doesn’t take long for him to see it; the helicopter is low in the sky, and sends snow swirling into the air as it lands. And something, Aaron isn’t sure what, draws him to it. He walks over slowly, and has to refrain from laughing when he sees who climbs out.

Marshal Washington, older, grayer, but just as stoic as he had been five years ago, steps down from the helicopter, his eyes scanning the area. Aaron feels the moment his gaze lands on him, and he stays where he is, making Washington come to him. The man stops in front of Aaron once he’s a few feet away.

“Mr. Burr.” Washington says, inclining his head in a nod, but keeping his eyes on Aaron’s.

“Marshal.”

“It’s been awhile.” He says, and Aaron refrains from just cutting to the chase and asking what he wants. He’s sure he’ll find out soon enough, so he just nods.

“Yes, sir. Five years and four months.” He could have added the days, maybe even the minutes, but he stops himself.

“Really?” Washington’s eyebrows rise, and he gives a small shake of his head. “Doesn’t seem that long.”

Aaron says nothing in response, mainly because he doesn’t agree. Every day without Sally has felt like a year. He had been left alone, forced to experience every single second of his life without her. These five years have felt like an eternity.

“You’re a hard man to find, Mr. Burr.” Washington continues after a beat of silence. “I’ve looked all over for you; Anchorage, Sheldon Point, Nome, and now Sitka.”

“I move with the wall.” Aaron says with a shrug. Then he kicks his foot at the ground, exhaling slowly. “Why are you even looking for me in the first place?”

“Because I need you, Mr. Burr. I’m getting every last person I can, scrounging up resources wherever possible. I’m sure it hasn’t escaped your notice that Kaiju are coming faster, stronger, than they ever have before.” Washington pauses, eyes searching Aaron’s face. “We need every person we can get to prevent the end of the world.”

“Yeah? And how many people did you go to before me?” Aaron asks before he can stop himself. “Or am I your first choice this time?” He spits the sentence out harshly, watching as Washington’s shoulders sag. He passes a hand over his eyes before looking back at Aaron.

“Son, you’re my only choice.”

Aaron throws his head back and laughs at that, not even entirely sure why he finds it so funny. There’s just something about Washington standing there in front of him, as close to begging Aaron to come back as he’ll ever get, that just strikes Aaron as extremely funny.

“First choice or only choice, I can’t do it.”

“Mr. Burr, you-“

“I can’t do it.” Aaron repeats, taking a step closer. “I can’t drift with someone else again, okay? I was still connected with my sister when she died, and I can’t experience that again, so I’m sorry. You’ll have to find someone else.”

Washington stares at him for a long moment, but then, much to Aaron’s surprise, he shrugs his shoulders.

“Fine.” He waves at someone in the helicopter, and then starts to walk around Aaron. “I’ll just grab a bite to eat before leaving, I’d appreciate it if you kept him company while I do.”

Aaron turns his head to see who Washington means, and then he feels his breath catch in his throat as he watches another person step down from the helicopter, his hair flying in front of his face briefly as the wind hits him.

_Alexander._

Aaron stands there, frozen to the spot as Alexander approaches him. He looks at Aaron warily, his eyes strangely blank, and Aaron can’t help but think about how different the look is from how Alexander used to look at him.

“Aaron.” He says once he’s in front of him, and Aaron takes in the dark circles under his eyes, the stress lining his face. All that boyish energy seems to have left him since the last time they had been together, and Aaron wonders why. But then again, a lot can happen in five years.

“Hey.” Aaron responds, and he shoves his hands into his pockets so Alexander can’t see them shaking. A silence falls between them. He doesn’t know what else to say.

“So you aren’t coming back?” Alexander asks suddenly, and he smiles bitterly when Aaron looks at him in confusion. “Washington waved me out, which he only planned to do if you refused to come back. He thinks I can convince you.” His smile drops. “But I think we both know that I can’t. I already tried to once.”

“Alexander…” Aaron sighs and tilts his head back, blinking up at the sky a few times before looking back down at Alexander. “I _had_ to go, okay? I’m sorry I yelled at you, but I couldn’t stay there. And I can’t go back now, I’m not ready.”

“It doesn’t matter if you’re not ready.” Alexander snaps back, his tone cold and his eyes flashing. “The world is ending Aaron, no one is ready for that either, but it’s happening anyway, so stop acting like you’re the only one who has lost someone.”

Aaron flinches at the words and ducks his head, trying to take in a deep breath through his nose. He knows what Alexander is saying is true; of course he isn’t the only person to lose someone. But he’s scared of losing even more.

“I don’t know if I can do it again.” He whispers to the ground. “I don’t…what if more people die? What if I get in a Jaeger and mess up? What if I drift with someone and they die?”

“You won’t know what’s going to happen unless you try.”

“So, what?” Aaron shrugs his shoulders and fights back another laugh. “You want me to try to get in a Jaeger again, even if it could do more harm than good?” Aaron feels his anxiety rising, and he shakes his head. “That’s not a simple request, Alexander. You’re asking me to risk everything, you’re asking me to fall, you’re asking me to _die_!”

“No, I’m not!” Alexander argues, some of the old spark coming back into his eyes. “I’m not asking you to die. Anyone can _fall,_ Aaron, that’s the easy part! I’m asking you to take a stand. We’re all going to die if we don’t try to fight back, you know that. So you can either die here, or take a chance a Jaeger. You can die running, or stand up and fight. It’s up to you.”

Aaron starts laughing again, bringing both hands up to his face. He hates this, he hates being asked to do this. But he also hates how right Alexander is, how he’s reminding Aaron of his sixteen-year-old self, arguing with Sally about wanting to join the Jaeger Program. He knows what he has to do.

He knows what Sally would do.

“Okay.” Aaron says, lifting his head back up and sighing. He looks over at Alexander, getting a brief moment of satisfaction at the surprised look on his face. “Fine, I’ll go with you, I’ll go back. I’ll…I’ll _try._ ”

“Good to hear.” A voice says from behind them, making them both jump. Aaron turns to see Washington walking back over. “And perfect timing. Mr. Burr, do you need to grab anything before we head over?”

Aaron shakes his head and shoulders his backpack. He forces his feet forward before he can think too hard about what he’s doing, and climbs up into the helicopter. Alexander steps in after him, taking the seat next to him as Washington sits across from them. He tells the pilot to go, and then just like that, they’re up in the air.

A little while later, Aaron moves his eyes from the window and finally breaks the tense silence that had settled over them.

“Why exactly am I your only choice?” Aaron asks, turning his eyes to Washington. “I can’t be the only pilot out there. So why me?”

“We’ve tried others, but to no success. We’re low on Jaegers, can’t make any more since we lost funding, and the only one without any pilots right now is Revelation, the three piloted Jaeger.”

“I thought the Schuyler sisters piloted that one?” Aaron asks, fear twisting in him as Alexander and Washington share a look. “They…they aren’t…” Aaron trails off, unable to finish the thought, but Washington shakes his head.

“They are all alive. But…a lot has changed since you’ve been gone.”

“So you want me to drift with not just one person, but two?” Aaron definitely isn’t sure if he can do that.

“You’re the only person to pilot a Jaeger alone.” Washington says. “And your Drifting scores were some of the best I’ve ever seen. We have limited resources and limited time, Mr. Burr. Your our best shot.” Washington pauses and sighs. “But that is all I can say for now, we can tell you more once we get to Hong Kong, where the only remaining base is. You should try to get some sleep until then.”

Aaron nods despite knowing he won’t be able to sleep. He’s always had trouble sleeping, and the five years without Sally had only made it worse. But he pulls out his phone anyway, putting the headphones into his ear and pulling up his usual thunderstorm playlist.

Alexander makes a funny noise beside him, and Aaron peers over to see him staring down at the screen of his phone, and when his eyes move back to Aaron’s, he thinks he sees something in them, an expression that Aaron hasn’t seen on anyone’s face for a long time. But then Alexander clears his throat loudly and stares down at his hands.

Aaron turns away as well, but he smiles softly to himself and leans his head back, his eyes closing before he can even think about trying to sleep. He drifts off quickly, not noticing that he’s asleep until he’s blinking his eyes open

He wakes up slowly, and becomes aware that he’s leaning against something soft. After a moment, he realizes that he had leaned over onto Alexander, his head resting on his shoulder. Aaron stills, but then he registers that Alexander’s cheek is pressed against the top of Aaron’s head as he breathes in and out slowly, still asleep.

Aaron pulls away carefully, doing his best not to wake Alexander. Then he stares down at him, letting his eyes roam over Alexander’s face more closely than he’d been allowed to before, noting that he looks younger when he’s asleep. Aaron starts when he hears a small chuckle, and he snaps his head up to see Washington staring at them both, a small smile on his lips that makes Aaron flush.

“We’ll be landing very soon.” Washington tells him, and his voice causes Alexander to jolt awake, sitting up straight in his seat. “Mr. Bellamy will meet us there and then we’ll-“

Whatever else Washington says, Aaron doesn’t hear. His heart had jumped at the mention of Bellamy’s name, and a nervous feeling fills him. Alexander must sense this, because he peers over at him, and Aaron swallows a few times, trying to calm down.

“Is…” He swallows again and exhales slowly while Alexander watches him. “Has Bellamy been…good?”

“As good as you can expect at a time like this.” Alexander says with a shrug, and Aaron sighs. He’s trying to get a feel for what he should expect when he sees Bellamy, and he thinks Alexander knows this, but is stubbornly refusing to tell him.

“But is he…is he mad at m-“

“I am not getting involved in that.” Alexander says firmly. “If you broke it, you fix it.”

The word broke hangs in the air, and Aaron wonders if Alexander had meant it as a description for how Bellamy has actually been doing, but before he can ask, the helicopter lurches. They’ve landed at the base.

Washington steps out first, then Alexander, and Aaron follows last, blinking the rain that had started to fall away from his eyes as Washington calls someone over.

Aaron doesn’t even have time to prepare when Bellamy himself is suddenly is in front of them, one hand holding an umbrella over his head as he thrusts out another umbrella with his free hand. His eyes are staring determinedly down at the ground, but then they slowly climb up until they finally rest on Aaron, cold and empty.

“Bell…” Aaron breathes out, trying to keep his voice steady through his nerves, but before he can say anything else, Bellamy tosses the umbrella at him before reaching a hand out to pull Alexander under his open one.

This forces Aaron to squeeze under the other umbrella with Washington, all warm feelings at seeing Bellamy evaporating at the cold greeting. Alexander peers over his shoulder and gives Aaron what he thinks is an apologetic look, but Aaron looks away. He should have expected it. He deserves it.

They lead Aaron inside the base and over to an elevator, but Aaron hesitates. The idea of riding in an elevator with three people that he has pissed off at some point is not appealing. His feelings must show, because Bellamy looks over at him briefly, a smirk forming on his face that makes Aaron clench his jaw before stepping in.

The other three step in as well, and Alexander presses a button, but then a shout rings out before the doors can close.

“Hold the elevator!”

Aaron turns to see two figures running towards them, both with large hoods over their heads to block the rain. One of them runs at full speed towards the elevator, while the other follows more slowly, limping and leaning heavily on a cane. But they both reach the elevator before the doors close, slipping inside beside them.

One of them, the one with the cane, flips their hood down, and Aaron feels another jolt of surprise.

“Angelica?”

“Aaron!” Angelica takes a step forward before wrapping her arms around him, pulling him into a hug which Aaron returns, swallowing around the lump that had formed in his throat at seeing her. She pulls back and gives him a wide smile. “Never thought I’d see you again.”

“Back at ya.” Aaron says with a small laugh. But then he looks down at her, taking in the awkward angle of her leg and the cane in her hand. Suddenly the reason for why the Schuylers can’t pilot the Jaeger makes sense.

“I know.” Angelica says, following his gaze. “I’m lucky I got away with my leg at all, it was a pretty nasty Kaiju.”

Aaron opens his mouth to respond, but then the other person who had gotten into the elevator removes their hood as well, laughing at Angelica’s comment. Aaron turns to them, taking in the figure of another woman around Angelica’s age, glasses perched on her nose. She rolls up the sleeves of her jacket, and an impressive amount of tattoos crawling up her arms peek out from the fabric.

“Kaiju are more than just nasty!” She says. “They’re awesome!”

Aaron looks back at Angelica, who just rolls her eyes, and then moves his eyes back to the other woman, who shoves a hand out in his direction.

“Maria Reynolds.” She says, shaking Aaron’s hand vigorously. “Kaiju scientist, although Angelica likes to refer to me as a “Kaiju groupie” but don’t take her too seriously.”

“That’s Dr. Schuyler, to you.” Angelica mutters, and Aaron looks back at her in surprise.

“Doctor?” He asks. “You’re a scientist now?”

“Had to do something.” Angelica says, tapping her leg with her cane. Then she winks at him. “Besides, I did get top scores in Kaiju science.”

Aaron laughs at that, remembering how Angelica had been the only person to beat his score in that class during training.

“Oh, please.” Maria says, waving a hand. “Kaiju science isn’t something that you can learn in a classroom, you’ve got to get up closer and personal! That’s why I specialize in studying the bodies of Kaiju. I’d love to see one alive on day.”

A strained silence falls after that, and Aaron thinks he feels Bellamy’s eyes on him, but when he glances over, Bellamy is staring at the wall of the elevator. So Aaron turns back to Maria, looking more closely at her tattoos.

“Are those Kaiju?” He asks, and Maria nods.

“Yep!” She holds her arms out for him to see them better. “I’ve almost got ‘em all on there. This one is Knifehead.” She points at one curling around her forearm, and Aaron feels his gut twist. “Now that one was awesome, first category three ever. God, he was cool, I mean talk about-“

“We’re here.” Bellamy interrupts loudly from where he’s standing, and then the elevator doors open and they all step out, Aaron happy to escape the confined space.

“Well we have to go.” Angelica tells Aaron once they’re all out. She squeezes his hand before stepping back. “But I’ll be seeing you later, we’ve got a lot to talk about.”

Aaron watches her and Maria leave for a moment before turning back around. Alexander is looking at Bellamy, whose eyes are once again back on the ground. There’s another tense silence, and then Washington clears his throat.

“Well, I have work to see to as well. Mr. Burr.” He turns to Aaron. “There will be a lot to catch you up on tomorrow. Mr. Bellamy and Alexander will show you to your room, and then we’ll fill you in tomorrow morning.” Washington gives them all a small nod before walking away.

“Uh, ok.” Alexander says, giving Bellamy another look before turning to Aaron. “So, your room. It’s not too far, or at least I think it’s not. I don’t technically know where it is…uh…” Alexander raises his eyebrows at Bellamy, who clenches his jaw before spinning on his heel and starting to lead them towards a hallway.

“So…” Aaron starts slowly, unable to handle the silence. “Eliza and Peggy are still pilots?”

“Yeah, they’re in one of the new mark fours now. Although Eliza is spending a lot of her time working with Theodosia as well these days.” Alexander smirks as he says this, and Bellamy snorts beside him, the two of them sharing a look.

“How’s Theodosia?” Aaron asks, figuring that he’d find out what Bellamy and Alexander are snickering about later.

“She has her hands full these days. Her daughter is nine now, and she’s been handling the training of the pilots we still have left. You’ll meet the new guys tomorrow probably. Hercules Mulligan and John Laurens are great guys.” Alexander gives Aaron a wide grin. “And another guy, Lafayette, has been helping me with the Jaeger restoration project.”

“And the other two pilots? Jefferson and Madison?”

“Oh...well…they’re-“

“Careful what you say.” A deep voice says from behind them, and all three of them spin to see the figures of Jefferson and Madison themselves standing in the hall, a small French bulldog sitting at their heels between them.

“Luthor!” Bellamy says excitedly, and he runs forward to kneel down in front of the dog, laughing when it licks his face and whispering to it as he runs his hands over its head.

“James Madison.” The one says who had spoken before, and he extends a hand to Aaron. “I’ve heard of you, of course. Good to have you back, Aaron.”

“Thank you.” Aaron says, shaking his hand. “And I’ve heard of you two as well. I saw you take down that Kaiju in Australia.”

“That was one of our easier ones.” The taller man, Thomas, interjects, and his eyes look Aaron up and down. “So you’re the guy who everyone’s been talking about lately? Hm. Don’t really get what all the fuss is about, or how you’ll make the plan any better.”

“The plan?”

“What?” Thomas throws his head back and laughs. “You don’t even know the plan? How useless.”

“He hasn’t been filled in yet, Thomas.” Bellamy snaps out, surprising all of them as he stands up. “Anyway, we’re showing him to his room. We’ll see you tomorrow.” And with that, he pushes past the two men, and Aaron and Alexander have to scurry after him.

“It was nice to meet you, Aaron.” James calls after them, and Aaron looks over his shoulder to give him a nod, turning back around quickly when Thomas scowls at him.

Another silence falls as they walk, and Aaron doesn’t try to break it this time. He keeps his head down, but thinks he can feel Alexander’s eyes on him occasionally. Finally Bellamy stops them, unlocking a door and stepping inside.

Aaron follows, taking in the dimly lit room with a single bed. Then he turns to Bellamy, who has now chosen a spot on the wall to stare at, his shoulders tense. Aaron stares at him for a few seconds, his heart beating rapidly. But Bellamy still doesn't look at him, and his face is dark with anger.

“Are you really going to ignore me forever?” Aaron asks quietly, and he jumps when Bellamy spins to look at him, his eyes bright with barely contained anger.

“Don’t talk to me about being ignored.” He says, his voice harsh, and Aaron feels a chill run through him. “What happened to all those phone calls you promised me?”

“I…”Aaron licks his lips as he looks at Bellamy’s helplessly. He doesn’t have a good answer, and Bellamy knows it. “Bell, I’m sorry, I-“

“Did you get my calls?” Bellamy asks, his voice wavering as he looks at Aaron. “I called you every day for the first month, left voicemails…” Now he trails off, and Aaron bites the inside of his cheek. He had gotten the calls, and had ignored every one. It had just been easier that way, but he doesn’t know how to explain that.

“Bell, please.” Aaron tries to keep his voice from shaking. “I know it was-“

“Five years, Aaron.” Bellamy says, clenching his jaw and letting out a tight laugh that he quickly silences when his voice cracks. “Five years and four months, with _nothing._ I didn’t even know if you were alive.”

“Bell.” Aaron steps closer to Bellamy, reaching out a hand, but Bellamy steps away and shakes his head. “Please don’t be mad. I just-“

“I have to go.” Bellamy snaps out, walking away and pushing past Alexander. He wrenches the door open, leaving it wide open as he steps out.  Aaron feels all of his energy leave him once Bellamy leaves, and he slumps against the wall.

“Hey, Aaron?” Alexander’s voice is soft, and Aaron hears him stepping towards him. “Just…you just need to give Jon some time, alright?”

“Time.” Aaron repeats, looking over at Alexander and giving him a tired smile. “I thought we were running out of time?”

“We are.” Alexander says with a shrug. “But it’s what Jon told me once you left. To just give you time, and that worked out.”

“What, so you forgive me?”

“No.” Alexander says, and he makes his way to the door, but then he looks back and smiles at Aaron. “But I’m getting there.”

Aaron sighs once Alexander leaves, and he pushes himself off the wall. He reaches for the hem of his shirt and pulls it off, shivering slightly as the cold air hits him. Then he digs into his pocket, fingers closing around paper as he pulls out the picture of him and Sally that he keeps with him at all times.

He runs a finger over it, breathing out heavily as he tries to wrap his mind around the day he’s had. Everything is so different…

“Aaron, one more th-“

Aaron drops the picture in surprise, glancing up at the door he had failed to close to see Alexander standing there, his eyes wide. Aaron doesn’t understand why he’s staring at him like that, but then he looks down at himself, taking in the bare skin and the scars that stick out on his chest, ribs, and arm.

Alexander steps closer, his footsteps soft, and he reaches out a hand, his fingertips ghosting over Aaron’s arm as he traces the scars. Then he brings his other hand up, touching the scars on his ribs gently.

“Aaron…”

“They aren’t as bad as they look.” Aaron murmurs, and Alexander moves his eyes to his face, and Aaron thinks that he sees a sadness in his gaze. “Really, I’m…fine.”

But Alexander continues to look at him, his eyes searching Aaron’s face as his fingers trail over his skin, causing Aaron’s skin to heat up where he touches him. Alexander’s lips part, and he rocks forward onto his toes, his face inching closer to Aaron’s, but then he huffs out a small breath, and moves rest his head on Aaron’s shoulder.

Aaron stills momentarily, not sure what to do, but then moves his arms up slowly to rest on Alexander’s back. They stand there in silence, breathing quietly.

“Alexander.” Aaron says after a few more moments. “I really _am_ sorry, for what I said before I left. I shouldn’t have said that, and I didn’t…I didn’t think about how it would hurt you.” He feels Alexander nod against his shoulder.

“I know.” Alexander pulls back, and Aaron thinks his eyelashes look wet. “I…I lashed out too. I didn’t understand why you were leaving, and I wanted you to stay so bad, because…” Alexander trails off and ducks his head again. “Well…I was being selfish.”

“I just…” Aaron sighs. “I just thought leaving would help me with…with everything.”

“Did it?”

“I don’t know.” Aaron says honestly, shrugging. And it’s true; he doesn’t know if he made the right choice. But he can’t change that now. “It felt like the right choice for me…but for everyone else? I don’t know. I guess I’m selfish too.”

“Jon will come around.” Alexander tells him softly, and Aaron wants nothing more than to believe him.

“I thought you were going to stay out of it?” Aaron asks, a small smile on his lips, and Alexander smiles back with a roll of his eyes.

“I thought I was too. But I quickly realized I was fooling myself with that one, especially when…” Alexander pauses a he takes a deep breath, “especially when I’m affected by all of it too. The three of us…we’re…well…you know…”

Aaron nods as Alexander trails off, but he doesn’t say anything. He does know, has known for some time. The way his heart beats around both Alexander _and_ Bellamy, how could he not know?

“What did you come back in here to say?” Aaron asks after a moment, and Alexander stares at him before laughing.

“I can’t remember.” He admits, and Aaron starts to laugh as well, feeling some of the edge of the day slip off as Alexander smiles at him. “I really should go now, though. Let you get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow, Aaron.” He takes a step back and moves to the door, this time letting it close behind him.

Aaron stares at the door for a moment before stooping down and picking up the picture he had dropped earlier. He strips down to his boxers and then climbs into his bed, sighing as his head hits the pillow.

“I don’t know what I’m doing Sally.” He whispers to the picture. He thinks of Angelica’s injury, of Alexander’s tears, and of Bellamy’s angry face. “Everything keeps falling apart, and I don’t know what to do.” He looks at the picture, gripping it tightly. “I can’t do any of this without you.”

 _But you have to_ , Sally’s voice tells him in his head. So Aaron rolls over onto his side, squeezing his eyes shut and clutching the picture tightly to his chest.

It’s time to try to be Superman again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one wasn't as sad as the other three, right? Sorry for the lack of Bellamy, but he'll be in the next one more. The real question is will Aaron be able to make things up to him?
> 
> I struggled coming up with an original name for Thomas and James's Jaeger, so just kept one of the names from the movie, but I might go back and change it later. 
> 
> Thanks for taking the time to read this, kudos/comments are greatly loved and appreciated!
> 
> Follow me on tumblr @ fanciful-follies if you want to! :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter kind of builds up for what will start to happen in later chapters (but a few exciting things happen in this one too) also warning for a slight panic attack towards the end. 
> 
> Enjoy! x

A loud knock on his door is what wakes Aaron up the next morning, far too early for his liking.

He groans when the knocking continues, but sits up and swings his legs over the side of his bed, rubbing at his eyes before standing up, his joints cracking at the movement. He blindly grabs at the clothes he had discarded on the floor and pulls them on before stumbling over to the door and pulling it open, blinking at the bright lights that greet him.

“Good morning.” A familiar voice says, and Aaron blinks his eyes faster so they adjust to the light, and then he’s able to take in the smiling face of Theodosia standing in front of him. “It’s been a long time.”

“Theodosia!” Aaron cries out, and then he’s stumbling forward even more, throwing his arms around her and laughing. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed her. “It’s good to see you.”

“Back at ya.” Theodosia pulls back and smiles even wider before looking him up and down, a small crease forming between her eyebrows. “Did you just wake up?”

“Yeah, sorry, I-“

“Bellamy didn’t stop by to wake up earlier? He was supposed to come get you like an hour ago.”

“Oh…” Aaron feels the smile slide off his face, and he shifts on his feet. “Uhm, no, no he didn’t.”

“He probably forgot.” Theodosia says after a beat of silence, giving Aaron a reassuring smile that does nothing to soothe him. “Everyone has been so busy lately. But come on, the meeting is starting soon. I’ll walk you over.”

“The meeting?” Aaron asks as he steps out of his room, closing the door behind him. “What meeting?”

“ _The_ meeting.” Theodosia tells him, laughing softly. “The big, important meeting. The one that will determine the fate of the whole world.”

“Oh. _That_ meeting.” Aaron tries to give her a small smile, but his stomach is twisting. It’s both the news of the meeting and the fact that it seems like Bellamy had purposefully not gotten him that morning that is making Aaron feel queasy. But he tries to ignore it. “So, how have you been?”

“As well as one can be at times like this.” Theodosia says with a shrug. “But overall I’ve been good. Theo has grown so much, and she keeps me busy. And she’s so smart, I swear she’s smarter than half the people here. And Eliza always-“

Aaron watches in amusement as Theodosia cuts off at the mention of Eliza’s name and ducks her head, but he still sees the smile forming on her lips.

“So.” He watches as she looks back up at him and he wiggles his eyebrows. “Eliza, huh?”

“Shut up.”

Aaron snickers at Theodosia’s embarrassment, but he can see the happiness that is spreading across her face, and he throws an arm around her shoulders as they walk. He’s relieved that things still feel comfortable with Theodosia. He doesn’t think he could take another person being angry at him.

As they turn a corner, Aaron has a moment to take in the appearance of several people standing outside of a room, but then something is hurtling towards them, knocking into Theodosia’s legs.

“Luthor!” Theodosia laughs and kneels down to pet the dog, but Aaron stays upright and looks around, his eyes landing on Jefferson and Madison, who are standing a few feet away. Madison gives Aaron a small nod, but Jefferson just gives him a stony look, and Aaron drops his eyes.

“You’re here! Oh man, you’ll _never_ guess what Bells and Eliza just told me! They-“

Aaron looks up when the small, excited voice cuts off, and he sees a young girl standing in front of them. It only takes Aaron a second to realize who she is; she looks just like her mother.

“You’re Aaron Burr.” She tells him, staring up at him with big eyes. “You look just like I thought you would. Maybe a little more tired, though.”

“I… what?” Aaron stares down at her in surprise, glancing over at Theodosia when she starts to laugh. He feels like he’s missing something.

“Theo here,” She steps forward and places a hand on her daughter’s head, “has a couple Jaeger pilot action figures, one of them being yours.”

“Oh.” Aaron blinks a few times, trying to wrap his head around the fact that there is an action figure of him out there, and that people actually own it. He wonders if there is one of Sally.

“What were Bellamy and Eliza telling you, honey?” Theodosia asks, and Aaron turns to look back down at Theo, who is bouncing on the balls of her feet.

“Oh! Mom, it’s so cool! They were telling me that soon, Kaiju might be able to _fly!_ ”

“We didn’t mean for it to be cool.” A voice says, and Aaron turns to see Eliza walking up to them and smiling. “Plus we totally made that up.” She places a hand on Theodosia’s back briefly before looking at Aaron. “Welcome back!”

“It’s good to see you.” Aaron tells her, and he opens his mouth to say more when, out of the corner of his eye, he sees Bellamy walking over to them. Aaron tries to make eye contact, but Bellamy ignores him, and nods at Eliza and Theodosia instead.

“Bells!” Theo jumps over to Bellamy and tugs on his shirt. “Do you really think Kaiju will be able to fly? It wasn’t a lie, right?”

“Well, I hope we never find out.” Bellamy tells her, smiling at Theo softly. Then he looks up and makes the smallest amount of eye contact with Aaron before looking over his shoulder. “The meeting starts soon. Sorry for not getting you. I got busy.”

“It’s…that’s fine.” Aaron says, picking at the hem of his shirt. He can feel everyone staring at him and Bellamy, and the air suddenly feels very tense, and Aaron wants nothing more than to leave. He takes a tiny step back, but then Theo is stepping forward and taking Aaron’s hand.

“Hey! Before you go to the meeting…” Theo trails off and lets go of Aaron’s hand so she can dig around in the small backpack she’s wearing. She pulls out a comic book and a pen, both of which she holds out to Aaron. “Can you sign this? My mom told me that all my comic books used to be yours, which is super cool, but it would be even cooler if you could sign one.”

“Theo, honey, that’s not-“

“Yeah.” Aaron says, cutting Theodosia off and accepting the comic book and pen. “Yeah, of course.” He quickly scribbles his name on the cover and hands it back to Theo, who looks down at it with wide eyes before moving forward quickly and throwing her arms around Aaron’s waist.

“Thank you!” She squeezes him tightly, and Aaron is at a loss to do with his hands, so he sort of just stands there in shock. Then Theo pulls back to look up at him. “You’re really brave, for coming back. I think you’re the bravest person in the whole world, just like Bells always used to tell me.”

Bellamy jumps at Theo’s words and makes a small, pained noise. He looks over at Aaron with a strange look on his face and opens his mouth, like he’s about to say something, but then he turns on his heel and quickly walks away, slipping inside the room that everyone is waiting outside of.

Aaron swallows, tears suddenly pricking at the corners of his eyes, but he forces his gaze away from the door Bellamy had just disappeared into and gives Theo a small smile as she goes to stand next to her mother. He barely has time to think about what had just happened when suddenly someone is tugging on his shirt.

“Hey!” Alexander smiles widely at him when he turns and then gestures behind him. “The meeting is about to start. And I want you to meet a few people before.” He pulls Aaron away and over to a small group of guys, all of who turn around at their approach. “This is John and Herc, two of our pilots, and this is Lafayette, who’s been helping me with the Jaeger construction.”

“Hey man.” One of them, the one Aaron thinks Alexander had said was named Herc, shoves out a large hand to shake Aaron’s. “Hercules Mulligan, but like Alex said, everyone calls me Herc.”

Aaron nods, but before he can say anything, one of the others, the one with a light smattering of freckles spread across his face, knocks Herc’s hand out of the way and starts to shake Aaron’s hand as well.

“John Laurens.” He tells Aaron, his teeth flashing brightly. “Herc’s co-pilot. Can’t wait to kick some Kaiju ass with you!”

“Yeah.” Aaron says, a smile forming on his face at the way Laurens is energetically shaking his hand. “Nice to meet you.” He turns to the last man, whose hair is tied up, glasses perched on his nose.

“Lafayette.” He tells Aaron, a slight accent discernable in his voice. Aaron shakes his hand. “Alex has told me much about you. It is an honor.”

“Yeah.” John breaks in, throwing an arm around Alexander’s shoulders. “He basically never shuts up about you, Burr.”

“Alright, enough of that.” Alexander detangles himself from Laurens, a faint blush on his face. Aaron’s mind wanders back to previous night, how Alexander had rocked forward on his feet, and the way his eyes had dropped to Aaron’s lips. He wonders what it would have been like if Alexander had actually kissed him.

Alexander steps away from Laurens quickly and opens the door, herding everyone inside the room before they can say anything else. Aaron steps into the room, and the first thing he notices are the large tanks inside, which he thinks might be actually holding the remains of Kaiju.

Even more curious now, his eyes find Maria, who is scurrying around the room and scribbling things down onto a clipboard as she checks a few of the tanks. Then Aaron’s eyes move to see Angelica, who is writing furiously onto a chalkboard that’s attached to the wall, its entire surface almost completely covered in equations that Aaron can’t even begin to make sense of.

“Welcome, everyone.” A voice booms out, and Aaron turns to see Washington standing at the front of the room. He gestures to the row of chairs lined up on the opposite wall, and Aaron walks with everyone else to take a seat. “Well, I’m not going to beat around the bush, you all know why we’re here; to discuss our plan to end the war.” Washington looks around at all of them. “That plan is to assemble a team of Jaeger pilots, go for the breach, and destroy it.”

A small murmur goes through the assembled group in the room, and Aaron stares at Washington with narrowed eyes. On the surface, destroying the breach seems like a no brainer, something that they should have done at the beginning of the war, but deeper down it’s not that simple. They don’t understand the breach at all; have no idea how the Kaiju get through it or what’s inside of it. It sounds like a death trap.

“Our scientists, “Washington gestures at Angelica and Maria, “have gotten closer and closer to understanding the physics of the breach and how it works. I’ll let them explain what they know to you before we discuss the plan further.”

Angelica pushes past Maria and leans on her cane as she looks at everyone seated in front of her. Aaron sees her glance over at her sisters before taking a deep breath and beginning to speak.

“At the beginning of the war, the Kaiju attacks were spaced out by about twelve months, but that time span has shortened over time to six months, then three, and now they happen every couple of weeks.” Angelica points at an equation she had written on the chalkboard. “From my calculations, we could soon be seeing a Kaiju every eight hours, until they’re coming every four minutes. We could even begin to witness double events.”

“But she can’t give you anything better than speculation!” Maria interrupts, and Angelica glares at her. “And no one can back her up cause her calculations are _insane!_ I mean, does anyone understand her calculations?”

“Numbers don’t lie.” Angelica says through gritted teeth. “Some people say that they are as close as we get to the handwriting of the Gods, so-.”

“How pretentious!” Maria snorts, but Washington raises a hand to silence her, and Maria frowns and crosses her arms as Angelica walks over to another section of the chalkboard.

“But there is good news.” She circles a large number four. “ _This_ is our window to destroy the breach. Here, look at this.” Angelica drops the chalk and crosses to the middle of the room, where a holographic model of the breach is set up. She points at the top of it. “Here is our universe, and the bottom is theirs.”

Aaron watches as Angelica presses something to enlarge the model, and he sees a narrow passage between their universe and the Kaiju’s that is highlighted in orange and red. Angelica points at it.

“And this is what we call “the throat” of the breach, it’s the passage between the breach and us. Every time a Kaiju passes through, the throat remains open for a short time, and there seems to be a correlation between how many Kaiju go through and how long it stays open.” Angelica straightens and looks up at everyone again. “So I predict that with more Kaiju, bigger Kaiju, coming through, that will force the throat to remain open long enough for us to get in and nuke it. We wait until the date that I’ve predicted will have four Kaiju come out, and then we go for the breach.”

The room is silent, and Aaron glances around to see everyone staring at Angelica and the model with varying expressions of concern. Alexander is tapping his fingers on his leg as he bites his lip, and Madison and Jefferson are whispering to each other with furrowed brows. Aaron tries to decipher what Bellamy is thinking, but the man’s face is turned away from him.

“We only have one shot at this.” Washington says, pulling everyone from their thoughts. “We _have_ to be sure about this Dr. Schuyler.”

“I am positive, sir, this is our chance. We need to-“

“You want us to wait for more Kaiju to come?” Maria interrupts again, her voice incredulous. “You’re literally asking us to wait for a quadruple event. That’s so dangerous, especially when we still don’t know enough about the breach to be certain this will work.”

Angelica opens her mouth but then closes it, and Aaron thinks he sees a flash of hesitance go across her face. Maria must take her silence as permission to keep talking, because she steps in front of Angelica and stares at everyone with a determined expression.

“It’s not enough to know when or for how long the breach will be remain open. Anyone can write down numbers and figure that out. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Angelica’s math is good, it’s _always_ good.” Maria pauses and Aaron swears he sees Angelica smile. “But, math isn’t going to win this fight. Understanding the nature of the Kaiju will.”

They all watch as Maria crosses over to what must be her side of the room, grabbing a small jar of Kaiju remains and dumping it onto the table, causing Angelica to make a small gagging noise that Aaron has to resist from echoing.

“Despite the apparent individual appearance of each Kaiju, there are some fundamental structures and systems that they all, strangely, have in common.” Maria holds up two organs for everyone to see, and Aaron notices identical patterns of dark lines on each one. “Now, the weirdest thing is, one of these is from latest attack in Sydney, and the other…is from six years ago.”

Another murmur goes through the room, and Aaron furrows his brow. He’s not sure what Maria is getting at, but it _is_ weird that the organs are identical. It doesn’t really make sense…

“They have the same exact DNA.” Maria continues, her eyes flashing with excitement. “Like they’re spare parts in an assembly line, you know? I believe this means that the Kaiju are being manufactured, that they’re not evolving. There is something more here at play, and we need to know what.”

“Are you trying to say,” Washington asks slowly, “that something is _creating_ the Kaiju?”

“I think that’s a definite possibility!” Maria says firmly, ignoring Angelica’s scoff. “And there’s more, the DNA structures replicated in these organs hold something else; memory banks. Information storage. Cellular memory.”

Aaron leans forward in his seat as Maria goes over to one of the tanks in the room that he thinks holds a Kaiju brain. She taps on the glass before turning back to everyone.

“This specimen is damaged, but still useful. We can tap into the memory bank using the same tech that allows pilots to drift, and then we could learn where the Kaiju come from. We could actually _see_ inside the breach!”

“You want to drift with a Kaiju brain?” Jefferson asks loudly from his seat, shaking his head. “Are you insane?”

“I mean…that _would_ be kinda cool.” Laurens adds from his spot, then hissing when Herc punches him in the arm.

“The neural surge would be too much for a human brain, no matter how cool it may be.” Washington says, running a hand over his chin. “It’s too dangerous.”

“But, sir, it’s no more dangerous than waiting for _four_ Kaiju to come out of the breach!”

“I think Maria is right.” Aaron says, and all heads turn towards him. He swallows a few times before continuing. “I…it’s like you said, sir,” he nods at Washington, “we only have one shot to destroy the breach, so we need to know everything we can, right? I’m not saying Angelica is wrong, in fact I think she’s right, but I think we should do what Maria is saying too, so we can be fully prepared.”

“Thank you!” Maria says, giving Aaron a smile. “At least someone is speaking some sense.”

“It’s too risky.” Jefferson says, throwing Aaron a dirty look. “You’ve been gone for a while so I get why you don’t understand the risks. I think we should just focus on Angelica’s plan.”

“I agree.” Alexander says, and Aaron stares at him in shock, but Alexander just gives him a small shrug. “We don’t have time to wait for Maria to learn how to drift with a Kaiju, especially if the attacks are going to start coming sooner. And it might not even work. We should go with Angelica’s plan.”

“I agree as well.” Washington says after a moment, and he turns to Angelica. “I want all of your information and work on my desk by tonight. We’ll go forward with the plan of going for the breach during a quadruple event, maybe even a triple event if we can’t wait.. Besides, once Mr. Burr finds his co-pilots, we’ll have a team of four Jaegers, one for each Kaiju, and will be more than prepared to fight. We’ll get the bombs to the breach.”

Aaron sighs, still unsure of the plan, but he leans back in his seat as Angelica actually sticks her tongue out at Maria from behind Washington’s back. He really hopes she’s right.

“That’s enough for today.” Washington tells them. “Once everyone is ready, we’ll have another meeting with all of our Jaeger pilots to determine the exact details of the plan. Thank you all for coming.”

Everyone stands and starts to trail out of the room, and Aaron means to follow when suddenly Lafayette is at his side, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“I would like to show you your Jaeger.” He tells Aaron, and then Alexander is bouncing over to them, also accompanied by Eliza and Peggy. “Or what will become your Jaeger, since the Schuylers can no longer use it.”

“Yeah!” Alexander pipes up before Aaron can say anything. “You’ve got to see it, we rebuilt it and everything. Come on!”

Aaron wants to say no, wants to tell them that he really isn’t ready to see it, worried that it will bring back memories that he doesn’t want to revisit just yet, but then Alexander is taking his hand and pulling him out of the room while the others follow.

Bellamy is the last one to leave the room, and he seems to hesitate on where to go, but then he makes eye contact with Aaron and takes a step towards him, falling in step behind everyone else as Lafayette leads them down one of the halls.

“Now we’ve done a lot of repairs,” Lafayette says, “as I’m sure you know one of the legs was almost torn off. But it is up and running like new. Really, you’ll love it.”

“Great.” Aaron responds, and he feels himself nod, not actually aware of consciously making the movement. For some reason his head feels foggy, and his throat has gone dry. But he forces his feet to keep going. He’s okay.

Lafayette keeps talking as they get closer and closer to the Jaeger, but his voice sounds distant, and Aaron ignores it as he cranes his head up to take in the massive robot, the red color of its metal looking like it’s almost glowing under the lights.

Aaron halts for a moment, his chest constricting uncomfortably. He makes himself swallow a few times and breathe in through his nose. _You’re okay_ , he tells himself, _you’re okay, you’re okay._

“Aaron?” Alexander is looking back at him, drawing Aaron’s focus out of his own head. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Aaron breathes out, and he puts a smile on his face. “Fine, sorry. I…keep going.” He puts one foot in front of the other and keeps walking. He thinks he spies Bellamy glancing over at him, but when Aaron looks closer, Bellamy’s eyes are back to staring straight ahead.

“You can change the name if you’d like.” Lafayette says, gesturing up to the Jaeger. “You’re old one was called Krypton, yes? You can call this one that as well.”

Aaron feels his chest tighten again at Lafayette’s words, and this time a strange feeling like he’s being pricked with pins accompanies the constriction. He’s aware that his hands are shaking, and he clenches them into fists in an attempt to still them. But it doesn’t work.

The mention of his old Jaeger caught Aaron off guard, and images of Sally being wrenched from it flash through his mind, making him stumble slightly. Her voice is in his mind, and Aaron shakes his head, trying to regain control. But the feeling of Sally being torn away from him is seeping into his skin, the pain and terror of that moment flowing through him as if it had just happened now instead of five years ago.

“And now we can go up to the Conn-Pod, and you can go in and get a feel for-“

“No!” Aaron blurts out, cutting Lafayette off and stopping again. His whole body feels like it’s shaking, and his breathing is quick, so quick that it’s making his chest hurt. “No…I…I don’t, I can’t-I can’t-I-“ Aaron doubles over as his chest tightens even more. He can’t breathe, he can’t-

“Aaron.” A calm voice is talking to him, a hand gripping his shoulder, and Aaron shoots one of his hands out, grasping at the person’s shirt in an attempt to ground himself. But it doesn’t work, and he still can’t breathe. “Aaron!”

There are colors in front of his eyes, and Aaron feels his knees hit the ground but he barely registers the pain. Then the same person who had been talking to him is kneeling in front of him, placing a hand on his chest. Aaron wants to scream; his chest is so tight and just wants to breathe, but he can’t.

“Aaron.” The voice says his name again, and Aaron registers faintly that it sounds like Bellamy. He feels himself being maneuvered into a sitting position with his back against the wall. “I want you to breathe in and out with me. Slow and steady, okay?”

Aaron tries to answer, but he feels frozen, and only a strangled gasp escapes him. He becomes faintly aware that there are tears slipping down his face.

“In and out with me, Aaron.” Fingers close around his hand, and Aaron feels his palm being pressed against the person’s chest. “Just focus on the way my chest moves under your hand, and copy it. In for three, out for five, okay? Now breathe in.”

Aaron feels the chest beneath his hand expand slowly, and the hand pushing against his chest lightens its pressure, and Aaron manages to take in a shaky breath as the voice counts to three.

“Good, now back out.”

The hand on Aaron’s chest presses, and Aaron feels himself breathe out slowly as the voice slowly counts to five. He hears the voices of the other people around them, but he pushes them out of his mind, focusing only on the voice speaking to him. They repeat the exercise over and over until Aaron loses count, and soon his breathing comes easier, and Aaron feels his chest start to loosen little by little.

Aaron lifts his head, blinking more tears out of his eyes, and he takes in the blurry figure of Bellamy kneeling in front of him. He smiles, but Aaron can see the tightness around his mouth, the concern in his eyes. He moves his hand from Aaron’s chest to rest it gently on his shoulder.

“Are you back with me?” He asks, and Aaron manages a small nod. “Good, you did good, Aaron. You’re okay.”

“Here.” Another voice says, and Aaron looks up to see Alexander handing Bellamy a small bottle of water, his own hand shaking as he stares down at Aaron with wide eyes.

“Thank you.” Bellamy murmurs before turning back to Aaron and unscrewing the lid. Then he holds it out, but Aaron just stares at him, his body feeling numb and his head foggy. So Bellamy smiles at him again and places a hand under his chin, tilting his head back slightly as he places the rim of the water bottle against his lips, pouring the water into his mouth for him.

Aaron swallows a few times, calming down further and finally looking around. The area is cleared out, only Bellamy, Alexander, and a few workers scuttling around remain. He looks back at Bellamy and notices that his hand is still resting on his chest, so he snatches it back quickly. But Bellamy just keeps smiling, this time with a hint of sadness, before placing his hands under Aaron’s arms and pulling him up.

Aaron sways once he’s on his feet, but Bellamy’s arms are firm around him, keeping him upright.

“Okay?” Bellamy asks, voice soft.

“Yeah.” Aaron says, his own voice sounding hoarse. “I’m okay.”

“Bullshit.” Alexander responds, his face looking slightly paler than normal. “You’re not okay. What just happened isn’t okay!”

“Alex, drop it, just-“

“No!” Alexander shakes his head. “I won’t drop it, cause he’s not okay! So what was that, Aaron, why didn’t you just say something was wrong so we could-“

“You wanted me to come back!” Aaron snaps out, trying to take a step towards Alexander, but Bellamy holds him back. “You wanted me to come back, so I did! I’ve been trying to say something is wrong, tried to tell you that I wasn’t ready, but you didn’t listen! You never listen!”

Alexander stares at him in shock, and Aaron sees a flicker of guilt in his eyes, but then a beeping sound emerges, and Alexander curses under his breath as he takes out his pager.

“I…Washington needs me.” He says, his voice quiet. “Uhm. But…” He peers up at Aaron. “I’m…can I come see you later?”

"I...yeah." Aaron nods, already feeling the anger that had flared up inside him drain away. He hadn’t meant to yell. "Yeah, that's fine." He keeps his voice as soft, and Alexander looks at him a moment longer before stepping around him and Bellamy, glancing briefly back over his shoulder as he turns the corner.

“Do you want to go back to your room?” Bellamy asks after a moment, and Aaron nods again. He tries not to lean too much into Bellamy as they walk, reminding himself that the hand on the small of his back doesn’t mean anything; Bellamy is just being nice.

They walk back to Aaron’s room in silence, which he’s grateful for. He doesn’t want to explain what had just happened. Besides, he’s sure that Bellamy already understands; he’s always been able to read Aaron so well.

Aaron unlocks the door to his room, and they both step in. He immediately goes over to his bed and sits on the edge, his legs suddenly feeling weak. He glances over at Bellamy, who is hovering in the doorway and drumming his fingers against his legs.

As Aaron sits there, the space in his room starts to feel too big, too empty, and he’s struck by the fact that he doesn’t want to be alone. So he catches Bellamy’s eye, trying to gauge what he’s feeling before he opens his mouth.

“Would you…” Aaron pauses and licks his lips. “Could you…stay?”

Bellamy searches Aaron’s face, not saying anything, and in that moment Aaron realizes just how far away Bellamy has drifted from him in those five years they had been apart; if Aaron had asked him to stay before, Bellamy wouldn’t have hesitated a moment. But now he does, and it makes Aaron’s heart clench.

But after a few more moments of strained silence, Bellamy takes a small step forward, then another, and then he’s right at the edge of Aaron’s bed, moving past him and lying down on his back. Aaron glances at him briefly before scooting backwards on the bed and resting beside Bellamy.

They lie there in silence, and Aaron frantically tries to think of something to say. Bellamy agreeing to stay with him is a big step in them fixing things, and Aaron doesn’t want to let that opportunity slip away. He needs to say something. But he doesn’t know what.

He turns his head to look at Bellamy, who is staring up at the ceiling, and Aaron thinks he sees tears forming in his eyes. Instead of saying something, Aaron reaches out slowly, brushing his fingers over the back of Bellamy’s hand. He’s about to draw his hand back when Bellamy flinches at the contact, but then Bellamy is grabbing at Aaron’s hand, entwining their fingers and squeezing hard.

“Bell,” Aaron whispers, turning on his side so he can look at Bellamy better, “what are you thinking? Please talk to me.”

“I don’t know.” Bellamy says softly, and he lets out a quiet sigh and closes his eyes, but keeps his hand in Aaron’s.

Aaron uses this opportunity to get a closer look at Bellamy. He takes in the sharp cheekbones, the tension in his jaw, the shadows under his eyes, and the downward curve of his lips…he’s so different.

“Bellamy.” Aaron whispers his name and waits for Bellamy to open his eyes again. He slowly looks over at Aaron, his eyes blank. “What happened? When I was gone, something happened. What is it?” He holds his breath as Bellamy continues to look at him, and then he sighs again, his hand twitching in Aaron’s grip.

“When we first moved to the base in Hong Kong,” Bellamy starts, his voice hollow, “I thought I would look up my brother, try to find him and reconnect. But…but I found out that he died years ago, and I never knew.” Bellamy takes in a deep breath. “And…I don’t know, I was upset, and then…then I picked up my phone, to call you, because I…but then I remembered that you wouldn’t answer.”

“Bell…”

“And I just got so angry.” Bellamy murmurs, his eyes searching Aaron’s. “And I only got more and more upset as time passed. I was so mad at you Aaron, because I needed you, but you didn’t need me.”

“That’s not true.” Aaron scoots closer to Bellamy, squeezing his hand even tighter. “God, Bell, is that really what you thought? That I don’t need you?”

“Why else would you never call?” Bellamy asks, his voice breaking slightly.

“Bellamy, hey.” Aaron reaches his other hand out to rest against the side of Bellamy’s face, keeping him facing him. “I didn’t call you _because_ I need you. I…I know that sounds weird, but it’s true. I don’t know to explain to you why I left…I just, I thought it would help me move on. And to move on I thought I needed to leave everything, _everyone_ , behind. And I knew that if I called you or talked to you, or even just heard your voice, that you…” Aaron pauses and gives him a wobbly smile, “that I would want to come rushing right back.”

Bellamy makes a strangled sound in the back of his throat, and then he’s turning on his side and pulling Aaron closer, wrapping his free arm around him. Aaron lets out a shaky breath as he closes his eyes, remembering the last time that he had felt Bellamy against him like this, the day he had boarded the train and left five years ago.

“I’m so sorry.” Aaron whispers in the fabric of Bellamy’s shirt. “For leaving, but I was just trying to get better...you saw what happened today when all I did was _see_ a Jaeger. I’m trying, but I’m still not one hundred percent okay, I guess, but I’m sorry for making you feel alone, I’m so sorry, Bell.” He feels Bellamy pull him even closer as he shakes his head against Aaron’s shoulder.

“It’s…okay. Really. Since you’ve been back I’ve been thinking about how I wasn’t the one who was alone. I still had everyone here, I had Alex, but you…” Bellamy sighs against him, “you were alone. And I know that was your choice, but I also know now that what you did wasn’t easy. And…and Theo was right, you really are the bravest person in the world, Aaron.”

Aaron lets out a watery laugh at that, and presses his face against Bellamy’s shoulder. He’s not sure if he agrees with Bellamy about him being brave, but that’s not what matters. What matters is that Bellamy forgives him, what matters is that Bellamy is here with him, rubbing soothing circles onto his back as his chest presses against Aaron’s as they breathe in and out.

“So much changed since I left.” Aaron says after a moment, his lips curving into a smile. “Like you holding a grudge longer than Alexander, I never expected that.”

Bellamy snorts and pulls away from Aaron, smacking him lightly on the arm as he does. But Aaron just laughs, and feels a warmth spread through him when Bellamy smiles at him, looking a little bit more like his old self.

“Alex is more explosive than me.” Bellamy says. “He gets everything out in one go. I like to simmer, draw things out.” Bellamy traces the side of Aaron’s face with his fingers, making him shiver. “But I’m done being angry now. We’re okay. And I’m sorry for not letting you explain earlier.”

Aaron hums and leans into Bellamy’s touch, feeling his eyes starting to get heavier and heavier. He’s vaguely aware of Bellamy pulling him close again, but then he’s closing his eyes and he drifts off to sleep.

He wakes up at some point in the middle of the night, confused for a moment as to why there is a warm body pressed against his back, and a hand resting over his stomach. But then he hears Bellamy murmur something in his sleep, his breath ghosting over the side of Aaron’s neck.

Aaron blinks his eyes open slowly, and that’s when he sees Alexander, who must have snuck in at some point, curled up on a chair that he had scooted closer to the bed. Alexander shifts slightly in his sleep, his mouth hanging open and some of his hair falling in front of his face as he breathes, and Aaron feels a smile form on his face.

He looks down to see Alexander’s hand resting on the edge of the mattress, and Aaron reaches out and takes it in his own, giving it a small squeeze before letting his eyes close again. As he lies between Bellamy and Alexander, Aaron falls asleep faster than he has in a long time.

He feels safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sings* They made uuuuppppp!!!! Now the fun can begin ;)
> 
> The plot will continue to move along in the next chapter, where Aaron will attempt to find two co-pilots to drift with in a Jaeger. I wonder who they'll be ;) Sorry the introduction of Herc, John and Laf was so short, but I was trying to juggle a lot of people in this chapter. But they'll be back next time for a longer period.
> 
> Anyway, as always, thanks for reading! :) Kudos are appreciated and comments are loved!
> 
> Follow me on tumblr @ fanciful-follies if you want to!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy x

Soft breathing in his ear and gentle fingers skimming over his hip cause Aaron to jerk awake.

He slowly slips back into consciousness, and the first thing he registers is the feeling of Bellamy smiling against his neck. It’s a good feeling. Aaron opens his eyes, taking in Alexander’s sleeping form still in front of him, and he carefully removes his hand from his before turning over so he can see Bellamy.

“Good morning.” Bellamy murmurs, his hair sticking up in different directions as he smiles. Aaron feels his heart skip a beat at the sight. “You snore, by the way. Very loudly.”

“Do not.” Aaron shoots back quickly, but then he laughs; Sally used to tell him the same thing. “Sorry if I kept you up.”

“I actually slept really well.” Bellamy says, stretching his arms above his head and turning back to smirk at Aaron. “The snoring kind of lulled me to sleep. Might have to come back again tonight. When did Alex slip in?”

“Don’t know, he was there when I woke up in the middle of the night.”

“That’s kind of creepy. Just coming in, watching us sleep, talk about-

“Shut up.” Alexander mutters from his seat, his voice hoarse. “Wasn’t creepy. And you talk in your sleep, Jon.”

Aaron laughs when Bellamy grumbles under his breath. He sits up, rubbing at his eyes and groaning; he’s never been much of a morning person, but he feels more well rested than he has in a while. He hears Bellamy sit up behind him, and Alexander stands up, cursing as he rubs at his neck.

“Fucking hell, I’m never sleeping in a chair again. Should have just pushed Jon off the bed.”

Aaron snorts and stands up as well, smiling as he hears Alexander and Bellamy start bickering back and forth. It’s been so long since he’s woken up with other people in the room, and he’s missed it. He knows Bellamy was probably joking about coming back tonight, but Aaron hopes that he actually will. And Alexander.

“Food!” Alexander says suddenly from behind him, and Aaron rubs his eyes one more time before turning to look at him. “We should go grab some food." He clarifies. "There might even be coffee left if we’re lucky.”

Aaron’s stomach growls as Alexander speaks, and he presses a hand to it. He hadn’t even thought about food since he’s been here, but he realizes now that he hasn’t eaten since that last meal in Alaska before Washington found him.

“You two go.” Bellamy says as he stands up, stretching again. “I’m supposed to meet with some of the possible co-pilots for Aaron before the training.”

“The what?”

“Shit!” Alexander slaps a hand to his forehead and looks at Aaron with guilt in his eyes. “Sorry, that’s what I came to tell you last night; Washington wants you to do combat training today to test for drift compatibility with a group of candidates.”

“Oh.” Aaron shifts on his feet and rubs a spot on his shoulder absently. He can’t help but feel all of this is moving too fast. “I don’t…I mean, I haven’t trained in five years. I don’t really know if-“

“I tried telling Washington that.” Alexander interrupts with a wave of his hand. “But he told me that apparently it’s like riding a bike; you never forget.”

“I don’t know how to ride a bike.” Aaron says dryly, making Alexander and Bellamy laugh. But Aaron shakes his head and sighs, resigning himself to the fact that he probably doesn’t have a choice in this; what Washington wants, Washington gets.

“Well, I have to go.” Bellamy says, and he puts a hand on Aaron’s back briefly before stepping around him. “I’ll see you both later though.”

Aaron slips on his shoes before stepping out of his room with Alexander, following him down a couple of hallways as they walk towards the dining hall.

“How many candidates are there?” Aaron asks as they walk, trying to mentally prepare himself for training.

“Five.” Alexander says, turning to him with a smile. “All picked by me, so no need to worry. Washington put me in charge of going over all of your information in order to find people who I thought would be drift compatible with you.”

“Are you on the list?” Aaron asks quietly, noting the way Alexander’s shoulders tense at the question, but Aaron keeps going anyway. “I know you want to be a pilot, Alexander. I always saw you sneaking into the training rooms and I’m sure that didn’t stop after I left.”

“I’m not on the list.” Alexander says, his mouth forming a thin line. “Washington needs me outside of a Jaeger.” He says the words as if he has rehearsed them thousands of times. “The people I picked will be good though, you could drift with them, I’m positive.”

They walk the rest of the way in silence, and whenever Aaron glances over at Alexander, his jaw is tight and his eyes are dark, making it clear that his casual attitude about not being on the list is just an act. As they walk into the dining hall, grabbing trays and going to grab food, Aaron can’t stop himself from asking Alexander another question, one that he needs to know

“Hey…” He reaches out to touch Alexander’s shoulder. “But…when you were going over all my information and finding candidates, matching me up with people, did you qualify as one? Were you drift compatible with me?”

Alexander exhales slowly as he moves his eyes to Aaron’s, and he stares at him in silence, a variety of emotions swirling in his eyes. Finally, his lips curl into a smile and he shrugs.

“What do you think?”

Before Aaron can respond to the question, someone starts calling their names, and they both turn to see Laurens waving at them from the table he’s currently at.

“Aaron, Alex, come sit with us!” Herc yells at them from where he’s seated next to Laurens. Madison and Jefferson are also at the table, their dog curled up at their feet and licking the ground as he waits for scraps of food to drop on the floor. Aaron and Alexander walk over to them, Aaron eyeing Jefferson warily as the man smirks at both of them. He slides in next to Herc, and Alexander places his tray on the table beside Laurens.

“I’m afraid this is a pilots only table.” Jefferson drawls out before Alexander sits down, stretching out his legs so that they are resting on the seat Alexander was about to sit in. “Sorry, Hamilton.”

“Fuck off, Jefferson.” Laurens says, forcing his legs off the seat and gesturing for Alexander to sit down. “You’re such a dick sometimes.”

Jefferson just continues to smirk as Alexander sits down, and Aaron tears his eyes away from him to stare down at his tray, his stomach growling again; he really hadn’t realized how hungry he was.

“Where are the Schuylers?” Alexander asks around a mouthful of bread, and Laurens and Herc just laugh.

“Where do you think?” Herc asks, rolling his eyes. “Eliza is with Theodosia, Peggy is with Laf, and I’d bet all my money that Angelica is off arguing with Maria about something like a married couple.”

Aaron listens to them talk back and forth, focusing mainly on tearing a piece off of his roll and bringing it to his mouth; he can’t remember the last time he ate bread. After a few more moments, he becomes aware of someone staring at him, and when he looks up, Jefferson is looking at him.

“So, you’re going to run defense for me, huh?” Jefferson asks him, his eyebrows raised. He sighs loudly when Aaron just gives him a confused look. “You know, for the plan? To go for the breach? James and I are gonna have the bombs, everyone else is going to be our defense.”

“Well, I guess I am then.” Aaron says, really not wanting to get into anything with Jefferson.

“Is Washington working for the Kaiju now or something?” Jefferson asks with a laugh, looking around at everyone else, all of whom don’t laugh back. “I mean, you’ve been out of a Jaeger for _five years_. Putting you back in one is like putting a baby in one. What did you do those five years, anyway? Something important I’m sure.”

“I was in construction.”

“Oh yeah, that’s great, really useful.” Jefferson leans back in his seat and fixes Aaron with a hard look. “I’m sure that will be really helpful. If we ever need to build our way out of a fight, you’ll be our man.”

Aaron clenches his jaw but doesn’t say anything. He thinks he sees Madison put a hand on Jefferson’s leg in warning, but Jefferson shoves the hand off as he leans forward, eyes still on Aaron.

“You’re a liability, Burr.” He tells him softly, eyes flashing. “We’ve only got one shot at the breach. If you slow us down, I won’t hesitate to leave you behind as a snack for the Kaiju.” He stabs his fork into his food as he stands up, bending down to kiss Madison on the cheek before whistling for Luthor to follow him out of the dining hall. Once he’s gone, Madison turns to Aaron with an apologetic look.

“I’m sorry.” He says, sounding sincere. “Thomas is…he’s been through a lot, that’s where the anger comes from. But sometimes I don’t know if I should kiss him or kick him in the ass.”

“Well, with all due respect,” Herc says, looking at Madison, “I’m pretty sure we all know which one he needs.”

Alexander snorts into his drink, and Laurens thumps him hard on the back. Even Madison cracks a small smile as he stands up. He reaches out a hand to Aaron, his smile growing wider when Aaron accepts the handshake.

“I’m happy to have you on the team.” Madison tells him before releasing his hand and walking out of the same door Jefferson had exited moments earlier.

“They are probably the weirdest couple I’ve ever seen.” Alexander says as soon as Madison is out of earshot. “I don’t understand how Jefferson managed to swing such a chill dude like Madison.”

“That’s cause you’ve never seen Madison angry.” Herc tells him, waving his fork in the air. “I swear he’s probably killed a man before when he’s mad. Remember when Peggy and Laf played that prank on him by saying that they accidentally let Luthor out of the base and lost him? I’ve never seen someone’s face hold that much anger before in my life.”

“I forgot about that!” Laurens says, and then he looks over at Aaron to explain. “The man lifted Laf up by his shirt collar, and I swear he was about to throw him across the room but then Luthor came running into the room. So basically this is a warning to never piss Madison off. Sure Jefferson acts like he’s all tough, but Madison is the one to watch out for.”

Aaron raises his eyebrows but again, says nothing. He’s slowly realizing that being away for five years means he has a lot of catching up to do, especially in regards to all the other Jaeger pilots. If he’s doing to work with them, he needs to get to know them.

“When did you two join the program?” Aaron asks Herc and Laurens as he takes another bite of food.

“About three years ago.” Herc says, and Laurens nods beside him. “We knew each other before then, grew up in the same neighborhood, lost track of each other when everything first started up-”

“-but then we met up again and decided to go for it.” Laurens adds with a shrug. “We’d always had so much pent up energy as kids, so we figured-“

“- why not finally put that to good use?” Herc finishes with a laugh, and Aaron smiles at the way that they finish each other’s sentences. It’s common for that to happen between co-pilots, especially after they’ve been drifting together for a while. He used to do it with Sally all the time.

“Anyway, John and I gotta go.” Herc says, grabbing his and Laurens’ tray and standing up. “We have some of our own training today. Good luck finding your co-pilots man.” He thumps Aaron on the back before walking away, Laurens trailing after him with a small wave at Alexander and Aaron.

“You ready to go?” Alexander asks once they’re alone, and Aaron nods, already feeling his nerves start to build.

He tries to take in some calming breaths as they dispose of their trays and walk out of the dining hall. Alexander must sense his nerves, because he wraps his hand around Aaron’s arm and makes him stop.

“Hey.” His voice is soft, and he bites his lip as he studies Aaron’s face. “Are you…are you sure you’re ready? I…we never talked about what happened yesterday, when you saw the Jaeger. I just…I want to make sure you’re okay…”

“I’m…getting there.” Aaron says slowly, shrugging one of his shoulders. “I’m not _ready_ , but I’m ready to start getting ready. I’m just trying to go slow. So let’s just…let’s just see if I can still fight outside of a Jaeger before putting me back in one, okay?”

“Sure.” Alexander says, and then he grins at Aaron and squeezes his arm. “And I’ve seen you do combat training before, you’re going to be fine today.”

Aaron smiles to himself as Alexander starts to lead him to the training room, remembering that the first time he ever saw Alexander was during his combat training. He remembers how young Alexander looked, and how he had watched the recruits train with awe. He wonders if he’ll still look at him that way today.

Before entering the training room, they meet someone who hands Alexander a small bag, which Alexander then hands to Aaron, telling him it’s more comfortable clothing for him to fight him. Aaron walks into the room that Alexander points him towards, and changes into the sweatpants and t-shirt. Then, there’s a knock on the door and Aaron turns towards it to see Bellamy walking in.

“Hey.” He says, stepping closer to Aaron. “I thought you might be nervous, and that we could do some breathing exercises before you go in?”

“Yeah.” Aaron breathes out, nodding, thankful that Bellamy is here. “That’s a good idea, thank you.”

Bellamy leads him through the exercises, instructing him to breathe slowly out of his nose for a while before changing to doing a technique called straw breaths, and Aaron starts to feel his nerves drain away. But then Bellamy places his hand on Aaron’s chest like he always does to check his breathing, and Aaron feels his pulse start to quicken.

Aaron peeks up at Bellamy, his heart jumping when they make eye contact. Bellamy gives him a small smile, and Aaron can’t stop his eyes from dropping to Bellamy’s mouth, remembering that time five years ago when Bellamy had kissed him. That had been their only kiss, one that Aaron has replayed over and over in his mind, and he wonders if Bellamy thinks about it too. He keeps staring at Bellamy’s mouth, probably for too long of a time, but he doesn’t care. He’s missed Bellamy so much.

“Well,” Bellamy clears his throat and takes a step back, making Aaron look back up at him. “Good luck.” He gives Aaron’s hand a tiny squeeze before letting it go, taking another step back and turning to walk away.

“Wait!” Aaron blurts out, stuttering slightly on the word in his nervousness. He watches as Bellamy turns back to him, and he takes a deep breath before saying the next sentence. “I don’t get a good luck kiss this time?”

Bellamy stares at Aaron with parted lips, his eyes widening a fraction of an inch, and Aaron swallows, already starting to regret the words. But then Bellamy takes a small step towards him, his head tilting slightly as his eyes roam over Aaron’s face. Then he takes another step, and another, and then he’s right in front of Aaron.

Aaron feels his stomach flutter as Bellamy places a hand on his shoulder, and he goes to duck his head, but Bellamy’s other hand reaches out and lifts his chin. Aaron blinks up at him, his heart racing and hands shaking. He has just enough time to watch a small smile form on Bellamy’s face before he’s leaning in even more.

Aaron closes his eyes as Bellamy presses his lips to his own, and it’s a soft kiss, feather light, but something sparks inside of Aaron at the contact. He surges into the kiss, moving his hands up to cup Bellamy’s face to bring them closer together, eager to feel his lips pushing harder against his own. He feels Bellamy gasp against his mouth, and then his hands are on Aaron’s waist, gripping him tightly.

Aaron breathes in deeply through his nose as their mouths start to move against each other, this kiss turning more heated, Bellamy’s breath ghosting over Aaron’s face. Bellamy bites at his lower lip, and Aaron inhales sharply, surprised. Bellamy smiles and then he repeats the movement, and Aaron feels a growl rip from the back of his throat. He walks forward, pushing Bellamy back until he’s crowding him against one of the walls.

He connects their mouths again and lets his tongue slide over Bellamy’s lips, coaxing his mouth open and swallowing the resulting moan. Their tongues curl around each other and Aaron feels himself go lightheaded, his knees almost buckling when Bellamy’s hands slip under the hem of his shirt, nails digging into his skin.

Aaron pulls back to take a breath, but then moves quickly back in, needing to feel Bellamy against him. He presses his body to him, trying to get as close as possible as Bellamy’s lips continue to feel so good against his own. Aaron takes his lip between his teeth as he pulls back again, and he feels Bellamy shiver. Still wanting more, _needing_ more, Aaron moves his lips to Bellamy’s neck, mouthing down it and letting his teeth scrape over the skin.

“Fuck.” Bellamy gasps, one of his hands going to the back of Aaron’s neck as he continues.

He tilts Bellamy’s head, kissing the area under his jaw before letting his teeth trail over the same spot. Bellamy tilts his head back even further, and Aaron starts to nip at the exposed skin, suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling of wanting to leave a mark on it.

Bellamy hisses, his hips jerking forward as Aaron starts to suck a spot onto him, and Aaron has to remind himself to breathe when he feels Bellamy brush against him. He runs his tongue over the bruise blossoming on Bellamy’s neck before returning his lips to Bellamy’s, kissing him deeply. Bellamy’s arms curl around Aaron’s neck, and Aaron immediately drops his hands so they are resting against Bellamy’s hips. He’s about to push his hands under Bellamy’s shirt, desperate to feel more of him, but the sound someone clearing their throat makes them jump apart.

Aaron turns his head, his face growing warm when he sees Washington standing there staring at them with a faint look of amusement on his face. Aaron tries to pull away, but Bellamy keeps his arms hooked around his neck and lets out a small laugh that only Aaron can hear.

“Sorry to interrupt, “ Washington says, “but we’re ready for you now, Mr. Burr.”

“R-right.” Aaron stammers, and when he pulls away again, Bellamy lets him go, a smile still playing on his lips as they both follow Washington.

Aaron steps into the room and watches Bellamy walk over to the side to join Washington and Alexander, who is already there with a clipboard in his hands. Alexander gives him a smile, and then peers over at Bellamy curiously, watching as the other man rubs at his neck and blushes. Aaron feels his face heat up again when Bellamy looks at him, but he moves his eyes over to the group of candidates who are lined up on the other side of the room.

“Okay,” Alexander says, making Aaron turn back to him, “we’ll start off with Aaron just fighting one on one with the candidates, and once we find one person who is compatible, we’ll throw a third person into the mix. Here’s your hanbō.”

Aaron catches the stick that Alexander tosses at him, twirling it a few times before turning to face the first candidate who has stepped forward onto the mat. Aaron takes a deep breath, noting with slight amusement that his nerves have almost disappeared since Bellamy kissed him. Aaron crouches down, trying to find his balance, and then waits.

He doesn’t need to wait long; the man comes right at Aaron with aggressive strokes, no finesse, no attempt to feint or draw Aaron towards him. Aaron blocks each blow with ease, frowning as the man continues his furious onslaught. Him not trying to learn Aaron’s technique or movements means he doesn’t respect Aaron, which means Aaron doesn’t want anything to do with him. So Aaron pivots and hits the man on the back of his knee, smirking as he falls down.

The man gets up and comes at him, but Aaron sets him down again quickly with a firm swipe at his ankle. All of his previous training is coming back to Aaron in waves, and he feels his confidence growing with each strike. Finally, he knocks the man down for the fifth time, signaling the end to their fight.

The second candidate takes her time, coming at Aaron more slowly and trying to get a sense of how she can provoke Aaron into attacking first. Aaron steps to his right, watching as she shifts her weight to anticipate an attack from that side, but then Aaron switches the hanbō to his left hand and pokes her sharply in the ribs. Once she recovers, she manages to land a hit on the upper part of his right arm, but Aaron quickly retaliates with a jab at her shoulder. They go back and forth for a while, but Aaron eventually ends the fight with five points to her three.

Aaron goes up against three more candidates, all of them varying in degrees of skill, but he manages to get five hits in with all of them, and his body is starting to ache from the continuous movements. After the last candidate picks themselves up from the ground, Aaron exhales and straightens up so he can look at Washington.

“What now?” He asks, watching as Washington considers what to do next, his brows furrowed as he runs a hand over his chin. Then, he turns, his eyes landing on Bellamy.

“Mr. Bellamy,” he starts, and Bellamy looks at Washington in confusion, “you trained to be a Jaeger pilot a few years ago, correct?”

“I…” Bellamy licks his lips and looks quickly over at Aaron. “Yes, sir. I got up to the Jaeger simulation portion of training but never got to go into an actual Jaeger due to the program losing funding.”

Aaron feels his eyebrows fly up when he sees Washington hand Bellamy a hanbō, gesturing for him to join Aaron out on the mat. Bellamy hesitates, but then toes his shoes off, accepting the hanbō and walking slowly over to stand in front of Aaron.

“You gonna fight me, Bell?” Aaron murmurs when he’s close enough, feeling his lips curve up into a smirk. He feels his body vibrating in anticipation. He never thought that this would happen, but now that it is, he can’t help but think it makes perfect sense.

“Don’t be nervous.” Bellamy murmurs back, his eyes shining with excitement. “I’ll go easy on you I pr-“

Before he can finish the sentence, Aaron springs forward and taps Bellamy on the shoulder, earning himself a point. Bellamy stands there for a moment and then laughs, rolling his shoulders and starting to circle around Aaron.

They begin to fight, and Bellamy's style is slow and careful, mirroring Aaron’s own in certain aspects. Bellamy moves as if in slow motion, and his eyes are focused, taking in every one of Aaron’s movements. He’s cautious in where and how he steps, but he strikes out suddenly when Aaron isn’t expecting it, effectively taking him by surprise a few times.

They quickly fall into a rhythm. Every strike of Bellamy’s, Aaron starts to see coming. Together, they cover every inch of the mats, their hanbōs snapping against each other. Every one of their falls becomes a rolling spring into a defensive posture, and every parry becomes a strike. They flow, and Aaron almost feels a strange sense of calm fall over him as he continues to move back and forth with Bellamy.

“Enough!”

Aaron and Bellamy both lower their hanbōs at Washington’s shout, smiling at each other and breathing heavily as they turn at the same time to look over at Washington, who is nodding slowly.

“Good.” He tells them. “You two will work well together. We’ll have to come up with another list of candidates to go up against you two. Alexander, do you have anyone in mind? Alexander?”

Aaron moves his eyes to Alexander, who is staring at Bellamy and Aaron with his jaw hanging open slightly, and Aaron can see something burning in his eyes. It takes Aaron a moment to place the emotion, but then it hits him. It’s something he used to see reflected in Sally’s eyes, one that he was sure that people used to see on him all the time; a desire to prove oneself.

“Sir,” Aaron hears himself saying before he can think, “why doesn’t Alexander try?”

“No.” Washington responds at once, ignoring the excited look that Alexander gives him at Aaron’s words. “Only trained candidates can-“

“I am trained!” Alexander says breathlessly, moving to stand in front of Washington. “I am! I’ve recorded my scores, and I have them to prove it! Sir, you know I can do this, I-“

“I said no, Alexander.” Washington repeats firmly, and he tries to place a hand on Alexander’s shoulder, but Alexander steps away, his jaw tight.

“You promised!” He says to Washington. His voice is so quiet that Aaron almost misses the words, but he sees the way that Washington’s shoulders sag. “You told me I could try, for my family, you _promised_.”

Aaron glances over at Bellamy, who is watching Alexander with sad eyes, like he knows what the words mean. When Aaron turns back to Washington, he’s surprised to see him handing Alexander a hanbō, but his eyes are still hesitant.

“Go.” Washington finally says, and Alexander grabs the hanbō before kicking his shoes off and walking over to Aaron and Bellamy, his eyes wide as they flick between the two of them. They all take a step backwards at the same time, forming a triangle with Aaron at the top. Aaron feels himself smiling as he takes in a deep breath, bending his knees into a fighting position once again as Alexander raises his hanbō

He quickly learns that Alexander’s fighting style is different than Bellamy’s and his; he’s fast, whirling around the two of them with what Aaron can only describe as impossible speed. He strikes out at them often, probably too often to be effective, but it keeps Aaron and Bellamy on their toes, making them work harder to block.

After what could be seconds, minutes, or even hours, Aaron feels exhilarated, his body thrumming with adrenaline as all three of them continue to trade blows back and forth. They move with ease around each other, with something close to grace, like they are dancing instead of fighting.

It’s clear that the three of them are drift compatible; Aaron can feel a connection flowing between them, a connection that feels like sparks are running through his body, a connection that makes him feel alive.

“Enough!” Washington’s voice booms out again, and Aaron freezes. He stares at Bellamy and Alexander, both of them looking back at him with bright eyes, their chests heaving with the quick breaths they are taking in. “I’ve seen enough.”

“So have I.” Aaron says, turning to look at Washington. “These are my co-pilots, Bellamy and Alexander.” He watches as Washington looks at the three of them with a thoughtful gaze, but then he gives a short shake of his head.

“Bellamy will be one of your co-pilots, not Alexander. He isn’t ready.”

“But I-“ Alexander cuts off at the firm look Washington gives him and hangs his head, but Aaron isn’t ready to give up so easily.

“That’s bullshit!” Aaron spits out, and he feels Bellamy move closer to him, a warning to stay quiet, but Aaron ignores him. “You saw how well we moved together, you know Alexander is ready!”

“Son, listen, you-“

“No, _you_ listen! You spew all this crap about using every resource you can, you pull me back in here when you know I didn’t want to, you make everyone else give everything they have to this cause, but you won’t give anything yourself!”

“Aaron, just stop.” Alexander’s voice is soft, but Aaron ignores him too, feeling so much pent up anger just spilling out from him.

“I used to look up to you.” Aaron tells Washington coldly. “Had an action figure of you and everything. But you’re such a joke. You ask everyone to make sacrifices and won’t make any of your own.”

“That’s enough, Mr. Burr.” Washington says, already turning away from him. “I’ve made my decision. You and Mr. Bellamy will make your way to the Jaeger tomorrow and meet your other co-pilot there tomorrow. We will do a drift test to see if you will work well together. Dismissed.”

Aaron gives Washington one last disgusted look before turning on his heel and walking out of the room, hearing Bellamy and Alexander following closely behind. The moment they are alone in the hallway, Aaron spins to look at the two of them, excitement at finding two drift partners still running through him.

“You guys felt it didn’t you?” He asks them in a rush. “The connection?”

“Yes.” Bellamy answers softly, and Alexander gives a wordless nod, but his eyes are on the ground. Aaron reaches out to grab his hand.

“Alexander, you have to convince Washington to let you be our co-pilot. It has to be you.” Aaron squeezes his hand, but Alexander just gives another small shake of his head. “Alexander, you don’t have to obey him.”

“It’s not obedience, Aaron.” Alexander whispers, his gaze going to Aaron, and his eyes are filling with tears. “It’s respect.” He gives Aaron a small, sad smile and then removes his hand as he takes a step back, turning around and walking in the opposite direction. Aaron means to follow him, but Bellamy takes the hand that Alexander had been holding previously and pulls Aaron back.

“Let him go.” Bellamy tells him, giving Aaron’s hand a tug, leading him away. “Come on, let’s go. Come on, Aaron.”

Aaron lets Bellamy lead him down the hallway, his thoughts still swirling with how strange it had felt to feel his mind and body connect with someone else’s. He never thought that he could feel that close to someone again, let alone two people, after losing Sally. He hadn’t expected it to feel so _right_.

“You felt it, didn’t you?” Aaron asks as soon as they enter his room and the door closes behind them. “I’m not the only one who sees that three of us are drift compatible, right? I don’t know why I didn’t think about it before, it makes complete sense! We’re always so in sync.”

Bellamy doesn’t say anything in response, just watches Aaron walk around the room with amused eyes. Aaron paces for a minute or two, trying to figure out what to do. They need Alexander. It _has_ to be him.

“We have to convince Washington to pick Alexander.” Aaron blurts out a moment later, turning to fix his eyes on Bellamy. “No one else could drift with us, it has to be Alexander. I never thought I could drift again but it felt so right with you two and I think-“ He cuts off when Bellamy walks over to him in long strides, backing him against the wall with his hands bracketing Aaron’s head. He leans in close and smiles.

“I think,” he whispers, “that you talk too much.” Then his mouth is on Aaron’s, and Aaron is more than happy to not talk for the time being, or for the rest of his life, as long as Bellamy keeps kissing him like he is.

His lips are relentless against Aaron’s, stealing his breath away with each movement, and when Bellamy finally moves his lips to his jaw, Aaron’s breathing is coming in short pants. Bellamy trails wet kisses down his jaw and to his neck, making Aaron squirm in pleasure.

He can’t help but think that he could have been doing this with Bellamy for five years if he hadn’t left. Five, glorious years. But then Aaron thinks about how close Bellamy and Alexander got in those five years, and as Bellamy nips softly at the underside of his jaw, another thought pops into Aaron’s head, one that makes his pulse jump. When Bellamy pulls back to catch his breath, Aaron looks up at him.

“Have you…you know,” Aaron gestures between his and Bellamy’s lips, “done this with someone else? With….” He trails off and Bellamy raises his eyebrows. “Like…you and Alexander, have you two kissed?” He says that last work in a rush, and feels his face grow warm when Bellamy smirks at him.

“Why are you asking?” He murmurs, eyes dark. “You want to know what it’s like? You want me to tell you about it?”

Aaron opens his mouth and then closes it, not sure if he should confess that yes, he does want to know. But Bellamy seems to know the answer, because he lets out a soft chuckle before moving in and pressing his lips to Aaron’s gently.

“I have kissed him.” Bellamy whispers, moving his mouth to hover over Aaron’s ear. “I’ve kissed him a lot, each time better than the last.” He bites down on Aaron’s earlobe, and Aaron can’t stop the soft moan that escapes him. “Alex kisses just like you’d imagine, frantic, desperate, and God, the things he can do with his tongue…”

Aaron whimpers when Bellamy bites down on his neck gently, slightly embarrassed at how much this is turning him on.

“You would like it.” Bellamy tells him matter-of-factly, looking at Aaron again. He kisses the corner of his mouth. “The way he kisses like he can’t get enough, the way his hands move over your skin, the quiet sounds he makes…you’d love it.” He huffs out a small laugh against Aaron’s cheek. “And we both know how much _he’d_ like to kiss _you._ ”

They both laugh at that, and Aaron leans forward with a small groan to rest his head on Bellamy’s shoulder. The thought of kissing Alexander makes Aaron smile, and the thought of kissing Alexander _and_ Bellamy makes his heart pound in the perfect way.

Bellamy pulls him away from the wall so he can wrap his arms around his waist, and Aaron takes a deep breath. He hadn’t realized how much he missed Bellamy and Alexander until now, and after today’s events, he doesn’t want to be away from them ever again. The connection between them had been so strong, it had filled Aaron's head, his entire body, and he wants to feel it again.

“Just so you know,” Bellamy starts after a few moments, and Aaron lifts his head to look up to see him smiling, “you were my first kiss.”

“You were mine too.” Aaron responds, grinning at the memory. “It was a good first kiss.”

“It was.” Bellamy agrees, and he rests his forehead against Aaron’s. “And hey, everything will work out. Alex can be very persuasive. And it’s not like if he isn’t our co-pilot we can’t see him, or…” Bellamy trails off and Aaron laughs softly.

“Or what?” He teases. "What will we still be able to do with him?" Aaron gets his answer when Bellamy leans down to capture his lips again.

They kiss slowly this time, discovering what the other likes, what makes their breath catch. Aaron hums contentedly, wrapping his arms around Bellamy’s neck, his mind already starting to imagine what it will be like to actually drift with Bellamy tomorrow, to go inside his mind, to connect with him entirely.

Aaron had always thought that he would hate being connected with someone who wasn’t Sally, that it would never be the same, but he feels good. The idea of drifting with Bellamy, and hopefully with Alexander, makes Aaron feel excited.

He feels happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY KIIISSSEEDDD. Can you feel the hamburramy coming? Cause it's coming. Soon.
> 
> Also this has over 100 kudos now and this is just so amazing, so thank you very very much for taking the time to read this :) I hope you all continue to enjoy it! Things are gonna get real crazy soon (get ready for that angst to make a come back)
> 
> See ya next Saturday! :D (or come talk to me on tumblr @ fanciful-follies)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear these chapters just keep getting longer and longer...
> 
> Enjoy! x

The next day comes quickly, and Aaron finds that he is thrumming with energy as soon as he wakes up.

There are nerves there too, it would be strange if there weren’t, but Aaron is surprised by the amount excitement he feels at the upcoming drift test he’ll be doing with Bellamy and his second co-pilot later today. He hasn’t felt this excited in a long time.

He knows it won’t be the same as drifting with Sally, that nothing can replace the bond that they had; and he doesn’t _want_ that bond to be replaced. But he’s desperate for the silence in his head to be filled again, and he couldn’t be more thankful that one of the people filling that space is Bellamy.

He had spent the night with Aaron again, and they had fallen asleep in a similar fashion as the last time; legs entwined and arms around each other. The only difference was that Aaron drifted off to sleep with his lips feeling slightly swollen due to the amount of kissing they had done. But he isn’t complaining. Not at all.

The memory of Bellamy’s lips on his makes Aaron smile as he walks to the dining hall, his growling stomach reminding him to get breakfast. Bellamy had left earlier that morning, talking about a brief meeting he needed to go to with Washington, so Aaron walked into the dining hall alone, grabbing a tray and filling it with food.

He spots Eliza, Theodosia, and Theo sitting at one of the tables and makes his way over to them. They all smile at him as he sits, and Theo jumps up immediately and goes to sit next to him.

“Hi Aaron!” She chirps, adjusting the straps of the backpack she’s wearing. “Are you excited for today? Mom is going to let me watch!”

“I am excited.” Aaron tells her with a smile. “Have you ever seen a drift before?”

“Uh huh.” Theo nods proudly. “And Eliza has told me what they feel like. I want to do it one day, and be a pilot, like you.”

Aaron gives her another smile, his eyes going to Theodosia briefly, who is watching her daughter with a concerned look. Aaron feels Theo straighten up next to him, and he looks back at her to see her staring at something behind him

“Mom! It’s Luthor.” She stands up and looks over at Theodosia. “Can I go pet him? Please?”

“Of course.” Theodosia says, and she laughs when Theo runs off at full speed towards Luthor, who is obediently sitting at Jefferson’s feet as he places his own tray of food on a table.

Aaron watches as Theo bends down to pet Luthor, her mouth moving rapidly with words they can’t hear. A feeling of surprise shoots through Aaron when he sees Jefferson laugh and ruffle the curls on Theo’s head before motioning for her to sit down with him.

“Surprising, right?” Eliza says, and Aaron turns to look at her. “Thomas does have a heart somewhere in there.”

Theodosia nudges Eliza with a snort and Aaron smiles, glancing back at Jefferson briefly before turning back to his tray of food. He isn’t completely surprised to see a soft side of Jefferson emerge; no one is completely evil. The guy just has some deep-rooted issues, ones that Aaron doesn’t appreciate being on the receiving end of.

“She’s wanted to be a pilot for so long.” Theodosia says softly, and Aaron looks up at her. “This world is all she’s ever known, you know? She doesn’t know that there are other things she can do. I don’t have the heart to tell her that it’s never going to happen, her being a pilot.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” Theodosia looks at Aaron and gives him a tired smile, “either we’ll blow up the breach in the next couple of weeks, or we won’t. And if Angelica’s predictions are correct, we’ll be seeing four Kaiju at once soon.” She shrugs and looks down at the table. “And we all know that we won’t be able to handle that, not for long, anyway.”

She falls silent after that, and Aaron watches as Eliza takes Theodosia’s hand in hers and gives it a small squeeze. Aaron thinks about what Theodosia said, taking in the meaning. He hadn’t really thought about what would happen if they failed to destroy the breach. But Theodosia is right, and no matter what happens, Theo will never be a pilot. Either because there is no longer a need for pilots to protect everyone, or because there won’t be a world left to protect.

Aaron glances over at Theo, who is still talking with Jefferson, and feels his heart clench. Suddenly, something like desire fills him, or a sense duty to get back in a Jaeger. He’ll give his all to make sure that Theo won’t have to be a pilot because the Kaiju are gone forever, because the world is safe. He turns back to Theodosia and Eliza, whose hands are still entwined, and feels himself smile.

“So….” He starts, and he waves his fork at them, “what’s the story with you two? How did this happen?” He laughs when Eliza ducks her head and blushes. “Come on, give me the details.”

“It’s really not that exciting…” Theodosia says, but she rolls her eyes when Aaron continues to stare at her. “After Revelation got destroyed, Eliza, Peggy, and Angelica needed time to recover, and we started talking. That’s it.”

“I might have taken a little more time than was actually necessary to recover.” Eliza says with a wink at Theodosia before turning to Aaron. “I started showing up at her work station every day with the excuse of being bored. I would watch her plan attack styles and watch her oversee all the drifts and battles…it really didn’t take long for me to develop a big crush.”

“And of course I was oblivious at first.” Theodosia says, and Eliza laughs. “I just thought she was trying to annoy me.”

“It took me sitting in her lap for her to finally realize what I was trying to do.”

“How do you know that wasn’t just me _wanting_ you to sit in my lap?” Theodosia asks Eliza, and then they both laugh and lean forward, kissing each other softly.

Aaron smiles and looks away, his eyes landing on Theo who is trotting back over to them. She reaches the table and starts to bounce up and down, excitement in her eyes.

“Mom! Don’t we have to go soon?”

“Yes.” Theodosia stands up, pulling Eliza with her and looking down at Aaron. “We’re going to walk you over to the Jaeger, get you into your drivesuit and everything. Are you ready?”

Aaron nods and gets to his feet as well, taking a moment to search his mind to try and figure out how he is feeling. It feels as if there are more nerves inside him now, but he gives his head a small shake and lets Theodosia and Eliza lead him from the dining hall, Theo following closely behind.

They reach a room with a wall of drivesuits, and Aaron goes through the suiting procedure from memory, with Theodosia helping every now and then. But it’s all coming back to him almost instantly – though nothing has really changed that much; the biggest difference is that the drivesuits are black now, and much sleeker than the old ones.

“You’re all set.” Theodosia tells him, handing him his helmet. She gives him a reassuring smile as he takes the helmet from her, but there are even more nerves starting to build in his stomach, and he suddenly feels like running and never looking back.

“Thanks.” Aaron breathes out, giving her a tight smile. _You can do this_ , he tells himself, but the urge to run is still inside him. He closes his eyes for a moment, trying to calm his mind, and when he reopens them, Theo is looking up at him with something clutched in her hand. Aaron can’t see right away, but she shoves it towards him.

“Your action figure!” Theo explains as she continues to hold it out. “You didn’t look like you believed me when I told you I had it, so I figured that I would bring it so you could see. It looks like you, doesn’t it?”

Aaron stares down at the action figure for a moment before taking it and moving it closer to his face so he can inspect it. It does look like him, although there is a confident smirk on his face that he hasn’t felt on his real one for a long time, but the action figure does have a likeness.

“Take five years off of me now, and we’re basically identical.” Aaron tells Theo as he gives it back to her. He watches as Theo grins at him before unzipping the backpack she’s carrying and putting the action figure back inside. Then she pauses, looking up at Aaron again before pulling something else out.

“I have this one too,” she says softly, extending her hand, “you can have it, if you want.”

As Aaron wraps his hand around the other action figure, he doesn’t even have to look down at it to know who it’s going to be. But he lets his eyes drop anyway, taking in the face of Sally’s action figure and feeling a painful tug on his heart. The figure is wearing her signature smile, and her eyes have a kind light to them that makes Aaron feel like it’s really her, staring at him. He almost expects to hear her voice.

“You should keep it.” Aaron tells Theo after a moment, looking over to see her staring up at him intently. “Don’t want to ruin your collection. I know how long it can take to get them all. Besides, me and Sally should stay together, don’t you think?”

Theo takes the action figure back from him with a small nod, still staring at him and biting her lip. Finally, she smiles up at him.

“I’ll take good care of it.” She says, sounding very serious. “I promise.”

Without really planning to, Aaron reaches out and pulls Theo into a hug, and he finds himself blinking back tears.

“Thank you.” He murmurs, stepping back and giving Theo a shaky smile, which she returns as Theodosia steps forward and places a hand on her shoulder.

“You ready?” She asks Aaron, and when he nods, she motions for him to step up onto the lift that will carry him up to the Jaeger.

When Aaron steps into the Conn-Pod, he suddenly feels like the past five years were an illusion, like they never even happened. He feels like he never left. He takes in the holographic console in front of him and notes in his mind how similar everything looks. He takes in a deep breath and feels some of his old confidence coming back, and it surprises him; He hasn’t forgotten how to be a pilot, he can do this.

Being in a Jaeger is where he belongs.

“Hey, handsome.”

Aaron turns at the voice and chuckles when he sees Bellamy leaning against the wall of the Conn-Pod and smirking. He pushes away from the wall and does a small spin, holding out his arms so Aaron can get a good look at him in the drivesuit.

“What do you think?”

“You look good.” Aaron says. And he does. Really good…really _really_ good.

“Alright you two.” Theodosia’s voice crackles through the comms. “Enough flirting. We have business to do.”

“Where’s our third pilot?” Aaron asks as he moves to the right side while Bellamy takes the spot in the middle, where he will control the third arm. “Or are we somehow doing this with only two?”

“Patience.” Theodosia chides him with a small laugh. “They just got in, should be up in a few minutes. You should be pretty happy with who they chose.”

“Maybe it’s Luthor.” Bellamy says, trying to keep his face serious, but then he snorts and Aaron starts to laugh as well, his shoulders shaking. But then Bellamy’s eyes go to something behind Aaron, and a grin lights up his face. Aaron turns to see what it is, and his heart jumps a little in his chest.

It’s Alexander, dressed in a drivesuit with a helmet tucked under his arm.

“Well,” Alexander says, looking nervous, excited, and serious all at once, “aren’t you going to say something?”

“What’s the point?” Aaron asks once he gets over his initial shock. “In a few minutes, you’re going to be inside my head.” He looks between Bellamy and Alexander. “We’re going to know more about each other than we probably care to.”

Alexander chuckles and goes to stand next to Bellamy on the left side of the Jaeger. Aaron tracks his movements, his heart still pounding in his chest. He had hoped it would be Alexander, and now that he’s here, Aaron’s excitement is growing even more.

“So any secrets we have, I’m guessing we should just say them now?” Bellamy asks with a grin. “I mean, if we’re all going to be in each other’s heads soon…”

“That’s true.” Aaron says with a loud laugh. “Now is the time to confess any secrets.” He laughs again, Bellamy joining in, but Alexander turns to Aaron with a serious look, his eyes bright.

“Well then, I guess I should finally do this.”

Aaron watches, frozen to the spot, as Alexander shoves his helmet at Bellamy and then strides over to him, determination clear in every line of his face. Aaron only has the smallest moment to take in a deep breath, and then Alexander’s hands are on his shoulders a beat before his lips press against Aaron’s.

Aaron hears the sound of his own helmet clattering to the floor as he immediately pulls Alexander closer, chasing the feeling of his lips, never wanting to lose that feeling. His mind wanders to what Bellamy had said about Alexander’s kissing, and he thinks that Bellamy was wrong; this is so much better than what he had described.

Alexander’s lips are soft, but each movement of them against Aaron’s sets his skin on fire. His breath hitches when Alexander’s hands move to his neck, making contact with his skin and making them both moan softly into each other’s mouths.

Then their tongues are sliding together, and Aaron suddenly wishes that they weren’t wearing drivesuits, that he could feel more of Alexander’s skin on his. He’s almost considering taking his off when Alexander pulls away, opening his eyes slowly and looking up at Aaron with parted lips.

They breathe heavily as they look at each other, both of them speechless, and Aaron can’t stop himself from reaching out and tucking a stray strand of hair behind Alexander’s ear, watching as the other man tilts his head to follow Aaron’s touch.

Bellamy’s small laugh breaks them from their daze, and Aaron looks over Alexander’s shoulder to see Bellamy smiling at them, and Aaron feels a smile spread across his own face in response.

Alexander turns back to Bellamy, standing on his tiptoes to press a kiss to his lips as well before taking his helmet from him and going back to his side of the Jaeger. He pulls his helmet on, but Aaron still catches a glimpse of the smirk on his face.

Aaron bends down to retrieve his helmet and slots it on, hearing a series of clicks and pings as the helmet’s systems activated and interfaced with the neural feeds coming out of his suit. Then Theodosia’s voice reaches them again.

“Okay, boys. Lock yourselves in so we can do the drop.”

“You guys feeling ready?” Aaron asks as he goes back to his motion rig and secures himself on it.

“I’ve done practice drifts before.” Alexander reminds him, but Aaron shakes his head.

“That was a simulation, this is the real thing. It’s going to be different, more intense. Your entire life will rush through your brain in seconds.”

“I can handle my memories.”

“Alexander,” Aaron says his name seriously, and both Alexander and Bellamy look over at him. “These aren’t just your memories, you’ll have mine and Bell’s too.”

They both stare back at Aaron, taking in his words, but before they can respond the Conn-Pod is dropping down a vertical shaft, the interior vibrating with the speed. Aaron peers back over at Bellamy who has his eyes closed, but he must feel Aaron staring, because he cracks an eye open and gives him an embarrassed look.

“I’m scared of heights.” He says, his voice small.

Aaron almost laughs, since they are literally inside a gigantic robot, but then the Conn-Pod unit decelerates and lowers onto the neck of the Jaeger. And then it comes online. A hologram of Theodosia and her work station appears in front of them, and Aaron can see Washington, Jefferson, and Madison all standing there as well.

“Alright, boys. You all locked in?” Theodosia asks.

“We’re ready to go.” Aaron answers, his pulse starting to quicken.

“Okay. All we’re doing today is the neural handshake; we’re going to make sure that the drift holds, have you life the Jaeger’s arms a few times, and then that’s it. Nothing too big just yet.”

“Shouldn’t we test out the leg movements?” Alexander asks, and Aaron can hear the excitement in his voice.

“Baby steps.” Theodosia responds with a laugh. “We have a few days before the next expected attack, we want to make sure everything is going to run smoothly before we send you out there.”

Aaron closes his eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath. He feels more ready to drift than he thought he would, but some of the nerves are still there.

“Wanna do more breathing exercises like last time?” Bellamy asks him with an innocent sound to his voice, and Aaron opens his eyes and snorts, not missing the meaning behind Bellamy’s words.

“Maybe afterwards.” He shoots back, turning his head to smile at Bellamy who gives him a lopsided grin.

“Ok pay attention you three.” Theodosia tells them, her voice sounding more serious. “I know you know about all of the basics for drifting; keep your mind blank, stay calm, and don’t chase the Rabbits.”

“Rabbits?” Bellamy asks, the confusion clear in his voice.

“Random Access Brain Impulse Triggers if you want the technical term.” Theodosia explains. “Memories will be swirling through your head, memories that aren’t always yours, and sometimes the temptation to lock onto one will happen, but let that go, let the memories keep going, stay in the Drift. Okay? Here we go.”

Theodosia counts down from ten, and Aaron takes a deep breath at three, and closes his eyes at one. Then the memories start to flow.

He sees him and Sally playing together as children, sees a young Bellamy sitting on the lap of a man who must be his father, taking his glasses and putting them on his own face, the both of them laughing. Then he sees a young Alexander being chased by his mother around his house, sees him laughing wildly when his mother catches him and begins to tickle his sides.

More and more memories flow through him, and Aaron starts to feel the connection between the three of them grow and build. He feels Alexander and Bellamy’s emotions inside of him, feels his mind open to allow two more people inside. There’s a moment where Aaron thinks that he can even feel Alexander and Bellamy’s hearts beating in time with his.

It’s been so long since he has felt another person inside his mind, and he’s never experienced two people at once. It’s overwhelming, to say the least, but it’s Alexander and Bellamy. Aaron already felt close to them before this, but now that every memory and every emotion they have ever felt are rushing through him, Aaron knows that all three of them are connected in a way that they never will be with anyone else.

The memories continue to flow through the mental link, ones of when all three of them are older. There are so many memories of Sally, and Aaron clenches his jaw as her face crosses through his mind.

“Steady.” Theodosia’s voice says calmly. “Don’t latch onto the memories, keep your mind blank.”

Aaron opens his eyes for a moment and glances over at Bellamy and Alexander, but then he freezes, his heart racing and his blood going cold.

He doesn’t see Bellamy and Alexander, he sees Sally.

Sally is looking back at him, eyes wide with fear, and in the next second Knifehead tears through their Jaeger. Then she’s being torn from it and Aaron can’t look away, reliving the memory and feeling as though it is really happening again. But now he can feel Bellamy and Alexander’s fear along with his own, and he knows that they are seeing this with him. He has to get out of the memory, he’s going to ruin the drift.

“You’re starting to fall out of alignment!” Theodosia yells at them. “Calm down. Focus.”

“I’m sorry.” Aaron gasps out, closing his eyes and trying to let go. “I got this, I’m sorry. Just give me a second…” He feels himself jolt back to his body, but then there’s another feeling of fear tearing from him and he opens his eyes.

Sally is gone, but now there is a ruined cityscape in front of him instead. Crushed cars litter the streets, and at first Aaron thinks that it’s snowing, but then he realizes ash is falling from the sky. A siren is blaring, and Aaron recognizes the sound. It’s a sound that used to fill his nightmares; a Kaiju siren.

He knows that this is Alexander or Bellamy’s memory now, but he’s not sure which. He can’t hear Theodosia’s voice anymore, and knows that they must be far out of alignment. He blinks and looks down, noting that he is standing in an alleyway, and that he can actually walk around.

Then he sees it; the Kaiju is rearing back over a building. It roars and crushes the building with a sweep of its arm, propelling a cloud of dust into the air. A scream suddenly tears through the air, and Aaron spins to see a young boy standing behind him, and he can tell that it’s Alexander.

Alexander turns and runs away from the Kaiju, weaving in and out of cars, rubble, and silent forms that lie in the street. Aaron follows, not sure of what else to do. They run for a short distance, but Aaron knows that the Kaiju will catch up to them.

And it does.

The Kaiju steps in front of them, and the sound of its footfalls makes the earth shake. Alexander screams again, and tries to keep running, but Aaron knows it’s useless, and Alexander must realize this too because he leans against the wall of a building and breathes heavily.

When the Kaiju comes closer, Alexander raises a hand in both fear and defense, like he can stop the Kaiju with the gesture. The fear is clear in his eyes, and Aaron looks around, hoping to see that someone will come, that someone will be there for Alexander. But the streets are empty.

“Alexander.” Aaron says, knowing that the boy can’t hear him but wanting to calm him down. “It’s okay.” He is about to say more but then the sound of a helicopter reaches his ears, and he looks up to see a helicopter flying through the air, and hanging from it is a Jaeger.

Alexander looks up at it in awe before moving away from the wall and ducking into another small alley. Aaron follows, not wanting to lose sight of Alexander. Once they’re in the alley, it only takes moments for the Kaiju’s large, clawed hand to reach into it, searching for Alexander. But then something jerks it away and out of sight.

There is the sound of metal footsteps connecting with the ground, and then the Kaiju roars and the ground shakes even more. A car goes flying across the street, and Aaron watches as Alexander slowly makes his way to the mouth of the alley, his curiosity clearly getting the better of him.

Him and Aaron both peer around the alley, and have a clear view of the Jaeger and the Kaiju fighting with each other. The two of them sprawl into buildings as they continue to trade blows. The Jaeger places an effective punch the Kaiju, and as the monster reels back, the robot’s arm shoots out and its hand starts to glow, a sign that its plasma cannon is loading.

But the Kaiju springs back and knocks the Jaeger into a building, causing more dust to cloud the air and a sound of crumbling metal to ring out. There is the sound of another roar, but then a single flash lights the street. There’s a brief moment of silence, and then Aaron can make out the figure of the Kaiju falling, and it hits the ground with a thunderous noise that causes Alexander to tumble to the ground as well.

Aaron watches as Alexander picks himself off the street and cranes his head up, eyes still on the Jaeger. Aaron looks as well, and watches as the Jaeger falls down on its knees, giving them a clear view of the head; half of it has been torn away, one of its pilots along with it. Then, through the hole that has been created, the remaining pilot climbs out.

Curious, Aaron continues to watch as the pilot struggles to remove their helmet. Then, when their face is finally revealed, Aaron feels a jolt of surprise run through him.

It’s Washington.

Alexander struggles to his feet, his face tracked with tearstains, and he continues to look at Washington with growing awe. Aaron looks between the two of them and notices the way Washington looks at Alexander with pity, and suddenly everything clicks into place in Aaron's head; Washington must have adopted Alexander after this.

Washington smiles at Alexander and takes a step towards the boy, but then the scene suddenly becomes foggy, and in the next moment, Aaron is back in his own mind, the darkness of the Conn-Pod surrounding him once again.

He hears the yells and cries of the workers who had been watching the drift attempt and registers in the back of his mind that something must have happened, something bad. But then Aaron looks to his left, and sees Alexander slumped in his motion rig, and his chest is heaving with quick, unsteady breaths.

Aaron quickly unhooks himself from his own motion rig, throwing his helmet off as he makes his way over to Alexander. He unhooks him and catches his weight as he immediately falls, his breathing still coming too fast.

Aaron sits down, cradling Alexander in his arms as Bellamy joins them, crouching beside Aaron and taking one of Alexander’s hands in his. It only takes on moment of eye contact for Aaron to know that Bellamy had seen everything that he had.

“Alexander, it’s okay.” Aaron murmurs, trying to get Alexander’s eyes to focus on him. “It’s okay, you’re okay. It was just a memory.”

Alexander lets out a small sob, and Aaron holds him closer, not knowing what else to do. He feels his own heart racing as more yells continue to surround them. Then something like shame builds in him.

They had failed.

-

The story of their failure quickly makes its way around the entire base in the next few hours.

Soon, every single person knows what happened. Everyone knows how they quickly fell out of alignment, and that while Alexander had been trapped in his memory, he had lifted his arm, causing their Jaeger to lift its arm as well. All of the intense feelings Alexander was experiencing while reliving the memory had caused the plasma cannon to load, and it had almost released, which would have killed many people inside the base.

Luckily, Theodosia and Eliza had found a way to take Revelation offline quickly, saving everyone. But not quick enough to save their reputation.

When Aaron had carried Alexander out of the Conn-Pod, Bellamy next to them, Washington had fixed them with a stern, disappointed look while Jefferson smirked at them from behind Washington’s back.

And now they are in Washington’s office, all three of them staring at their own feet as Washington paces in front of them. Finally, he sighs loudly.

“I must take some responsibility for what happened today.” He tells them softly. “I knew Alexander wasn’t ready, but I let him go anyway, against my better judgement.” At those words, Aaron feels Alexander stiffen beside him.

“Sir,” Aaron starts quietly, “it wasn’t Alexander’s fault. I fell out of alignment first, and it threw him off. It was his first time and-“

“That is no excuse.” Washington interrupts as he holds up a hand. “Second chances don’t happen often in a time like this. There should not have been any mistakes, first time or not.”

They stare up at Washington as he looks at each of them individually. His eyes linger on Alexander, who is staring at him imploringly. But then Washington straightens up, pushing his shoulders back.

“Alexander will no longer be a pilot.” Washington says, his voice void of any emotions. “He brings too many unchecked emotions into the drift. You and Mr. Bellamy will remain, and we will put you with another candidate. That is all. You may leave.” He turns away from them, a clear dismissal.

Bellamy walks out of the room with Alexander following, his head hung and his eyes watery. But Aaron stays, looking back at Washington who is still not facing him.

“Sir, you know this isn’t the right thing to do.”

“Mr. Burr, it is time for you to let me decide what the right thing to do is. Alexander is not ready to-“

“That’s not true!” Aaron says, and he sees the way Washington’s shoulders tense, but he keeps going. “He is ready! Sir, I saw the memory, I know what he means to you! You raised him, you were like a father to him, you’re scared to lose him, you’re letting that get in the way of-“

“Enough!” Washington’s shout rings out in the room, and he slowly turns around to face Aaron, his face tight. “I will not be lectured by you, Mr. Burr. You do not know me, even if you think that after one memory you do. Now leave. We will not discuss this any further.”

Aaron scowls but spins on his heel, heading for the door. When he places his hand on the doorknob, he turns one more time.

“I used to look up to you, you know.” Aaron says, watching as Washington looks at him. “I used to have an action figure of you and everything. It was the best gift when I got it. But it was all just one big joke, wasn’t it? You’re not the person I thought you were.” And with that, he opens the door and slams it behind him.

Bellamy and Alexander are waiting there for him when he exits. Bellamy has an arm around Alexander’s waist, who is now looking a little more like his usual self, his eyes not so watery.

“Hey.” Aaron murmurs, doing his best to smile and feeling his heart jump when Alexander responds in kind. Then he sighs and looks around, taking in the few people walking around, all of them staring with judgmental looks. “Want to go back to my room?”

Bellamy and Alexander both nod, also looking at the people who keep glaring at them. All three of them walk down the hallways in silence, lost in their own thoughts, but Aaron can still hear the whispers that follow them as they pass people on their way to his room.

It’s clear that they have disappointed more people than just Washington.

Aaron quickly unlocks his door and steps in, closing it once Alexander and Bellamy follow. Then he sinks to the ground with his back against the door, closing his eyes for a moment as Alexander and Bellamy sit on either side of him.

“I’m sorry.” Alexander whispers into the room, and Aaron sighs as he leans his head back against the wall.

“It was my fault.” Aaron tells him. “I shouldn’t have lost control. I latched onto the memory…I wasn’t ready to see it and I just…I’m sorry.”

“I felt it.” Alexander says, his voice still soft. “All of your fear, I felt it. And then I just…” He gestures vaguely with his hand, his eyes getting brighter and more unfocused as his mind goes back to his own memory that had been filled with fear.

“You’ve told me the story about the attack.” Bellamy says, his eyes on Alexander. “I never thought it would be so…”

“Awful?” Alexander supplies with a short laugh, and his eyes go to Aaron. “It was one of the earlier attacks.” He explains. “Jaegers had only been in existence for about a year or so. We were in Tokyo, trying to get some medical treatment for my mother…she was sick. Then the Kaiju came and...and well in her state there was no way she could run. She told me to leave, and I did. I just left her.”

“Alexander-“

“Must run in the family though.” Alexander says as if Aaron hadn’t spoken. His eyes suddenly have a crazed look to them. “My dad had taken off just a few weeks earlier. We didn’t know where he went, but he was gone. Obviously didn’t care about us.”

“I’m sorry.” Aaron whispers, but Alexander just shakes his head.

“Afterwards I thought he must have died in an attack or something.” He laughs and then grimaces. “But I looked him up a few years back, he’s still alive. Living in New York. Hasn’t tried to find me though.”

“I’m…I’m sorry.” Aaron says again, not sure of what else to say, but Alexander just shrugs. Then Aaron's mind goes back to Washington stepping out of the Jaeger, and the way Alexander had stared at him in awe. “The Jaeger…” He starts slowly, and Alexander looks at him with an eyebrow raised. “That’s the attack where Washington piloted it alone, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Alexander says with a nod. “His co-pilot died during the attack, when the Kaiju slammed them back into the building right before the cannon blast.” He sighs and shakes his head. “It was his wife, Martha.”

Shame burns in Aaron at the words, recalling what he had said to Washington not even an hour ago. He’d been so stupid to think that Washington hadn’t lost people, hadn’t sacrificed anything. His reluctance to let Alexander be a pilot makes more sense now; Alexander is all he has left.

“Well, it wasn’t a completely awful day.” Bellamy says after a few moments of silence, and Alexander and Aaron both turn to look at him with skeptical looks. Bellamy stares back with a tentative smile. “I mean...before all of that…well…you guys felt it, right?”

Aaron hesitates a moment, but then he nods, and Bellamy’s face lights up.

“Yeah.” Aaron says, smiling at the two of them. “Before everything…the drift was strong. It felt good…it felt…”

“Right.” Alexander and Bellamy finish at the same time, and Aaron can’t stop the small chuckle that leaves him. Because they’re right; the drift had felt almost perfect.

“And of course other great things happened too.” Alexander says, and when Aaron looks at him, he’s shifting closer, a mischievous smile on his face. “Right? Didn’t you enjoy something else about today, Aaron?”

When Alexander’s eyes drop to his mouth, Aaron feels his face heat up, but his lips curve into a smile and he quickly closes the gap between him and Alexander, letting their lips press against each other.

Alexander’s tongue immediately coaxes his lips apart, but Aaron isn’t complaining. He brings a hand to Alexander’s face, pulling him closer and angling his head so the kiss can deepen. He lets his tongue slide against Alexander’s in a similar way to what they had done in the Jaeger, but a spark still runs through him at the contact.

Aaron is so lost in the kiss that he doesn’t hear Bellamy move, but then there is a hand on his shoulder, and Aaron breaks away from Alexander to look over at Bellamy, who is now kneeling in front of them. He stares at them with dark eyes, and then he is leaning in to take Alexander’s place, kissing Aaron roughly but tenderly at the same time.

Aaron’s mouth falls open when Bellamy nips at his lower lip, a soft sigh escaping him. Bellamy pulls away far too soon, and Aaron is about to complain but then Bellamy pulls Alexander into a kiss, and suddenly speaking is very difficult.

He watches as Bellamy and Alexander’s lips move against each other, almost growing lightheaded when Alexander lets out a breathy moan. Then Aaron can’t take it anymore, and he leans forward to press his lips to the corner of Alexander’s mouth, groaning when he feels both Bellamy and Alexander’s lips against his.

Then Bellamy is moving again, attaching his lips to Aaron’s neck as him and Alexander continue to kiss. The kiss is almost desperate, all of them trying to chase away the events of the day, but there is more to it as well, a relief, a sense of joy.

All three of them pull away at the same time, breathing heavily but smiling. Bellamy moves back to Aaron’s other side, and Aaron lets his head drop onto his shoulder. He feels Alexander shift on the ground and then he’s putting his head in Aaron’s lap as he makes a content noise. Aaron wraps an arm around him and closes his eyes as Bellamy’s arm goes around his shoulders.

The three of them sit there in silence, not saying anything. But Aaron registers somewhere in the back of his mind that he doesn’t _feel_ silent. After Sally had died, Aaron had started to feel silence; it felt like being under water, mixed with a strange numbness. But now there is a buzzing in the back of his mind, and an energy that flows through him.

“Do you feel it?” He whispers, and he feels Alexander nod against his thigh as Bellamy hums an affirmative. Aaron smiles and pushes his face further into Bellamy’s shoulder. They hadn’t failed. They had drifted together.

The silence is gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like so much happened in this chapter, but I hope you guys liked it! :D
> 
> This is the last saturday before I go back to college. I'm going to do my best to keep updates coming every saturday, but there are probably going to be some instances where the update will come out a little later.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading, kudos and comments are appreciated dearly and loved greatly.
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr @ fanciful-follies if you want to! :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy! x
> 
> (Read the end notes for update news)

Over the next few days, the buzzing that had started in Aaron’s head after the drift remains strong.

Sometimes he even lies awake at night, listening and feeling the fullness that is inside his mind now. He had barely even drifted with Alexander and Bellamy, the actual connection had been so short, but he still feels like he can sense their presence in his head. There are even myths that Jaeger pilot’s can read each other’s minds while _outside_ of a Jaeger. Aaron never believed it before, but now, well, he’s starting to think there may be some truth to that.

Him, Alexander, and Bellamy start to spend even more time together than before, if that’s possible. There is a literal pull now that makes them want to be together, one that must have resulted from the drift, and Aaron knows because of that, no one else will be able to take Alexander’s place. It’s too late. But Washington still doesn’t understand that.

He refuses to give Alexander a second chance, saying that he brings too much emotion into the drift, too much anger that he can’t control. Aaron wants to argue, but each time they meet with Washington, Alexander only proves him right by snapping out and leaving the room in an angry huff.

Alexander is the one out of the three of them that seems to be the most affected by everything that happened. He blames himself, and the whispers and stares of everyone in the base make him walk around with his shoulders hunched, and his head bowed.

His anger slowly turns to guilt and shame, and a few days after the drift attempt, Alexander is more silent than Aaron has ever known him to be. Aaron and Bellamy try to talk to him, try to tell him that it’s okay, but Alexander just shrugs them off and goes back to staring off into space. And in all honesty, Aaron is starting to understand why people are so upset. What happened _hadn’t_ been okay.

It had been a day of hope for people, but now everyone on the base feels let down, and maybe even worse, feels worried that no one will be able to pilot the three-armed Jaeger. People feel worried that the Kaiju will over power them, that the Kaiju will win the war. People blame them.

Jefferson takes every opportunity he can to sneer at them or make a comment about their failure. Madison just looks on with sympathy but Aaron can also see the judgment in his eyes. Eliza and Peggy try to cheer them up, but sometimes it even seems like they are let down. Herc and Laurens always invite them all to eat in the dining hall, but the stares and the whispers are the strongest there, so after a few attempts, Aaron, Bellamy and Alexander take to eating in their rooms.

Feeling like they no longer belong with the group of other pilots, they also find themselves spending more time with Maria and Angelica in the science lab. It seems to be the only place where there is no judgement, and listening to Maria and Angelica bicker back and forth takes Aaron out of his own worries, which is a welcome feeling.

All three of them had decided to bring their food to the lab one night instead of their rooms. Aaron is seated next to Bellamy on the ground, watching as Maria mumbles to herself as she works. Alexander is sprawled out on one of the chairs, moodily picking at his food at appearing to be lost in his thoughts.

“You still trying to drift with a Kaiju?” Bellamy asks Maria, breaking the silence that had fallen over the lab.

“She better not be.” Angelica snaps out before Maria can respond. “Washington ordered that all efforts should be focused on predicting the next Kaiju attacks and on the plan for the breach.”

“Oh, you’re no fun.” Maria says, waving a part of a Kaiju in Angelica’s general direction.

“No Kaiju entrails on my side of the room, Maria. I told you!”

“I told you!” Maria mocks, rolling her eyes and turning back to Bellamy. “To answer your question, no, I’m technically not trying to drift with a Kaiju any more. Even though the idea is a good one and makes sense because we need to know more about th-“

“Well, Washington said no.” Alexander cuts in from where he’s sitting, his voice hollow. “And no one disobeys Washington.”

Aaron and Bellamy share a look, both of them knowing that Alexander is thinking about Washington’s decision to take away Alexander’s pilot title. It had been his dream for so long, and it had been taken away from him so fast.

“Well Washington needs to learn that there are other opinions than his own.” Maria says, rolling up her sleeves as she inspects more of the Kaiju remains in front of her. “I do have six doctorates in Kaiju science after all.”

“Did you always want to be a scientist?” Aaron asks her, genuinely curious, and Maria laughs and shakes her head.

“No, I wanted to be a rock star when I was a kid.”

“A rock star?” Angelica asks from her side of the room, and Aaron sees her watching Maria with an amused look.

“Don’t laugh, I actually have a good voice. Maybe I’ll sing for you later.”

Bellamy nudges Aaron with his shoulder and nods over at Angelica, who Aaron sees is smiling, her eyes dropping to the papers in front of her when Maria throws a wink in her direction. Aaron chuckles and hears Bellamy laugh beside him as well. It’s clear that under all of the bickering, there is also an element of flirting going on between Angelica and Maria.

“Anyway,” Maria continues, “being a rock star obviously isn’t a very good career choice with how things are right now. But when I was a kid I also really loved sci-fi movies and monsters and all that. I mean,” She looks over at Aaron and winces, “I’m not saying that Kaiju are great or anything, I know I come off that way, but I’m not a Kaiju fangirl, ok?”

“I know.” Aaron tells her, smiling at the nervousness on Maria’s face. “Really, I get it. The concept of monsters is cool.”

“Right. Cause I mean...they are kind of cool! It’s just, whenever I watched all those sci-fi movies, I loved watching the scientists figure out how to defeat the monsters, you know? And now _I_ get to do that.”

“ _We_ get to do that.” Angelica corrects her, sighing as she pushes her chair away from the desk. “We get to save the world, but only if we stick with the plan. So no Kaiju drifting!”

“Party pooper.” Maria mumbles.

Aaron agrees silently in his head. He respects Angelica’s work, and doesn’t think she’s wrong, but he still thinks that Maria could be on to something. There could be something important they don’t know about the Kaiju that is important for their plan.

“Angelica’s right.” Alexander says, saying the opposite of what Aaron is thinking. “The drift is too tricky…too dangerous, and we can’t afford to waste time or lose anymore people.” He kicks his foot at the ground, his expression going dark. “When people mess up around here there aren’t any second chances.”

“Alexander…” Aaron trails off when Alexander looks over at him, his eyes sharp and angry. Before Aaron can say anything else, Alexander stands up suddenly and exits the room, the door banging shut behind him. Aaron starts to stand up, meaning to follow him, but Bellamy grabs his elbow and pulls him back down.

“Just leave him.” He murmurs, his voice soft and his eyes also on the door. “You can’t reason with Alex when he’s like this. When he’s angry he’s…he’s difficult. You just have to wait for him to calm down, and then he’ll come to you when he’s ready.”

Aaron wants to argue, but he knows Bellamy is right. But even though he’s usually good at waiting, Aaron is impatient to get Alexander back. He has been distant, and Aaron misses him.

“What’s so dangerous about drifting with a Kaiju?” Aaron asks, curious to the answer but also wanting to distract himself from thinking about Alexander. “I mean, we drift with other humans which has complications, so why is a Kaiju any different?”

“Because we don’t know anything about it!” Angelica says like it’s the most obvious answer. “Years of research, years of trial and error went into getting humans to drift with each other. We can’t just jump right in and try drifting with a monster that is constantly evolving. We don’t know how to even start!”

“But…” Bellamy trails off, a thoughtful look in his eye, and then he shrugs. “Don’t you have to start somewhere?”

“I prefer to have proof to back me up before I jump into something.”

“Please.” Maria snorts. “You wouldn’t do it even if we had mathematical proof that it would work. But I would.” Maria looks over and Angelica and gives her a smug look which makes Angelica roll her eyes.

“Then you’re much braver than me, is that what you want to hear?” Angelica sighs and then stands up, heading for the door. She pauses before exiting. “Maria, you’re a great scientist, but doing this could kill you. So…” She pauses again. “So just don’t do it.”

Maria stares at the door after it closes behind Angelica, chewing at her bottom lip. Aaron stares at the door as well, wondering why everyone is so against trying to find out more about the Kaiju. Washington is basically asking them to go for the breach blind, with no idea of what waits for them there. That in itself is a risk. A risk that Aaron doesn’t want to take.

He knows there is a good chance that he could die during the mission, and Aaron had been able to distance himself from that fact for a little while, but it’s been getting harder and harder. He has become close with Herc and Laurens, has become even closer with Bellamy, and has always been close with Peggy and Eliza. The idea of any of them dying is too much for Aaron to think about. He refuses to go for the breach without knowing everything he can.

“So,” Aaron says after a brief pause, “if you were to…hypothetically…drift with a Kaiju, how would you do it?”

“The basics of the Pons system is pretty simple.” Maria says with a shrug. “You need an interface on each end, so neuro signals from the two brains can reach the central bridge. You need a processor capable of organizing and merging the two sets of signals, and you need an output so the data generated by the drift can be recorded, monitored and analyzed.”

“Right, sounds simple.” Bellamy says jokingly, but Maria doesn’t seem to notice his sarcasm.

“It really is! And I already have enough fiber optic and fluid core cabling to get the bandwidth I need, and I have leads and copper contact pins. All I would need is a processor and a spare monitor.”

“And how would one go about getting those?” Aaron asks, leaning his elbows onto the table. He can feel Bellamy looking at him, but he keeps his eyes on Maria, who is turning to him slowly, her eyes narrowed. “You know…hypothetically.”

“Yeah…” Bellamy says, and Aaron looks over to see him smiling, apparently catching on to what Aaron is trying to do. “Hypothetically…is there somewhere on the base where one could find the objects you need?”

“Are you guys…” Maria pauses, but then she breaks out into a wide grin, her eyes lighting up, also catching on. “It would be easy for anyone on the base to scavenge bits of junk equipment from the storage rooms behind the Jaeger repair bays. You know Alexander and Lafayette have been restoring Jaegers, so there are a lot of parts that have been disposed of that I’m sure no one would miss if they were taken. Hypothetically of course.”

Aaron and Bellamy wear matching smiles as they nod, and Maria chuckles and shakes her head, but Aaron can still see the excitement in her eyes. He watches as she grabs a piece of paper and begins to draw an assortment of shapes and lines before handing it over to him.

“That one,” she points to the drawing on the left, “is what the processor looks like. The other is the monitor I need.”

“Should be easy to spot.” Bellamy says, looking over Aaron’s shoulder. “And you’re sure you’ll be able to do it?”

“Positive.”

“But are you sure you want to?” Aaron asks, fixing Maria with a hard stare. “Washington will be mad…or something could happen.”

“I'll be fine.” Maria says confidently. “And I love proving people wrong even more than I love being right, I’m not worried.”

“Well you’re not the one who will be snooping around.” Bellamy says with a laugh. “Of course you’re not worried.” But he tugs at Aaron’s shirt, leading him over to the door to the lab.

“You both are pilots!” Maria calls after them. “Bravest people in the world, right? You’ll be fine.”

Aaron snorts as him and Bellamy walk out of the room. Once they’re in the hallway, Bellamy turns to look at him, his face more serious.

“So…we’re really doing this?”

“I think we should.” Aaron responds slowly. “I just…I feel like there is more we need to know about the Kaiju. And Maria sounds like she knows what she’s doing. But you don’t have to.” Aaron adds quickly. “I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

“I’m not leaving one of my boyfriends to snoop around and be a rebel all on his own.” Bellamy points out, and Aaron smiles at the word ‘boyfriend’ and feels his heart jump. He stands up on his tiptoes and presses his lips to Bellamy’s in a short kiss.

“I’ve always wanted to be a spy.” Aaron murmurs as he rocks back on his heels, and Bellamy laughs.

“Well then, let’s go be spies.”

-

Aaron and Bellamy check two storage rooms with no success. But to be fair, Aaron isn’t focused entirely, since every time they turn a corner, Bellamy always dramatically rolls on the ground, springing up and making finger guns at Aaron in what must be his impression of a spy.

“You are such a dork.” Aaron laughs, and Bellamy just winks at him as he unlocks another storage room door. They’re about to walk in when they hear footsteps approaching quickly.

“Hey guys!” Herc’s voice rings out, and Aaron and Bellamy turn to see him and Laurens walking over to them. “What’re you up to?”

“Uh…” Bellamy trails off and looks over at Aaron, at a loss for what to tell them.

“We’re just…exploring.” Aaron says, and Laurens gives him a weird look. “I haven’t gotten a chance to see a lot of the base, so Bellamy is showing me around.”

“Right.” Herc says slowly, a smile tugging at his lips. “And what’s that?” He nods at the paper in Aaron’s hand, and before Aaron can make something up, Laurens steps forward and takes it from him.

“Are these Jaeger parts?” Laurens asks, tiling his head as he looks at the drawings.

“Uhm, no?” Bellamy tries, but Herc and Laurens stare at the two of them with a knowing look, and Bellamy’s shoulders sag. “Yes.”

“You’re helping Maria.” Herc says, and his smile grows even wider. “You should have told us!”

“What?” Aaron asks in surprise. “You want to help?”

“I told you that drifting with a Kaiju would be cool!” Laurens says, and he laughs at Aaron’s surprised face. “We’re totally down with helping you guys out, since you obviously need it. So come on, let’s find these parts.”

Herc and Laurens turn and start walking, and Bellamy and Aaron follow them after a brief pause.

“Since we’re close with Lafayette,” Herc says over his shoulder, “we have a better of idea of where the spare parts you need are. There’s a key that only Laf has, but I’m sure he won’t mind us getting into the room anyway.”

“And by he won’t mind,” Laurens says, “we mean that he won’t know.” Him and Herc laugh, and Aaron and Bellamy continue to follow them down a series of hallways until they reach a door with a large lock on it.

“Are you really going to just break in?” Aaron asks, worried that all of this is going to get everyone in trouble. “You guys really don’t have to-“

“Calm down, Burr.” Laurens says with a roll of his eyes. “We’re not worried about getting in trouble. Washington needs us, he won’t be able to do anything.”

“Plus there is something really satisfying about breaking the rules.” Herc adds with a smile. “And hey,” he looks over at Aaron and Bellamy as he searches his pocket for something, “we just want you guys to know that we have your backs. And Alexander’s.”

Aaron nods, feeling a sudden rush of affection for these two people. He watches as Herc picks the lock with ease, high fiving Laurens once the door swings open. They go into the small closet and rummage around until they find the parts they need, and they’re about to walk out when they hear voices getting nearer to them.

“Shit.” Herc mumbles, and he pulls Laurens further back before leaning forward and closing the closet door, engulfing all of them in darkness as they wait for the voices to pass.

“Herc.” Laurens’s voice whispers. “Get your hand off my ass.”

“My hand is not anywhere near your ass.”

“Sorry, Laurens.” Bellamy’s voice says meekly. “ I thought you were Aaron.”

Aaron feels his face heat up as Herc and Laurens start to laugh, the sound muffled as if they have their hands over their mouths. Aaron feels Bellamy step closer to him, brushing their arms together before interlacing their fingers.

“Y’all are adorable.” Laurens whispers once he regains control. “Maybe I’ll audition to be your third pilot.”

“Yeah.” Herc agrees. “Then maybe I can get me a co-pilot that is as good looking as Burr.”

“What! Herc. I’ve been in your head I know you-“

“And you know I’m not kidding.” Herc says seriously, and Aaron has to bite his lip to keep from laughing. “Been stuck with you for years. I need a change.”

There’s the sound of someone punching someone else, and by the loud _“ow”_ that rings out, Aaron is able to discern that Laurens had hit Herc. They start to bicker back and forth quietly but then Bellamy shushes them.

“I think whoever was out there is gone.” He whispers, and then he opens the door a crack before nodding and stepping out. Everyone else follows him, and Herc hands Aaron the processor he had found.

“Looks like you guys are good to go, then.”

Aaron is about to thank them when the sound of someone clearing their throat makes him spin around. There is a man standing there, a lab coat on as he looks at all of them suspiciously.             

“Hey, man.” Herc says casually, stepping over and slapping a hand on the guy’s shoulder. “We were just getting something for Laf. You know how he gets so busy sometimes that he can’t even leave his desk.”

Aaron sees Herc’s other hand behind his back, gesturing for him and Bellamy to walk away while he’s distracting this guy.

“Yeah.” Laurens says with a laugh, maybe only sounding forced to Aaron. “Remember that one time we all thought he had run away, but we found him sleeping under his desk?”

Whatever the man’s response is, Aaron and Bellamy don’t hear it. They quickly make their way back down the hallway, clutching the processor and the monitor to their chests as they do their best to walk fast but not look too suspicious. They reach the lab and open the door to slip inside.

“You got it!” Maria says in excitement as soon as the door closes. She rushes over to them to take the materials. “Oh man. These are good.”

“So you’ll be able to do it?” Bellamy asks, and Maria nods.

“Oh yeah. Definitely. I already have most of it built, so I just need to connect these to it and then bam!” She grins at them. “I’ll be drifting with a Kaiju! You guys are really the best for grabbing these for me. I owe you.”

“You got those for her?”

Aaron and Bellamy spin around at the sound of Alexander’s voice, and sure enough, he is standing in the doorway, a look of disappointment and betrayal flashing across his face.

“Alex…” Bellamy starts, but Alexander makes an angry noise, clearly not interested in hearing their explanation.

“You guys know the risks of this.” He says angrily, pointing at Aaron and Bellamy. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“Let’s take this outside.” Aaron says softly, glancing back at Maria, who gives him an appreciative look before beginning to fiddle around with the materials they had brought her. “Come on.”

He steps out into the hall with Alexander and Bellamy and starts to walk, figuring that they should go back to his room if Alexander is about to yell at them.

“Seriously, though.” Alexander says, still sounding angry. “You guys know Washington said no to Maria drifting with a Kaiju. And now I’m roped into it and could get into even more trouble and-“

“It was a necessary thing to do, Alexander.” Aaron says shortly. “I’m sorry you don’t understand that, and I’m sorry we didn’t tell you. But I knew you wouldn’t like it and-“

“But you did it anyway? What the hell? Were you even thinking about what all of this could do?”

“Of course we were!” Aaron snaps out, throwing his hands in the air and stopping to face Alexander. “That’s why we did it! Maria is positive that there is something going on with the Kaiju that we don’t understand, and if we are going to send all of our pilots down to that breach, then we need to be sure what we are up against! Don’t you understand that if we go down there and fail, we’re dead? Not just me and Bellamy, not just Herc and John and the other pilots, but _everyone!_ We have to know what we’re up against before we risk everything.”

Alexander’s mouth had opened in the middle of Aaron’s speech like he was going to interrupt, but now it just hangs open as he looks at Aaron. Eventually, he closes it with a snap and hunches his shoulders.

“You still should have told me.” He mumbles out a moment later, his eyes on the ground. “I don’t like that you didn’t tell me.”

“It’s not like you’ve been very communicative lately.” Bellamy says softly, and Alexander lifts his head up to look at him. “You always do this, get into your own head and push everyone away or just shout at them when they try to help. Makes it kind of hard for us to tell you things.”

“I…” Alexander swallows a few times. “Sorry. I just…everyone is mad at me…I thought you two might be as well, so I…”

“Alexander, you’re…” Aaron sighs and shakes his head, reaching out to take Alexander’s hand. “You’re our boyfriend, Alexander, we care about you.”

Alexander makes a small, strangled sound in the back of his throat before stepping forward to press his lips to Aaron’s. The kiss is soft, and Aaron tries to put as much emotion into it as he can. Then Alexander takes a small step back, beckoning Bellamy over so he can kiss him quickly as well.

Then the three of them stand there, breathing in and out together in the silence. A sniffle breaks that silence, and Aaron turns to see a few tears slipping down Alexander’s cheek, so he reaches a hand out to brush them away.

“What a touching scene.” A familiar drawl says, and all three of them turn to see Jefferson leaning against one of the walls, a smirk on his face. “All three of the biggest disappointments to ever step on this base crying together. Precious.”

“What do you want, Jefferson?” Aaron asks, really not wanting to get into anything with the man.

“There are a lot of things I want.” He responds with a shrug, pushing himself off of the wall and walking closer. “I want a hot bath, I want some chocolate, I want this war to end, and I want pilots who won’t get me killed to be backing me up when we go for the breach. But as the saying goes, you can’t always get what you want, right?” He takes another step closer. “Although I suppose we’re all lucky that we found out in advance that Hamilton is perhaps the worst pilot in history, even worse than Burr.”

“Fuck off, Jefferson.” Bellamy snaps out, his eyes flashing, but Jefferson only laughs as Aaron reaches out to put a hand on Bellamy’s shoulder.

“Who know you had such a bite, Bellamy?” Jefferson says, and then he smirks as he looks at Aaron and Alexander. “You two should keep your bitch on a leash.”

Aaron isn’t sure who moves first, him or Alexander, but their fists collide with Jefferson’s face at almost the exact same time.

Jefferson stumbles back, a stunned look on his face as he brings a hand up to touch at his now split lip. Then he drops his hand and takes a step towards Alexander, a snarl on his face, but Aaron steps between them and grabs Jefferson’s fist when he tries to throw a punch.

“Apologize.” Aaron tells Jefferson calmly, but the other man just laughs and wrenches his arm back before connecting his other fist with Aaron’s face, catching him off guard.

Aaron recovers quickly, his combat training kicking in, and he jams the heel of his hand under Jefferson’s chin, his head snapping back. Before Aaron can get closer, Alexander steps forward and kicks at the back of Jefferson’s knees, sending the man tumbling to the ground. Then Alexander kneels on his back, twisting Jefferson’s arms behind him.

“Apologize to Jon.” Alexander hisses.

“Get the fuck off of me, Hamilton.” Jefferson says, trying to throw Alexander off of him.

“Not until you-“

“What is going on here?”

Aaron spins around to see Washington and Madison walking over to them, Luthor trailing behind Madison. The dog barks when it sees Jefferson, running over to him and licking his face. Alexander continues to kneel on his back for a few seconds before getting to his feet awkwardly.

“I won’t ask again,” Washington says as Madison also goes over to Jefferson to pull him up. “What is going on?” He directs the question at Alexander and Aaron, but it’s Bellamy who steps forward.

“I think Jefferson is the one who should answer that question, sir.”

All eyes go to Jefferson, who is wincing as Madison dabs at his split lip and muttering something that sounds like “Thomas you idiot.” When Jefferson hears Bellamy, he scoffs and rolls his eyes.

“Please, sir, all I did was make a comment and then these two,” he waves at Aaron and Alexander, “flipped out and attacked me!”

“A comment?” Alexander says angrily. “It wasn’t just a comment, you asshole!”

“Alexander, calm down, son.”

“No! I-“

“Sir!”

All of them turn again to see Angelica making her way down the hall to them, panic and some other expression on her face as she reaches them, panting and leaning heavily on her cane.

“It’s Maria.” Angelica breathes out. “Sir, she drifted with a Kaiju. She’s just babbling nonsense right now, but-“

“Show me.” Washington says immediately, and Angelica turns and starts to walk back to the lab, with everyone else also following her closely behind. Aaron’s heart is pounding as they speed walk over.

“What did you see?” Washington demands as soon as he walks in, going straight over to Maria, who is sitting slumped in a chair, a small trickle of blood coming from her nose

“Sir,” Angelica interrupts, and she goes to stand behind Maria, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Please, give her a moment, the drift-“

“Stop talking!” Washington snaps out, and Angelica falls silent. He points at Maria. “Tell me what you saw.”

“It…it was only a fragment of a brain, so all I got were fragmented images.” Maria sits up straighter and clears her throat, eyes wide. “They were a series of images. Like…like when you blink your eyes over and over.” Maria blinks rapidly to demonstrate what she means. “It was like that, but also…emotional. There were feelings there...thoughts.”

“Why is that important?”

“Because I don’t feel like they are following animal instincts, sir. The Kaiju…they’ve been manufactured. Every cell holds the collective memory for the species.”

“And?” Washington’s eyes haven’t left Maria’s face once, and his voice is shaking with impatience.

“I think they have a boss.” Maria continues, her voice shaking as well, but with fear. “They have orders to attack. We’re not fighting the real monsters, we’re fighting the _weapons_. The Kaiju were created for this war by something else, and they’ve…they’ve been here before.”

“What do you mean?” Madison asks, his brow furrowed. “How have they been here before?”

“The dinosaurs.” Maria whispers, and suddenly Aaron is that nine year old boy again, staring up at the Kaiju that he had thought resembled the dinosaurs he read about in his picture books. “But the atmosphere wasn’t beneficial so they went back and waited. Now with the ozone depletion, carbon monoxide, polluted waters, hell, we terraformed it for them!”

“What else did you see?” Washington asks. “Why does it matter if they came before, or if they have a boss? What else is there?”

“Sir, the Kaiju are literally living weapons. But the first wave was just the hounds; their only purpose was to clean out the vermin. Us. Aiming for our most populated areas.” Maria pauses to take in a deep breath, running a hand over her eyes. “The next wave is the exterminators.”

Silence falls after that, and Aaron feels like the ground has been ripped from under him. If they have only faced the first wave so far, there is no way they are going to survive a second wave. It’s impossible. They’re going to die.

“I need you to do it again.” Washington says, putting up a hand when Angelica opens her mouth to argue. “We need to know more. If there is something controlling the Kaiju, something stronger than them, we need to know more before we try to go for the breach.”

“Right.” Maria clears her through and straightens up even more in her chair, her face full of determination. “I can do that. Well, I can’t actually. Not unless you have a spare Kaiju brain lying around. The drift fried the portion I had.”

Washington is silent, his face suddenly void of any emotion, but Aaron sees his jaw clench and unclench as he thinks, apparently trying to come to some sort of conclusion.

“There is a man in Hong Kong,” he says slowly, “who calls himself King George. He sells Kaiju parts. Illegally, obviously, since they are considered dangerous. But he works in the shadows, only a few people now how to get to him. Myself included.”

“You’re telling me you had a way to get Kaiju parts this whole time and never told me?” Maria asks, the hurt clear in her face. Washington gives her a stern look.

“It wasn’t important before. But now it is. You will go find him, and get him to give you a Kaiju brain. Tell him I sent you. He owes me.”

“Yes, sir!” Maria stands up, wobbling a little in the process, and Angelica steps forward, her eyes on Washington.

“Sir, I request to go with her. It’s dangerous in the city and-“

“No, you will stay. We need you here. Maria is smart, she will be fine. Besides, you predicted there won’t be another attack for a few more days.”

Angelica grumbles under her breath but steps back, her eyes following Maria as the woman walks around the room, grabbing things that she’ll need. When she’s done, she steps over to Washington.

“So I just go around asking for this guy?”

“No.” Washington tells her, pulling something from his pocket. “Here, take this.” He hands her a piece of fabric with a design on it. “This is his symbol. It’s scattered throughout the city. Follow it and you’ll find him, he’s hard to miss. Lost an eye during a Kaiju attack and has a long scar running down his face.”

“One eye and a scar.” Maria nods and shoves the fabric in her pocket. “Got it.” She turns to look at Angelica, who is still watching her. “Well…I’ll be back.” She nods at Angelica, who nods back, and then Maria exits the room.

Washington and Madison immediately began murmuring back and forth to each other in hushed tones, clearly already starting to make a new plan of attack.

But Aaron steps away from everyone, needing a moment to collect his thoughts.The fact that the Kaiju they have faced for so many years haven't even been the strongest ones is making Aaron's head spin. What has been the point of them fighting all this time? Are they really just going to die anyway? Did Sally die in such an awful way for nothing?

A blaring noise pulls Aaron from his mind, and he blinks his eyes rapidly as red alarm lights start to flash. There is a startled shout from behind him, and Aaron turns to see the cause.

Angelica is gesturing wildly, confusion on her face as she looks at a hologram of the breach on her desk. Bellamy and Alexander are next to her, watching her with panic growing in their eyes. Washington's jaw is tight as he steps over, his face growing grim when Angelica tells him something.

Aaron makes his way over to where they all are, the alarm still sounding, making his ears ring uncomfortably. 

“It’s not supposed to happen yet!” Angelica hisses when he reaches her, but Aaron doesn’t know what she means.

“What isn’t?”

“A double event.” Alexander whispers from next to Aaron, his eyes wide as he continues to stare at the hologram. “There are two Kaiju coming from the breach.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like this chapter was kind of weird, but I needed it to set up the events for next chapter. Plus it gave me an excuse to throw in some more Angelica/Maria, and I love throwing Herc and John in there too!
> 
> ALSO HEY so since I'm back at college now, I think I'm going to change the update day to Sunday, so I have the whole weekend to work on chapters. So I apologize that the next update will be a day late. But then they will be back to weekly Sunday updates.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! Kudos are appreciated and comments are loved! :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance
> 
> x

The minutes that pass after the Kaiju siren begins to sound are a blur to Aaron.

There are shouts, people running, their panicked voices blending together and creating that once familiar feeling of being under water, being unable to breathe. Aaron tries to find something to focus on, something to ground him, but everywhere he looks there is fear.

The same fear that had been on Sally’s face.

A hand slips into his, squeezing hard, and Aaron turns to see Alexander next to him, and he forces his eyes to blink and break out of the haze that had fallen over him. Alexander tries to smile, and Aaron nods his head, a silent thank you being all he can manage in the moment.

Then Washington’s commanding voice is breaking through the panicked ones, overpowering them and making everyone fall quiet and turn to look at him, waiting for words of comfort from their leader. What they get instead are instructions.

“Everyone get to your stations. Start the call to evacuate the city, and get the rest of the citizen’s into refuge spaces.” Washington walks over to Angelica. “What category are they?”

“Both of them are category fours, sir.” Angelica says, her voice wavering slightly as she inspects the hologram. It shows two signatures, one blocky and round, the other all jagged angles and claws. “As of right now, they seem to be staying together. Both of them are heading for the city.”

“Are we going to deploy?” Madison asks, voicing the question that everyone in the room is probably thinking. If Washington wants to attack the breach soon, he’s going to need every Jaeger he can get. But there are also the lives of the people in Hong Kong to consider.

“Sir,” Angelica steps forward, “if we deploy the Jaegers we could lose them, and we need them for our plan. It’s too risky.”

“What? So we forget about everyone in the city?” Jefferson snarls out his question, and Aaron turns to see him looking at Angelica angrily. “That’s a city of ten million people!”

“It’s ten million people or the entire world!” Angelica snarls right back, not missing a beat.

“What about when one of those ten million people is Maria?” Jefferson asks, and Angelica flinches back slightly. “You’re willing to give up her life along with everyone else’s? That is such bullshit! We’re here to save people. I refuse to just sit here and watch as people get killed, especially when I have lived through that on the other end, I-“

Jefferson breaks off suddenly, and then Madison is right beside him, murmuring something in his ear. A wave of emotions crosses Jefferson’s face, and Aaron watches as he clenches his jaw and then nods at Madison.

A tense silence falls after that, and Aaron can see Washington thinking hard. He chews at his bottom lip, and his eyes are narrowed as he considers his options. Aaron’s mind goes back to a similar scenario, though not as intense in comparison. He remembers that mission with Sally, how they had gone after the boat in the water, how they had risked the lives of those in the city to save ten people. But Aaron still doesn’t regret saving those people. How could he?

He thinks Washington can feel Aaron staring at him, and when the Marshal finally makes eye contact, Aaron thinks that they must be thinking about the same day. Aaron gives Washington a small, tight smile. Washington stares hard at Aaron until he finally straightens his shoulders and turns away, looking at the pilots assembled in the room.

“We will send three Jaegers out.” He points at Madison and Jefferson. “You two will stay back as defense and let Revelation and Revolution fight. Only step in if the two Jaegers go down. We can’t afford to lose you.”

Aaron feels his stomach drop, wondering if it will really come to that, if they will lose two Jaegers…if they will lose four pilots. Bellamy sidles up to Aaron, taking his other hand, his own worry clear on his face.

“It’ll be okay.” Bellamy says, but there’s a tilt to his voice, almost like he’s saying the words as a question. Aaron tries to give him a reassuring smile, but he’s unsure if his lips actually curl up or not. His face has gone numb.

“Suit up.” Washington says, his voice is calm but firm. His eyes move over to Aaron, Bellamy, and Alexander. “Except for you three. You will stay put.”

Aaron feels Alexander’s hand twitch in his, and a feeling of shame burns through Aaron at Washington’s words. He still won’t give them a second chance.

Aaron, however, doesn’t have long to dwell on Washington’s decision, because people begin moving around them; Angelica grabs papers from her desk and tucks them under her free arm as she walks out of the room with Washington, probably headed to find Theodosia so they can prepare for the drifts.

Aaron’s eyes land on Jefferson and Madison, who are whispering together again. Jefferson looks determined, his jaw tight. Madison looks hesitant, and his eyes keep flicking up to Jefferson’s face. Aaron notices that their hands are entwined as they walk from the room, Luthor trotting after them.

Aaron watches them go, wondering if the two of them are nervous. He remembers he always used to feel so confident before a drift, like he was invincible. Years of war had proved him wrong though, and Madison and Jefferson must know now as well that there is a chance they might not return to the base, that one or both of them could die.

“We should go.” Alexander says, shaking Aaron from his own thoughts. “See if anyone needs any help.”

Aaron nods, also feeling like they need to be doing something. It doesn’t feel right, just standing there and acting helpless when other people are about to risk their lives. Half of Aaron wishes that he could suit up and defend the lives of those in the city, but the other half of him is secretly grateful that he doesn't need to step into a Jaeger. So he'll do what he can from the base. 

The three of them walk out of the room, but before they get very far, Eliza and Peggy walk by, already dressed in their drivesuits. Peggy pauses, saying something to Eliza before making her way over to them.

“Hey, Aaron?” Peggy gives him a hesitant smile. “There’s something I want to give to you. I kept meaning to, but I just never found the right time. And now…well, it’s a good a time as ever, I suppose. Will you…” she gestures to the hallway, and Aaron gives a small nod.

“I’ll meet you at the drop bay.” He murmurs to Alexander and Bellamy, disengaging himself from between them and following Peggy. 

They walk in silence, the metallic sound of Peggy’s footsteps ringing out in the otherwise empty hall. Aaron searches for something to say, but finds that almost everything would seem strange or ridiculous in this moment. He could ask how she is, but he’s sure he already knows the answer. He always hated that question when he was about to go into battle.

“I feel like we haven’t gotten to talk a lot since I’ve been back.” Aaron settles for saying after a few more moments of silence. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.” Peggy says with a smile. “And it’s not your fault, things have been busy. It’s easy to get distracted during times like this.”

Aaron gives her a grateful smile as they continue to walk, falling once again into silence. With five years of being apart, it’s difficult to find something to discuss. But finally Aaron sighs and he looks back over at Peggy.

“Not a very good question, but how have you been?”

“I’ve been good. It’s been…different, not drifting with Angelica, you know?” She looks at him and Aaron nods. He does know. “But she’s been amazing with all of the Kaiju science. And I still have Eliza. We make a good team.”

“What about Lafayette?” Aaron asks, laughing when Peggy ducks her head with a smile. “Herc and Laurens mentioned it. How long has that been going on?”

“Around two years.” Peggy responds, lifting her head and looking at Aaron with a satisfied expression. “He’s amazing. Really. And so smart. He knows so much about Jaegers and how they work. I could listen to him talk about it for hours. In fact, I have.”

“Sounds great.” Aaron says, and he chuckles when Peggy trails off with a dreamy look. After a few more moments Peggy looks back over at him with a searching gaze.

“And how have you been?”

“I’ve been…fine.” Aaron says honestly, shrugging. “Things haven’t exactly gone the way I thought they would since I’ve been back…in good and bad ways, though.”

“The good being Alexander and Bellamy?”

“Yeah.” Aaron smiles but then shakes his head and sighs. He’s not sure how to explain what he’s been feeling lately. “I’m…I’m glad that I have them. But things have gotten harder after our drift.” Aaron searches his mind for a way to explain what he means. “It’s like…we drifted once, and you know how intense is. It just…it feels weird to have only drifted one time. It’s like we know each other more, but now there are more spaces to be filled. It’s like I got a snapshot of who they are but still don’t understand.”

“It’s always an adjustment going from being inside someone’s mind and then being pushed out again.” Peggy says, and Aaron nods, thankful that she understands. “Drifting allows you to know someone completely, but they also know you completely. It’s reassuring; having someone know you fully and have them accept you.”

“That’s why I fell out of alignment, I think.” Aaron says, staring down at the floor. “I saw Sally and then I just…I wanted to hold onto her, to that feeling of her being with me. But of course I screwed everything up for all three of us.”

“Putting the blame on yourself won’t fix anything, Aaron.” Peggy murmurs, reaching over to take his hand. “I learned that after Angelica got hurt. Eliza and me, we both blamed ourselves. But all that did was create tension between the three of us until we finally learned to let it go.”

“I’ve never been very good at letting things go,” Aaron admits in a whisper, thinking of Sally. “Especially guilt. And now Alexander is getting all of the consequences for my mistake. It's been his dream for years to be a pilot and I messed it up."

“It was his mistake too, Aaron.”

“But-“

“No!” Peggy stops walking and looks at Aaron. “You are a _team_. When you drift, you literally act as one person. Everyone is responsible for what happens inside a Jaeger, Aaron. That’s how it works, okay?”

Aaron searches Peggy’s face a moment before nodding. She resumes walking, but keeps on holding his hand until they reach her room. She opens the door and leads him in, dropping his hand as she grabs a bag from the floor. She straightens up and looks at him, seeming more hesitant than before.

“When you left,” she starts, “they were going to throw out all of the belongings and make room for new pilots. I know you might have left them behind for a reason, but…” Peggy holds out the bag for Aaron to take, which he does, curious as to what is inside.

When he opens it, he swallows hard, taking in his collection of Jaeger pilot action figures that he had built throughout his childhood. All of them are there, even the one of Washington, although the arm that had snapped off when he threw it at the wall is still missing.

“I just felt like you might want them back at some point.” Peggy murmurs, her eyes on the floor. “I know some of them were gifts from Sally, and…well, I remember how much they inspired you…how much _she_ inspired you. I just thought you might need to remember that feeling sometimes.”

“I…” Aaron swallows a few more times before continuing. “Thank you. Really. I’m glad you got them for me.”

“You’re welcome.” Peggy smiles up at him. “There are also some things you _shouldn’t_ let go of.”

Aaron nods, Sally’s face swimming to the front of his mind. He can almost feel her hand in his, tugging him forward.

_Never let go._

_I won’t._

“Yeah.” He murmurs, blinking rapidly. “You’re right.” He puts the bag down and then steps forward, pulling Peggy into a hug. Her arms wrap around him, and even though the material of her drivesuit is uncomfortable against him, Aaron holds onto her tightly until she pulls back slightly to look at him.

“And hey, don’t worry about Alex. He’ll get what he wants and prove everyone wrong.” She winks. “He’s just like you in that way. Tough, persistent.”

“Wish I still had some of that.” Aaron says with a short laugh, taking a step back and looking down. “I’m not the same kid I was five years ago.”

“None of us are the same as we were five years ago.” Peggy tells him, her voice soft. “But we’re still here, we’re still fighting. That’s what matters.”

“Yeah.” Aaron clears his throat a few times. “Yeah…I guess it is.”

They smile at each other one more time and then start making their way over to the drop area. They walk in silence again, but it feels more comfortable this time. Aaron doesn’t need to search his mind for something to say, because now he knows that Peggy already understands anything he would say.

Revolution and Striker Eureka are already on the deploy pad at the end of the drop area when they walk in. Revelation is behind them on the conveyor belt, waiting for its pilots.

Aaron can see Eliza standing next to Theodosia by the lift, their foreheads resting against each other. Aaron can’t hear what they’re saying, but when him and Peggy reach them, Theodosia pulls Eliza in for a kiss, and Aaron can see the tears running down both of their cheeks.

“I’ll see you when you get back.” Theodosia murmurs, and Eliza nods, going back in for another quick kiss before stepping back.

“Yeah.” She looks over at Peggy, and through an unspoken agreement, both of them step onto the lift that will take them up to their Jaeger. Aaron murmurs a quiet good luck, and Theodosia cranes her head up to watch them go. Aaron can see the worry written all over her face.

“Hey, she’ll be fine.”

“You don’t know that.” She whispers back, still watching as Eliza steps into the Jaeger. Then she turns on her heel and heads for her work station, her hands shaking slightly at her sides.

Aaron bows his head, wishing that he could have comforted her more. But she’s right. He doesn’t know what’s going to happen. Eliza might not be fine. He sighs before following where Theodosia had gone, stepping into the area with all of the monitors and controls for the Jaegers.

“Neural handshake for Revelation is confirmed and holding steady.” Theodosia is saying when Aaron reaches the room. “Setting the comms link for all three teams.”

A hand on his shoulder distracts Aaron, and he turns to see Bellamy next to him, a small smile on his face that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Aaron is sure his smile must look the same.

“You sure you want to watch?” Bellamy murmurs in a soft voice.

“I think it would be worse not knowing what is going on.” Aaron admits, despite the deep foreboding feeling inside of him. He looks around at Lafayette, Angelica, and Theodosia, taking in the emotions on their faces as their loved ones get ready to fight. “I just feel like I should be here.” _Like everyone wanted to be for me_ , he thinks to himself, _like they have been for me since I got back._

“Then I’ll stay too.” Bellamy says, and Aaron reaches down to take his hand, feeling a sudden rush of affection for him.

“Preparing for the drop.” Theodosia’s voice says, and Aaron turns his face back to the monitors, watching as the Jaegers drop into the ocean, all three of them connected to helicopters that will fly them out closer to the incoming Kaiju. Once they are close enough to the area, the Jaegers detach. Conn Pod views of each Jaeger appeared in the room on the monitors, and Aaron can see the faces of each of the pilots behind their helmets as they move. He’s struck by how different they all interact with each other.

Peggy and Eliza are smooth and graceful, melding almost into one person. Their movements are almost always in unison, and Aaron swears they are even wearing identical expressions of determination on their faces.

Herc and Laurens, on the other hand, have no grace in the way they move; they’re movements are all power. Everything they do almost has a violent look to it, like they are getting ready for a bar fight instead of a battle to protect a city. But they move with strength.

Jefferson and Madison move with purpose, reminding Aaron of athletes who have practiced their whole lives for a big game and don’t even consider the option that they could lose. There is a confidence, a sort of fire, in both of their expressions.

Everyone in the command room is silent, watching the displays and console monitors as the three Jaegers take their positions. Revelation and Revolution are hundreds of feet ahead of Jefferson and Madison’s Jaeger, which is situated near the mouth of the Hong Kong bay.

“Reaching target zone.” Herc’s voice says, and Aaron watches as their Jaeger comes to a stop. “Turning lights on now.” All three Jaegers turn on their searchlights, illuminating the dark night and reflecting off the surface of the water.

“The Kaiju are approaching.” Theodosia says, leaning over the monitor. “Heads up, everyone. Keep your eyes focused. Do any of you have a visual?”

“No visual.” Peggy’s voice crackles through the comms, and Laurens echoes her a few seconds later.

Aaron feels as if the whole room is holding its breath as they watch the two Jaegers turn, searching for the outline of the Kaiju under the surface of the water. He sees Alexander enter the room from the corner of his eye. He is about to turn to greet him, but then, with a loud roar and a splash, one of the Kaiju emerges from the ocean.

“My God.” Lafayette breathes out, and Aaron silently agrees in his head.

The Kaiju is huge, resembling a mountain in its height. It barrels right over to Eliza and Peggy’s Jaeger, a clawed hand sweeping out and ramming into one metal arm as it rises in an attempt to deflect. The Jaeger staggers, and Aaron holds his breath again, but he lets it back out when Eliza and Peggy remain upright, throwing out a punch to the Kaiju’s head, making it stumble back. They walk toward it, plasma cannon loading. But they never get the chance to deliver the blow.

The Kaiju hits first, punching a deep dent into Revelation’s torso. Then it hits again, this time piercing a hole through the Conn-Pod, exposing Eliza and Peggy, and Aaron closes his eyes, all of it feeling too similar to his and Sally’s last battle. He doesn't want to watch.

“Weapons are still functional.” Theodosia’s voice says, wavering slightly. “Peggy, Eliza, don’t stop now. Everything is still functioning!”

Aaron opens his eyes in time to see Peggy raising the arm she controls, a blade emerging from the Jaegers hand. She stabs it forward, catching the Kaiju off guard and managing to push it back so her and Eliza have time to regroup. They manage to get in a few more hits, but the Kaiju shows no signs of slowing down.

Then, the second Kaiju breaks out of the water.

“We got it!” Herc’s voice yells, and their Jaeger rushes to the second Kaiju, immediately landing a punch to its large head and knocking it down. A chorus of cheers go around the room, but then the sound of Eliza shouting cuts through the noise like a knife.

Revelation is taking a pounding from the first Kaiju, and Aaron watches, unable to look away, as the Kaiju’s pointed tail comes up from behind it, striking at the torso of the Jaeger and ripping completely through it this time. Aaron almost doubles over, feeling like he is the one who just got torn through.

“Revelation is no longer combat operational.” Theodosia says, and Aaron hears the break in her voice. He glances at the readings coming from Eliza and Peggy’s Jaeger, sees the red flashing lights and knows they’re doomed. It’s only a matter of time.

Aaron closes his eyes again and tries to breathe. Even when he was a pilot, all those years ago, he had never watched a battle from the command room. It was always too much, especially when things went wrong. It almost doesn’t feel real.  _But it is real,_ he reminds himself. He opens his eyes, his gaze landing on Angelica, who is staring at the monitor with a blank look, like she can’t quite believe that this is real either.

Aaron steps over to her as the Kaiju closes in on Revelation, circling it as Eliza and Peggy remain helpless inside. He takes her free hand, and clenches his jaw when she turns to him with fear shining from her eyes that makes him want to look away. But he grips her hand tighter.

“Don’t watch.” He whispers, wishing there is something more he could say. But there isn’t. He just knows that watching will make it worse, that Angelica will never be able to get this image out of her mind for the rest of her life if she watches.

There is a sound of metal tearing, of parts of the Jaeger crashing into the waves below. Eliza and Peggy’s voices come through the comms in a jumbled mess before the comms go down completely. Aaron, despite his own advice, looks over at the monitors and sees that the Kaiju has ripped Revelation’s head off entirely.

Time seems to slow down as the monster inspects the head like a trophy, but then it raises its hands and hurls the Jaeger’s head through the air with great strength until it comes crashing back down to the water, sending a large splash into the air.

“An emergency pod released, sir.” Lafayette yells, his nose almost touching the screen. “It does not say which, but one of them ejected themselves from the Jaeger. One of them may still be alive.”

“Send the choppers over, now!” Washington commands, and Aaron squeezes Angelica’s hand again as she takes in a gasping breath, still not facing the monitors. “Send them right now!”

Aaron searches his brain for something to say to Angelica, but what is there to say? One of her two sisters is still alive. But one of them is gone, one of them is dead. He can’t even imagine what must be going through her mind.

“Marshal.” Madison’s voice comes through the comms. “Sir, Revolution is under heavy attack. Permission to intervene, sir.”

“Denied.” Washington says immediately. “You are to stay where you are, hold your position!”

Aaron hears Jefferson swear through the comms, but their Jaeger remains where it is, facing Revolution. Aaron watches as the two Kaiju converge on the lone Jaeger, and he knows before it even starts that there is no way Herc and Laurens can win this fight.

And he’s right.

Whenever Revolution manages to land a punch on one Kaiju, the second one immediately takes its place. It isn’t long before Revolution has lost an arm, and Aaron can tell from the way it staggers that there must be something wrong with the motor controls.

“Our plasma cannon is broken.” Laurens tells them, and Aaron can hear the fear creeping into his voice, the knowledge of what is about to happen sinking in. “Sir, we have nothing.” Him and Herc both shout as one of the Kaiju swipes a clawed hand at their Jaeger, tearing through the remaining arm.

“Screw this!” Jefferson shouts. “I can’t watch this. We’re moving in. Let’s go!”

“I can’t-I can’t…not any more.” Angelica shakes her head and then wrenches her hand from Aaron’s, limping out of the room and out of sight. Aaron almost follows her, but then there is a noise from the monitor, and his attention turns back to the battle.

Despite what Aaron might think of Jefferson, he has to admit that the guy knows what he’s doing inside a Jaeger. Him and Madison reach Revolution before either of the Kaiju could deliver the killing blow and begin attacking the monster. Their Jaeger is amazing to watch in a fight.

But no matter how great Madison and Jefferson are, even they can’t fight two Kaiju at once.

The other Kaiju is still pummeling away at Herc and Laurens, tearing bits and pieces off of their Jaeger like the metal is nothing to them. It swings an arm and tears a hole through the Conn-Pod before using its tail to strike at the legs, knocking the Jaeger to its knees. Then, with a final blow, the Jaeger topples over and begins to sink, and Aaron feels a part of himself shatter.

“No.” The voice is only a whisper, but Aaron turns to see Alexander staring at the monitor, watching as his two friends sink into the ocean. “No!” His voice is louder this time, and Aaron sees him starting to tremble, his eyes filling rapidly with tears.

Aaron stumbles over to him, wanting to comfort him as well, but there is a pain in his own chest that makes it hard. He can hear the beeping from the monitor that warns that a Jaeger is losing all power. He can hear the rushing of the water as it fills Herc and Lauren’s Conn-Pod, and knows that there is no chance at survival; drowning is the most common way of death for Jaeger pilots.

Alexander buries his face into Aaron’s shoulder, and Aaron can already feel tears hitting his skin. He wraps his arms around Alexander, trying to stop the shivers that are coursing through his body. But Aaron’s head is spinning, and he wants nothing more than to crumble, to turn his mind off, to run away.

The comms are still working, and everyone in the room can hear the gargled yells of Herc and Laurens, and Aaron sways slightly, feeling nauseous. Alexander’s hands scrabble at his back, grabbing at his shirt and trying to pull him closer. Aaron tightens his grip.

“Turn it off!” A voice yells, one that Aaron can’t recognize at the moment as his head continues to spin. “Turn the comms off!”

The sound of rushing water and muffled yells comes to a quick end, and the silence that follows is almost worse than the noise had been, because now they all know that it’s over.

Herc and Laurens are gone.

The world seems to stand completely still for a moment, the room is so quiet. Aaron closes his eyes, and is almost able to convince himself that all of this is just a dream. But then there is the sound of running footsteps, and Aaron opens his eyes to see a breathless woman run into the room, going up to Washington.

Washington bends down closer to the woman as she speaks, and Aaron sees a rush of emotions go across the man’s face. Then he straightens up, thanks the woman, and turns to look at everyone in the room.

“The helicopters were able to get to Revelation.” He says, eyes staring at a point on one of the walls. “Eliza is the one who ejected herself from the Jaeger. She has substantial injuries, but is alive.”

Theodosia lets out a strangled sob of relief at the same time that Lafayette sinks down onto the floor, clutching his knees to his chest as a wail escapes his lips. Aaron feels Alexander pull away from him, and watches as he goes over to Lafayette, kneeling down at his friend’s side and murmuring to him.

Aaron feels his hands shaking now that he does not have something to hold on to, and the nausea inside of him is growing stronger. His mind can’t wrap around the fact that Herc and Laurens are gone, that Peggy is gone. That they’re _dead._ It’s too much at once, and he feels as if his head is going to split open.

Bellamy steps next Aaron and pulls him against his side. Aaron leans into him and breathes out, glad to have something to hold him up. There is too much going on inside his head, too many feelings swirling inside him. It’s all too much. He wants it to stop.

But again, there is no time for Aaron to completely register what is happening. The fight is still happening.

Madison and Jefferson are holding their own against one of the Kaiju. The other one had moved away after destroying Herc and Lauren’s Jaeger, and looks like it's heading for the coast of Hong Kong. Aaron watches Madison and Jefferson fight, and almost starts to think that they have a chance of winning. But then everything changes.

An electric wave of some sort rips from one of the Kaiju’s body. It rakes over the water, the force of it rippling the surface. Then it reaches Madison and Jefferson’s Jaeger, and Aaron watches with amazement and dread as the machine immediately goes dark.

“What the hell is going on?” Jefferson’s voice yells, and Aaron looks at Theodosia for the answer.

“The Kaiju jumbled the Jaeger’s electrical circuits.” She says, hands flying over the monitor as she attempts to fix it. “Everything is down except for comms. I’ve never seen anything like this before.”

“They’re adapting.” Aaron murmurs, eyes wide. “Like Maria said. They’re learning. Becoming more powerful weapons.”

“Sir, what do we do?” Theodosia spins in her chair to look at Washington.

But for once, Washington seems at a complete loss. He stares at the floor, his eyes narrowed as he probably searches for something to do in his head. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, but no words come out.

“Madison and Jefferson’s Jaeger is digital, right?” Bellamy asks suddenly, and everyone turns to look at him in surprise. “All the newer Jaegers are digital, that’s how the Kaiju stopped it.”

“Your point?” Washington asks, looking at Bellamy curiously.

“The three-armed Jaeger, our Jaeger,” he motions between himself, Aaron, and Alexander, “is still nuclear.”

His words hang in the air as everyone takes in his meaning, and Aaron leans further into Bellamy’s embrace as his own mind wraps around what this means. It means that their Jaeger is the only one that will function against the Kaiju. It meansthat  they have to go. It means that they have to fight

Washington stares at the three of them, his gaze lingering on Alexander who is still kneeling beside Lafayette. Aaron thinks he hears the man sigh, but then he is squaring his shoulders back and fixing them all with another look.

“Suit up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY D: DON'T HATE ME
> 
> Things are honestly gonna continue to get angsty for the rest of this fic. I promise happy moments as well, but just prepare yourselves. Have tissues nearby for most of the future chapters. 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading (even when I make it angsty). Kudos are greatly appreciated and comments are loved (I've been bad with replying to them lately but pls I love comments a lot and they mean so much to me).
> 
> Come yell at me on tumblr @ fanciful-follies :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a little later than usual! (and pls forgive any typos).
> 
> Enjoy x

Aaron blinks at Washington after he gives the order, wondering if he had maybe misheard the man. But then Washington turns his back to them, and Bellamy tugs Aaron out of the room, Alexander following close behind.

Once they’re outside, away from the monitors and the loud noises, Aaron feels himself slump against Bellamy. They are all silent, probably trying to take in all that had happened in the span of the last hour. But just as before, it’s all still too much.

“Can we do this?” Bellamy whispers to neither of them in particular. “Are…are we ready?”

“We have to be.” Alexander murmurs, his voice hollow. When Aaron peers over at him, his eyes are strangely blank. “If we don’t, more people will die. We have to. Right?” He looks over at Aaron, his eyes almost pleading.

“We have to.” Aaron agrees. But he really wishes they didn’t.

They make their way to the room with all of the drivesuits, and as Aaron slips into his, he tries to search his mind for what he is feeling. Everything feels numb, feels strange and wrong. He gives his head a small shake. He can’t go into a Jaeger feeling this way. He has to focus. He glances over at Bellamy, who is tugging the boots of his suit on, and then Aaron’s eyes land on Alexander, who is fully dressed and staring at a point on one of the walls. Aaron grits his teeth before letting out a long, uneven breath.

“Alexander.” Aaron says his name softly, almost like a question, but Alexander doesn’t seem to hear him. Aaron steps closer, placing his hand gently on Alexander’s shoulder, making him twitch slightly. But he finally looks at Aaron with wide eyes. “It’s going to be okay.” Aaron isn’t sure if he’s referring to their mission or the loss of their friends, but Alexander gives him a jerky nod in response. Then he closes the remaining distance between them and wraps his arms around Aaron’s neck.

Their mouths meet in the briefest of kisses, Alexander’s lips barely brushing against his, but Aaron chases the kiss anyway, desperately trying to hold onto the spark of emotion that the action had raised in him. They both pull away after another moment.

“We can do this.” Alexander says, and Aaron thinks that he’s telling those words more to himself. He gestures for Bellamy to join them, and then rests his head on Bellamy’s shoulder. “We can do this.” And with that, the three of them make their way over to the drop area, where their Jaeger is waiting for them, seeming even larger than before as it leers down at them. Aaron feels his steps falter as they get closer, and Bellamy turns to look at him, never missing anything when it comes to Aaron.

“ _Can_ you do this?” Bellamy asks, soft enough that only Aaron can hear.

Aaron opens his mouth to respond, but no words come. He snaps his mouth shut, frustrated that he still feels this way. But he forces his head to jerk down in a nod, and Bellamy squints his eyes, probably seeing right through Aaron. Before he can say anything, however, they’re interrupted by the sound of fast approaching footsteps.

“Aaron!” A voice calls, and they all turn to see Theo running over to them, her eyes bright.

“Theo, is everything okay?” Bellamy asks once she reaches them. She nods quickly, her curls bouncing as she catches her breath.

“Eliza is back.” She pants out, and Aaron feels some of the tension inside of him fade away. “Mom is with her now, and Angelica.”

“How is she?” Alexander asks before Aaron has the chance, his mind still catching up to the news.

“Mom wouldn’t let me see her.” Theo says with a shrug. “But I know she’s alive. She hasn’t woken up yet though.” Her lower lip starts to tremble, just a little, but Aaron reaches out anyway and places a hand on her shoulder, giving it a small squeeze.

“Hey.” He murmurs, doing his best to smile. “Eliza is gonna be fine. You know how tough she is. Plus she has Angelica, and your mom, to help her get better. Okay?”

Theo nods, her lower lip now caught between her teeth. Then she moves forward and hugs Aaron, burying her head into his stomach. Aaron can feel her breathing unsteadily, so he rubs her back as soothingly as he can, finding that the motion calms him down as well. Finally, Theo pulls back with a quiet sniffle.

“You’re going to be okay too, right Promise??”

“Yeah.” Aaron smiles again despite the twisting feeling in his gut, knowing that he could be lying to this girl right now. He might not be okay. “Of course.”

“You’re gonna stop them.” Theo says, and this time her words are not a question. “And you’ll save Thomas and James. They have helicopters searching for more survivors, but the Kaiju is still there, so it’s hard. But you’ll stop them.”

“We will. But hey, do me a favor?” Aaron taps her nose when she nods. “Go find your mom. Don’t watch the fight. Just find your mom and sit with her, okay?”

Theo nods again, giving him one last smile before turning to hug Bellamy and a surprised Alexander as well before running off down one of the hallways. Aaron watches her go, truly hoping that he will keep his promise.

“Why’d you tell her not to watch?” Bellamy asks as they step onto the lift that will take them up to their Jaeger.

Aaron looks at him, searching his face and wondering if Bellamy really doesn’t know why. He’s always such an optimist, never considering the worst option even when that option is right in front of them. Then Aaron looks at Alexander, who is staring right back at him. It only takes a second for Aaron to know that Alexander is thinking exactly what he is.

“Hey.” Bellamy steps over to Aaron and grabs his arm once they walk inside of the Conn-Pod. “We are going to be fine.” He shakes Aaron’s arm, and that’s when Aaron sees the tears building in his eyes. “We will be! We’ll be fine, we’ll be-“

Aaron tugs Bellamy to him, putting a hand behind his head and pulling him down his face is tucked against his neck. He can feel Bellamy shivering, can feel more than hear the shuddering gasps he’s taking in. Something inside Aaron breaks in this moment, holding Bellamy as he cries. Bellamy is always so strong, and seeing him fall apart is almost scarier than what they are about to do.

“I just got you back.” Bellamy whispers against him. “I’m not letting you go.”

_Never let go. Never let go, neverletgoneverletgonever-_

“I’m not letting go either.” Aaron says, swallowing around the lump in his throat. He won't lost them. He peers over at Alexander, who steps over to the two of them and stares at them with a fiery determination.

“We can win.” He tells Bellamy and Aaron. “Together, we can do this.”

“Together.” Aaron repeats, and he smiles, the first smile that has felt real in hours. He strokes the back of Bellamy’s neck one more time before stepping away and grabbing his helmet.

They all slip their helmets on before hooking themselves up to the motion rigs. Aaron is on the right, Alexander on the left, and Bellamy in the middle in order to control the Jaeger’s third arm. Aaron closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

“Are you hooked up?” Washington’s voice asks, and Aaron reopens his eyes, forgetting for a moment that Theodosia wasn’t going to be directing them this time.

“Yes, sir.” Alexander responds.

“Then prepare for neural handshake.” Washington commands, and there is a small beat of silence before a small sigh comes though. “And…good luck.”

Aaron takes in another deep breath as Washington counts down from ten, trying to let out all of the stress and hesitance that is inside his mind. He has to believe that they can do this, that they can win. They _have_ to win. Washington’s voice hits one, and Aaron closes his eyes as the first memory hits.

The memories seem to go faster than the first time the three of them attempted to drift, and Aaron only catches brief glimpses of Bellamy’s face and even briefer moments of hearing Alexander’s voice. His own memories flow through as well, but all of them start to morph together, and then, they stop.

Aaron opens his eyes, exhaling slowly as he raises his arm, feeling relief spread through him as the Jaeger’s arm rises as well. Alexander and Bellamy both raise their arms as well, and a chorus of cheers goes through the workers who are watching them from below.

“Neural handshake successful.” Washington declares, and Aaron almost thinks that he can detect pride in his voice. “Prepare the choppers to take them out.”

As the helicopters fly them as close as they can get to the Kaiju, Bellamy, Alexander, and Aaron remain silent. There is much less of a need to speak out loud during a drift. Everything a person thinks, the co-pilots hear. There is no place to hide inside a Jaeger.

When the helicopters release their Jaeger, Aaron can feel everything that Bellamy and Alexander can. He can feel Bellamy’s worry, his determination. He can feel Alexander’s fiery courage and his rage. Then there is another feeling, a feeling that must be Aaron’s own, a feeling of confidence.

“Madison, Jeffers, get yourselves unhooked and climb out of the Jaeger.” Washington instructs, breaking through Aaron’s thoughts. “We well send helicopters to you! But time your exit correctly, it will be dangerous.”

“No shit.” Madison grumbles through the line, and Aaron can’t help but smile.

Him, Alexander, and Bellamy continue to walk, getting closer and closer to the Kaiju. They’re maybe about a hundred feet away when the Kaiju hits Madison and Jefferson’s Jaeger, and Madison’s voice comes through the line again, but this time in a loud shout.

“James!” Jefferson cries out a moment later, and a grunt of pain comes moments later. “Shit! Come on, get up, you’re fine!”

“What happened?” Bellamy calls out.

“Unhooked himself right as the Kaiju gave us another punch!” Jefferson yells back. “Broke his arm. You idiot!”

The sound of the two bickering back and forth clouds the line for a moment, and from Aaron can decipher, Jefferson has now unhooked himself as well and is attempting to help Madison. After a few more seconds, Jefferson calls out that they are both fine and unhooked.

“Good. Do your best to catch the Kaiju off guard.” Washington instructs Aaron, Bellamy, and Alexander. “Approach from behind it, and dispose of it as quickly as possible so that we can send helicopters in to get Madison and Jefferson. Copy?”

“Yes, sir.” All three of them echo back, but Aaron wonders how they can possibly surprise the Kaiju. It’s not like they’re exactly inconspicuous. He’s still pondering what to do, throwing ideas back and forth with Alexander and Bellamy, when Jefferson’s voice interrupts them again.

“Y’all need a distraction, right? We’ve got some flare guns in here, could give the Kaiju a little light show.”

“Absolutely not.” Washington says, his voice angry. “Do not compromise yourselves, we need you.”

“We either sit and wait,” Madison says in his calm voice, despite his arm being broken, “or take a risk and do something stupid.”

“And you know me.” Jefferson adds, and Aaron can hear the smile in his voice. “I’m always up for something stupid.”

Him and Madison both laugh, and then there is silence in the feed, clueing Aaron in that they probably turned their comms off so that Washington can’t stop them from enacting their plan.

“Make a wider arc.” Aaron says out loud. “Move around the Kaiju so we’re at its back.” They make the necessary adjustments and then wait for Madison and Jefferson to tell them when they’re ready to go.

“Get ready!” Madison shouts, and then two flares go up into the air and towards the Kaiju, both of them hitting it in one of its large eyes. The Kaiju rears back with a loud roar, waves splashing up around it.

“Go now!” Jefferson yells. “Sure you boys can handle this?”

“Not sure.” Alexander says, but Aaron sees him smiling. “Maybe you should try to swim to the base, just in case.”

“Shut up Hamil-“

The feed goes silent again, and Aaron looks around to see Bellamy pulling his hand back from the control panel with a small smirk on his face. All three of them make eye contact for a moment before nodding.

Time to go.

They move forward and land a punch on the back of the Kaiju’s head, making it roar again and spin around to face them. It swipes out at them, but Bellamy raises the third arm and blocks it, allowing for Aaron to get another punch in on the Kaiju’s side.

“Loading the plasma cannon!” Alexander shouts, and Aaron can feel the combined adrenaline from all three of them coursing through him. He raises his arm again and grabs at the Kaiju’s clawed hand, stopping it and gritting his teeth at the impact.

There is a flash of bright light, the sound of a piercing roar, and then silence.

Aaron opens and closes his eyes a few times before finally looking over at the Kaiju. It has a large, smoking hole going through its chest due to the cannon blast. Aaron feels a grin spread across his face at the sight, and then a second later, the Kaiju lets out a low whine before crashing into the ocean, where it remains motionless.

“Hell yeah!” Alexander shouts, and Bellamy shouts back in agreement while Aaron continues to smile, feeling so many emotions roll through him at once. He almost feels confident.

“One down.” Aaron finally says, reminding everyone that the mission isn’t over yet.

“One to go.” Bellamy says back with a nod. Then, he reaches out to flip the communications back on. “Sir, it’s safe to send out the helicopters now. Pick up Jefferson and Madison and…and anyone else who might have survived.”

“Beginner’s luck!” Jefferson yells before Washington can respond.

“Luck had nothing to do with that, Jefferson.” Hamilton yells, but there is a smirk on his face. “All skill. You’re just-“

“Enough.” Washington finally cuts in. “You still have a mission to complete. The second Kaiju has already reached the city. Get over there now and put this thing down for good.”

Not needing to verbally check in and see if they are all ready, Aaron and Alexander begin to walk, pushing their Jaeger on through the waves and towards the city. Bellamy keeps his eye on the monitor, watching for signs of the Kaiju or anything else that could go wrong.

As they walk, waves splashing up around them, Aaron can’t help but feel powerful. He’s not sure if the feeling is all his own, it could be radiating from Alexander and Bellamy, but it feels good. It feels right.

There’s a feeling building inside of Aaron that he hasn’t felt in a long time. It’s not invincibility, not exactly, but it’s a feeling of safety, a feeling of being in control that Aaron has missed. Being inside a Jaeger makes him strong again. It makes him feel at home.

They reach land quickly, moving the metal feet of the Jaeger as carefully as they can onto the streets of the city. It’s pretty well cleared out by now, citizens going into hiding as best as they can. A distant roar clues them in onto where the Kaiju is, but they use the monitor to track it anyway.

Once they finally set eyes on it, it is tearing at the top of a building and sending debris into the air before it quickly tumbles down to the ground, resulting in a loud crash. There’s no point in trying to surprise this Kaiju. They might as well just face it head on.

“Hold on.” Alexander says, stopping the Jaeger as he looks around. He scans a truck that is lying on its side, checking to see if there is anyone inside. When no life forms show on their monitor, Alexander reaches out a hand to grab the truck, lifting into the air and holding it like a club.

Realizing what he wants to do, Aaron and Bellamy both smile and then their Jaeger starts to move again, closing in on the Kaiju. It notices them and swings around to face their Jaeger, throwing its head back in an ugly roar.

“Let’s get this son-of-a-bitch!” Alexander yells, and he swings at the Kaiju with the truck, striking it across the head. The truck breaks in half as a result, but also causes the Kaiju to stumble backwards, giving them the opportunity to stay on the offensive.

Aaron lands a punch to the Kaiju’s torso, feeling the vibration of the impact run up his arm. The Kaiju are getting stronger. He tries to punch again, but the Kaiju claws at the Jaeger’s arm, pushing it out of the way as it swipes the other hand at the Conn-Pod.

They manage to step away before it can hit them, but then its tail, a part of it that Aaron had forgotten about, swipes out at them and the impact sends them flying backwards into a building, glass shattering all around them.

“Use the cannon!” Alexander yells at Aaron since his still needs time to recharge. More thoughts flow from Alexander, instructions on when to shoot. He wants to do it immediately, but Aaron waits, knowing that it has to be the right moment.

The Kaiju crawls over their Jaeger, which had fallen onto its back after crashing into the building. The Kaiju seems to sniff at them, perhaps checking to see if they are alive. Aaron slowly moves his arm, letting the cannon load as the Kaiju continues to inspect them. Then, when the Kaiju moves back a fraction of an inch, Aaron yells and raises his arm, letting the plasma cannon release.

The Kaiju screeches as it gets hit, reeling backwards and flailing through its pain. There is a large burn on one of its legs, but other than that, it seems uninjured. Aaron swears under his breath and then motions for Alexander to help him get the Jaeger back on its feet.

They begin to trade blows back and forth with the Kaiju again, the battle seeming to go on for hours. There is sweat dripping down Aaron’s back, and he feels like his muscles are screaming. Just when he thinks it can’t get any worse, the Kaiju’s tail wraps around their Jaeger, squeezing hard.

“Fight back!” Washington yells, and Aaron can’t help but roll his eyes.

“We would, sir, if we had something to fight back with! Our arms are being held down.”

“Hold on!” Bellamy yells, and he begins to fiddle with the control panel in front of him. It takes a few seconds, but then he lets out a triumphant sound.

Aaron watches as a white mist emerges from the side of their Jaeger, clouding the Kaiju from view momentarily. When the mist finally clears, Aaron has to blink a few times to check if what he is seeing is real; the Kaiju’s tail is frozen solid, and with one movement of Bellamy’s arm, it snaps right off.

“What did you do?”

“Coolant tanks!” Bellamy says with a large grin. “All Jaeger’s have them, in order to regulate temperature. So I just vented one out of the Jaeger so I could freeze the Kaiju.”

“You’re a genius.” Aaron says, and Bellamy responds with a wink.

Then, there is another loud screech, and suddenly the whole world turns upside down as their Jaeger is lifted off of its feet. Aaron looks around in confusion, not understand what is happening, but then there is the sound of something flapping, and it clicks in Aaron’s mind just as Alexander vocalizes it.

“It’s flying!” Alexander says, fear and awe clear in his voice. “The Kaiju is fucking flying!”

Aaron thinks back to when Theo asked if Kaiju would ever be able to fly, and feels an absurd desire to laugh. But then the reality of the situation hits him, and he clenches his jaw.

“Sir, what do we do? Both cannons are recharging and the Kaiju’s grip is too strong!”

“Bellamy, would freezing it work again?” Washington asks, but there is no response, and when Aaron peers over at Bellamy, there is fear written across his entire face.

“Bellamy?” Aaron asks, the feeling of fear creeping over him as well. Then he remembers; Bellamy is scared of heights. “Bellamy! Hey, listen to me!” He waits until Bellamy is looking at him. “It’s gonna be okay. I’m right here. Alexander is right here. We aren’t going anywhere, okay? We aren’t gonna let you go.”

 _Never let go_ , Aaron thinks in his head, and both Alexander and Bellamy look at him, something lighting up both of their eyes.

“Never let go.” Bellamy repeats faintly, and Aaron can feel inside him that Alexander and Bellamy understand what those words mean to him.

“I think I know what to do.” Alexander says, and he begins to press buttons on the control panel. Aaron can see the concentration on his face. “I installed a secret weapon in here while Laf and I were doing upgrades. Just gimme a second.”

“No secret weapon was cleared with me.” Washington says in a disapproving tone, but Alexander just laughs.

“Hence the secret part. Here we go!” Alexander raises his arm, and Aaron watches in amazement as the Jaeger’s hand turns into a large, sword-like weapon that almost resembles a chainsaw. Alexander raises his hand even more, yelling something indistinguishable as he swipes out at the Kaiju.

It takes a few tries, but eventually Alexander hits the right spot, and the sword thrusts up into the Kaiju’s chest, killing it instantly.

Then, they begin to fall.

“Oh my God.” Bellamy says, his eyes wide as they watch the ground start to rush up towards them. “Oh my God, oh my God.”

“Impact will be rough.” Washington tells them. “But not deadly. Curl into a defensive position and raise all three arms to slow yourselves down. Prepare for impact.”

They do as he commands, and Aaron is torn between watching or closing his eyes. Eventually he settles for closing his eyes, listening as Washington counts down the moment until they will hit the earth. When they do, Aaron feels like his whole body is going to split apart. But they survived.

They won.

-

When they get back to the base, they are met with loud cheers and applause. People that Aaron has never even met before are coming up to him and clapping him on the back. His face hurts from smiling so much, and it’s only once he changes out of his drivesuit that he realizes his smile has become forced since he’s gotten out of the Jaeger.

Reality had come crashing back in as soon as they got back. Herc, Laurens, and Peggy are all still dead, and nothing Aaron did today changed that.

But he still smiles and nods as he walks through the base searching for Bellamy and Alexander. He even smiles when Jefferson finds him, surprised by the slightly awkward thank you that he gets from the man. When Aaron finally does find Bellamy and Alexander, they are also smiling and nodding at people, looking slightly overwhelmed at the attention. But Alexander is wearing a wide grin, and Aaron knows how much all of this means to him.

Aaron just wishes he could feel the same.

“How’re you doing?” Aaron asks Bellamy once he reaches him, having to yell a little over all the noise. “Feeling better now that your feet are back on the ground?”

“Definitely.” Bellamy says with a laugh. “But flying Kaiju definitely aren’t my thing.”

Aaron forces himself to laugh, thinking if any kind of Kaiju is Bellamy’s thing. They’re all awful in Aaron’s opinion. God, he hates this. Hates how panicky he feels. He doesn’t want to feel this way. He wants to feel the way he does in a Jaeger. Strong, confident, in control. But he feels none of that now. Only exhaustion. Only fear.

Aaron clears his throat when he sees Bellamy looking at him, and then gives another small smile and nod when Bellamy tells him that him and Alexander are going to visit Eliza. But he refuses the offer to come along.

“Are you really okay?” Aaron asks before Bellamy leaves, running his fingertips across Bellamy’s cheek gently. He smiles when Bellamy leans into the touch.

“I am.” Bellamy murmurs. “Or I will be. Are you?”

“I’m always okay.” Aaron says, letting the words fall from his mouth with ease and tasting the lie bitter on his tongue. “I think I’m just gonna try to get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Before Bellamy can look at him any closer, before he can detect the lie in his eyes or the panic growing from inside his skin, Aaron drops his hand and turns, making his way back to his room in what he hopes are even footsteps.

When Aaron gets back to his room, he immediately leans against the door when it closes behind him. He runs a shaking hand over his face, rubbing at his eyes. He wants to forget about today, forget all that happened. He rubs harder, but the faces of Herc, Laurens, and Peggy still swim behind his eyelids, and he feels a choked gasp escape him.

He sinks to the ground when the gasps don’t stop, digging his nails into the floor as he tries to calm down. But his mind is racing, and he keeps seeing everyone’s faces; Herc and Laurens, Peggy, Sally, his parents…why did they all have to go? His whole family…

Why is he the only one left?

Aaron rests his forehead against the cool floor as his body begins to shake, squeezing his eyes shut. He’s so tired. He’s so tired of losing people, of watching the people he loves die. He’s so tired of being left behind.

Once his heartbeat slows down, once his arms stop shaking, Aaron pushes himself up and forces his legs to carry him over to his bed. He slumps down onto it, not bothering to undress or pull the covers over him. He just wants to sleep, to dream, to escape his mind for a few hours. He wants it all to stop.

But instead of dreams he gets nightmares.

He’s nine years old again, standing in the streets of Los Angeles with Sally and his parents. It’s all calm at first, and Aaron’s parents look down at him and smile. Sally has an arm thrown around his shoulders, and Aaron feels peaceful.

But then the ground shakes.

Sally is thrown off balance and away from him, and Aaron watches, unable to move, as his parents fall to the ground. The Kaiju comes into sight, and Aaron tries to move his feet, but they seem to be glued to the concrete. He can’t move.

There are screams, but no one else is around them. The streets are empty, but the yells are growing louder, and Aaron wants to cover his ears, but he can’t lift his arms either. His eyes, however, land on his parents, who lay motionless on the ground. Sally calls out to them, but they don’t respond.

The Kaiju’s clawed foot emerges from behind a building, followed by the rest of its massive body. Aaron tries to call out to Sally, to warn her, but his voice gets stuck in his throat. He watches, helpless, as the Kaiju gets closer and closer. It seems to take hours but also mere seconds for it to descend onto Sally.

The screams reach a crescendo as Sally falls to ground. She reaches a hand out to Aaron, yelling his name, yelling for him to help her. But Aaron can’t. He can’t move his hands. He can only watch.

Sally is still yelling, and Aaron tries to move his arm, tries to reach out and take her hand. If he can just take her hand, he can save her. He knows he can save her. But he can’t. And now there is blood, so much blood, coming towards him and Aaron can’t even take a step back. He can’t move, he can’t-

“Aaron!” The voice isn’t Sally’s and it sounds as if it is coming from far away. It keeps repeating his name, over and over and over, getting a little louder each time. But Aaron can’t tell where it’s coming from. He can’t move. “AARON!”

He jerks awake, gulping in air, the sound rattling in his ears. He shoots up into a sitting position and tries to move his arms, but again, he can’t. But this time there is a reason; Bellamy is kneeling on the bed next to him, holding his shoulders and looking at him with concern.

“Let go.” Aaron gasps out, trying to wrench his arms away. “Let me go, Bell, let me go!”

Bellamy immediately releases him and scoots back, giving Aaron some space. But his eyes remain on Aaron’s face, concern still apparent in his eyes. But he lets Aaron compose himself.

Aaron brings his hands to his face, pressing them to his skin and taking deep breaths as the images from the nightmare start to slip away. But the fragments remain, and Aaron shivers, dropping his hands and flexing his fingers a few times. Then he reaches out for Bellamy’s hand, exhaling slowly when he is able to entwine their fingers together.

“Are you okay?” Another voice says, and Aaron looks over Bellamy’s shoulder to see Alexander standing at the foot of the bed. Aaron manages to give him a wordless nod, and then Alexander slowly climbs onto the bed on Aaron’s other side. He looks him up and down and then tugs at his shirt, which Aaron realizes is drenched through with sweat. “Come on, take this off.”

Aaron slips his shirt off despite the shivers that are still coursing through his body, and drops it onto the floor next to the bed. A silence falls, and Aaron scoots back until his back is against the headboard, and he brings his knees up to his chest. He avoids looking at Alexander and Bellamy, and instead rests his eyes on the door.

“How did you get in here?” He asks, his voice sounding hoarse. “Thought the door was locked.”

“Oh.” Alexander shifts and glances at Bellamy. “I may or may not have broken in.”

Aaron huffs out a laugh and runs his hands over his face again. He feels Bellamy move closer to him, sitting beside him. Then his hand rests on Aaron’s shoulder. Aaron lifts his head up, looking at him, then Alexander.

“How did you know to come find me?” Aaron asks, wondering if he had been shouting in his sleep. But from the way Alexander and Bellamy look at each other like they are unsure of what to say makes Aaron think otherwise.

“I felt it.” Alexander says after a few more moments. “Your nightmare, I could feel it. I…” He gestures vaguely with his hand. “I couldn’t see it, exactly, but I could feel what you were feeling. Then I found Bellamy and we…we found you.”

“Why did you tell me you were okay?” Bellamy murmurs, his hand moving to the back of Aaron’s neck. When Aaron doesn’t respond, Bellamy sighs. “Aaron, you can tell me when you aren’t okay. It’s…it’s okay to _not_ be okay.”

“But I don’t want to not be okay.” Aaron says. “I’m so tired of not being okay.”

“Hey…” Alexander takes Aaron’s hand. “Remember what you told me when I was upset? That I shouldn’t push people out when I’m angry? That goes both ways, you know. You don’t have to pretend with us. You can talk to us.”

Aaron searches Alexander’s eyes, which are looking up at him so imploringly that Aaron can’t help but smile at him. He runs his thumb over the back of Alexander’s knuckles and nods.

“I’m just tired.” Aaron says, needing those simple words to explain all that he is feeling. “Of all of it. It’s all so much and I…I don’t want to do it anymore.” He swallows, feeling his throat start to burn.

“You’ve done so much, Aaron.” Bellamy says, moving his hand to trace the scars on his chest and ribs. “You’ve been through so much. It’s okay to feel like that. It doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t!” Bellamy moves again to put his hand under Aaron’s chin, making him look at him. He runs his thumb over Aaron’s jaw. “You are so strong.”

Aaron stares at Bellamy for a long moment, trying to memorize the softness of his eyes, loving the comfort that they always give him. He leans closer to Bellamy until their lips brush against each other. He lets his head drop onto Bellamy’s shoulder, but then Bellamy is nudging him.

“Sleep.” He says, lying down on his side as he speaks. “Come on, we all need to sleep.” He motions for Aaron and Alexander to lie down as well, humming happily when Aaron situates himself on his back beside him.

Alexander presses himself to Aaron’s other side, pushing his face into the crook of his neck and placing his hand on his stomach. His touch is warm, and Aaron exhales, feeling small fragments of the panic and tension leave him.

“The first thing I’m gonna do after all this is over,” Bellamy murmurs, resuming the tracing of Aaron’s scars, “is buy a dog. A big golden retriever.”

“What are you gonna name it?” Aaron asks through a yawn, turning his head slightly too look at Bellamy.

“Steve.”

“Steve?” Alexander snorts, and his laughter sends warm bursts of air onto Aaron’s neck. “Worst dog name ever. First thing I’m gonna do is go to a library. Stay in it for hours and read every book.”

Aaron smiles at the image of Alexander surrounded by piles of books, probably running his hands through his hair as he reads. He searches his mind for what he wants to do once the war is over, but comes up with nothing. He hasn’t thought about the war ending, hasn’t imagined what his life will be like. He almost can’t remember what used to make him happy.

“You know what we should do?” Alexander asks, lifting himself and leaning on his elbow so he can look down at Aaron and Bellamy. “Superhero movie marathon!” He grins at them, and Aaron can already see the wheels spinning in his head. “We can do DC and Marvel and just eat some pizza. God I miss pizza. But we can stay inside for days and just watch all the movies.”

Aaron stares up at Alexander, taking in his disheveled hair, the way his eyes light up when he speaks. He’s beautiful. Aaron reaches out a hand to tuck a piece of hair behind his ear, but then he moves his hand behind Alexander’s head and pulls him down until their mouths meet.

Alexander makes a small noise of surprise, but then he opens his mouth against Aaron’s, kissing him deeply in a way that makes Aaron’s head spin. He gasps when Alexander trails a hand over his chest, and then feels Alexander’s lips form into a smirk. Then his teeth are sinking into Aaron’s lower lip, making him groan. They continue to kiss slowly, and Aaron becomes aware of Bellamy’s hand running up and down his chest as well. Then there are soft lips pressing against the side of his neck, the feeling of teeth scraping gently over his skin.

Aaron pulls away from Alexander, turning to look at Bellamy who immediately claims his mouth. His tongue swipes over Aaron’s lip, over the indents that Alexander’s teeth had left and soothing the sting away. Aaron tries to press closer, but then Bellamy stops him, pressing one last kiss to the corner of his mouth before moving away.

“Sleep.” Bellamy whispers, running his hand over Aaron’s cheek. “You need to sleep.”

“You’ll stay?” Aaron asks, already feeling his eyes start to grow heavy. He nestles back into the bed, smiling when Alexander rests his head on his chest.

“Course we’ll stay.” Bellamy says, smiling and moving a little closer to Aaron, continuing to move his fingertips over Aaron’s skin gently. “We’ll always stay.”

Aaron smiles and soon finds himself breathing in and out with the slow movement of Bellamy’s hands. The action is soothing, and it helps him relax. He replays Bellamy’s words over and over in his head as sleep starts to engulf him again.

_We’ll always stay, we’ll always stay, we’ll always stay._

_Never let go._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for continuing to read this guys, it means a lot!
> 
> Kudos are appreciated and comments are loved! :) Come talk to me on tumblr @fanciful-follies if you want to!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Sunday, another chapter! Kind of a filler chapter, but there are some important moments.
> 
> ***Also, warning for a very brief moment of suicidal thoughts***

When Aaron wakes up the next morning, Bellamy’s arm is slung over his waist, his chest pressed tightly against Aaron’s back in a way that makes Aaron feel protected. Alexander is breathing softly next to him, and when Aaron finally blinks his eyes open, he sees that Alexander is already awake, watching him with a small smile.

“Morning.” Alexander whispers, and when Aaron responds with a yawn, Alexander chuckles softly before looking at him a little more seriously and reaching out to trace his jaw with gentle fingers.

Aaron knows that he probably wants to talk about last night, to see if he is actually okay, so Aaron purposefully doesn’t say anything else. He doesn’t want to talk about it, would much rather just lie in bed in silence. But of course that doesn’t stop Alexander.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m fine.” Aaron says a little more sharply than he means to. He knows Alexander means well, but he isn’t in the mood to have this discussion. “We don’t need to talk about it.”

“Aaron…” Alexander trails his hand down his face to his neck and then back up again, but his eyes stay locked on Aaron’s the entire time. “Seriously. You can talk to me. I swear I’m a good listener when I really try. Besides,” he grins at Aaron, “if you don’t tell me, I can just use my new mind reading powers to figure out how you’re feeling.”

“It’s not mind reading.” Aaron says with a roll of his eyes, but then he laughs, trying to stay quiet so he doesn’t wake Bellamy. “It’s more like…emotion reading.”

“Okay, well then I’m reading your emotions, right now, and they’re saying that you want to tell me what you are feeling.”

“I don’t think that’s true.”

“Come on, Aaron.” Alexander tilts his head and huffs out a quiet breath. “I want…I want you to know that you can talk to me. I know Jon is usually Mr. Sympathetic and always has the right words, but I can do that too, I can help you.”

Aaron stays quiet, letting his eyes roam over Alexander’s face. He’s looking at him with nervous eyes, and Aaron knows that he must be feeling anxious, that he’s thinking that Aaron doesn’t want to confide in him. Aaron wonders for a brief moment if he just knows Alexander this well to be able to tell what is going on in his mind, or if Aaron’s reading his emotions. Either way he knows what he should do.

“I already told you.” Aaron sighs, reaching out to stop Alexander’s hand from continuing to smooth over his cheek. “I’m just tired, of everything. I’m…” He lets out another laugh and shakes his head against the pillow. “I want it all to be over.”

“It will be,” Alexander assures him quickly, “and soon.”

“Yeah, but then what?”

“What do you mean?”

“I…” Aaron shakes his head again before looking over at Alexander. “What do you want to do when all this is over? Not just going to the library and reading books, but what do you want to _do?_ Want to be?”

“I…” Alexander stares at him and licks his lips, pausing, but Aaron can see the ideas swimming in his head, and in the next second, words are pouring from Alexander’s mouth in a rush. “I thought about going to school…to college, getting a teaching degree or something, become a professor, write some books. Or go into politics, somewhere I can make a difference. I don’t know…there are a lot of things I want to do.”

“That’s my point. You know what you want to do, you have a plan. Me?” Aaron laughs, this one sounding much more hollow. “I have no idea what I’m going to do. I don’t even know what I like, what I don’t like. I was barely nine years old when all of this started; I don’t even know how to live. I have no idea, and that scares the hell out of me, I-“

“Aaron, it’s-“

“-don’t even know what I want to be!” Aaron continues in a rush, feeling his panic set back in. “I have nowhere to go after this, nothing to do. I don’t even…where am I going to live?” He takes in a shuddering breath, wanting to look away from the sympathy in Alexander’s eyes, but Alexander returns his hand to Aaron’s face, forcing Aaron to look at him.

“You’re gonna live with me.” He murmurs, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, and Aaron lets out a watery laugh. “With me and Jon. Aaron…” He strokes his face softly. “You don’t need to know what you’re gonna do, that’s okay. You’ll have time to figure it out.”

“But what if I don’t?” Aaron whispers, feeling the corners of his eyes start to burn. “What if…I mean, you know as well as I do that there’s a chance we don’t make it out of this. So why start planning when I might not even make it? What’s the point?”

“Because you will make it, you will.” Alexander cups his face with both hands, staring at him earnestly. “I’ll make sure you make it. You have to make it, Aaron. I can’t lose you too, okay? Not after Herc and John, not after Peggy. I can’t-“ Alexander breaks off, mouthing wordlessly at Aaron for a few moments before snapping his mouth shut.

Aaron feels a rush of guilt inside and him and scoots forward slightly, inching closer to Alexander so he can press his lips to his forehead. He holds Alexander with one arm, letting him compose himself with his head tucked into Aaron’s neck. A few minutes later Alexander pulls back, an apology forming on his lips that Aaron stops with a shake of his head.

“It’s okay.” He tells him. “I didn’t mean to make you worry. I’m just…” Aaron pauses, remembering what Bellamy told him the night before. “I’m just not okay, and I’m trying to deal with that. Badly, I know, but I’m trying.”

“You’re doing great.” Alexander says, smiling at him again. “You really are strong, Aaron. God, I used to want to be you when I was a kid. I’m sure you know that by now, though. People used to tease me about it all the time. But you were just so damn cool.” He laughs when Aaron ducks his head, feeling his face heat up. “Seriously, you have no idea the way people talked about you when you were going through the program. You inspired so many people, still do.”

“Shut up.” Aaron mutters, but he laughs when Alexander presses a kiss to his jaw. Then, without warning, Alexander nips at his neck, his hand traveling down his chest. “Alexander…”

“Had such a crush on you.” Alexander breathes, pressing another kiss to his neck and making Aaron shiver. “I remember the first time I saw you, it was during combat training, and you looked so good.” His presses his face into Aaron’s neck, letting him feel the smile on his lips.

“I remember that.” Aaron murmurs, breath hitching when Alexander starts to move his lips against his skin with more determination. “I saw you staring, tried to impress you.”

“It worked.” Alexander whispers against his neck. “Thought I was gonna pass out that first time you talked to me. Wanted to kiss you so bad that day, and every day after that, I would have, but then you…” He tenses, realizing the sensitive topic he was about to bring up, but Aaron presses a hand to his back reassuringly.

“But then I left.” Aaron finishes for him, angling his head back with a gasp as Alexander scrapes his teeth over his skin. Aaron feels his whole body starting to heat up, and there is a warmth pooling in his stomach as Alexander continues to press kisses to his neck.

“I was so surprised when you came back.” Alexander whispers, tilting his head up to look at Aaron. “ I really didn’t think you would, but you did. And I wanted to kiss you all over again. I almost did, that first day you came back, when we were in your room. I wanted to kiss you.”

“I remember.” Aaron says, smiling when Alexander continues to look at him with dark eyes. “I wanted you to kiss me,” he admits, “and I want you to kiss me now.”

“Yeah?” Alexander asks with a teasing smile, leaning in closer, putting his hands back on Aaron’s chest.

“You can kiss me whenever you want.” Aaron tells him, pressing his lips to Alexander’s in a soft, quick kiss. “All the time, if you want to.” He kisses him again, longer this time, his hand resting on Alexander’s cheek. “Cause I’m not gonna leave again.”

Alexander presses up against him, and Aaron opens his mouth to deepen the kiss, not caring that they both just woke up and probably have morning breath. He just wants to feel Alexander against him, wants to hold him, wants to kiss him and never stop.

He feels his pulse start to quicken when Alexander lets out a small moan after Aaron slides his tongue against his, and is about to do it again when Bellamy’s arm suddenly tightens around his waist. Then he feels warm breath tickling his ear.

“I sleep in for an extra ten minutes, and you two are already getting into trouble.” Bellamy says, his voice scratchy with sleep, but the sound of a smile is clear in his voice as well. “Starting all the fun without me.”

“I…I-” Aaron stutters, his face growing warm again at being caught in such a situation. But then Bellamy kisses a spot behind his ear and moves his hand down to the front of Aaron’s jeans. “Bell…”

“Is this okay?” Bellamy murmurs, squeezing Aaron’s erection gently, and Aaron can’t help but laugh. In what world wouldn’t this be okay? He quickly nods, bringing his mouth back to Alexander’s to continue their kiss.

He arches into both of their touches, mouth falling open momentarily in a loud gasp as Bellamy unzips his jeans, slipping his hand inside and starting to stroke Aaron faster over the fabric of his boxers. His skin feels like it’s on fire, but it’s good, and he doesn’t want to be anywhere else other than between Alexander and Bellamy right now.

A moan escapes him when Alexander’s hand travels down to join Bellamy’s, squeezing this base of his cock as Bellamy rubs his thumb over the head, making Aaron buck his hips and close his eyes. Then, one of their hands, he can’t tell whose, dips beneath the waist band of his boxers, wrapping around his cock. Aaron lets out a breathy gasp, jerking back into Bellamy again.

“Aaron…” Bellamy murmurs, his voice sounding slightly strained, and Aaron realizes why a moment later when Bellamy shifts his hips forward, his own erection pressing into Aaron’s backside. “Do you know how perfect you are?”

 _You’re perfect_ , Aaron thinks in his mind as the hand continues to move up and down his cock, making him unable to form words. _You and Alexander…both of you are so perfect._ The hand keeps moving, faster and faster, and Alexander’s lips are on his again. Aaron feels like he’s floating, every part of his body tingling.

But then Bellamy swears under his breath when there’s a knock at the door, which causes Aaron to open his eyes just in time to see that it was Bellamy’s hand that had roamed lower, and he reluctantly removes it. Aaron blinks his eyes a few times, coming out of his daze, and he can’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation when another knock rings out.

“Not funny.” Bellamy says with a pout, but Alexander snickers, burying his head into Aaron’s neck. “Been waiting ages for this.”

“Then you shouldn’t have been so persistent about all of us getting sleep last night.” Aaron teases, leaning over to peck Bellamy on the lips, trying to calm his body down. “Could have been doing this instead.”

Bellamy reaches out to pull Aaron back down, kissing him hard and nipping at his lower lip before pulling away with a dramatic sigh.

“We’ll just have to resume later.” He says, then he’s smirking and palming at Aaron’s crotch again, making him yelp. “Have fun answering your door with a boner.”

“Fuck you.” Aaron shoots back, but he laughs. “Fuck both of you.”

“Is that a promise?” Alexander asks with a wide grin, and Bellamy snorts into the pillow as Aaron flips them both off before standing up.

He zips his pants back up, praying that his erection isn’t that noticeable, and then grabs his shirt from the floor and tugs it on. He goes over to his door and takes a deep breath, ignoring the laughter coming from his bed as he pulls it open to see Theodosia standing there.

“Hey.” She says, voice hoarse, but she gives him a smile, even if it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “I wanted to see how you were doing after the battle.” She steps in, still facing Aaron. “I would have seen you yesterday, but I was with Eliza still. Are you doing oka-“ She cuts off when her eyes land on Aaron’s bed, which Alexander and Bellamy are sprawled across.

“Hello.” Alexander says, giving her a lazy wave as he rests his head on Bellamy’s chest, and Bellamy is not so subtly covering his crotch with a pillow.

“I see you’re in good hands.” Theodosia murmurs, turning back to Aaron, a bigger smile on her face now as Aaron ducks his head in embarrassment. “I’m glad you’re doing okay.”

“How’s Eliza?” Aaron asks, holding his breath for a moment until Theodosia smiles again. “She’s okay?”

“She is. Her injuries are pretty bad, but she woke up this morning. I left her and Angelica alone to…to talk about Peggy.”

Aaron nods, feeling his stomach twist at the reminder of Peggy being gone. He clenches his hands at his sides and breathes deeply through his nose, urging the panic back down. He takes a small step back, but then a strong pair of arms are wrapping around his waist, and Bellamy is suddenly there, resting his chin on Aaron’s shoulder.

“How is James’s arm?” He asks, pulling Aaron even closer to him. “Is Thomas worrying about him?”

“Of course he is, but his arm is fine. Still broken, but he’ll recover. I have Theo watching over him and making sure Thomas doesn’t give himself a migraine by worrying too much. If James so much as sneezes Thomas freaks out.”

“It’s kind of sweet.” Bellamy says. “How much Thomas cares, he rarely lets that side of him show.”

“That’s cause he’s an asshole.” Alexander calls from the bed, and Aaron rolls his eyes.

“Anyway,” Theodosia says with a short laugh,“Washington is calling for a meeting later, to figure out what to do.”

“What to do?” Alexander asks, finally getting up from the bed and making his way over to the rest of them. Aaron can’t stop himself from reaching out and smoothing down his hair, loving he way Alexander leans into the touch. “What do you mean?”

“Well, James can’t pilot a Jaeger now, with his arm, so Jefferson needs to find another co-pilot before we try to destroy the breach.”

“Do you think he’ll be able to find someone in time?” Aaron asks as Bellamy releases him, going over to the bed to put his shoes on. “That process can take a while.”

“Washington says he’s going to do it.”

“What?!” Alexander’s voice is sharp and panicked, and when Aaron looks over at him, his eyes are wide. “What do you mean he’s going to do it?”

“I-“

“He can’t!” Alexander says, his face growing pale. When Aaron tries to take his hand, Alexander jerks away for a moment before moving his own hand and gripping Aaron’s shirt tightly. “Aaron, he can’t pilot the Jaeger, he hasn’t been in one for years, they’re different now. He won’t be able to, he’ll die!” Alexander releases his shirt and sprints out of the room, leaving everyone else shocked behind him.

“Alexander, wait!” Aaron shakes off his surprise chases after him, hearing Bellamy and Theodosia running behind him. Alexander leads them down a series of hallways until they come to a door which Aaron recognizes as Washington’s office. Alexander steps in, and the rest of them following him hesitantly.

“You can’t do it!” Alexander shouts as soon as he’s inside, and Washington turns in surprise, stopping mid sentence in whatever discussion he was having with Angelica. “You can’t go in a Jaeger!”

“Alexander, son, don’t-“

“No!” Alexander shouts, and Aaron can see his hands shaking. “You told me you wouldn’t, you promised!”

“War requires sacrifice, Alexander.” Washington says, and Aaron notices the way his eyes aren’t quite meeting Alexander’s. “We only have a week until the next predicted attack, and I have experience, I can drift with anyone. And I will do it, and you will not have a say in the matter.”

“That’s not _fair._ ” Alexander says, his eyes filling up with tears, his jaw clenched. “You shouldn’t have to do it, you promised me, you-“

“I’m doing what I have to do.” Washington says, cutting Alexander off. “I am doing what is best for everyone.”

“It’s not best for me.” Alexander says quietly, his voice cracking slightly, and Aaron sees the way the energy seems to drain from Washington’s body at the words. His shoulders sag and he puts a hand to his face. “Please, _please_ don’t do it.”

Alexander’s plea hangs in the air, and all eyes are on Washington, but when he lifts his head, he still doesn’t meet Alexander’s eyes, and he says nothing. So Alexander hangs his head before turning away, and he walks out of the room, letting the door slam behind him.

Aaron watches him go, the air in the room feeling tense. He takes half a step forward but then pauses, wondering if he should follow or not. But Bellamy nudges him, nodding his head at the door, so Aaron goes to find Alexander.

Alexander didn’t get very far after leaving the room; Aaron sees him leaning against one of the walls, his head bowed as he runs his hands over his eyes. Aaron steps over to him slowly, calling his name softly so as not to scare him.

“Go away.” Alexander says, his voice thick with tears and his face still turned away.

“Alexander, come on.” Aaron puts his hand on Alexander’s shoulder, taking it as a good sign when Alexander doesn’t move away. “Washington didn’t mean to upset you, he’s just-“

“You don’t know that!” Alexander snaps out, turning to face him, his face tracked with tears. “Don’t act like you know him better than me, he’s basically my-“ He cuts off suddenly, closing his eyes and swallowing a few times.

Aaron watches him, feeling slightly off balance at the harshness of his words, but then he breathes out, reminding himself that Alexander doesn’t mean it. He’s just upset.

“Hey.” Aaron squeezes his shoulder, trying to calm him down. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say I know him better. But I…he’s not trying to make you upset, or…or leave you, he’s just-“

“Leaving me.” Alexander spits out, taking a step back, leaving Aaron’s hand faltering in mid air before dropping it to his side.. “That’s exactly what he’s doing, like everyone else has done in my life. He promised me he wouldn’t. It was years ago, but he promised me. He swore that he would always be here but he clearly doesn’t give a fuck about me.”

“That’s not true.”

“Then why would he do it?” Alexander asks, his voice starting to rise. “There are other people that could do it! But he doesn’t care, he’s going to leave, just like everyone else. Like my dad…like _you_.”

“Alexander…” Aaron trails off, his stomach tightening at the way Alexander is looking at him with such anger. He has to fix this, but he’s not sure how. “I didn’t leave you, I didn’t! I told you, I left this.” He waves his hand around them, trying to get him to understand. “I left this life because I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to leave _you_ , Alexander.”

“But you did.”

“But I didn’t want to!” Aaron yells, throwing his hands into the air. “Everybody acts like it was easy for me to choose to leave, like I wanted to do it, but I didn’t! I _wanted_ to stay with you, to stay with Bellamy, but I couldn’t, okay? I was…I was depressed!” Aaron clenches his jaw and presses his hands to his eyes for a moment. “I…I didn’t even want to live after Sally died. She was my best friend, she was my sister. She always picked me up when I couldn’t do something, she was always there, and then she was gone and I didn’t know what to do! There was so much guilt in me, Alexander, that I was alive and she was dead. And being here just reminded me of that, that I was alive. So I left, because I didn’t want to feel alive.”

Alexander is watching Aaron with a frozen expression when Aaron finally lifts his head. He feels exhausted suddenly, like admitting everything to Alexander had drained him entirely. Alexander takes a small step forward, pressing his palm to Aaron’s chest, right over his heart.

“I’m…sorry.” Alexander says slowly, eyes moving from where his hand rests to meet Aaron’s gaze. “I shouldn’t have made you leaving about me when it’s…when that’s not what it was. I didn’t know you felt so…” He presses his hand harder against Aaron’s chest and makes a small, pained sound in the back of his throat. “I’m sorry. It just hurt so much when you left.”

“But I came back!” Aaron says, grabbing hold of Alexander’s shoulders again. “I came back, and I told you I’m not leaving again. Alexander, I am not leaving you.” He moves his hands so they’re cupping Alexander’s face. “I’m…I’m not gonna let you go. I care about you so much, please let me show you that.”

Alexander stares up at him, his mouth hanging open slightly as he searches Aaron’s eyes. Whatever he finds must calm him down, because he leans forward, letting his forehead rest against Aaron’s as he takes in a few breaths.

“Thank you.” He whispers, and then his arms are wrapping around Aaron’s neck, pulling him down until their mouths meet in a kiss that immediately takes Aaron’s breath away.

It’s a different kiss than the ones they have previously shared. It’s slow and gentle, lips moving in an easy, smooth manner that makes Aaron’s head fill with a pleasant noise that seems to spread throughout him.

He pulls Alexander closer, licking across his lips before letting his tongue slide over his teeth. When Alexander hums into the kiss, letting his mouth drop open further, Aaron surges forward, his hands moving under Alexander’s shirt to touch the skin of his back. Kissing Alexander makes Aaron dizzy, but he loves it. He wants to do it forever.

It feels like Alexander is melting into him, body pressed against him, making small noises that are driving Aaron crazy. But then there is the sound of someone clearing their throat, and Aaron pulls back at the same time Alexander does.

“Mr. Burr.” Washington’s voice says from behind him, and Aaron winces as Alexander turns a faint shade red. “Not to interrupt, but I was hoping I could have a word with Alexander.”

Alexander glares at Washington over Aaron’s shoulders for a moment before turning back to Aaron, standing on his tiptoes to press another kiss to Aaron’s lips, licking into his mouth in a way that makes Aaron’s heart stutter. Then he’s stepping away, winking at Aaron before turning on his heel and walking away from Washington.

Aaron watches him go, his head still spinning, but then he turns around to face Washington, noticing Bellamy and Angelica standing off to the side at a distance. Him and Washington both stare at each other, Aaron shifting on his feet awkwardly until Washington sighs, passing his hand over his face again.

“I know you might not understand,” Washington starts slowly, “that it seems like I don’t care, but I do. I’m just trying to do what needs to be done. Everyone is looking to me to keep us going.”

“I do understand.” Aaron says after a moment, and he can’t help but smile when Washington looks at him in surprise. “I’m…sir, I know we’ve had our differences and…our disputes, but I never really doubted your ability as a leader.” Aaron stops there, feeling slightly more awkward under Washington’s gaze.

“You once told me,” Washington says, a smile forming on his face, “that you had an action figure of me. What happened to it?”

“Oh, uh…” Aaron shifts on his feet and rubs the back of his head. “Threw it at a wall, the day I left the Academy.” He feels his face flush as Washington chuckles. “I-I mean I still have it! The arm popped off but it’s still-“

“It’s fine.” Washington places a hand on Aaron’s shoulder, taking him by surprise. “No doubt I deserved it. I know I haven’t always been…warm, to you, Aaron. But you are a good pilot. We needed you here. I know I said you were our only option, but you were also our best option. I knew you could do it.”

“Thank you, sir.” Aaron says, still having a hard time processing this. Washington takes a step back, dropping his hand and chuckling softly.

“And I knew that Alexander could convince you to come back if I couldn’t.” He chuckles again when Aaron clears his throat awkwardly, but then he fixes him with a stern look. “Alexander cares for you.” Washington says, and Aaron makes a strangled sound, not wanting to have this conversation at all. “I hope that I can trust you in that regard as well.”

“I-“ Aaron stammers. “Of course you can, sir. I’m…I care about him too.”

“He doesn’t let people in very often.” Washington continues, staring at the spot that Alexander had disappeared from. “A trait he may have picked up from me, I’m afraid. We both have a habit of keeping people at a distance. I believe Mr. Bellamy has helped him get over that fear a little bit. I’m sure you will help him as well, and give him no reasons to keep his distance from you.”

Aaron nods, wondering if it would be appropriate or not for him to try and comfort Washington at this moment. Before he can decide, however, someone is calling Washington’s name, and he nods at Aaron one last time before walking away.

“What was all that about?” Bellamy murmurs, walking over to Aaron as soon as Washington is gone. “He didn’t yell at you for something, did he?”

“No. Well, not technically. But I’m pretty sure I just got the Dad talk from Washington about not hurting Alexander.”

Bellamy laughs loudly, not stopping until Aaron has to slap him lightly on the arm, and even then he keeps laughing, softening the noise by pressing his hand to his mouth. Once he finally recovers, his smile drops a little, and he takes Aaron’s hand.

“Did you talk to Alex?”

“I did.” Aaron sighs, biting the inside of his cheek. “But I’m not sure how much it good it did. I’m not good at talking to people, not like you. You always say the right things.”

“That’s not exactly true.” Bellamy says with a shrug. “I used to piss Alex off all the time until I learned how to talk to him when he’s in a bad mood. Even now I don’t always know how, that’s why I sent you out.”

“All we did was yell at each other.” Aaron admits with embarrassment, looking at Bellamy with surprise when he laughs again.

“That’s what I thought you would do.” Bellamy says. “Sometimes that’s what Alex needs, someone to yell at. Or rather, someone to yell at him. I’m no good with yelling, and Alex gets frustrated with me for being so calm when he’s mad.”

“I like your calmness.” Aaron says, letting his head rest on Bellamy’s shoulder. “We need that too, can’t always be yelling at each other.”

“I suppose that’s true.” Bellamy says with a soft laugh. “But you should know, Alex yelling doesn’t mean he is upset with you. More likely it means he’s upset with himself. He looks up to you so much, Aaron.”

“He’s still mad at me, for leaving.”

“He’ll forgive you.” Bellamy assures him, squeezing his hand and letting his cheek rest on his head. “It’ll just take time.”

 _What if we don’t have time?_ The question is right on the tip of Aaron’s tongue, but he catches himself at the last minute, knowing how much it will upset Bellamy if he voices it. So he just smiles instead and pulls away, allowing Bellamy lean down to kiss the corner of his mouth.

“Aaron?”

He pulls away to see Angelica walking over to him, the exhaustion clear on her face as she gets closer.

“What’s up?” He asks once she’s in front of him. “Are you doing okay?”

“I’m fine.” Angelica responds immediately, no feeling or truth behind her words, but Aaron doesn’t say anything. He knows what she must be going through. “But I have a favor to ask. Could…could you come with me to see Eliza? She’s recovering, but she’s…she’s not doing well…mentally, with everything about…about Peggy.” Angelica whispers the last word, her eyes shutting for a moment.

“Of course.” Aaron says. There’s a small part of him that is panicking, knowing that the conversation will bring up feelings of his own that he has buried down deep inside of him, memories of what it was like losing Sally. “I’ll go with you now, if you want.”

“And I’ll go find Alex.” Bellamy says when Angelica nods, letting go of Aaron’s hand. “He usually goes to the combat rooms to let off more steam when he’s upset. We’ll find you later.”

Aaron says goodbye to Bellamy before following Angelica down the hallway until they reach the medical room. He opens the door, letting Angelica step inside and then following behind her.

Eliza is the only one in the room, monitors beeping around her as she stares up at the ceiling with unblinking eyes. Her leg is in a cast, along with one of her arms, and Aaron can see the scratches and bruises that are scattered across her face as he steps closer to her. He sits down at the side of her bed, trying to smile when she turns to look at him with blank eyes.

“Hey.” He murmurs when she doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t ask how she’s doing, knowing that the question would not make her react well after everything that happened. So he reaches out to take the hand closest to him, the uninjured one, and runs his thumb over the back of it gently. “Eliza…it’s okay if you don’t want to talk now, but I’m…I’m here to talk about anything, whenever you’re ready.”

Silence follows his words, so Aaron leans back slightly in his chair and waits. But his mind is starting to spin, starting to conjure up images of when he was in Eliza’s place, wishing for nothing more than for Sally to be beside him, but knowing that she never would be again.

Aaron feels his hand twitch in Eliza’s and forces himself to stay calm, to not get up and run. She was there for him, so he can be there for her.

“I…” Eliza’s voice is quiet, and she licks her lips and swallows a few times, her eyes already filling with tears when Aaron looks at her. “I don’t even…how do you stand it? Aaron, how do you…” She lets out a choked sob, squeezing Aaron’s hand tightly. “She’s gone, and I felt it, I-“

“I know.” Aaron says, feeling like the air is leaving the room as Eliza cries. He doesn’t need her to say it, to explain what she is going through. He knows, he knows so well. “Eliza, I’m so sorry. I’m…” He shakes his head wordlessly, knowing that there is nothing he could say to make Eliza feel better.

“I keep seeing it.” Eliza whispers through her tears. “Peggy, I keep seeing her. Did that…did you see…see Sally dying, after it happened?” She lets out another sob when Aaron nods, squeezing her eyes shut. “Does it stop?”

“Do you want the truth?” Aaron asks softly, sighing and looking up at the ceiling when Eliza opens her eyes and nods. “It hasn’t stopped for me. I see her all the time. I relive that moment every day.” He swallows around the lump in his throat when Eliza’s body starts to shake with her tears. “I want her to come back all the time, and it hurts.”

“It’s too much.” Eliza tells him, fingers tightening around his hand. “I don’t think I…I can’t-“ “Eliza, I know it’s hard, I know it’s…it’s awful. But you…don’t blame yourself, please.”

“But I-“

“No!” Aaron says the word loudly, making Eliza jump. “Please, Eliza. I hurt so many people when I left.” His mind goes to Alexander. “When I pushed everyone away, I hurt myself too, cause I thought I deserved it. But I…I’m starting to realize that I didn’t. And I know you don’t.”

“I should have told her to eject her emergency pod sooner.” Eliza breathes out, her breath hitching on a sob. “I should have told her to leave me. Maybe then she would have-“

“You don’t know that, you can’t do that to yourself.” Aaron says quickly, knowing that’s a dangerous path to go down. “Peggy wouldn’t have left anyway, she would have stayed by your side as long as possible. She…before she left, she told me that all of us are still here, that we’re all still fighting, and that’s what matters. So we…we need to keep going.”

“But it’s so quiet.” Eliza shakes her head and looks at Aaron, tears spilling down her cheeks. “How did you deal with everything being so quiet, Aaron?”

“I…” Aaron laughs, wiping at his own eyes. “I’m not going to lie to you, Eliza. Sometimes it’s still quiet. Sometimes I want to bang my head into a well cause it’s so damn quiet. But I…I’m learning to fill the silence. With…with better thoughts, with other people that I care about.”

“Alexander and Bellamy?” Eliza asks, and Aaron nods with a smile, one that feels more genuine.

“You have to let other people in. And there are so many people here that love you, Eliza, people that will help you. There’s Theodosia, there’s Theo, there’s me, there’s Angelica.” He looks over at Angelica when he says her name, noticing that her eyes are starting to widen slightly. “You aren’t alone, Eliza. You have so many people, you-“

“Maria!” Angelica yells suddenly from where she is standing, and Aaron looks back at her with confusion, thinking that Maria is a strange example, since her and Eliza had never seemed very close.

“Sure, yeah. Maria cares about you too and-“

“No!” Angelica steps forward, her eyes even wider than before. “Maria!”

“What do you-“

“We forgot about her.” Angelica says, and she slams a hand to her forehead, turning her frightened eyes to Aaron’s. “She was in the city during the attack!”

Aaron looks at her, letting the words sink in, and a cold feeling seeps into his body. The three of them are silent, and time seems to freeze for a moment. Then Angelica swears loudly before turning around and running from the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get excited for the next chapter, cause it's gonna be great. King George will be making an appearance.
> 
> Thanks for reading, as always! Kudos are appreciated and comments are loved and adored! :)
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr @ fanciful-follies if you want to!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter new chapter new chapter! :D
> 
> I really like this one guys. Like, it's angsty, but I just love it. 
> 
> Hope you do too! Enjoy! x

Aaron follows Angelica as she goes as fast as she can down the hallway, leaning heavily on her cane and looking terrified. His mind is still taking in his conversation with Eliza, and Sally’s face is behind his eyes every time he blinks, making it hard to focus. He wants to say something, knows he should, but every attempt gets caught in his throat. So he just stays with her, hoping his presence has somewhat of a calming effect.

They run into Washington on the way to Angelica’s office, Aaron having to explain what is happening since Angelica seems at a loss for words herself. Washington’s face tenses when Aaron brings up Maria, and Aaron can’t help but notice how tired Washington looks. But he starts to follow them as well, telling Angelica that he should have remembered to contact Maria.

Once they reach Angelica’s office, she scurries over to the table towards the middle of the room, setting up a holographic screen and pressing a few buttons and then biting her lip as a ringing sound fills the room. Aaron sees Maria’s name flashing across the screen.

“She should have her contacting device with her.” Angelica’s murmurs, eyes glued to the the letters that spell out Maria’s name. “She’ll pick up.”

The three of them stand there in a tense silence, and Aaron sees Angelica cringe when Maria doesn’t answer. She calls again, but after a few rings, silence falls again, and Aaron hears Angelica let out a soft ‘no’ that hangs in the air.

Aaron waits for the shock to hit him, for the sadness to wrap around him like it always does, but nothing comes. Another person gone, and he can’t even be surprised. He can’t feel anything. It’s like there is nothing left in him. But Angelica’s face is crumpling, her hand tightening on her cane, so Aaron steps forward.

“Angelica, hey.” He takes her free hand. “Listen to me. You don’t know what happened. Maria could have lost her phone. She could have…” Aaron stops there, hearing how empty his words sound to his own ears. He squeezes Angelica’s hand and then lets the silence fall surround them. But Washington steps forward, eyes moving from Angelica to the control panel.

“We’ll contact George.” He tells them, the words echoing strangely in Aaron’s head. “I’ll get him to come to the base. Maybe he can help us piece together what happened.” He moves forward and presses the buttons, speaking calmly to whoever picks up on the other end. But Aaron and Angelica continue to stand in silence, fingers still entwined.

Aaron isn’t sure how long they stand there. He thinks he hears Washington pacing around the room, but he’s in a strange state of mind. He feels like he’s not really there, like he’s watching the events from above. He doesn’t feel like himself, like there’s a fog covering him. But then there is a voice filling the silence, and Aaron blinks his eyes, coming out of his daze and focusing on the noise.

“-go for the wings first,” the voice is saying, sounding rather high pitched with a slight accent. “The Germans will go crazy for those. Then we’ll-ah! Hello, Marshall.” The man speaking rounds the corner, accompanied by a few other people, and Aaron can’t help but raise his eyebrows at his appearance.

He’s tall, with neatly trimmed brown hair, but that’s about the most normal part of him. He’s wearing a dark red suit, and his shoes are plated with overlapping scales of pure gold, making his footsteps jingle annoyingly as he walks. As the man gets closer, Aaron can see a jagged scar over his left eye and cheek, going under a pair of dark, goggle-like sunglasses he’s wearing.

“I believe you owe me some money.” The man who Aaron figures must be George says with a smarmy smile. “It is unfortunate that your little friend didn’t make it, but that’s war. The good die young, and all that.” He waves a hand, and Aaron feels a sudden anger start swirl in his stomach. “But I gave her the Kaiju brain, so a deal is a deal.”

“It is unfortunate.” Washington says slowly, eyes on George. His voice has a forced warmth in it, and Aaron wonders if George can hear it. “And you’re sure she didn’t make it?” His eyes flick to Angelica, who had swayed slightly at the words. “You’re positive?”

“Completely. Poor thing went straight into the city while I attempted to take her to my private bunker. I saw the whole thing happen, she-“ George cuts off when a loud slamming comes form the hallway. There’s the sound of voices shouting, and then quick footsteps, and then-

“GUESS WHO’S BACK YOU ONE-EYED BITCH!” A familiar voice rings out, and they all turn to see Maria striding over to them, her hair flying behind her and her eyes sharp with anger as she makes her way over to where George is standing.

But Angelica wrenches her hand out of Aaron’s grasp and moves towards Maria, reaching her before she can reach George. Then Angelica is wrapping an arm around her neck, pulling Maria in and gasping out her name over and over while Maria’s eyes go wider and wider until she finally puts her arms around Angelica in return.

“I thought you were dead.” Angelica whispers, but Aaron can still hear her voice and the relief in it. “I thought I lost you, and after losing Peggy I…but you’re okay.” She hiccups over a laugh. “You’re okay.”

“Define okay.” Maria grumbles as she pulls away, looking a little shocked when Angelica continues to smile at her. Aaron takes a closer at Maria, and he can see that there is dried blood on her head, and her clothes are dirty and torn in many places. She looks over at Aaron. “I may have been wrong when I told you Kaiju are cool. Definitely _not_ cool.”

“What happened?” Angelica asks. “What-“

“Wanna know what happened?” Maria interjects, turning once again to George, who is staring at her coolly. “This son-of-a-bitch happened!” She strides over to George and snarls up at him. “I can’t believe you, I could have been eaten!”

“Well, that was the plan.” George says, seeming rather put out to see Maria, but not showing much emotion beyond that. “Guess you got lucky.”

“Why you little-“

“Enough, Maria.” Washington says, although his voice doesn’t hold any of the false warmth it had before. “Both of you will tell me what happened, right now.”

“Now, now,” George says, lip curling. “I had no part in what happened, not _really_. The city was under attack, it was out of my control.”

“Did he hurt you?” Angelica asks immediately, anger crossing her face now.

“Please, the guy is all talk.” Maria sneers. “Couldn’t hurt me if he tried. He’s just a liar. I told him I needed a Kaiju brain, and that Washington would make it worth his while if he got me one. He told me he had one, was leading me to it, then all of a sudden, alarms are blaring.”

“The Kaiju attack.” Aaron murmurs, and Maria nods. “So this guy has his own private anti-Kaiju bunker, but tells me to go to the public one, which we all know is shit. Then tells me if I get out alive, he’ll give me a brain.”

“So he didn’t give you one?” Washington asks, eyeing George up and down when Maria shakes her head. “Continue.”

“Well, I hauled ass to the Kaiju bunker in the city and waited out the attack. When I went back to find George, his little cronies told me that he had gone here.” Maria scowls and crosses her arms. “And now here we all are.”

“You make it sound so much worse than it really was.” George says, but he sighs at the look Washington gives him and holds up his hands in surrender. “All right, all right. So I tricked you. Big deal. I’ll just leave and we can forget about-“

“We will forget about nothing.” Washington says, pulling himself up to his full height. “You will get us a Kaiju brain, for free, and you will not complain. If you don’t, I will contact everyone you make deals with and tell them what you did.”

Aaron looks between Washington and George, taking in the look of determination on both of their faces. But eventually George drops his eyes, his face growing a little darker and his jaw clenching. He sighs again, and his smirk is back.

“Fine. I won’t ask for money. But you’re out of luck. I don’t have a Kaiju brain lying around, that’s not usually what sells.”

“Then you’ll go get us one.” Angelica says, and everyone turns to look at her. “There’s a fresh one out there right now. The Kaiju you took down was in the city, right?” She looks at Aaron who nods. “Then there you go. There’s a brain just sitting there. So you’ll get it for us. I’m sure you already have people out there getting other parts from the Kaiju.”

“You’re a smart one.” George responds, winking at Angelica. “And you’re right. I do have my people out there.” He looks over at Maria. “You can come if you don’t slow us down. We dig into the Kaiju, fill the cavity with C02 so we can-“

“- delay the acidic reaction, yeah, I know.”

“Well, girly,” George grins widely at her, “you really do know your Kaiju anatomy. What the hell, you get it, you can have it. On a condition.” He looks around at all of them. “I get legal claim to every fallen Kaiju on the southern Hemisphere from here on out.”

“Seriously?” Aaron finally interjects, unable to hold back any longer. This guy is all kinds of messed up. “We’re fighting a war, people are dying, and that’s what you’re concerned about?”

“Kaiju bone powder is five hundred bucks a pound.” George responds with a shrug, barely even looking at Aaron. “I’m not about to lose out on that.”

Aaron huffs in disgust, but stays silent as Washington agrees to the deal. Then George is shaking his hand and walking off with the people who had come with him. He calls something to Maria over his shoulder that Aaron doesn’t care to hear as he disappears behind the corner he came from.

“I’ll go with you.” Angelica says, walking closer to Maria, her eyes alight with determination. “You obviously have trouble dealing with this guy on your own, so I’ll come with you.”

“I can handle myself, Angelica, I-“

“I want to go with you.” Angelica says, cutting Maria off, stepping even closer. She looks Maria straight in the eyes, her gaze still determined and a little nervous. “I’m not letting you go alone. I’m not going to lose you, too. I’ll help you drift with the Kaiju, we’ll do it together, I-“

Maria steps forward quickly, closing the gap between them and almost throwing herself at Angelica. Aaron barely has time to blink before the two of them are kissing deeply, Maria’s hands cradling Angelica’s face as Angelica stands there frozen. But then her free arm comes up, wrapping around Maria’s waist and holding her close.

Aaron can’t stop himself from smiling as the two break apart, similar looks of shock and joy spreading across their faces. Maria grins at Angelica and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear as Angelica moves her hand to brush across Maria’s cheek.

“Glad we finally got that out of the way.” Maria says, laughing when Angelica rolls her eyes and steps back. “Well, c’mon then. Let’s go get that Kaiju brain. Together.”

“Angelica, wait.” Aaron steps forward before Angelica can follow Maria out of the base. “I just…be careful, okay? I know that…that after losing someone you can feel like…like doing something stupid. Promise me you won’t do something stupid.”

“Aaron.” Angelica sighs his name and gives him a small smile, reaching out to squeeze his hand. “I promise. And hey.” She squeezes his hand again. “You look tired. Take care of yourself, yeah?”

Aaron gives a small hum in response, and then Angelica is letting go of his hand, giving him one last smile before disappearing around the corner. Aaron watches the space in front of him for a few moments before turning around, realizing that Washington is gone as well.

Now alone, Aaron finds that he is at a loss of what to do. He’s not sure where Bellamy and Alexander are, and he’s too tired to look around for them.

Why is he always so tired?

He starts to walk, no clear destination in mind, just listening to the sound of his footsteps. He still feels weird, unsure of what has gotten him into such a funk. Maria is okay, he should be happy about that. Him, Alexander, and Bellamy defeated the Kaiju, had proved their worth. He should be happy. But he’s not.

After what could be minutes or hours of walking, Aaron finds himself close to another one of the medical rooms on the base. Wondering if Madison is in this one, feeling the need to talk to someone, Aaron pushes open the door.

Aaron walks into the room, and can’t help but smile a little at the sight that greets him; Madison is lying on his bed, propped up with pillows and surrounded by even more. Jefferson is sitting in a chair next to the bed, his head resting on Madison’s thigh, fast asleep while Madison uses his undamaged hand to pet Luthor, who is sitting on the bed at his other side.

“Hey.” Aaron murmurs, giving Madison a smile when he looks over at him. “Is it okay if I come in? I can come back later if you’re tired.”

“No, come in.” Madison whispers, glancing down at Jefferson who remains asleep. “I’ve heard you’ve made yourself quite the hero after your latest victory, so I’m honored by the visit.” The words coming from Madison seem genuinely kind, and that is affirmed when Aaron sees him smiling. “I haven’t had a chance to thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me.” Aaron says, feeling his face flush slightly. That’s not what he came for. He’s not sure _what_ he came for. “I was just doing what…what I had to do.”

“Still, I know how hard it must have been. I’m grateful for…” Madison looks down at Jefferson, still moving his hand up and down Luthor’s back, “for you saving us. I just wish we could have done the same for everyone else.”

“There was no way to know that the Kaiju would be able to disarm an entire Jaeger with one move.” Aaron tells Madison, the same words he has been telling himself over and over again whenever Peggy’s, Herc’s or John’s face swims into his mind. “If that hadn’t happened, I have no doubt that you and Thomas would have saved everyone.”

Madison nods, but doesn’t say anything. His eyes stay on Jefferson, and a small smile forms on his face when Jefferson sighs, nuzzling into his leg and murmuring something under his breath. Then Madison looks up at Aaron, his eyes looking a little glassy, and Aaron shifts in his chair.

“I wanted to thank you.” Aaron blurts out, feeling a sudden need to get the words out quickly. “For distracting the Kaiju for us, even when it put you and Thomas in danger. And you got hurt, so I just…thank you.”

“It’s not that bad of an injury, the pain medicine is worse, to be honest. I hate feeling so drowsy.”

“Still, I heard Thomas was making a big deal about it, that he was worried.”

“Did he tell you that?” Madison asks, eyes flying back down to Jefferson and staring at him with a look that Aaron can’t decipher. “Did he say he was worried?”

“Uhm, no, it was Theodosia, actually.” Aaron watches as Madison’s face takes on a disappointed look, eyes slowly moving to look back at him. “But I mean…he’s clearly worried. Why else would he fall asleep next to you?”

“Yeah.” Madison says, giving Aaron a thankful smile but still looking sad and keeping Aaron feeling confused. Then Madison sighs, eyes slowly moving to Luthor, who is sniffing at his leg. Madison chuckles softly and pats the dog on the head. “Do you know the story of how we got Luthor?”

Aaron shakes his head, and Madison looks back at him and gives him another smile, one that actually reaches his eyes and makes Aaron smile back. This is what Aaron wanted, a distraction. A reason to not think for a little while.

“When I was a kid, I always wanted a dog. Honestly it was all I talked about sometimes.” Madison chuckles and shakes his head. “Used to annoy Thomas so much. We met in high school, knew I was a goner as soon as he smiled at me. He has the best smile, it was the first thing I noticed about him.” He peers down at Jefferson, and Aaron thinks that the story is probably going to be more about him than their dog. “He used to tease me all the time about how obsessed I was with dogs. He’d draw me pictures of them and slip them into my notebooks, even got me one of those huge dog stuffed animals on our first date.”

“That sounds nice.”

“I just always saw dogs as part of that big picture, you know?” Madison continues as if Aaron hadn’t spoken, his eyes taking on a distant look. “You fall in love with someone, get married, get a dog, and life just seems perfect. And that’s what I wanted so bad, even though I knew with the war going on it wouldn’t happen.”

“Did you get Luthor together?” Aaron asks, attempting to steer the conversation back to the dog. Talking about the war isn’t what he wants. He can’t think about it right now, can’t think about life in general.

“Not exactly.” Madison says with a small laugh. “It’s…kind of a complicated story. Thomas, before the Jaeger’s really started becoming a viable weapon, he was obsessed with trying to save people during attacks. It used to scare me so much, he would just run out into the streets and help anyone and everyone, not thinking about his own safety for a second.”

Aaron can’t help but raise his eyebrows at the description, having a hard time picturing that side of Jefferson. Madison must notice, because he gives Aaron a knowing smile.

“I know he comes across as selfish, and I know that he can be…difficult, but he’s been through a lot.” Madison peers down at Jefferson, who had twitched a little in his sleep and puts a hand gently on is back. “I know it’s not an excuse for some of the things he’s said to you, and I understand if you-“

“James.” Aaron interrupts quietly. “You really don’t need to explain. I understand.” He understands that people do stupid things after traumatic experiences. Who is he to judge?

“I just hate when people misjudge him.” Madison says, his eyes hard. Then he takes a deep breath. “When the war first started, Thomas was in Australia during the Sydney attack. The military…well, back then nobody knew what to do. They evacuated the inner city but left the coastal ones defenseless. Some say it was to…to-“

“- to give other people more time.” Aaron finishes softly, giving Madison a nod. He’d heard rumors of things happening like that before, during the time when there didn’t seem to be any way to stop the Kaiju. The government made sacrifices.

“Thomas was on the coast. He only talked to me about it once, but he saw a lot that day, went through a lot. Lost a lot of people he cared about.” Madison traces a hand down Jefferson’s back. “He told me that he saw more people die that day then he thought possible.”

“That’s why he didn’t want to let the Kaiju reach Hong Kong.” Aaron says, thinking back to how angry Jefferson had been when Angelica had mentioned letting the Kaiju reach the city. Madison nods.

“He swore that he would never just stand by and watch people die ever again. That’s why we joined the Jaeger program. But even before that he was saving lives.” Madison removes his hand from Jefferson’s back and starts to pet Luthor again. “We were living in California for a little bit, when another attack hit it. I was at home when it happened, and Thomas was out. I had no idea if he was okay until I got a call from the hospital.”

“What happened?”

“The usual.” Madison says with a laugh. “Thomas tried to be a hero. He got a bad wound on his back, still has the scar. Got it from a shard of glass hitting him.”

“Was he protecting someone?”

“He was.” Madison grins and gestures with his head over to Luthor, who is wagging his tail and staring at Madison with bright eyes. “I get to the hospital and there’s Thomas, all bandaged up with a small puppy on his lap, talking a mile a minute about how we have to keep him.”

“And you did.” Aaron says, smiling now too.

“And we did. Though it took a lot of convincing. I tried to tell him that we had no clue where this dog came from or if he belongs to someone, but Thomas convinced me. He always convinces me. He…” Madison’s hand falters on Luthor, and he looks over at Jefferson again. “He remembered what I told him all those years ago, about how I thought of dogs as part of the life I couldn’t have, and he just held Luthor up to me that day and said this is the start of that life, that we can still have it together.”

Madison falls silent at that, and Aaron watches as his eyes get more and more distant, getting lost in that memory. As the silence grows stronger, Aaron feels that familiar panic crawling inside him. Panic at what the world will be after the war, if the world will even exist, if he’ll exist…if Alexander and Bellamy will exist.

“I’m glad you got Luthor.” Aaron says finally, a little more loudly than he had meant to. He just needed to say something to break the silence.

“He’s such a huge part of us.” Madison says, and Aaron thinks he can hear his voice waver, another strange look filling his eyes. “Thomas tied the ring to his collar when he proposed, and Luthor even carried the rings up to us during our wedding and-“

“You’re married?” Aaron blurts out, completely taken aback. “You and Thomas? Since when?”

“About six years.” Madison responds casually, glancing back down at Jefferson. “We fell in love fast, war kind of makes that happen. But it felt so right, still does, even if things are different now.” Madison sighs when Luthor rests his head on his knee, and a strange look passes over his face. “Anyway, Luthor has been part of our life ever since. Even if we don’t have that perfect life we wanted, I’m glad we got him. But sometimes I feel like I talk to him more than…” He trails off, his eyes getting a little glassier.

“James?” Aaron says his name softly, but Madison doesn’t seem to hear him, so he tries again. “James, is everything okay?”

“I-“ Madison cuts off when Jefferson twitches again, this time more violently, making a choked noise. “Thomas, hey…” Madison shifts closer and grips the back of Jefferson’s neck, squeezing it when Jefferson starts to shake. “Thomas, wake up. Thomas, w-“

Jefferson jolts awake and sits up with a gasp, his eyes wide. His hand scrambles on the bed until it finds Madison’s, and he squeezes it tightly, struggling to control his rapid breathing. Madison murmurs calmly to him, and the tension starts to leave Jefferson’s body, and his eyes move to Aaron.

“What are you doing here?” He asks, his voice hoarse, and his attempt at putting smugness into his words fails completely. He sounds exhausted.

“I just came to see how James was doing. And to thank you both, for distracting the Kaiju so we could surprise it.”

“Oh. Well, you’re welcome.” Jefferson looks away from him and back to Madison. Aaron sees his hand twitch in Madison’s grasp. “How are you doing? Do you need anything? Medicine, more pillows, water?”

“Just some food would be nice.” Madison responds, brushing his knuckles over Jefferson’s cheek briefly. “I’ve got everything else I need.”

“On it.” Jefferson says, standing up immediately. He teeters forward, like he’s about to kiss Madison, but then draws back with an awkward look. He reaches out to pet Luthor instead, pressing his lips to the top of the dog’s head. “Be back soon.”

Aaron stands up as well, saying goodbye to Madison and then following Jefferson out of the room. When he walks out, he sees Jefferson leaning against the wall, looking even more tired than before. Aaron pauses a moment before going up to him.

“Everything okay?”

“Just peachy.” Jefferson says, his voice empty and unconvincing. When Aaron gives him a skeptical look, Jefferson rolls his eyes. “What, you volunteering to be my therapist? I don’t need your pity, Burr.”

“Wasn’t offering it.” Aaron responds coolly, but he doesn’t leave. He can feel that Jefferson wants to say something, so he waits. After a few minutes, Jefferson swears and passes a hand over his eyes.

“Aren’t you just fucking tired of all this?” He asks angrily, gesturing at the walls around them. “Doesn’t it just piss you off? We sacrifice ourselves every damn day and it’s not even worth it, we’re not even gonna make it.”

“You don’t know that we w-“

“Oh come on, Burr. Open those innocent eyes of yours.” Jefferson slams his hand into the wall. “We’ve got two Jaeger’s left and a shitty desperate plan to try and destroy the breach.” He laughs and shakes his head. “The saddest thing is, I really thought we could do it. I really thought we could win, thought I’d get to live a life and be happy with Ja-“ He stops and clenches his jaw. “Well whatever. I was wrong.”

They stand there in silence. Aaron wants to tell Jefferson that everything will be fine, that they’ll make it, but he can’t. His mouth won’t form the words, and he knows it’s because he doesn’t believe them either. And nothing is worse than false hope.

“Burr, can I…” Jefferson starts slowly, his eyes staring at the floor. “I mean, okay, obviously we’re not friends, god forbid, but can I ask you a question? A kind of personal one?”

“I…sure.” Aaron says after a brief moment of hesitation, ignoring most of Jefferson’s sentence and reminding himself that the man is under a lot of stress.

“Do you ever find it difficult to talk outside of a Jaeger? With Hamilton and Bellamy?” Jefferson’s voice is soft, and he shifts on his feet, eyes flicking up to meet Aaron’s.

“What exactly do you mean?” Aaron searches his mind, wondering if he feels that way, but he can’t come up with an answer right away.

“I just…” Jefferson looks away and stares at a spot on the wall. “Sometimes I feel like letting someone inside your mind completely has drawbacks. How do you talk to someone when they know everything about you already? It sort of takes away the reason to talk, right? So…so you just stop, and then you forget how.”

“Do…do you feel that way with James?” Aaron asks, furrowing his brows when Jefferson responds with a short, loud laugh.

“Why else would I be asking?” He leans against the wall, letting his forehead rest against it. “When we first met we talked all the time. Hell, I could never shut up. James even used to sing. I haven’t heard him sing in years. And we don’t talk any more, not about important things. I just can’t do it, and I can tell it’s hurting James, I can feel it when I’m in a Jaeger, but I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Now Aaron shifts on his feet, shoving his hands into his pockets. He can’t help but think that Bellamy is much better suited for this kind of conversation. He would know what to say. But Aaron? He has no idea what to say. And Jefferson must realize this, because he clears his throat and pushes himself off the wall.

“Forget it.” He says, scratching at his chin and attempting to laugh. “I’m just being dramatic. It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Jefferson, wait.” Aaron sighs and rubs at the back of his neck as he tries to form the words in his mind first. “It’s…it’s clear to everyone else here that you and James are…that you guys love each other and-“ Aaron stops and rolls his eyes when Jefferson scrunches up his face at the words, but then continues. “Come on, it’s true. He cares about you, and he knows you care about him.” Aaron watches as Jefferson’s shoulders slump, like he’s curling inward on himself.

“I haven’t even told him I love him for two years.”

“He…he knows you do.”

“Do you know how Hamilton and Bellamy feel about you?” Jefferson asks, his temper flaring for a moment. “Do they know how you feel? How you really feel? Probably not, right? Cause you haven’t told them!”

“I…” Aaron wants to argue, but finds that he can’t. He hadn’t even known that Alexander was still angry at him for leaving until earlier that day when they had been yelling at each other. There are clearly still things they need to talk about.

“That’s what I thought.” Jefferson says, but all the anger is gone from him now, and he leans back against the wall. “I just…I think I’ve been saving all the words for when this is over, for when we can live our lives together without distractions, without worrying about-” He stops again, and sighs. “I’m the one who wanted to this, you know, join the program. I never expected James to follow, but he just told me I was crazy if I expected him to let me go alone.”

“Do you…” Aaron pauses, but then looks up at Jefferson. “Do you ever regret joining?”

“ I don’t know. Maybe?” Jefferson shrugs. “Not until…I just, James and I have done everything together. Always. But now I have to do it without him.” Jefferson says, his voice softer than Aaron has ever heard it. “I have to go in a Jaeger without him. I haven’t done anything without him for so long. I don’t know how I-“ He stops again, looking suddenly self conscious, and Aaron knows the conversation is over.

“You should talk to James about this.” Aaron says, taking a small step back. “Seriously. I know that I’m not one to tell you what to do, but…but you should try. He’ll listen to you.”

“Sure.” Jefferson pushes off the wall and turns away, starting to walk over to the dining hall. But he stops and looks back at Aaron over his shoulder. “Could we…could we just keep this between us? Everything I said?” He lets out a sigh of relief when Aaron nods. “Right. Well. See you around, Burr.”

Jefferson walks away, and Aaron starts to wander down the hall, no clear intention of where he wants to go. He barely even registers that he’s moving at all. That fog from before is descending over him again, wrapping all around him, making everything slow and heavy.

The fog feels even heavier now, closing in and sticking to Aaron’s skin, clinging to it and suffocating him. He hugs his arms around his chest, trying to protect himself from the feeling, to ward it off. But it stays.

Everything from today, almost losing Maria, everything that Madison and Jefferson had said, it’s all swirling in Aaron’s mind. The pain on everyone’s faces, the loss and the confusion, the nothingness that Aaron feels inside himself.

He thinks back to everything that Jefferson had said to him. Does he communicate with Alexander and Bellamy? Does he let them in? But then, what’s the point of letting them in, if all of this fails. What if he loses them?

Aaron squeezes his eyes shut at the thought. He can’t lose them. He can’t live in a world without Alexander’s passion, without Bellamy’s smile. He can barely live in a world without Sally. It took him five years to build a new world after Sally’s death destroyed his first one. Even now it still crumbles with the slightest push. If he loses Alexander and Bellamy, he won’t be able to do it a second time.

He’s so _tired._

The fog feels like it’s crushing him, crawling over him and seeping inside. Aaron tries to breathe, tries to get this feeling out of him, but with each breath it’s like he’s inhaling more of the fog, letting it inside, letting it infect him. He feels so heavy. He feels-

There’s the whisper of his name, and then a gentle hand on his arm, finger’s encircling his elbow and turning him around.

Aaron knows it’s Bellamy, would know his voice or his touch anywhere. He steps forward and buries his face into the crook of Bellamy’s neck, breathing him in and pressing against him. There are warm hands on his back, holding him, rocking him. Aaron feels lips press against his temple.

The fog fades. Sunlight takes its place.

When Aaron finally feels okay again, he lifts his head to look at Bellamy, his eyes slowly going up his face. He sees a small scar on his chin, barely sticking out against his skin. His lips are quirked up into a small smile, but his eyes…Aaron pulls further back, getting a better look at how Bellamy’s eyes are puffy and red around the rim.

“Are you okay?” He asks, not understanding why his question makes Bellamy laugh and close his eyes, a look of pain crossing his face a moment later. He doesn’t understand. “Bell?”

“Can I kiss you?” Bellamy asks softly, opening his eyes to peer down at Aaron. When he nods, Bellamy moves closer, and his lips press against Aaron’s. It’s a gentle pressure, and Aaron leans into it. But then Bellamy is moving away, his hands coming up to cup Aaron’s cheeks as he looks at him. The gaze is intense, like Bellamy is trying to memorize his face.

“Bell, what’s w-“

“Alex told me what you said.” Bellamy says, his eyes still roaming over Aaron’s face. His hands tighten slightly. “When you two talked…how you said that when you left, you did it so you wouldn’t have to feel…feel alive.”

“I didn’t…” Aaron tries to pull away, not wanting to have this conversation. Bellamy releases his face but takes his hands instead, running his thumbs over the backs of them. Aaron breathes with the rhythm. In and out. In and out.

“Aaron.” Bellamy breathes out his name so gently, with so much care and concern that Aaron can’t stop the tears from slipping down his cheeks. Bellamy tugs him forward, kisses his cheeks and then leans his forehead against his own. “Will you talk to me about it? Not…” He pauses when Aaron shakes his head sharply, “not right now, you don’t have to right now. But if you want to…you know you can talk to me, right?”

“I know.” Aaron says, and he does. He knows Bellamy would listen. But Bellamy shouldn’t have to listen. Even without Aaron talking about it to him, he’s already upset. Aaron doesn’t want him to be upset. “Later, though, okay? Not…not now.”

“Okay.” Bellamy murmurs, and he rearranges Aaron until his head is pressed against his neck again, and runs a hand down his back.

They stay like that for a while, listening to each other breathe. But then another pair of arms are wrapping around him from behind, and Aaron feels the familiar sensation of Alexander’s lips touching his skin, right below his ear.

“Everyone okay?” Alexander asks, resting his chin on Aaron’s shoulder.

Aaron nods, and it’s true. He is okay. In this moment, with Alexander behind him and Bellamy in front of him, both of them breathing in time against him, Aaron feels okay. More than okay. There’s a feeling blooming inside of him, starting in his chest and spreading to his toes and fingertips. It’s warm, filling him up with a sense of calm, a sense of…of what?

Aaron presses closer to Bellamy, sighing when Alexander tightens his grip around his waist. The feeling inside Aaron grows stronger, almost like it’s going to burst from him. He grows aware of the way Bellamy’s heart is beating against his own, and thinks that he can feel Alexander’s beating against his back. In a sudden moment of realization, Aaron knows what the feeling inside him is, knows what he wants to say to both Alexander and Bellamy in this moment.

The words are there, right on the tip of Aaron’s tongue. But he swallows them down.

He’ll tell them later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Aaron. Probably shouldn't wait to tell your boyfriends something at a time like this. Anything could happen.
> 
> But yeah. James and Thomas's relationship is complicated. There is so much more I wanted to write about them, but either couldn't put it into words, or just had to stop cause this chapter was getting lengthy. Basically they communicate through their dog cause they can't communicate with each other. Thomas is going through a lot, but doesn't want to worry James. But James takes his silence as Thomas not caring about him anymore. Will they talk to each other? We can only hope.
> 
> BUT HEEEYY Angelica/Maria is happening :D Can't wait to write more about them.
> 
> Also I know Lafayette has been absent for awhile. I was gonna put him in this one but I just couldn't find a spot to add him in. Hopefully he'll get in here next chapter.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading :D Comments and Kudos are greatly loved and appreciated. Come talk to me on tumblr @ fanciful-follies!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was written very quickly, so I apologize if it's not the best.

A few days go by, and Aaron tries to keep himself busy, tries to keep himself from thinking too much about everything that has happened. He visits Eliza as often as he can, talking to her more about how he’s coped with losing a sister, and it helps him too, talking to someone about it. It takes some of the weight off of his heart. Eliza is improving too, slowly, but she is improving. With one arm and a leg still in a cast, she has to get around in a wheelchair, something that she doesn’t seem to mind as much when Theodosia is the one pushing her. Sometimes even Theo will give it a go, seeing how fast she can push it and making Eliza laugh.

And of course Aaron spends almost all of his time with Alexander and Bellamy. He thought that it would be impossible for them to get any closer, but with each moment he’s with them, Aaron feels himself gravitating closer and closer to both of them. That feeling inside his chest grows stronger and stronger.

“What’s the first thing we’re gonna do once all this is over?” Bellamy asks one day as they’re all lounging in Aaron’s room. He’s lying on his side at the edge of the bed, trailing his fingers over Alexander’s shoulder, who is sitting on the floor, his back leaning against the bed. “Where should we go?”

“Movie theater.” Alexander answers immediately. “We’re just gonna watch a shit ton of movies. God, I miss movies.”

“Finally gonna make me watch all the Star Wars movies?” Bellamy teases, bending down to kiss Alexander’s cheek.

“Ugh, don’t remind me you haven’t seen the originals! It’s embarrassing, can’t believe I’m dating you.”

“What do you want to do, Aaron?” Bellamy moves his eyes to where Aaron is sitting cross-legged across form Alexander. “What do you want all of us to do first?”

“Uhm,” Aaron thinks for a moment, but then simply shrugs. “I don’t know. Well...I…” He pauses, wondering if what he’s about to say is going to sound too weird, too forward, to both Alexander and Bellamy, but they’re both watching him with expectant eyes. “I want to get a house, a real house.” He blurts the words out quickly. “Just…somewhere to actually live and…”

“A house.” Bellamy murmurs, giving Aaron a smile and pushing himself off the bed. Then he’s bounding over to Aaron and plopping in his lap, making Aaron grunt in surprise. “A house sounds nice.” He flings his arms around Aaron and kisses him. “One big enough for all of us, I hope?”

“I-yeah.” Aaron stammers, feeling his face heat up. Bellamy kisses him again before climbing off of him and lying on the ground, his head in Aaron’s lap. Aaron reaches a hand out slowly to push Bellamy’s hair out of his eyes, smiling at the way Bellamy is looking at him. “So…so you guys would…would want to get a house?”

“As long as it has a TV.” Alexander says, and when Aaron looks up at him, he’s smiling, eyes bright, but there’s also a hint of sadness in his gaze. “And a big enough bed, cause Jon hogs the covers.”

“And a big backyard.” Bellamy says, throwing his arms out in a wide gesture. “We’ll need one if we’re gonna get a dog.” Bellamy smiles up at Aaron, and Aaron can’t stop himself from thinking about what Madison had said about dogs, about how they represent a life they can’t have. “And we can all take a break, just relax for a while.” Bellamy’s voice is full of excitement.

“That sounds nice.” Aaron murmurs, because it does. It sounds really nice. He loves being alone with Bellamy and Alexander. When they’re together, holed up in Aaron’s room, it’s almost like the world outside doesn’t exist, like everything is okay, like they’re safe.

But that illusion can’t last forever.

The next day, Washington calls for a meeting, asking that everyone on the base come. Aaron knows that this must mean it’s _the_ meeting, the meeting where they’ll discuss their plan for attacking the breach. It means that it’s almost time. Soon, the world will either change for the better, or for the worse.

“Thank you, all of you, for coming.” Washington’s voice booms out, making everyone assembled in the large room fall silent.

Aaron is in the front row, seated between Bellamy and Alexander. As he looks around, he spots Eliza down the row with Theodosia, and then Madison and Jefferson off to his other side, Luthor sitting between them. Aaron has to stop himself from looking around for Herc, Laurens, and Peggy.

“I also want to thank all of you for staying strong at such a hard time as this.” Washington continues.” We have lost a lot of brave people these last few days, and our effort will feel their loss greatly.” Washington peers around at them all, his eyes landing on Alexander and then Eliza. “Unfortunately, there is no time to mourn those who have sacrificed so much, not yet. There is still a mission to complete.” With that, Washington gestures for Theodosia to come forward.

“Before Angelica left, “ she starts, “she calculated when the next Kaiju attack would happen. According to her work, it is scheduled to happen in a little under a week.” She pauses there, taking a breath, and Aaron notices how tired she looks. “We were unprepared for the attack last time, and need to be better prepared for this one. Especially since Angelica predicts that this next attack will have three Kaiju coming from the breach.”

A small murmur goes through the crowd, and Aaron feels his own pulse start to quicken with panic at the words. He slips his hand into Bellamy’s, and tries to keep his breathing steady as Alexander takes his other hand. There’s no way they can handle three Kaiju, especially not when they only have two Jaeger’s left.

“There is good news.” Theodosia continues. “With so many Kaiju coming out of the breach, it will be open longer, giving us more time to attempt to blow it up. The remaining pilots,” Theodosia stops and looks over at Aaron, Alexander, and Bellamy before letting her eyes go to Jefferson as well, “will have an extended time period to destroy the breach. We’ll attach the bombs to Striker Eureka, while the three-armed Jaeger protects them long enough to get to the breach.”

Aaron feels his own hand twitch in Alexander’s, a wave of panic flowing through him. Being on the defense, in this situation, means fighting more Kaiju. It means a smaller chance of survival. It means dying. It means losing Alexander or losing Bellamy, or losing both of them, or-

Bellamy’s hand is suddenly on Aaron’s shoulder, traveling up slowly until it’s resting on the back of his neck. Aaron turns his head, and Bellamy is staring at him in a way that makes Aaron think he knows exactly what Aaron was just thinking. He squeezes the back of Aaron’s neck gently before letting his hand drop to rest on his shoulder again. When Aaron finally gets control over himself and looks back up, Washington has taken Theodosia’s place, and is speaking again.

“-before any of this can happen, we need to make a decision.” Washington says. “Angelica and Maria are out attempting to drift with a Kaiju in order to learn more about the technicalities of the breach. However, getting the brain and assembling the materials needed to drift will take time, time that we might not have. Maria has promised to have information ready the predicted day of the attack, but there is no guarantee of when the attack will happen that day. We must decide whether or not we wait, or go for the breach as soon as it opens.” Washington stops and looks around the room, and Aaron feels more panic flow over him. “While I wish I could ask everyone’s opinion, I think it’s best if only the pilots involved give their input.”

“We wait.” Aaron hears himself blurt out before he can think. Heads turn towards him, and he swallows quickly and looks up at Washington. “I…sir, based on what Maria found last time she drifted with a Kaiju, we know there are things that we don’t understand about them, about the breach. We only have one chance, right? So we should wait to know everything.”

“But that could leave the city defenseless.” Jefferson adds from where he’s sitting. “If we just sit here and wait, people will die.”

“If we go for the breach before we know how to destroy it, people will still die.” Bellamy shoots back, and Aaron turns to give him a grateful look. “Everyone will die.”

“You all have valid points.” Washington says slowly, but then his eyes move to Jefferson, and he nods. “However, I’m inclined to side with Mr. Jefferson. The breach will only remain open for a brief period of time after the Kaiju exit it. We don’t have time to wait. We could miss our chance.”

“Well I agree with Aaron.” Bellamy says loudly, and Aaron can’t help but smile. “What if we go for the breach, shoot the bombs at it, but then fail? There could be something we need to know about it that only Maria and Angelica can tell us. It makes sense to wait. We could miss our chance by not waiting too.”

Aaron nods at Bellamy’s words. It makes sense to wait. They already know that there is something in the breach that they don’t understand. They can’t just go in blind and hope for the best. They need to wait, Aaron can feel it.

“Alexander.” Washington calls out. “You’re the only pilot who has not given their opinion. What do you think the best course of action is?”

It seems like every head in the room turns towards Alexander, Aaron’s included. Alexander is chewing at the inside of his cheek, his eyes cast down and flicking up between Aaron and Jefferson every now and then. His brows are furrowed as he thinks, and Aaron wonders why he’s even thinking. He has to know they have to wait, he has to know that-

“I agree with Jefferson.” Alexander says, his voice softer than usual, but Aaron still can’t stop himself from jerking his hand away in surprise. Alexander flinches when Aaron removes his hand, but then clears his throat. “I agree with Jefferson." He repeats, his voice louder. "There is no time to waste. We can’t wait.”

“Then it’s decided.” Washington says with a firm nod. “If we don’t get any information from Maria and Angelica before the attack begins, then we go for the breach anyway. Thank you all for coming.”

People stand up and begin to disperse, but Aaron is still sitting in shock, his mouth hanging open as he stares at Alexander, who is now staring firmly at the ground, not meeting his gaze. Aaron thought Alexander would agree with him, thought that he would have his back. Alexander stands up suddenly, clenching his fists and turning to look down at Aaron and Bellamy.

“I’m sorry for not agreeing with you,” he says in a rush, like he had been reading Aaron’s mind. Maybe he was. “But it’s my opinion and it’s what I think. We can’t wait. And you know that.”

“I know that?” Aaron asks, standing up as well and feeling anger starting to well up inside him. “Don’t tell me what I know! I know that we have to _wait!_ ”

“If we wait people will die! Three Kaiju will come out, you know we can’t fight them. So what? We just let them destroy the city?” Alexander takes a step forward, his eyes flashing. “That’s bullshit, you know we can’t do that!”

“What happens if we can’t destroy the breach, huh?” Aaron moves forward as well, slowly closing the space between them. “Then the Kaiju still destroy the city and we’re out of options. But if we wait, we-“

“You just want to run!” Alexander shouts, poking Aaron in the chest. “You want to wait so you don’t have to do it! You don’t want to fight, you’re a coward!” Alexander spits out, and Aaron takes a half step back, the words hitting him harder than he wants them to. “You want that house you were talking about before, then you need to fight for it. But you always make the same decision, Aaron, to run. You want to run, just like you did before, cause that’s what you’re good at! Running away while other people die, while other p-”

“Alexander.” Bellamy snaps, and everything falls silent, and Aaron is only vaguely aware through the ice seeping inside him that he’s never heard Bellamy use Alexander’s full name before. “That’s enough, you’ve said enough.”

Alexander closes his mouth, and when Aaron looks at him, he can see the guilt already starting to build in his eyes. He makes a gesture like he’s about to touch Aaron, but then he drops his hand back down to his side and looks away.

“Alexander.” Another voice says, and they all turn to see Washington coming over to them. He stops at Alexander’s side. “I would like to have a word with you.”

“I’m busy.” Alexander says, crossing his arms and not meeting Washington’s gaze. There is tension in his body, and Aaron thinks he can see his hands shaking.

“Alexander, please. It won’t take long. Come on, son, just-“

“Don’t call me that.” Alexander grits out, finally turning to stare up at Washington, his eyes wide. “Don’t. I don’t want to talk to you, okay? There’s nothing to talk about. You do whatever you want without talking to me, so I don’t see why I should have to talk to you.”

“Son, don’t-“

“I’m not your son!” Alexander shouts, his voice echoing off the walls and making everyone jump. Even Washington, always stoic, flinches back at Alexander’s words. Aaron sees the shock and the pain written across his face, but Alexander turns away with a grimace, walking out of the room with hurried steps. Washington watches him go, his own hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. But then he turns as well, walking away from Aaron and Bellamy without another word.

“Aaron?” Bellamy’s voice is close, and Aaron feels a hand run over his back. “Are you okay?”

“Fine.” Aaron responds slowly, feeling numb. “I’m…fine. He’s just upset, he didn’t…” _He didn’t mean it_ , Aaron thinks to himself. Alexander can’t have meant what he said. He tries to smile at Bellamy, who is looking down at him in concern. “Really, I’m fine.”

“If you’re sure.” Bellamy says slowly, sighing when Aaron nods. “I have a therapy session with someone, so I have to go. But I’ll see you later, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Aaron confirms, angling his head up for a kiss, which Bellamy gives him with a smile. “I’ll see you later.”

Aaron walks towards the door, trying to get his mind to calm down, trying to get Alexander’s words out of his head. Before he reaches the door, he turns back to see Bellamy talking to Jefferson, who is nodding his head at whatever Bellamy is saying and shifting on his feet. Bellamy gestures to the door on the opposite side of the room, and Jefferson nods again, shooting a glance over to Madison, who is still seated and petting Luthor.

Aaron watches them disappear through the other doorway before exiting the room himself, walking as quickly as he can back to his room. When he steps inside, he can’t help but notice how empty it is without Alexander and Bellamy, how strange it feels to be inside it without them now. He rubs at his face, trying to get the strange feeling out of his skin. How can things come crashing down so quickly? They had all been so happy yesterday. Aaron hates how things keep changing, hates how empty he feels, how he doesn’t feel like himself.

Aaron steps into the bathroom that’s connected to his room, letting the door creak to a close behind him. Slowly, he walks over to the sink, keeping his eyes cast down as he moves. He knows there’s a mirror there, right above the sink, but he’s never looked in it. He hasn’t seen his own reflection in months. But his stomach hits the counter, and he raises his head, feeling a jolt run through him when he makes eye contact with himself.

There are dark circles under his eyes, and his skin seems tighter on his face than he remembers it ever being. His cheekbones are sharp, casting shadows on the rest of his face. He looks hollow…empty, and his eyes are blank. He doesn’t look like himself.

Aaron lowers his gaze and grips the sides of the counter, trying to fight back the panic that is crawling over him. He turns on the sink and shoves his hands under the tap, letting the water collect. The water is cold on his skin when he splashes onto his face, and he stays there, leaning over the sink as the water slowly drips off of him.

But then Aaron straightens up and runs his hands down his face as he exhales. He walks out of the bathroom, noticing a small bag lying at the foot of his bed. With a strange feeling in his stomach, Aaron realizes it’s the bag of action figures that Peggy saved for him.

He takes them out one by one, lining them up on his desk and smiling once they’re all out, remembering how much he had liked them as a boy. How they had filled him with such a sense of comfort and safety. He wants that feeling again, but he’s not sure how to get it anymore. Everything is so different from when he was a kid. Everything had seemed so clear back then; join the academy, become a pilot, save the world. That had been his plan, had been his goal. Now it might not happen. He might fail.

He thinks of everyone he has lost, of Sally, of Herc and Laurens, of Peggy. He thought that he could save them, but they’re gone. He thinks of Lafayette, of Eliza and Angelica, of Madison and Jefferson, Alexander and Bellamy…everyone who has been fighting for so long for this to be over.

Aaron sinks to the ground, his back against the bed frame as everyone’s faces continue to swim behind his eyes. There’s a strange feeling building up inside of him, one that he hasn’t felt in a long time.

He feels so angry.

He’s angry that he still has to do this, angry that so many people have been taken from him, angry that more people will be taken from him and he can’t do anything to stop it, angry that Alexander spoke against him, that he said what he did. Aaron groans and pushes his fingers against his eyelids, feeling frustrated with himself. He’s angry that he’s angry, which is ridiculous.

_You want that house you were talking about before, then you need to fight for it. But you always make the same decision, Aaron, to run. You want to run, just like you did before, cause that’s what you’re good at!_

Alexander’s words are ringing in his ears, and Aaron squeezes his eyes shut as they bounce around in his head. He clenches his fists, more anger swelling up in him. Why is he so upset? But then it hits him.

He’s angry because it’s not true.

Aaron has never seen leaving the program as running away, not really, and he hates that Alexander keeps throwing that one decision back at him. But more than that, Aaron hates that Alexander thinks he doesn’t want to fight for the world he wants. He came back for that very reason, to fight. To win.

Because Aaron is so tired of failing

He wants to save everyone, wants all of it to be over and done. He wants to be with Alexander and Bellamy and not worry about losing them, wants to see Theo grow up in a world without Kaiju, wants to watch Madison and Jefferson grow back together, wants to be at Eliza and Theodosia’s wedding, wants to watch Maria and Angelica grow closer. Or even if he’s not there to see all of it, he wants all of that to happen, because everyone deserves to live the life they want.

But there are still so many nerves inside of him, so much doubt and anxiety. He knows that they need to wait for more news on the breach, or it will all go wrong. But now he doesn’t have a choice, and his life, everyone’s life, is on the line because of the decision to not wait.. And on top of everything, this fight with Alexander isn’t helping. They can’t bring that kind of anger into the drift. There is too much to fix, and Aaron doesn’t know what to do.

He digs a hand into his pocket, removing it a moment later to look down at the picture of Sally he always carries with him. And there she is, smiling up at him.

“I wish you were here, Sally.” Aaron whispers, feeling his throat start to burn. “You’d know what to do, you always knew what to do. You should be here, you should-“ He stops, trying to swallow around the lump in his throat but failing. “Sally, what should I do? What should I do, please…” Aaron chokes out a sob, feeling it rip from inside him. He squeezes the picture tightly, and when he closes his eyes, he can almost hear Sally talking to him. He knows what she would say.

She would tell him to stop being such a goddamn punk. She would tell him to use his anger for something good, to turn it into action, to stop moping. She would tell him to go find Alexander and talk to him, cause he can’t do this without Alexander.

She would tell him to get off his ass, and go be Superman.

Sally’s face is clear in his mind, her stern gaze piercing through him, and Aaron can’t help but laugh. That’s exactly what she would tell him. And she’s right. She’s always right.

Aaron pushes himself up, looking down at the picture one more time before putting it back in his pocket and wiping a hand over his cheeks to clear it of tears. Then he opens the door, stepping out with the purpose of finding Alexander.

He just has no idea where to start.

Aaron walks around for a couple of minutes, peering up and down hallways in the hope of coming across Alexander, but has no luck. Feeling frustrated, Aaron leans against a wall and thinks what he should do. After a few moments of deliberation, Sally’s voice is in his head again.

_C’mon Superman, think._

An idea pops into his head, and Aaron hesitates a moment before smiling and shaking his head. There’s no way it will work. But then he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to clear his mind in the same way he does in a Jaeger, the same way he does right before a drift.

He lets his mind go blank, breathing deeply as he waits. Minutes tick by, but then a feeling starts to creep inside him, an emotion that isn’t his. It’s Alexander’s. Aaron blinks his eyes open, trying to hold onto that feeling, and he starts to move, somehow knowing where to go now.

He walks down the hallways, not stopping until he’s at the door he walked through when he first arrived at the base, the door that leads outside. The emotion inside of him grows stronger, louder, and Aaron knows that he’s getting close to where Alexander is. He pushes the door open and steps outside into the night air.

It’s colder than he expected, so he wraps his arms around himself and walks slowly, keeping his eyes peeled for Alexander. It doesn’t take long for Aaron to spot him sitting against one of the walls of the base, his legs tucked up to his chest and his head resting on his knees. Aaron thinks he can hear him crying, and feels a stab of guilt.

“Alexander…” He says his name softly, but Alexander still jumps, wiping at his eyes furiously in an attempt to compose himself. He turns away to hide his face, but Aaron steps forward and slowly sits beside him. “Is it…is it okay if I sit with you?”

“’S fine.” Alexander mumbles with a shrug, his voice hoarse and nasally. Aaron wonders how long he’s been out here. “How’d…how’d you even find me?”

“I used our mind reading superpower.”

Alexander laughs shortly at that, his shoulders shaking a little. Then he sniffles, putting his face in his hands as he takes a few deep breaths. Aaron gives him time, craning his neck back to look up at the sky. He can’t remember the last time he went outside. It had to be when he was working on the wall in Alaska. He almost forgot what wind feels like.

“I’m…I’m sorry.” Alexander’s voice is muffled, and when Aaron turns back to look at him, his face is still buried in his hands. “I didn’t mean to say what I did, I just…I don’t know. I screwed everything up, and I’m sorry.”

“Will you look at me?” Aaron asks after a moment, watching as Alexander slowly lowers his hands and lifts his eyes to Aaron’s. “You didn’t screw up. You didn’t. And I forgive you.”

“But I shouldn’t have said what I did.” Alexander argues back. “And I didn’t mean it, I swear. I just…you and Bellamy looked so angry and I panicked and just,” he pauses and shakes his head, “I just kind of…exploded. I don’t know. I’m just…stupid.”

“You aren’t stupid. You’re loud…passionate…but not stupid.” Aaron smiles when Alexander chuckles, and he reaches over to take his hand. “Listen, it’s okay to disagree with me, and I overreacted a little. I was angry at first, but I think I was just more surprised. But…” Aaron pauses and squeezes Alexander’s hand. “We both just want it to be over, want to do our best to make it all end. That’s what’s important. Neither of us is wrong, I guess.”

Alexander looks at Aaron for a few moments, then his eyes drop to where their hands are connected. Neither of them say anything, and Aaron can tell that Alexander is thinking about what he had said. Finally, Alexander sighs and looks back up at him, a small smile on his face.

“How’d you get to be so wise?” He asks, and Aaron laughs in response.

“Runs in the family, I guess.” Aaron says, thinking of Sally.

“Wish I could be like that.” Alexander says, removing his hand from Aaron’s so he can pick at the sweater he’s wearing. “You’re wise, brave…Jon is all heart and kindness and practical. I’m just stubborn.”

“Just stubborn?” Aaron asks with a raised brows, nudging Alexander with his elbow. “Stubborn is a better trait than you’re giving it credit. You’ve got determination. You never had any formal training for being a pilot, and yet here you are, one of the best pilots I’ve seen. And how’d you get there? Cause you’re so damn stubborn.”

“Suck up.” Alexander shoots back, but he’s grinning again. “You’re just saying that so you can get in my pants.”

Aaron snorts loudly at that, but then Alexander is scrambling up and crawling into his lap, arms curling around his neck. The position gives Alexander a few inches on him, so Aaron tilts his head to look up at him. He’ll never get used to how beautiful Alexander is.

“What if I am saying it to get in your pants?” Aaron asks, his voice soft as he moves his hands to Alexander’s hips. Alexander smiles down at him and leans closer.

“Well then I’d say it’s working.” Then he’s leaning even further down, slotting their lips together and wrapping his arms even tighter around Aaron’s neck.

The kiss is slow, but it doesn’t take long for both of them to open their mouths against each other, letting their tongues touch. Aaron slides his hands under Alexander’s sweater, palm flat against the warm skin on his back, feeling goosebumps rise up on his own skin when Alexander shifts his hips closer.

He bites at Alexander’s lower lip, sucking it into his mouth and then pulling away to catch his breath when Alexander lets out a moan. But Alexander chases his lips, capturing them again and kissing him deeply as his hands come up to rest on his jaw. Aaron moves both hands underneath his sweater, noticing how low the fabric hangs on Alexander. He pulls away and moves his lips down to nip at Alexander’s jaw and neck, breathing in deeply as he does.

“Aaron…” Alexander sighs and pulls him up and presses their foreheads together again and breathes in and out slowly for a few moments. “I like you…a lot. And I-I know that I’m…rash and make you angry and that I…but I like you, I do, and I want you to like m-“

“Alexander.” Aaron chuckles and moves his hands out from Alexander’s sweater, raising them so he can cup Alexander’s face. “You talk too much.” He catches his mouth with his again, kissing him slowly and gently, hoping the kiss conveys his feelings. But just in case it doesn’t, he pulls away so he can look at him and brushes a few stray strands of hair off of his face “But I like how much you talk. I like you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.” Alexander laughs, his breath tickling Aaron’s face. He presses a quick kiss to his cheek. Then he nuzzles against Aaron’s neck, tucking his head down and resting his cheek against Aaron’s shoulder.

“Do you want to go back inside?”

“Could we stay?” Alexander asks, his voice taking on a slight pleading tone. “I’m…I don’t want to go back inside yet. Being out here…it’s a nice break. Just for a little bit?” He sighs in relief when Aaron nods, lifting himself off of his lap so he can then resituate himself so he’s lying on his back, his head resting on Aaron’s thighs.

It’s slightly uncomfortable, the pavement under Aaron’s legs and the wall stiff behind him, but Alexander is a warm presence beside him, and running his fingers through Alexander’s hair has a calming effect. And it is nice, being outside, being away from it all. It’s nice.

Whenever he glances down at Alexander, his eyes are closed, his face peaceful. Aaron is struck by the idea that he’s never seen Alexander look peaceful before. He’s always got a fire in his eyes, tension in his jaw, his fists clenched. But right now, as he rests on Aaron and slips in and out of sleep, he looks young and carefree. Aaron reaches a hand out, letting his fingers trace over Alexander’s brow, then the bridge of his nose, over his lips and then across his neck. Alexander shivers underneath the touch, cracking his eyes open and blinking up at him.

“What are you doing?” He asks with a small smile.

“You’re pretty.” Aaron murmurs in response. “I’m admiring the view.”

Alexander hums, his smile growing wider as he closes his eyes again. Aaron takes that as permission to keep tracing his features, which he does with a gentle touch. He trails his fingertips over Alexander’s cheekbones, over his eyelids, over his lips again and then he starts all over.

“Aaron? “Alexander whispers after a while, turning his head into Aaron’s touch. “Are you scared?”

The question makes Aaron lean his head back against the wall and sigh. His fingers still against Alexander’s cheek as he thinks. Not that he really needs to think, he knows the answer. He just isn’t sure if he wants to voice it out loud.

“I am.” He says, letting the confession fall from his lips. “I’m really scared.”

Alexander hums again, and when Aaron peers down at him, his eyes are open and searching Aaron’s face. Then he lifts his own hand and takes Aaron’s, bringing it down so it’s resting on his chest over the material of his sweater.

“I’m scared too.”

Aaron nods his head, but doesn’t say anything else. It’s strange, but he feels comforted by the fact that Alexander is scared. Alexander is always so strong, so determined to fight. He’s like Washington in that way, unshakable and willing to do anything, no matter what. But knowing that he’s scared, it makes Aaron feel less scared, makes him feel less alone.

“I…” Aaron pauses and clears his throat, causing Alexander to look up at him. “I just…want you to know that I’m not gonna give up. I want to fight…I want to fight for that house, for that life.”

“I know you do.” Alexander assures him. “Really, I do. I told you I didn’t mean what I said. I just…waiting for things isn’t exactly my style.”

“Really? I had no idea.”

“Shut up.” Alexander mumbles, raising a hand to smack Aaron in the chest. “Waiting makes me nervous, makes me think too much. To me…waiting means giving more time for things to go wrong. And this can’t go wrong, it _can’t_.”

“It won’t.”

“It might.” Alexander says, and Aaron hesitates before nodding. He’s right. “And that freaks me out so much. Honestly, I just wish that the fight was tomorrow.”

“Don’t say that.” Aaron whispers. He’s not ready for that yet. “Waiting isn’t always so bad. It…at least we have more time together, in case things do go wrong…”

“And you don’t say _that_.” Alexander mumbles, grabbing Aaron’s hand and squeezing it. Then he sighs, blinking his eyes a few times. “I’m…just scared. And the more time I spend with you and Jon, the more scared I get. Because…because it makes me realize how perfect you two are.”

“Nobody is perfect, Alexander.” Aaron says with a laugh. “I yelled at you just a few hours ago. And we’ve fought countless times before.”

“Fine.” Alexander responds with a grin. “Then Jon is perfect.”

“Hm.” Aaron doesn’t say anything else, but he knows what Alexander means. If anyone is close to perfect, it’s Bellamy. He helps people wherever he goes, bringing sunlight with them, making everyone around him happier.

“He’s perfect, Aaron. He’s amazing, and I…” Alexander pauses. “I don’t want him to…to d-“

“He won’t.” Aaron says, pressing down on Alexander’s chest as worry claws at him. “He will not die. He can’t…” He stops, feeling Alexander’s eyes on him. He swallows and then shrugs, unable to continue.

“He’s just….” Alexander shakes his head again. “He’s always helping people. He told me that he’s been talking to Lafayette, trying to help him get through everything. And today, he’s helping someone else. He…he saves people, over and over again, pulling them up and…”

“Holding onto them.” Aaron murmurs, running his hand down Alexander’s chest, feeling the material of the sweater under his fingers.

“He’s so excited about the war ending.” Alexander whispers, his eyes starting to look glassy. “He talks about it all the time. You heard him yesterday. Even if our plan works, if we destroy the breach, we might not make it, since we’re supposed to defend the other Jaeger. I…I just hate the idea of Jon not getting to see the world after all this.

“He’ll see it.” Aaron says, clenching his jaw. “He will.”

“Do you promise?” Alexander whispers, and he sits up and faces Aaron when he only responds with a confused look. “Aaron, we can’t let Jon die.”

“I…Alexander, I don't want that either, but we don’t have control over that, we-“

“But we do!” Alexander grips Aaron’s shirt. “He…Jon, he doesn’t need to be in the Jaeger. You and me control the legs and the main arms. He can eject himself during the battle and we can keep fighting. He’ll be safe.”

“He’d never leave us behind.” Aaron points out, knowing it to be true. Bellamy would never choose to leave.

“Anyone can control the emergency pods.” Alexander says, his eyes taking on a crazed look. “I’ll put him in one kicking and screaming if it means saving his life.”

“Alexander….”

“Promise me, please.” Alexander looks up at Aaron with wide eyes. “If…if things start to go bad, if it looks like we aren’t gonna make it, we save Jon.”

Aaron bites at his lip, considering the situation. He can’t deny that it’s wrong of them to do this behind Bellamy’s back, that he would be upset, but Aaron knows why Alexander wants to do it. Bellamy has dedicated his whole life to helping other people, to saving other people, it’s only fair that Aaron and Alexander get a chance to save him.

Aaron turns to look back at Alexander, moving his hands up to cup his face. He leans forwards so their foreheads are resting against each other again. He brushes his thumbs over his cheeks, and then takes a deep breath.

“I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh ooohhhh. That plan is probs gonna backfire on Aaron and Alexander.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Aaron always used to wonder where he belonged, where he was supposed to go and what he was supposed to do. But where he is now, curled up on a bed with Bellamy and Alexander, he thinks that that’s where he was always supposed to end up.

After Aaron and Alexander had finished talking outside, they had finally gone back inside the base, only to find Bellamy waiting for them inside Aaron’s room. Alexander had looked nervous all over again, worried that Bellamy was mad, but Bellamy just walked forward and wrapped Alexander in his arms.

It hadn’t taken long after that for all of them to crawl into Aaron’s too small bed and throw the covers over their bodies, snuggling up to each other and letting hands lazy trail over skin. Alexander had fallen asleep first, squished between Bellamy and Aaron. Bellamy followed soon after, his face pressed against Alexander’s shoulder. Even now, Aaron can still see the small smile on Bellamy’s lips.

Aaron smiles himself, feeling a small tug on his heart as he stares at his two boyfriends. Alexander is mumbling softly under his breath, brows furrowed, and Bellamy has somehow taken most of the blankets, and is holding onto them with a tight grip. Aaron smiles even wider, chuckling to himself and reaching out to gently tuck a piece of hair behind Alexander’s ear.

He knows that they don’t have a lot of time left, that the final attack is drawing closer and closer with every passing second. But so much of his fear has left him, turning into determination. Determination not only to win, but to survive. He’ll do anything it takes to protect Alexander and Bellamy.

He won’t let them go.

-

The remaining days before the attack start to go by quickly, too quickly.

During those days, Aaron is practically glued to Alexander and Bellamy, not wanting to let them out of his sight. Just like before the previous attack, he’s trying to spend as much time as possible with them. But now there is another reason; he doesn’t want to say goodbye.

If he talks to anyone else, Theodosia or Eliza, even Madison or Jefferson, Aaron knows that the conversation would turn to the possibility of him not coming back, that someone would try to tell him goodbye. And he’s not ready for that. He doesn’t want to think about dying, or losing anyone. For now, he just wants to pretend that everything is okay, just for a little longer.

And that illusion, of everything being good and safe, is very easy when he’s kissing Bellamy.

They had been at it for almost ten minutes already, everything leading up to Aaron straddling Bellamy’s waist and kissing him feverishly. They’d been waiting for Alexander to come back from lunch, but had been too impatient. And one kiss from Bellamy is always enough to make Aaron want more.

“You drive me crazy.” Bellamy breathes out, trailing a hand down Aaron’s naked chest, his other arm curled around Aaron’s lower back. “Wish I could kiss you all the time.”

“Then stop talking and kiss me.” Aaron grumbles, trying to get Bellamy’s lips on his again and almost pouting when Bellamy pulls away with a laugh. “Such a goddamn tease.”

“You’re acting like you don’t love it.”

“Hm.” Aaron rocks his hips down, making Bellamy gasp, and takes his momentary distraction to lean down to kiss him again. “I like it when you actually kiss me. I like it when you-“ He gets cut off when Bellamy crushes their lips together, opening his mouth against Aaron’s and finally taking control of the kiss.

Aaron allows Bellamy’s tongue to slide between his lips, humming happily at the sensation. He keeps one of his hands tangled in Bellamy’s hair, letting the other drop lower and lower until it’s resting on the waistband of Bellamy’s pants. Aaron takes the soft moan from Bellamy as permission, and starts to unbutton the front of his jeans, sliding the zipper down slowly despite the way his pulse is picking up. He’s just got his hand on the bulge beneath Bellamy’s underwear when his door swings open.

“You guys, there’s-“ Alexander’s voice cuts off quickly, and Aaron and Bellamy both break away and turn to look at him. His eyes roam over Aaron’s chest, then land on the way Bellamy’s pants are hanging open. He sticks out his lower lip in a pout, but Aaron and Bellamy can see the beginnings of a smirk on his face. “If you guys would have told me you’d be doing this, I gladly would have skipped lunch.”

“You have the worst timing, Alex.” Bellamy whines, leaning his head back against the bed, but keeping his arms around Aaron.

“Sorry.” Alexander responds with a shrug, not looking sorry at all. “But I figured you’d want to be interrupted for this; Maria and Angelica just called. The connection is kind of shitty but they’re getting close to drifting with the Kaiju brain.”

Aaron scrambles up at the news, ignoring Bellamy’s protests. He looks around for his shirt, throwing it on and then turning back to Alexander.

“Did they say when they’d be able to do it? Will it be before the attack?” When all Alexander does is shrug again, Aaron pulls his shoes on and straightens back up. “Well we have to go find out what they know. C’mon.”

“I can’t believe you want to talk about science right now.” Bellamy grumbles, zipping his pants back up and standing up with a pout. “Of all the things we could be doing.”

“Well, if science gets him hotter than making out, you must be doing something wrong, Jon.”

“Shut the fuck up, Alex, I-“

Aaron rolls his eyes as Bellamy and Alexander continue to argue back and forth, pushing open the door and starting to walk, knowing that the two will follow him eventually. Sure enough, their voices echo off the walls from behind him moments later.

All three of them make it to Angelica’s office, but by the time they do, Theodosia, Eliza and Washington are speaking to each other, but if they had been talking to Angelica and Maria before, the call must have ended already.

“What did they say?” Bellamy asks, stepping around Aaron. “Have they done it?”

“Not yet.” Washington replies, running a hand over his face. His eyes flick over to Alexander and then away quickly, and he sighs. “It’s a very long, complicated process just getting the brain of the Kaiju. They still have to do that, and build the machine for the drift. Maria says they can finish it before the attack, but-“

“But nothing.” Theodosia interrupts. “If Maria thinks she can do it, then she can. When she puts her mind to something, she always comes through.”

“And Angelica is there to help her this time.” Eliza adds with a small smile. “They’ll be fine.”

Washington still looks skeptical, but he shrugs his shoulders and walks from the room, and now Alexander is the one watching him, a slightly guilty look on his face. Aaron hears Bellamy whisper something in Alexander’s ear, but Alexander just frowns and shakes his head.

“Hey, Aaron?” Theodosia places a hand on his shoulder, and he turns to look at her. “Could we talk?”

Aaron swallows, wishing that he had some excuse to give her, but he knows she won’t let him get away easily. So he gives in and nods, letting Theodosia lead him outside so that they’re alone. Once they’re out, she gives him a small smile.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

“I haven’t!” He says quickly. “I’ve just…I…” He sighs and then laughs a little. “Yeah. I’ve been avoiding you.”

Theodosia hums and gives Aaron a look that reminds him so much of Sally. It’s a knowing look, and Aaron ducks his head, feeling embarrassed at being caught acting like a little kid. He shouldn’t have ignored Theodosia, not after everything she has done for him, not when she cares about him.

“I know why you’re doing it.” She tells him, and he lifts his head back up. “But I’m not telling you goodbye, okay? I have no doubt that you’re going to win this war for us, Aaron.”

“You don’t know that.” Aaron shoves his hands in his pockets and hunches his shoulders. “It…you just can’t know that.”

“I know everything.” Theodosia teases, her eyes crinkling when Aaron laughs. “Really, Aaron. You can do it. When I met you all those years ago, when you were that eighteen year old kid, I knew right then that you were going to be an amazing pilot.”

“Am I?” Aaron doesn’t mean the words to come out the way they do, but Theodosia looks at him with sad eyes, and Aaron tries to laugh it off, but his voice cracks, and then he’s hunching his shoulders even more, trying to blink back the tears that are pricking the corners of his eyes.

“Aaron.” Theodosia steps closer, bringing her hands up to cup his face. “Listen to me. You are an amazing pilot, and amazing person, and you have sacrificed so much to protect others. You…” She smiles at him and shakes her head. “Sally would be so proud of you, Aaron. She would.”

Aaron can’t stop a small sob from escaping, but he nods his head, knowing that the words are true. Sally would be proud of him. He just wishes she were here to tell him herself. But Aaron wraps his arms around Theodosia, pulling her into a hug which she returns quickly, a hand rubbing soothing circles onto his back.

“Aaron, can I ask you something?” Theodosia pulls away a little, placing her hands on his shoulders. Once he nods, she smiles at him and then takes a deep breath. “After all this is over, I would really like you to be Theo’s godfather.”

Theo’s godfather.

Aaron blinks up at Theodosia, trying to process the information in his brain. He hadn’t expected her to say that. He isn’t sure what he expected, but it just wasn’t _that_. Being a godfather is a commitment. It means being involved in Theo’s life, being there for her…it means being _there_.

That’s what is making Aaron hesitate. Saying yes means promising to being there after the attack, something that he feels like he can’t promise. He might not make it, or he might lose Alexander or Bellamy, and he’s not sure how he’ll be if that happens, he’s not sure if he’ll be in the right state of mind to help take care of Theo.

“Aaron.” Theodosia’s voice breaks him out of his thoughts, and he looks back at her to see her still smiling at him. “Don’t over think this. Say yes. It will make Theo so happy.”

“I…” Aaron thinks of Theo’s smile and the way she seems to look up to him so much. He knows she would love it, and he can’t lie, he would love it too. He really would. “Okay. Yes, I…I would really like that, Theodosia. I…thank you.”

“Shouldn’t I be thanking you?” But she gives him a knowing look anyway, and Aaron smiles at her. He knows that Theo will be happy, but he also thinks that Theodosia knew how much it would mean to him to be asked to do this. “So it’s a promise?”

“Yeah. I promise.” As soon as the words leave Aaron, he thinks back on his other promise to Alexander, that he would protect Bellamy at all costs. Then he thinks back to his and Sally’s promise. _Never let go_. He’s been making so many promises lately.

He just hopes he’s able to keep these two.

-

The final day before the attack comes far too quickly for Aaron’s liking.

He’s been spending more time with everyone on the base, even Madison and Jefferson, much to everyone’s surprise. He just realized that he’s been pushing people away for so long, and now that there is a chance that Aaron might not come back, or that they’ll lose the fight, he’s wondering why he pushed anyone away. He cares about all these people so much.

He always did have the worst timing.

The final day is coming to a close, and Aaron is walking down the hall, making his way to the combat room, where he knows Alexander and Bellamy have been practicing for the past hour. It helps them relax, but Aaron knows that it would just make him think about tomorrow.

“Burr?”

Aaron stops, turning to look behind him and spotting Jefferson walking slowly over to him.

“Hey.” He says, giving Jefferson a small smile. “How’re you?”

“Fine.” Jefferson responds automatically, and then he shrugs and rubs at the back of his neck. “I’m looking for James, actually. I uhm, just wanted to…”

“Talk to him?”

“Yeah.” Jefferson gives a short laugh and clears his throat. “Just…you know, this is our last night and…well.” He coughs awkwardly and shrugs again, eyes flicking down to Aaron’s. “I know you saw me talking to Bellamy that day, so it’s not really a secret that he’s been trying to help me.”

“And has it worked?” Aaron asks softly. “Has he helped you?”

“It’ll take more than a few meetings to fix whatever the hell is wrong with me.” Jefferson says, giving Aaron a tight smile. “But sure, it’s helped. That kid has a way with fixing people, as I’m sure you know. It’s just taken me almost a week to build the courage to talk to James.”

“But you will?”

“Yeah.” Jefferson nods firmly. “I just…I don’t want to regret all the things that I never told him.”

“Then you should tell me.”

They both spin around, and Jefferson’s breath catches when he sees Madison standing there, Luthor at his feet. The dog trots over to Jefferson, sniffing at his feet before looking up at Jefferson with his tongue out and tail wagging. Aaron watches as Jefferson’s face goes through a series of emotions, finally landing and staying on looking embarrassed.

“I didn’t mean for you to hear th-“

“What do you want to tell me?” Madison interrupts, taking a step closer to Jefferson. His eyes are wide, and there is a slight impatient tone to his voice. “Thomas, what do you want to say?”

“I…” Thomas swallows a few times, looking more and more like a deer caught in headlights. He glances over at Aaron, but Aaron shakes his head. He’s not getting involved, Jefferson has to do this. “It’s…nothing, really.”

“Thomas, please.” Madison is pleading now, and Aaron sees the way that Jefferson shrinks in on himself at the words. “Please talk to me. I’ve tried to give you space but I-“

“I don’t want space! I’ve never wanted space, not from you!”

“But you…” Madison trails off, mouthing wordlessly at his husband for a few moments. “But you…you stopped talking and got so distant and-“

“Because that’s what you wanted!” Jefferson snaps the words out quickly, but then he sighs and runs his hands over his eyes. “I just…it was clear that you thought you made a mistake so I was just…leaving before you left, or whatever.”

“Wait, that that was a mistake?”

“Our wedding.”

“Thomas.” Madison whispers the name so softly that Aaron almost doesn’t catch it. Madison steps closer to Jefferson, reaching a hand out slowly to rest it on Jefferson’s chest. “Thomas, how could you think that? Did I do something to make you think that? God, Thomas, I’m so sorry.”

“There were just moments in the drift where...” Jefferson lowers his hands and takes a shaky breath, “where I felt your regret and I…I knew we couldn’t stop being co-pilots, but I…I thought that if I…put distance, that you’d feel free to start over with someone else.”

Silence falls after his words, and Aaron shifts on his feet, not sure if he should leave or stay. Madison is looking up at Jefferson with wide eyes, but they are slowly getting narrower and narrower. Jefferson is avoiding his gaze, staring down at his feet. Aaron is about to leave when Madison suddenly brings up his other hand and clutches at the front of Jefferson’s shirt.

“I…” Madison breaks off with a laugh, making Jefferson look up at him. “I married the biggest idiot in the world.” Then he’s pulling Jefferson down into a kiss, catching the other man in complete surprise based on the way he gasps and freezes immediately. Madison pulls away moments later, breathing heavily. “Thomas, you’re a moron.”

“I…I…what?”

“I love you. You, Thomas, I love you. I’ve never wanted to start over with someone else, not even for a moment!”

“But I felt it in the-“

“No!” Madison shakes Jefferson by his shirt, his voice coming out as a growl. “That’s not what you felt, and definitely not what I was thinking. You know how tricky the drift is. Emotions and memories can get jumbled, and you can sometimes be searching the other person’s mind for an emotion but then not understand everything about it!”

“So you do regret something about us.”

“Yes.” Madison says slowly, and Aaron feels his eyebrows shoot up. He knows he should give them privacy, but now he has to know. “I regret that we never got the wedding you wanted, or the life that we both wanted.”

“Oh.” Jefferson says, looking like someone just punched him in the face.

“Yeah.” Madison says, a small smile starting to form on his lips. “I’ve never regretted being with you, ever. You just got in such a bad place at one point, and I didn’t know what to do. I thought…I thought _you_ didn’t-“

“I do.” Jefferson says quickly, covering Madison’s hands with his own. “James, I…you’re…” He stutters over his words, and Aaron silently wills him to keep going, to get the words out. “You’ve always….you’re my whole world!” Jefferson has a crazed look to his eyes, but he keeps going. “I fell for you the second I saw you, and I don’t care about what our wedding was like or any of that! I…I just…I love you, I-“

Whatever else he was going to say gets cut off when Madison brings their lips crushing back together. Jefferson throws his arms around Madison, kissing him back this time, both of them laughing when Luthor starts to bark happily from the ground.

“Come with me.” Madison murmurs, taking one of Jefferson’s hands. “We have a lot of catching up to do before…before you go tomorrow.” His voice cracks a little, but Aaron sees Jefferson squeeze Madison’s hand, and then they are both walking away, their voices echoing off the walls as Luthor faithfully follows them.

Aaron stands there for a moment, looking at the spot where they had been standing. He’s happy for Jefferson and Madison, happy that they finally talked, that they’re getting better. He just wishes it didn’t take them so long, wishes that they had more than one night to catch up and say all that they need to.

None of them have enough time.

Aaron continues his initial path to the combat room, feeling a smile light up his face as soon as Bellamy and Alexander walk out hand in hand. He walks over to them quickly, throwing his arms around them both, overwhelmed by a sudden urge to have them as close as possible.

“That’s a nice greeting.” Bellamy says, and when Aaron pulls away he can see them both smiling. “We were only gone for like two hours.”

“I just…” _We don’t have that much time left_ , Aaron thinks in his mind. They need more time. He has so much he wants to tell them. “You’re…you’re both staying with me tonight, right?” Aaron looks between Alexander and Bellamy, trying not to shift on his feet as nerves start to fill him for some reason. “In my room?”

Bellamy smiles at him, and Alexander steps forward to press a kiss to Aaron’s cheek, pulling back with a smile that quickly turns into a smirk.

“I’ve got an even better idea.” He tells them both, nodding down the hallway behind them. “Let’s stay in my room tonight, it’s…well…bigger.”

When they reach Alexander’s room and step inside, Aaron thinks that “bigger” was definitely an understatement. The room is huge, the bed bigger than two of Aaron’s put together.

“What the fuck.” He says, turning to look at Alexander. “Why have we been staying in my room this whole time?” He laughs at Alexander’s awkward shrug and turns to Bellamy, who is looking between the bed and Aaron, his cheeks getting pink when they make eye contact.

“Shower.” Bellamy blurts out, making Aaron and Alexander both jump. “I…I think I need to take a shower.” He says the words slowly, and Alexander chuckles and nods before walking through a doorway that Aaron assumes leads to the bathroom.

Aaron nods at Bellamy and then moves to sit on the bed, gasping a little at how soft it is. He’s busy running his fingers over the covers when Bellamy steps forward in front of him, looking down at him with an expectant look.

“Are you just gonna sit there?”

“I…” Aaron looks at Bellamy in confusion. “I thought you said you were going to take a shower, so I figured I would…” He trails off when Bellamy rolls his eyes, still confused. But then Bellamy cups his face and brings their lips together.

“I am taking a shower.” Bellamy murmurs, his lips still brushing against Aaron’s. “But I was hoping you would join me.”

_Oh._

Aaron feels his cheeks heat up, but then he nods and stands, allowing Bellamy to take his hand and lead him. When they step into the bathroom, the first thing Aaron sees is Alexander.

He’s already stripped down to just his boxers, and he’s in the process of taking out his ponytail, letting his hair fall down so it’s brushing against his shoulders. When he sees Aaron, Alexander gives him a wide smile, and Aaron can’t stop himself from walking over to him, a hand reaching out to touch him. He traces the edge of his jaw, and then lets his fingertips ghost over his collarbones.

Aaron turns back around when the sound of metal clinking reaches him, feeling his breath catch when he sees Bellamy stepping out of his pants. Aaron’s heart starts to pound at the idea of what is about to happen. There are so many emotions swirling inside of him. He wants this, wants them, but he wishes time would slow down.

“You get in first.” Bellamy says, and Aaron realizes that Bellamy had been looking at him for a few minutes. “We’ll join in a little bit.”

Aaron nods, stepping through another doorway that leads to the shower. His jaw drops a little when he sees it; there are towels hanging on one of the walls, and then two steps leading up to the shower, which is enclosed with glass walls. He quickly strips and steps in, noticing that there are two shower heads on opposite walls.

Aaron steps in and turns the faucets on, jumping slightly when both sprays hit him at once. He adjusts the temperature and then lets out a sigh when it heats up. He can already feel all of the tension leaving him, and excitement starts to take its place.

There’s a knock at the door, the sound of it opening, footsteps approaching, and when Aaron turns, Bellamy is suddenly there, giving him a small smile that makes Aaron’s heart rate pick up. He reaches out for something to grab, thankful for the metal bar in the shower, because if he wasn’t holding onto it, he’s pretty sure he would have fallen over at the sight of Bellamy standing naked in front of him.

A little embarrassed, Aaron can already feel himself getting hard from just looking at Bellamy, but when his eyes fall to the other man’s crotch, and he can see that Bellamy is slowly stiffening as well. Aaron licks his lips before closing the small distance between them, unashamedly letting his eyes roam over the wide expanse of skin in front of him.

Bellamy’s arms are strong, stronger than the clothes he wears give him credit for. Aaron trails his fingers over both of his biceps, moving them up until his hands are against Bellamy’s chest. There’s more muscle than Aaron had imagined, and his abs are well defined. His hands and eyes move lower, taking in the small trail of hair below his belly button, and Aaron feels Bellamy inhale sharply when Aaron runs his fingers over it. He stops before going any lower, and when he finally looks up to meet Bellamy’s eyes, Aaron can see a small look of nervousness there.

“You’re beautiful.” Aaron murmurs, standing on his tiptoes so he can kiss Bellamy. He feels him sigh into the kiss, and then his arms are slowly wrapping around Aaron’s waist. The movement brings them closer, and Aaron gasps when their erections slide against each other.

“Okay?” Bellamy asks, and Aaron nods against his shoulder, moving to wrap his arms around Bellamy’s neck so he doesn’t pull away. Bellamy laughs, the sound vibrating against Aaron’s chest.

Aaron buries his face in Bellamy’s neck, wanting to avoid getting water in his eyes but not wanting to back away from Bellamy. Smooth hands are running down his back, and Aaron gasps against Bellamy’s skin when his hands just barely skim over Aaron’s ass. Bellamy seems to hesitate, and Aaron just gives another small nod, not trusting his voice at the moment, and then Bellamy is gripping him a little tighter. Aaron can’t help but melt against him.

Bellamy chuckles again, nuzzling against the side of Aaron’s face as he moves his hands again so they are resting on his hips. Aaron looks up at him, feeling a rush of heat when he sees how dark Bellamy’s eyes are.

“Aaron…” Bellamy murmurs, sighing his name out in a way that makes Aaron’s toes curl. He pulls Aaron forward, capturing his lips with his own and slowly coaxing Aaron’s mouth open with tender care.

Aaron is more than happy to comply, eager to feel Bellamy against him in every way. The water from the shower is dripping down both their faces, making the kiss more wet than usual, but Bellamy’s hands are so warm on Aaron’s skin, and his lips so soft that Aaron could care less about where they are, as long as he’s with Bellamy.

Bellamy pulls away, smiling when Aaron makes a disappointed sound, and blinks away some of the water that had fallen into his eyes. His hair is damp against his forehead, and Aaron moves his hands so he can push the dark locks out of the way.

“Where’s Alexander?” Aaron asks softly, tracing the edge of Bellamy’s jaw.

“Waiting. He’ll come in soon, you just looked a little overwhelmed before, so I thought we’d take it slow.”

“How do you do that?” Aaron asks with a sigh, smiling at Bellamy’s confused look. “Always know what I’m thinking?”

“We’re drift compatible,” Bellamy says, squeezing Aaron’s hips and kissing him softly before pulling back. “I’ve been inside your head.”

“But even before that, you always knew.”

Bellamy hums, but instead of answering, he just kisses Aaron again, but this time it’s on the cheek. Then his forehead, then his nose and his chin, and by the time Bellamy is moving down to his neck, Aaron is laughing, goosebumps rising on his skin from the feather light kisses. Bellamy moves his head back up, grinning as he rests his forehead against Aaron’s.

“Bellamy…” Aaron starts, so full of warmth that he feels like he might combust. “I…” He pauses to swallow, leaning back slightly so he can look at Bellamy. “I love you.” He watches with nervousness as the words hit Bellamy, noticing the way his eyes widen and his lips part, the way his chest moves a little quicker as he breathes in and out.

“I…I love you, too.” Bellamy says, and then he’s laughing softly, moving his hands up to cup Aaron’s face, and Aaron thinks that some of the drops on his cheeks aren’t all from the shower. “God, Aaron, I love you.” He kisses him again, small, quick kisses that slowly get longer and longer, making Aaron dizzy.

It’s more heated this time, tongues meeting and teeth tugging at lips, fingers digging into skin and bodies brushing against each other. Small sparks of pleasure are running through Aaron, and it doesn’t take long until he’s gasping into the kiss, jumping a little when Bellamy moves his hands back to his waist, fingers trailing softly over his stomach.

“Aaron,” he murmurs against his lips, “can I touch you?”

“Please.” Aaron whispers back, and then Bellamy’s hand is on him, and Aaron jerks forward as Bellamy starts to slowly stroke him. He tilts his head back, already having trouble taking in steady breaths, and Bellamy immediately leans forward to kiss the underside of his jaw.

“Should’ve known you wouldn’t be able to keep your hands to yourself for long, Jon.” Alexander’s voice bounces off the walls, making Aaron and Bellamy jump apart, their hands falling back to their sides.

“Can you blame me?” Bellamy asks, sounding slightly out of breath, but there is a wide smile on his face, and a smile spreads over Aaron’s face as well.

Alexander just rolls his eyes, but then steps over to the two of them, making a hard noise in the back of his throat when the water first hits him. Then he sighs, raising his hands to run his fingers through his hair, head tilting back, and Aaron takes the time to let his eyes roam over his body.

He’s softer than Aaron thought he would be, more curves than muscle, and he loves it. Unable to resist any longer, Aaron steps forward and slides his hands down Alexander’s waists, stopping at his hips and gripping him tightly.

“Hey.” Alexander says with a chuckle when Aaron continues to just stare.

“Hey.” Aaron whispers back, too taken in by Alexander’s soft skin to be embarrassed for staring. But then why should he be embarrassed? Alexander is staring at him too, a hungry look in his eyes that makes Aaron shiver with excitement. He leans in to kiss Alexander, smiling when Alexander makes a content noise against his lips.

“Come on,” Bellamy says with a short laugh from behind Aaron. “We should actually shower before we get too carried away.”

“You’re one to talk.” Alexander grumbles as he pulls away from Aaron and starts to lather soap on his body and letting the water run over his skin. “I’m not the one who had my hands all over his dick.”

Aaron and Bellamy both laugh at that, and Aaron reaches for the bottle of body wash in Alexander’s hand, but Alexander jerks it away with a smirk. Then he pours more into his hand and gestures for Aaron to step closer, starting to rub the soap over Aaron’s shoulders and his chest, probably letting his hands linger more than normal.

Aaron feels himself tingling with each movement of Alexander’s hands, trying to remember that last time, if ever, someone touched him with so much care, with so much awe in their eyes. Alexander is watching the trail of his hands, biting at his lip and smirking when Aaron gasps when he moves his hands lower, brushing over Aaron’s thighs.

“Wash off.” Alexander tells him, letting his hands drop, and Aaron blinks for a moment before nodding and stepping under the spray, letting the water wash away the soap on his body. When he sees Alexander grab another bottle, Aaron steps back to him.

“Can I?” He asks, and Alexander nods, handing him he bottle. Aaron wastes no time in squirting the contents into his hand, gesturing for Alexander to turn around so he can start rubbing it into his hair.

Alexander immediately sighs, his head dropping back as Aaron scratches his fingers against his scalp. Aaron smiles at the small sounds coming from Alexander’s mouth, but then he gasps when Alexander pushes his hips back against him. Aaron thinks he hears the man chuckle, but then Aaron is gasping again as Alexander slowly grinds back against him, making his cock jump.

Then Bellamy is pressing against Aaron’s back, his teeth scraping over the skin of his shoulder, and Aaron lets his eyes close with a groan when he feels Bellamy’s cock brushing against his hip.

“Maybe…” Aaron swallows a few times when he hears how hoarse his voice comes out. “Maybe we should get out and…and go to the bed.” There’s a beat of silence, and then all of them are laughing when Alexander almost slips in his excitement.

All three of them scurry out of the bathroom, and Aaron would laugh at how eager they all were if there wasn’t such an intense heat curling inside his stomach. They dry off with quick movements before basically jumping into the bed in a jumbled mess of lips pressing against each other and hands on skin.

At some point, Aaron finds himself on his back, Alexander kissing his mouth while resting between his spread legs, and Bellamy is sucking on his neck, moaning whenever Aaron tugs at the bunch of hair he’s gripping tightly in his hand. But then Alexander is pulling away, breathing heavily, and after another few seconds Bellamy is moving too, and all three of them stare at each other with wide eyes.

“So,” Alexander starts, licking his lips, eyes flicking between Aaron and Bellamy, “are we doing this?”

“I-“ Bellamy stops quickly, swallowing and looking down at Aaron, like he’s waiting for him to say something first. When Aaron gives him a slow but firm nod, Bellamy breathes out and then smiles, moving his eyes back to Alexander. “Do you have…stuff?”

Alexander scrambles off of Aaron, giving him the room to sit back up and rub nervously at his neck. Bellamy, of course, notices the movement and reaches out to interlace his fingers with Aaron’s. They look at each other for a brief moment, and the way Bellamy is watching him, the way he’s holding his hand, makes Aaron feel safe.

They’re still staring at each other when Alexander climbs back onto the bed, dropping a bottle of lube and a box of condoms onto the sheets. Aaron looks at them, noticing that both things look used already. He glances back at his boyfriends.

“Have you two already…?”

“Yes.” Bellamy responds honestly. “Just…a few times. I…is that-“

“It’s fine.” Aaron assures him, despite feeling a slight pang of disappointment at not being there, but that’s his fault. “I’ve…when I was in Alaska doing construction, I…with a couple guys…just to….” He stops under their gazes, wanting to curl inward on himself. He had slept with a few guys over the years, just to get out of his head for a little bit, to not think. “But it never meant…anything.”

“Well then,” Bellamy scoots forward, ducking his head down to press his lips to Aaron’s in a gentle kiss. “We’ll just have to change that.”

Aaron gives him a grateful smile, and then, after more kissing and maneuvering, he finds himself laying between Alexander’s legs, panting against his lips as Bellamy jerks both of them off with one hand, spreading lube down their lengths. Aaron feels like his body is on fire, and each moan of Alexander’s, each movement of Bellamy’s hand, sends arousal shooting through his body.

“Aaron,” Alexander moans, jerking his hips up and arching his back, “please, p-please just...” He breaks off with a whimper, making Aaron’s heart beat even faster.

“Go on.” Bellamy murmurs, removing his hand and moving so he can press a kiss to Alexander’s jaw. “I think we’ve teased him long enough.”

Aaron braces himself on his hands on either side of Alexander, leaning down further so their cocks slide together. He presses another kiss to Alexander’s lips before pulling away, looking down at the man splayed underneath before rocking his hips forwards, finally getting some real friction.

“Oh, _fuck_ , yeah.” Alexander arches his back again, his hands coming up to grab at Aaron’s hips, pulling him harder against him, making them both moan. “Feels good, Aaron, feels so good…wanted this for so long…fuck!”

Aaron grinds down harder, the wet slide of their cocks driving him crazy. Alexander is writhing underneath him, and Bellamy is sucking marks onto his neck, whispering things against his skin that Aaron can’t hear through the blood pounding in his ears. But he keeps his eyes locked on Alexander’s, loving how wide and dark they are.

He starts to move faster, feeling his orgasm getting closer. Alexander is gasping loudly, moving his hips up to meet Aaron’s, his fingers digging into the skin on Aaron’s hips. Then, after a few more thrusts, Alexander’s jaw drops open and he throws his head back, his body tensing.

“Fuck, Aaron, f-fuck!” His fingers grip even tighter, and Aaron can feel Alexander’s cock twitch, his orgasm hitting him and sending thick spurts of come onto his chest. Aaron slows his movements, not wanting to make Alexander over-sensitive, but then Bellamy is suddenly behind him, pulling Aaron back against his chest and wrapping a hand around his cock.

“Come on, Aaron.” He breathes into his ear, jerking him off faster and faster. “Look how good you made Alex feel…now it’s your turn. Come on…” He thumbs over Aaron’s slit before pumping him in long strokes, and that combined with the way Alexander is watching, breathing heavily and covered in cum, makes Aaron cry out as his orgasm rushes through him. Bellamy holds him through the after shocks, and when Aaron finally comes back to himself, he sees Alexander smiling happily up at him, running a finger through his and Aaron’s cum.

Aaron groans at the sight and then climbs over Alexander, rolling onto his back beside him and tries to catch his breath. He’s vaguely aware of Bellamy asking Alexander something, but only hears Alexander’s response.

“Go.” Alexander murmurs with a laugh. “I’m gonna need hours to take in what just happened. I’ll join you later.”

Then Bellamy is leaning over Aaron, smiling down at him and peppering his face with soft kisses, getting closer and closer to his lips until Aaron finally puts a hand behind his neck and drags Bellamy’s mouth to his own, making the other man chuckle.

“You’re okay?” Bellamy asks, leaning away and running a hand over Aaron’s cheek.

“More than okay.” Aaron answers, smiling at him before turning his head to look at Alexander, who smiles at him crookedly, his eyes bright with happiness. Aaron turns back to Bellamy when he feels the press of an erection against his inner thigh. “You…do you want me to?” He trails off and glances down.

“Oh, I…” Bellamy shifts and bites at his lip, glancing away and looking embarrassed. “You don’t have to, I-“ He cuts off again, huffing out a laugh. But then his hips jerk forward of their own accord, his cock rubbing against Aaron’s thigh, and Aaron watches the movement, another wave of want passing through him. He wraps his arms around Bellamy’s neck, pulling the man back down.

“Do you want to fuck me?” He asks, and Bellamy moans, his hips moving forward again, and Aaron can feel pre-come sliding against his skin, making him squirm. God, he’s already getting hard again. “Cause I…I want you to.”

“Yeah?” Bellamy breathes out, eyes getting a little wider. He swears under his breath when Aaron nods at him, scrambling backwards and looking for the lube, which Alexander tosses at him with a laugh.

“So eager.” Alexander teases, and then he looks back over at Aaron with a smirk. “You have no idea how long he’s been waiting for this.”

“Shut up.” Bellamy grumbles, a faint blush spreading over his cheeks, and he gives Aaron a bashful smile.

“I have too.” Aaron admits, loving the way Bellamy’s blush grows at the words. He spreads his legs wider when Bellamy shuffles back over, spreading lube onto his fingers and looking down at Aaron with awe on his face

“You’ll tell me if I hurt you?” Bellamy asks, his voice serious. “Promise? We can stop at any time.”

“I’m okay, Bell.” Aaron says. “I’ll tell you if that changes. But right now?” He bites at his lips as he stares up at Bellamy, willing himself to say the words in his mind. “I just really want you inside me.”

The look on Bellamy’s face when he hears the words is worth any amount of embarrassment Aaron had felt at saying them. He swears again before dropping his eyes again, nudging Aaron’s legs until their bent at the knees. Then a slick finger is circling his entrance, and Aaron breathes in, willing his body to relax. Bellamy pushes his finger in, sinking it down to his knuckle, and Aaron gasps.

“Okay?” Bellamy asks, his voice shaking a little, but Aaron nods quickly to calm him. He is okay, it just always takes a moment to adjust. He nods again, and Bellamy slowly starts to move his finger, pumping it in and out, his eyes locked on Aarons.

One finger becomes two, and Aaron is panting now, moving his hips in small circles, trying to get Bellamy’s fingers deeper inside him. He can feels his legs shaking, his cock leaking onto his stomach, and none of this is helped when Alexander scoots over to him, kissing his neck.

“Drives you crazy, right?” Alexander whispers in his ear. “I know what it’s like to have those fingers inside me. He’s good at it, isn’t he? Acts so innocent but then finger fucks you so well.”

Aaron moans loudly at the words, back arching slightly as a third finger teases at his entrance before slipping in. It burns a little, but Bellamy is gentle, taking his time and letting Aaron grow accustomed to the stretch. Then his fingers hit that spot inside of Aaron that has him seeing stars.

“Shit!” Aaron gasps out, hips thrusting down. “Bellamy, please. Please, I’m ready now.”

“Okay.” Bellamy slowly slips his fingers out and grabs a condom, rolling it down his length with shaking hands. Then he’s back, hovering over Aaron and pushing the head of his cock against his entrance. “Still okay?”

Aaron nods, leaning up a little kiss Bellamy. Then there is pressure, and Aaron reminds his body to relax, reminds himself that this is Bellamy, and Bellamy loves him. Bellamy moves slowly, his breath coming out harsh and quick, but when he finally bottoms out, he groans and drops his head on Aaron’s shoulder.

“Can we go slow?” Aaron asks, his voice quiet to his own ears. Bellamy pushes himself up and looks down at Aaron, eyes full of so much love that Aaron feels his heart swell.

“Of course we can.” Bellamy murmurs, reaching a hand out to cup Aaron’s cheek. “Whatever you want, Aaron. Anything.”

Aaron exhales, and then rolls his hips slowly, adjusting to the feeling of Bellamy inside him. Does it a few more times before nodding to Bellamy, who shifts Aaron’s hips forward on the pillow before lifting his legs slightly and gripping the back of his thighs as he spreads them further.

Then he begins to move.

It is slow, like promised, but each movement still sends waves of pleasure through Aaron. Bellamy is so deep inside him, his hips pressing against Aaron’s with every thrust, and Aaron can feel Bellamy’s arms shaking as they hold up his weight

“God, Aaron.” Bellamy gasps out, and Aaron can only moan in response. Then, on a particular thrust, Bellamy strikes something inside him that makes Aaron arch off the bed, causing him to grip the sheets on either side of him.

“Bell…Bellamy…” Aaron reaches his arms out, needing Bellamy to understand what he wants, what he needs.

Bellamy drops down a little, draping himself completely over Aaron’s body, leaning down to connect their mouths. Aaron immediately wraps his legs around his waist, pulling Bellamy in deeper, making them both moan. It feels so good, better than Aaron ever thought it could.

Alexander scoots over to lie beside Aaron, kissing his neck and murmuring words of encouragement to them both, telling them how good they look. That, combined with how deep Bellamy is moving inside him, causes Aaron to feel his orgasm approaching much faster than he wants it to. He wants this moment to last forever.

But then Alexander is sneaking his hand between their bodies, wrapping his fingers around Aaron’s cock and moving his hand in time with Bellamy’s thrusts, which are beginning to get faster and faster.

“Aaron.” Bellamy gasps, his mouth hanging open as he continues to thrust into him. “Aaron, Aaron…you’re perfect.” He presses their lips together and then moans as he pumps his hips harder. The noises he’s making are driving Aaron insane, and he knows that they’re both close.

“I’m gonna come.” Aaron breathes out, already feeling his toes starting to curl. Bellamy and Alexander both start to move faster, and before he knows it, Aaron is crying out and arching off the bed, his cum landing on his stomach as his vision momentarily goes white.

“Oh, god.” Bellamy’s voice is strangled, and when Aaron blinks up at him, he almost gets hard again at how beautiful Bellamy looks. “You look…so good.” He whispers, eyes locked on Aaron. His hips slap against Aaron’s three more times before he stills, shuddering with a quiet groan.

Then they’re kissing again, sloppily, but it makes Aaron smile anyway. He feels so relaxed, so warm, and he can’t remember the last time he felt so happy.

Bellamy pulls out of him gently, tying the condom and getting up to throw it away. While he’s gone, Alexander snuggles up to Aaron and presses a kiss to his cheek. Aaron kisses him back and moves some hair out of Alexander’s eyes. He has such nice eyes.

“Alexander.” Aaron murmurs, his heart beating a little more loudly in his ears. That feeling inside of him is blossoming again “I…I want to tell you, that I…I lo-“

“Wait.” Alexander presses a finger to Aaron’s lip, his eyes going wide. “I…it’s not that I…that I don’t…cause I do! But…” He removes his finger and kisses Aaron gently. “Can you tell me tomorrow? Once…once we’ve won and all this is over?”

Aaron looks at Alexander, feeling a little confused, but then he nods. Alexander breathes out a sigh of relief, kissing Aaron one more time before letting his head rest on Aaron’s shoulder. Bellamy returns a moment later with a washcloth, which he swipes over Alexander and Aaron’s bodies until they are clean. Then he joins them on the bed, pulling a cover over all three of them and snuggling against Aaron’s other side.

“That was nice.” He whispers, and all three of them laugh. “No, nice is an understatement. That was…wow.”

“Wow.” Aaron agrees, and Alexander snorts next to him, but Aaron knows that Alexander feels the same way. “I’m…so happy I met you two.”

“Back at ya.” Alexander mumbles, his voice already heavy with sleep. Aaron yawns, feeling his own tiredness creep up on him. But he doesn’t want to sleep, not yet, not when it’s their last night.

Bellamy sighs happily next to him, and when Aaron turns, he sees that his eyes are closes, a smile on his lips. Aaron pulls them both a little closer, blinking back the tears that are threatening to fall. He doesn’t want to lose them. He can’t. He’s lost too much already. He’ll do whatever it takes to make sure Alexander and Bellamy get out of this alive.

Even if it means dying himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> Predictions for what's gonna happen during the final battle?


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on this one, but this chapter kicked my ass.
> 
> There is sadness. You have been warned.

Despite everything that Aaron has gone through, despite his life turning into a literal hell, sometimes he could still be foolishly optimistic about things.

He really thought that he would wake up slowly after the events of last night. He thought he would wake up feeling warm, wrapped around Alexander and Bellamy. He thought that they would stay curled under the covers for an hour or so, not doing or saying much, but just being next to each other. He really thought that he deserved that much.

Instead, he wakes up to the sound of the Kaiju alarm.

It’s a noise that has haunted him at every moment, slipping into his dreams every night, so it takes him a moment to realize that it isn’t a dream, that the alarm is actually sounding in the base. But even once he realizes that it’s real, Aaron wishes that he could pretend it isn’t. He’s not ready.

He sits up anyway, letting the warm covers slip off of him as Alexander also starts to stir beside him. Aaron nudges Bellamy, who somehow is still sleeping through the alarm, and soon all three of them are pulling on their clothes with tired movements. As Aaron pulls on his shirt, his mind is still waking up, and the reality of the situation hasn’t quite sunk in.

But when they walk down the halls of the base, people scampering around them with varying looks of panic, their eyes flicking to the three of them and then back down to the floor, Aaron becomes more aware of what’s happening. Everyone is avoiding looking at them because it’s a known fact that they could be walking to their deaths.

Aaron starts to feel the reality set in. Quickly.

“This is a suicide mission.”

The words come out of Washington’s mouth matter-of-factly, but it doesn’t make Aaron feel any better.

All of the pilots have gathered into a small room, dressed in their drivesuits, along with Eliza, Theodosia, and Madison. Aaron is standing between Alexander and Bellamy, trying to relax by reminding himself that he isn’t alone in this, that he’ll have them with him the entire time.

“I wish there was some other way to put it,” Washington continues, “but that is the truth. There is a very high chance that none of us come back from this mission.” He looks around at all of them. “Striker Eureka, which Jefferson and I will be piloting, has the bombs. You three will take the three-armed Jaeger and watch our backs as we go for the Breach.”

“Sir?” Aaron steps forward, his nerves making him stumble slightly. But he has to ask. “Has there been any news from Angelica or Maria?”

“None.” Washington answers after a moment, sighing heavily and looking at Aaron with a firm gaze. “And we don’t have time to wait. Two Kaiju have already come out of the Breach, and if Angelica’s prediction is correct, one more is still on its way. We have to go now.”

Aaron nods dejectedly, taking a small step back. He can’t help but feel like this plan is going to fail, that whatever Angelica and Maria are trying to figure out about the Breach is important. But Washington is right; they don’t have time to waste. It’s now or never.

“Sir.” Alexander says the word loudly, causing everyone to look over at him. “Sir, I…” He takes a few steps towards Washington, one of his hands clenching and unclenching at his side, and his eyes blinking rapidly as he looks up at Washington. “I’m…” He trails off again, clearly unable to say what he wants to, and Aaron urges him on silently.

Aaron looks between him and Washington, noticing how both of them are so similar. They’re both watching the other with a cautious look, with hopeful eyes, and Aaron even sees that they both have a certain determined clench to their jaws. He watches, along with everyone else, as Washington walks over to Alexander and puts a hand on his shoulder and takes a deep breath, steeling himself to say the words that need to be said.

“If we’re going to do this, if we’re going to win the war, I’m going to need you to protect me. Can you do that for me, son?”

“Yes.” Alexander whispers, tilting his head back so he can look up at Washington, at the man who had taken him in and raised him. “I…”

“Alexander.” Washington says his name gently, with more care than Aaron has ever heard from the man. He rests both hands on Alexander’s shoulders. “I couldn’t ask for someone I trust more to protect me today. It…it has been an honor to see you grow up.”

The two stare at each other for another moment, and then Alexander drops his eyes, nodding his head in response to Washington’s words, his Adams apple bobbing as he swallows thickly, and Aaron can tell he’s fighting to keep himself composed. Washington squeezes his shoulders before stepping back and dropping his arms back to his sides. He looks around at everyone gathered in the room.

“We need to head over to the drop bay. I wish I could give you more time to prepare, but war isn’t kind; it doesn’t give you more time. You must do your goodbyes quickly.” Washington gives everyone one last nod before stepping outside of the room.

A heavy silence falls once the door closes behind him, and Aaron can’t even bring himself to look around at everyone else. He hears the door open and close again, and when he finally looks up, he sees that Alexander had followed Washington out.

“Do you really think we need to say goodbye?” Bellamy murmurs from beside him, and Aaron turns to look at him. “I…Aaron, are we…” Bellamy shakes his head slowly, like he is trying to shake a thought from his mind. “Are we going to die?”

“I don’t know.” Aaron answers honestly, moving closer to Bellamy and taking one of his hands. Bellamy’s eyes are wide, and Aaron can’t remember the last time he saw Bellamy look so scared. He wants to comfort him, but he also doesn’t want to lie. “Bellamy, I wish I could tell you how things are gonna turn out, but I can’t. But hey,” he squeezes Bellamy’s hand and tries to smile, “if I can do anything about it, you’re gonna get out of this and get that ridiculous dog you want and name it Steve.”

“Thanks.” Bellamy says with a short laugh, his eyes softening just a little. But then he bites at his lip, his eyes roaming over Aaron’s face. “We’ll all make it though, right? We’ll all get out of this and get that house we talked about it, right?”

Aaron looks down, looks away from Bellamy. He can’t tell Bellamy the truth, he can’t tell him that no matter what, Bellamy will be safe. But him and Alexander…

“I’m gonna say…say goodbye to everyone.” Bellamy says when Aaron stays silent, his eyes moving over to Eliza and Theodosia, who are also staring in their direction.

“I’ll meet you at the drop bay then.” Aaron says, feeling like a coward. He can’t face everyone and tell them goodbye. It would just make everything feel too real. He wants to pretend for as long as he can, even if it’s just for the next few minutes.

He slips out of the door, walking down the hall and doing his best to keep himself together. He tries to tell himself that no matter what, this is the last time he’ll ever be inside a Jaeger. No matter what, everything will be over after today.

“Aaron!” A voice calls, and Aaron turns to see Theo running over to him. He’s about to respond to the greeting when Theo runs right into him, throwing her arms around his waist and almost knocking the breath out of him.

“Hey.” Aaron manages to say when he recovers from the shock. “Theo, hey. Are you okay?”

“Yes.” She mutters against him, pulling back a little so she can look up at him. “I just…wanted to wish you good luck. I wish I could go with you.”

Aaron smiles down at her despite how hard her words hit him. He would never want her to come, would never want her to have to be a part of a Kaiju battle. Then again, the kid is brave, she’d probably hold her own better than he could.

“Thank you.” He tells her softly, putting his hands on her shoulders and pushing her back so he can look at her better. “Are you gonna help out your mom? Keep an eye on me during the battle?”

“Yes.” She answers immediately. “I’m gonna help protect you.” She looks up at him seriously, and Aaron has to bite the inside of his cheek to keep himself from crying. He hadn’t wanted to say goodbye to anyone, but if anyone deserves it, it’s Theo.

“Listen to me, Theo.” Aaron says softly. “I…you know all those action figures I have? The ones that are like the ones you have of me and my sister?” He waits until Theo nods to continue. “They’re in my room, lined up on my shelves. I always felt like they protected me growing up and…and I’d really appreciate it if you look after them for me, okay? I-“

“No!” Theo snaps back, taking Aaron by surprise. He thinks he’s made her angry, but then he sees the tears swimming in her eyes. “They’re yours, not mine, and they’ll still be yours when you come back later.”

“Theo, I-“

“They’re yours!” She repeats stubbornly. “And you’re coming back, right? Promise you’ll come back!”

Aaron hesitates a moment before sinking down to his knees so he can look up at Theo. He takes her hands in his and gives them a tight squeeze.

“I will do everything I can to try and come back.” He whispers, hearing his own voice crack slightly. “I promise you that.” He pulls her into another hug, holding her as his mind races with all the promises he’s made to people over the years. The promise he made to Sally to never let go, the promise to Alexander to save Bellamy, and now this.

He just hopes that he can keep these promises.

He convinces Theo to go and find her mom as he continues on his way to the drop bay, finding it harder and harder to keep his cool. When he gets there, there is a large crowd gathered, surrounding Washington who is standing on top of a table, looking around at everyone. Aaron spots Alexander and Bellamy and sidles over to them just before Washington begins to speak.

“Today, on the edge of hope, at the end of time, we have chosen to believe not only in ourselves, but also in each other.” His voice is loud, echoing off the walls, and everyone is hanging on his words. “We have chosen to depend on each other. Today, no person stands alone. Today will be the day they tell stories about. Today, we face the monsters at our door, and we take the fight to them.” Washington pauses and looks around again, his eyes glinting with determination. “Today, we are canceling the apocalypse.”

Cheers erupt around the room, and even Aaron feels a small swell of hope in his chest. He almost believes that they’ll survive. Then Washington steps down, the crowd slowly starts to disperse, and Aaron remembers what they’re about to do.

Aaron turns to start to head over to the lift that will take them to their Jaeger, but he stops when he sees Jefferson and Madison staring at each other. His stomach drops, and he tries to keep moving, but he’s suddenly rooted to the spot.

Aaron finds it almost impossible to look at the expression on Madison’s face as the man looks at Jefferson, his barely contained anguish starting to spread over his features as he embraces his husband, maybe for the last time. Aaron looks down at Luthor, who is staring up at Madison and Jefferson with big eyes and his head tilting to the side as if he’s trying to understand why his owners are so distraught.

Madison and Jefferson are murmuring words into each other’s ears, words that are meant only for them. Then they are pulling apart, and Aaron looks away again when he sees the tears on both their faces, doing his best to give them some privacy. He only looks back when Jefferson kneels down to pet Luthor.

“Take care of him for me.” Jefferson murmurs, and Aaron can’t figure out if he’s telling that to Madison or Luthor. He gets back to his feet, leaning forward and pressing a long kiss to Madison’s lips before pulling away and turning around with his moth pressed into a tight line.

Washington and Jefferson start to walk over to the lift that will take them up to the Conn-Pod of their Jaeger, but they both stop when Madison calls out Washington’s name.

“That’s my husband you’ve got with you.” Madison says, his voice wavering, his eyes fixed on Jefferson’s face. “My _husband_. So you better take care of him, Marshal.”

Washington looks at Madison for a long moment, and then he nods as he steps onto the lift. Jefferson follows a second later, his eyes still on Madison. Then the lift begins to move, taking them up, and Madison stands there long after Jefferson has disappeared from view.

Aaron stands there for a moment as well, but then steps over to Alexander, grabbing his arm to stop him from following Bellamy over to their own Jaeger. He turns back to look at Aaron in confusion, and Aaron opens his mouth but then closes it as he makes eye contact with Bellamy over Alexander’s shoulder. Bellamy gives them a small smile before continuing to walk, and Aaron feels another pang. He doesn’t suspect them at all.

“Are we doing the right thing?” Aaron asks Alexander quietly. “Not telling Bellamy?”

“Yes.” Alexander responds. “You know he wouldn’t go with the plan if we told him. Aaron, please, I can’t lose him too. You promised.”

“I know.” Aaron murmurs. “I know. But…” Aaron’s mind goes back to Jefferson and Madison. “But what if…what if we die, Alexander? You and me. Bellamy won’t even get to say goodbye.”

“Better that than to see him die.” Alexander murmurs, his jaw clenched.

Without another word, they get on the lift and step into the Conn-Pod, following the usual procedures. They hook up to the motion rig, Aaron on the right, Alexander on the left, and Bellamy between them. Then they slip their helmets on and close their eyes, letting their minds relax. The memories flow between them in a matter of seconds. For the last time, no matter what, Aaron lets Alexander and Bellamy inside of him, all three of them melding into one person.

“Neural Handshake complete. Prepare for the drop.”

There’s no turning back now.

-

The helicopters carry their Jaegers across the ocean, releasing them once they are near the Breach. They sink into the depths, the operating lights on the Jaegers getting swallowed up in the darkness of the water. They reach the ocean floor, seven thousand meters below the surface and about half a mile from where the Breach is.

Aaron and Alexander moves their legs, carrying their Jaeger across the ocean floor while Bellamy keeps his eye on the radar for the Kaiju. There’s still only two, and strangely enough, they have stayed under water, protecting the Breach like they know what their plan is.

“There is a movement on your left.” Theodosia’s voice crackles through the comms after a few minutes of uninterrupted walking. “And it’s moving fast.”

“I don’t see anything.” Bellamy says, brows furrowing. “Can you give me coordinates?”

“It’s going too fast. It’s almost on you, brace for impact!”

The words are barely out of Theodosia’s mouth when their entire Jaeger shakes violently, making Aaron and Alexander dig their heels into the ground to keep it upright. They all turn around simultaneously, and Aaron feels a jolt of fear inside him when they spot the monster,

The Kaiju is five hundred tons of muscle, crocodilian in shape with long arms and legs. There are spikes and knobbed plates up and down its back, and it barrels full force into them for a second time, shocking their systems immediately, lights flashing red inside the Conn-Pod.

They recover quickly, and moving in unison, they dodge left and spin, ramming the Kaiju against and knocking it to the ground, holding it there. Before they can do anything more, the Kaiju roars and proceeds to do something that makes Aaron cry out. Its skull splits open, peeling back to reveal an interior head, complete with its own set of jaws. It snaps forward on what looks like an elastic column to muscle to tear at their Jaeger.

“We’re coming for you!” Washington tells them, but then Jefferson is breaking in.

“This is our only window, sir. We knew the risks, we can’t stop to help.”

“But-“

“Go!” Alexander snarls, trying to land a punch on the Kaiju’s head without allowing it to get its jaws on the metal arm. “We’ve got this. Go!”

Aaron doesn’t look to see if Washington and Jefferson heed their words. He focuses on the Kaiju in front of them instead, working with Bellamy to bring the other two arms over to it. Aaron grabs at one of the Kaiju’s arms and twists, feeling a small sense of satisfaction when the Kaiju lets out a loud roar that vibrates through the water.

Fighting under water is different than on land. They have to start their moves earlier, rely more on inertia since the density of the water makes it almost impossible to change direction quickly. The Kaiju, on the other hand, moves almost easier underwater than they usually do on land.

The Kaiju gets out from under them and jabs out at the left leg , causing their Jaeger to stagger back. The Kaiju screeches as it swims away, but instead of turning to go and find Washington and Jefferson’s Jaeger, it doubles back and starts to come back towards them again.

“Any sign of the second Kaiju?” Aaron asks as he and Alexander turn the Jaeger to face the oncoming Kaiju. Bellamy presses a button on the control panel that turns the third arm into a chained sword, raising it in front of the Jaeger. “Theodosia?”

“No sign.” She answers back. “It hasn’t surfaced, so it’s there somewhere. Striker Eureka, how close are you to the Breach?”

“Getting close. We don’t see the Kaiju either.”

Before Aaron has time to think about how strange that is, the Kaiju is on them, swiping out with a clawed hand. Bellamy tries to land a strike with the sword, but the water slows the strokes, making it difficult to do any real damage. Aaron and Alexander stay focused, parrying the Kaiju’s blows with the other two arms.

Finally, the manage to land a good blow, and the Kaiju swims away again before turning back, it’s mouth open in rage as it swims quickly back over to them. As it gets closer, an idea surges through the neural connection, and Aaron looks over at Bellamy and Alexander, who are staring back with determination.

“We have to time this right.”

All three of them turn back to face the Kaiju. It charges, it’s jaws wide as it swims over to them. Bellamy raises the arm with the chain sword and yells as the tip of the Kaiju’s muzzle hits the blade, its momentum carrying it forward over the sword.

The Kaiju gets sliced open by the sword, its body dividing into two.

“Shit.” Bellamy pants after the remains of the Kaiju drop onto the ground. “That was…kind of awesome.”

Aaron and Alexander laugh in response, adrenaline running through all of them, flowing through their connection. Aaron loves that feeling.

“We’re nearing the Breach.” Washington’s voice tells them. “We see the other Kaiju’s heat signature, but it isn’t coming near us.”

“Why isn’t it stopping you?”

“Not sure. But there isn’t time to think about that. This is our opening and we have to take-“

“WAIT!” Another voice yells at them through the comms, making all of them jump. “Wait, wait! Don’t go in the Breach!” The voice is panting and out of breath, and it takes Aaron a moment to realize that it’s Maria talking.

“What are you talking about?” Washington demands.

“It won’t work!” Angelica’s voice says, also sounding out of breath. “Even though the Breach is open, you still won’t be able to get a bomb inside!’

“Remember what I found?” Maria asks, sounding excited despite the gravity of the situation. “All the Kaiju have replicated DNA in them, right? It’s because the Breach genetically reads the Kaiju, like a bar code. It only lets them pass if they scan correctly!”

Silence follows her words, and Aaron feels a variety of emotions flowing through the drift; confusion, fear, anger, determination. He just wishes he knew which feelings were his.

“If you want to do this,” Maria continues, “you have to trick the Breach into thinking you have the same code as the Kaiju.”

“And how do we do that?” Jefferson asks, sounding as frustrated as Aaron feels.  
“Well,” Maria hesitates and then sighs. “You have to grab a Kaiju and then ride down with it. Listen, we drifted with the brain of a fetal Kaiju. That Kaiju you took down a few days ago in the city was pregnant. Long story. But if you don’t do this, the bombs will deflect off the Breach and nothing will happen.”

“That’s why the Kaiju isn’t stopping you.” Angelica continues. “It knows you’ll fail.”

Another silence falls, and Aaron is overwhelmed by a sudden desire to just go back up on land, to get out of the Jaeger and just give up, to wait out the end of the world with everyone else. But then a surge of hope flows inside of him.

“Okay.” Bellamy says firmly, eyes lighting up. “Okay. Can the Kaiju be dead?” He asks, and all three of them look down to the Kaiju carcass on the ocean floor. “Cause we’ve got one.”

“Sure.” Maria says, sounding unsure.

“Sure?” Alexander repeats with a roll of his eyes. “You aren’t positive?”

“You try drifting with a Kaiju baby and then you come back and talk to me ab-“

“Enough.” Washington interrupts. “You three get the Kaiju body and bring it to us. Now.”

Bellamy and Alexander use their arms to pick up what remains of the Kaiju and then start heading towards the Breach. As they walk, Aaron can’t help but think about the fact that he’d been right. He knew that they needed to wait for Angelica and Maria, he knew it. He-

“Alright, alright.” Alexander mutters. “We get it. But the whole ‘I told you so’ vibe isn’t helping me focus right now, so…”

Aaron and Bellamy look at each other and laugh, but as they get closer to where the other Jaeger is, Aaron feels the amusement leave him. This is it. This could be the end of the war. They could actually finish it right now and leave. They might not even have to go through with the plan to save Bellamy, they-

“Aaron?” Bellamy’s voice is confused, and Aaron swears to himself as he realizes what he’d just done. He shouldn’t have thought of the promise, not while in the drift, not while being connected to Bellamy.

“We’re about to reach you.” Alexander says quickly, and Aaron can feel his agitation and his nerves at Aaron’s slip. “Just a little longer.”

They step closer to the Breach, and Aaron’s heartbeat picks up. They could finish it right here. They could get out alive, they could-

A screeching roar reaches them, and Aaron doesn’t even have time to react before the second Kaiju is on them, mouth open and teeth digging into the third arm of their Jaeger, into Bellamy’s arm. It clenches down and then jerks away, tearing the arm off in one fluid motion.

Bellamy’s scream pierces through Aaron’s head, and he thinks it is the worst sound he has ever heard. It vibrates throughout his entire body, making it feel like his bones are rattling, like his skin is going to crumble. But Aaron blinks through the pain and looks over at Bellamy to see him hanging loosely from the motion rig. His right arm is at an awkward angle, and Aaron knows it’s broken.

He knows that he needs to send Bellamy up.

“No!” Bellamy gasps out, turning his face to Aaron with wide eyes. “Don’t you dare. I’m okay, I’m-“ Bellamy cuts off when a roar reaches them, and a second later, their entire Jaeger shakes violently as the Kaiju knocks into it again, sending them sprawling face first onto the ground. But instead of circling around and coming back, the Kaiju heads off towards Jefferson and Washington.

Alexander and Aaron shift so the Jaeger gets onto its knees. Aaron is only paying half attention to the Kaiju, the other half of his attention is on Bellamy, who is groaning and whimpering whenever his arm moves. He lifts his head to look at Aaron, and Aaron inhales sharply at the blood he sees. Bellamy must have hit his head hard against his helmet when the Kaiju knocked into him. Aaron has to get him out, he has to save Bellamy.

“Please, don’t do this.” Bellamy’s voice pleads, and Aaron sees the tears spilling down his face, mixing in with the blood. But he also sees Bellamy’s eyes starting to go blank, the pain already affecting him. “Don’t send me away. Aaron, don’t, I don’t want to go…don’t want to leave you.”

“You’re gonna die if you stay here, Bell.” Aaron tells him softly, needing him to understand. He has to understand why they’re doing this. “I can’t just watch you die, not when I can save you.”

“Wanna stay with you.” Bellamy breathes out, his voice growing more and more faint. He’s losing consciousness. “Aaron…” He continues to mutter under his breath, but the words are becoming less coherent, and Aaron knows they don’t have much time. He glances over at Alexander, who nods.

Aaron presses the button on the control panel that disconnects Bellamy from the neural connection. The disconnect isn’t smooth, and it makes all of them jolt sharply in their motion rigs as Bellamy’s consciousness leaves them, making Aaron feel empty. Bellamy’s good hand reaches out to Aaron, fingers curling around his wrist.

“W-what are you doing?” Bellamy gasps, his grip painfully tight. “I can’t feel you anymore…why? Why would you do that? I don’t want…to go…not…without you and Alex. Please…”

“I have to.” Aaron tells him softly, hand hovering over another button that will release the escape pod. “Bellamy, I can’t lose you, okay? I can’t.” He feels Bellamy’s grip starting to weaken, but he also sees the look of betrayal on Bellamy’s face. Aaron's resolve falters, but only for a second. He has to do this. “I’m sorry, Bell, but I can’t let you die.”

Aaron hits the button, and with a hiss of escaping gases and a series of metallic bangs, the control arm extending from the main junction of the motion rig to Bellamy’s boot interface lifts up, tipping him back until he’s lying horizontal to the floor. Then, from the ceiling, an escape pod lowers and constructs around Bellamy. Aaron takes a deep breath and hits another button, watching as the pod blasts up through a circular aperture in the roof of the Conn-Pod.

Aaron and Alexander don’t even have time to think about what they’ve just done, because another yell reaches them and they turn to see Striker Eureka attempting to hold their own against the Kaiju, which has a long, forked tail with armored points sticking out of its body, making it difficult for Washington and Jefferson to get close to it.

The Kaiju clamps down with their jaw on the Jaeger’s arm, and Jefferson’s scream pierces through the comms. For a brief moment, Aaron’s mind goes back to Sally, her scream of pain and terror ringing in his mind.

“There’s another signature coming from the Breach.” Theodosia says, bringing Aaron immediately out of his own thoughts. “It’s…it’s a category five. It’s-”

Before she even finishes her sentence, the Kaiju is rising from the Breach, filling Aaron with a terror he has never felt before. It’s three times the size of Striker Eureka, and twice the mass of a usual Kaiju.

There’s no way they can win this.

The Kaiju goes straight for Washington and Jefferson’s Jaeger, slamming it down onto the ocean floor with a sickening crunching noise. Then the other Kaiju circles around before descending down, both of them attacking the Jaeger together. Aaron and Alexander start to move over to them to help, but they don’t even make it five steps before Aaron knows that it’s too late. Striker Eureka is already destroyed.

“The hull is compromised.” Washington says moments later, confirming Aaron’s thoughts. “We have no mobility. We won’t be able to complete the mission.”

“We can still get you.” Aaron says, tears starting to slip down his face. He’s crying, gasping for breath, but the tears aren’t his, they’re Alexander’s, his pain rushing through the drift in waves.

“No.” Washington’s voice is quiet but firm. “There’s nothing you can do.”

“But the mission, how will we do it without-“

“There is something you can do!” Another voice says, and it takes Aaron a moment to realize it’s Eliza’s. “Remember, the three armed Jaeger is nuclear!”

A flow of understanding runs through Aaron, but he finds himself still confused, so he looks over at Alexander, knowing the feeling must have come from him. And sure enough, Alexander is nodding his head.

“We’re a walking bomb.” He murmurs, and that’s when Aaron understands.

“So we go into the Breach?” Aaron asks, his nerves starting to build up all over again.

“Yes.” Theodosia tells them. “It’s the only other option. You’ll have to defeat the remaining Kaiju, carry one over, and then drop into the breach. Once you’re far enough in, you’ll hit the self-destruct command, and then boom! The breach is closed. You’ll have time to exit with the escape pods…as…as long as nothing gets damaged.”

“The chances of that are low.” Aaron says with a humorless laugh. Especially since they’re piloting without Bellamy. This Jaeger is meant to have three pilots, it will be harder without Bellamy to keep the connection strong. “How will we kill those two Kaiju?”

“We’ll cover you.” Washington’s voice answers, and Aaron feels Alexander’s confusion and his fear.

“How?” Aaron asks. “You don’t have anything, you can’t even move.”

“We have the bombs.” Jefferson says, his voice soft. “We can still use them. Lure the Kaiju over and then they have their final go at us and then….boom! They won’t even see it coming.”

“But you…you’ll…” Alexander trails off, but the meaning of his words hangs in the air. If they do this, Washington and Jefferson will die.

“It’s not like our chances are great right now.” Jefferson continues, his voice sounding nonchalant, but Aaron can hear it shaking. “We’re literally just sitting here waiting for the Kaiju to come get us. Least we could do is blow some up in the process.”

“The plan is to make a path for the two of you to get into the Breach.” Washington’s strong voice breaks in. “Alexander, Aaron, you will move your Jaeger a safe distance away from us, dimming all your lights. Jefferson and I will turn all our lights on to get the Kaijus attention, and then we’ll release the bombs.”

“But, sir,” Alexander starts, his voice cracking a little on the last word. “You can’t-“

“Alexander.” Washington says his name firmly. “This is the only plan we have.”

“But I promised to protect you!”

“And you did.” Washington says, his voice softer. “So it’s my turn to return the favor. Now get moving. That’s an order.”

For a moment, Alexander doesn’t move. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, but then he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Aaron can feel his mind racing with a million different emotions. But Alexander opens his eyes and clenches his jaw, and then picks up his feet, starting to turn the Jaeger. And then they start to walk away, still dragging the remains of the dead Kaiju with them.

They get as far away as they can, and when Alexander turns, moving to face Washington and Jefferson, Aaron almost tells him to stop, to not watch. But he stops himself. This is Alexander’s choice.

They watch as the two Kaiju circle Striker Eureka, jabbing at it occasionally, drawn in by the lights coming from it. Aaron knows the moment is coming soon. He wants to say something to Alexander, but he also knows that there is nothing he can say. There’s nothing that will make this easier.

“Well,” Jefferson’s voice says. “It’s like what…what James and I always say. If you have a shot, take it. It’s been an honor drifting with you, sir.”

“Likewise, Mr. Jefferson.” Washington takes a deep breath. “Alexander, listen to me.”

“Sir, I-“

“Son.” Washington says the word loudly, and Aaron sees Alexander shut his eyes tightly. “If there was another way, any other way, I would do it. But there isn’t. But I’m not…this isn’t me leaving you, Alexander. I’m not-“

“I know.” Alexander interrupts, his eyes still closed. “I know that, I do. I…you, you’re my…” He takes in a shuddering breath. “You’re my…my father, and I know you love me.” He says the sentence in a rush, and a beat of silence follows his words.

“I do.“ Washington says, his voice sounding scratchy. “And this isn’t goodbye. You can always find me in the Drift, Alexander.”

“Theodosia?” Jefferson asks. “Is James there?”

“I’m here.” Madison answers quickly, his voice already sounding thick with tears. “I’m…I’m here.”

“Good.” Jefferson breathes out. “I’m…this is selfish, but will…will you stay? Will you talk to me while this happens?”

“Yeah...yes, Thomas. I’ll stay. Of course I will.”

A series of beeps reaches them, and Aaron thinks he hears Jefferson saying something else to Madison, but Alexander’s emotions are racing through their connection, clouding his mind and making it difficult to focus. But he thinks he hears Theodosia telling them to stay balanced, to prepare for the bombs to explode. There is another beep, a wave of panic from Alexander, and then a huge force knocking into their Jaeger, knocking them down and jostling them against the motion rig. For a moment, Aaron thinks that he loses consciousness, and when he comes to, everything feels silent.

“You need to…” Theodosia starts, taking over the comms again. Aaron can only guess that Madison is in no state to continue speaking. She clears her throat. “You two need to move. The Breach will only stay open a certain amount of time, you-“

“We’re going.” Alexander says, cutting her off. His voice is empty, and Aaron can feel how empty the rest of him is. He’s operating the Jaeger mechanically, with no feeling. Everything is numb, and Aaron knows from experience that the full weight of what just happened hasn't hit Alexander yet. Or maybe it has, and Alexander is just pushing it away. There is still a war to win.

They drag the body of the Kaiju over to the Breach, which is emitting different lights and Aaron thinks he can hear a strange humming noise coming from inside. He looks over at Alexander, and then they both nod.

It’s time.

The jump down into the Breach.

It’s a strange moment, slipping down into the Breach. There are colors and strange sparks emitting from the sides, and when Aaron looks down, it seems endless, like they’ll never reach the bottom. He wonders what will be down there, but then hopes he’ll never have to find out. All they have to do is press the self destruct button and then leave. That’s all they have to do, that’s-

“Aaron, Alexander!” Theodosia’s voice is panicked, fear lacing it. “One of the Kaiju didn’t die in the explosion. It’s coming, it’s-“

The Kaiju hits them before Theodosia can finish. It’s the smaller one, its long tail moving rapidly behind it as it swims down. Aaron sees some sort of electricity crackling around the tail, and he watches the tail curl around the right leg of the Jaeger, the leg he controls, as if it’s happening in slow motion. The electricity, or whatever it is, crackles as the tail wraps around Aaron’s leg and then squeezes down.

The next second, Aaron feels a searing pain in his leg.

The pain is worse than anything he’s ever felt before. It’s ripping through him, blinding him, and everything feels like it’s on fire. His mind, his leg, it’s all burning, and he really thinks that he’s going to pass out, that he’s going to die. He almost wishes he would die, if it would stop this pain. It’s like knives are digging into his leg, tearing him open and then spreading fire through his veins. It’s too much, it’s-

There is a yell, a flash of bright, white light, and then nothing.

Aaron is faintly aware of a high, keening noise surrounding them. At first he thinks it’s the Kaiju, but then he realizes it’s him. Another voice is breaking through his screaming, and when Aaron realizes it’s Alexander, he latches onto the voice, letting Alexander pull him out of his pain.

“Aaron!” Alexander says his name again, the calmness of his voice relaxing Aaron enough to make him stop yelling. But his leg is pulsing, his head pounding. “Aaron, it’s okay. You’re okay now.”

Aaron breathes in sharply over and over, his breath coming in short pants. Everything hurts, everything is on fire, and he can’t clear his mind. It’s overwhelming. He can hear Theodosia and Alexander talking to each other, can hear Alexander telling her that he killed the Kaiju, that they’re still inside the Breach and can still blow it up. But then something Theodosia says makes Aaron focus again.

“It has to be done manually. The automatic control got broken with the electrical surge.”

“Manually?” Alexander asks, and Aaron is vaguely aware of a strange thought passing through the connection, but he can’t make sense of it, not in his current condition. “How?”

“There’s a latch on the floor of the Conn-Pod.” Theodosia explains. “You’ll have to open, type in a code, and pull a few levers. I’ll talk you through it from here. But….”

“But what?”

“You have to do it soon. The farther you fall, the farther you’ll have to go to get back to the surface, and the explosion could destroy the breach before you have time to get out.”

“How much time do we have?”

“I…a little over five minutes.”

Aaron and Alexander don’t respond to that. They don’t need to. They both know that this is going to be cutting things close. This could easily result in both of them dying. Aaron turns to look at Alexander, who is already staring at him. There’s a look on Alexander’s face that Aaron recognizes. It’s a look that means he’s thinking of a plan, a plan that Aaron isn’t going to like.

“Aaron,” Alexander starts, “listen, just-“

“No.” Aaron interrupts, giving the other man a firm glare, trying to ignore the pain in his leg and the strange pounding in his head. “I’m not leaving you. I promised.”

“Aaron, just-“

“I’m not leaving you.” Aaron repeats, blinking his eyes quickly as his head continues to pound. What’s wrong with him? He leans against his motion rig and tries to focus. The Conn-Pod feels like it’s spinning.

“You two need to hurry.” Theodosia reminds them, her voice sounding tense.

“’S fine.” Aaron slurs. “I’m fine. We can finish this, together, I-“ He tries to keep talking, but everything hurts too much. He sees Alexander reach out to the control panel. “No. Alexander, no.”

“You have to go, Aaron.” He murmurs, giving him a small smile. “I’ve got this, you can go.”

“Alexander, no.”

“It’ll be okay. You’ll be safe, you and Jon.”

Aaron tries to argue more, but he feels lightheaded, and he’s having trouble keeping his eyes open.

“Alexander you need to hurry.” Theodosia says as Alexander and Aaron continue to stare at each other. “If both of you want to survive this then you have to be quick.”

“I’m not going to survive this.” Alexander says quietly, and Aaron lifts his head up sharply at the words. “There’s not enough time for both of us.” He tells this to Aaron matter-of-factly, but Aaron can see the way his lips quiver. “I’m not letting you die either, Aaron.”

“Alexander, wait.” Theodosia says. “If you let Aaron go, you’ll have to control the Jaeger alone. It just being the two of you has already put more strain on your minds. If you pilot it alone there are consequences, you know this. You could die.”

“Fuck the consequences.” Alexander says, his eyes locked on Aaron. “I can handle this alone.” He gives Aaron another smile as he presses a button on the panel. “Remember what I told you, when we saw each other again after those five years? Anyone can fall. That’s all I have to do, Aaron. I can do that alone.”

“No.” Aaron murmurs, his tongue heavy. “Alexander…wait.”

“It’ll be okay.” Alexander tells him. “I promise.”

Aaron feels Alexander disconnect from his mind, and the emptiness he feels is almost as bad as the pain in his leg. He blinks his eyes, which have gotten heavier and heavier, and hears a robotic voice speak out a warning.

“Warning. Neural connection given to a singular pilot. Warning. This could result in permanent brain damage.”

“No!” Aaron says loudly, panic setting in as the escape pod starts to lower. It surrounds him, and Aaron starts pounding his fists against it. Alexander is going to die, he’s going to die without him. He promised to never leave Alexander again. “Alexander!” He pounds on the door with more force as it closes, but Alexander doesn’t open it. He just looks at Aaron with dark eyes, eyes that Aaron might never see again.

“Wait!” Aaron yells, but then another wave of pain hits him, and he feels himself slip into darkness as the pod moves.

-

When Aaron gains consciousness, the first thing he sees is the sky through the small portal hole in his pod.

His leg still throbbing sharply, Aaron presses a few buttons inside the pod, exhaling slowly as the door pops open. He climbs out, sitting on the edge and detaches his helmet from his suit. He looks at the wide expanse of water in front of him, his mind still trying to catch up with everything that has happened. He spots another pod across the water, and feels relief wash over him.

Bellamy made it. But what about-

A beeping sound starts to ring out around him, and Aaron looks down into his pod, seeing the walkie talkie inside. There’s a red light flashing on it. Someone trying to contact him. He picks it up.

“Theodosia?”

“You did it.” She tells him immediately. “The Breach is closed. It’s done, you-“”

“Where’s Alexander?” Aaron asks quickly, not caring about anything else at the moment. He doesn’t care that it’s all over. He cares about Alexander. “Where is he? Is he-“ He cuts off when a third pod breaks the surface of the water.

_Alexander._

Aaron tries to sit up straighter, to get onto his knees, but his leg pulses and he doubles over in pain, taking in quick breaths through gritted teeth. He feels like he’s going to throw up.

“Aaron…” Theodosia pauses. “Listen. Bellamy is okay, I have his readings, but Alexander, he…” Her voice has a strange tone that makes Aaron’s blood run cold. His leg is throbbing again, harder and harder.

“He’s okay?” Aaron asks, his head starting to spin. “Theodosia, is he okay? Why won’t you tell me if he’s okay?”

“I’m…Aaron, I’m not getting any readings from his pod. There’s…I think piloting the Jaeger alone might have-“

“No.” Aaron grips the walkie talkie tightly in his hand, blinking back the tears forming in his eyes. She’s lying, she has to be lying. Alexander is okay, he’s not…he can’t be. He’s okay. “He’s okay.” Aaron says out loud, gritting his teeth and trying to not cry out when his leg pulses in pain.

“Aaron.” Theodosia says his name softly, like she is talking to a scared animal. “I’m scanning now, there…there’s no pulse. I don’t think he-“

“Shut up!” Aaron yells, losing control. “Stop it! Why would you say that? Why…why would you…he can’t be…no.” Aaron feels the walkie talkie slip from his hand as he moves across the pod. He jumps into the water without another thought, slipping under the surface when his right leg doesn’t seem to work. 

But he moves his arms quickly, kicking out with his other leg. Alexander’s pod is close, just a few feet away. He can make it. If he makes it, Alexander will be okay. He’ll be okay if Aaron gets to him. He reaches the edge and hauls himself on, crying out when his injured leg rubs against the surface of the pod.

“Alexander, Alexander.” Aaron murmurs, unlatching the pod from the outside. The door opens with a hiss, and Aaron’s heart stops when he sees Alexander. His eyes are closed, his face pale and blank. “No, no, no, no.”

Aaron reaches out to take off Alexander’s helmet, tossing it aside and into the water. He presses his fingers against Alexander’s neck, trying to find a pulse. But his head is spinning, his hands shaking, and in one moment he thinks there’s a pulse, but in another, he isn’t so sure.

“Alexander.” Aaron says again, leaning down and wrapping his arms around Alexander’s body, shaking him, trying to wake him up. “Alexander, please. Please, wake up.”

But Alexander remains motionless, his head falling backwards, and Aaron feels something inside him break.

Alexander is dead because of him. He’s dead because Aaron wasn’t strong enough to stay with him. He’s dead and it’s all Aaron’s fault. Aaron let him go, and now he’s gone. It’s his fault. He killed him.

There’s a distant sound of helicopters approaching, but Aaron doesn’t move from where he is. He doesn’t even look up. He keeps his arms around Alexander, bending closer and letting his forehead rest against Alexander’s. His leg is burning, pain shooting up and down it, and Aaron can feel himself slipping out of consciousness.

His eyes slip shut, tears dripping off of his face and onto Alexander’s. Darkness is surrounding him again, everything growing fuzzy, but Aaron fights it back, just for a moment so he can grab onto one of Alexander’s cold hands, giving it a tight squeeze. He shouldn’t have let go.

“I’m sorry.” He gasps out. “I’m so sorry. Alexander…please.” Aaron, too weak to keep himself up, drops his full weight onto Alexander. “God, Alexander. Please wake up.” _I didn’t even say goodbye_ , he thinks to himself. When was the last time he kissed Alexander? Did he kiss him at all in the morning? He can’t remember.

Aaron’s injured leg twitches, and he groans at the stabbing ache. He wonders vaguely what the Kaiju shocked him with. Will it kill him? Maybe he deserves that, for letting Alexander die. He never should have left, he never should have let Alexander go. Aaron squeezes Alexander’s hand again.

Aaron feels himself start to go under, to fade, but right before he does, he imagines that he feels Alexander squeeze his hand in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could say that this is the end of the angst. BUT IT'S NOT. Stay tuned for more next week.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! :D Comments are super loved and appreciated, as are any kudos you have to spare. Come yell at my on tumblr @ fanciful-follies.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Sunday, another chapter.
> 
> Enjoy! x

Aaron is in the space between being asleep and awake, barely floating in consciousness. But then the pain hits.

At first, he really thinks that someone is stabbing him. Every second there is a sharp pang in his leg, landing anywhere from his ankle to the top of his thigh. He thinks his skin is splitting, and Aaron prays that he will lose consciousness again so he won’t have to feel it. Anything would be better than this pain.

But he stays awake, and the pain doesn’t end.

He forces his eyes open, letting the tears fall down his face quickly to try and clear his vision. For a moment, Aaron can’t tell where he is, especially with how dark the room is. But his eyes slowly adjust, and he realizes that he’s back at the base. He glances down, taking in the bandages around his leg and the I.V sticking out of his arm, and realizes that he’s in one of the medical rooms. That’s right, the battle. The battle is over. They won. They-

Aaron jolts up into a sitting position, bringing a hand up to his head when it starts to pound at the small movement. Then he relaxes back, unsure of why he had a sudden feeling of needing to get up. There’s a vague sensation in the back of his mind, pushing at him like it’s trying to remind him to go do something, to remember something. But what?

His hand seems to clench involuntarily on his leg, and Aaron looks down at it in confusion. He opens and closes it a few times, staring at his palm and searching his brain for an explanation for the behavior. A memory starts to come to the forefront of his mind. He shuts his eyes, trying to let it come to him.

He thinks he remembers water, he remembers swimming in it. Yes. He got out of his pod and swam. But why?

Aaron squeezes his eyes shut even tighter, taking a deep breath in an attempt to focus. The memory is becoming clearer, and he can remember bending over someone, touching them, their neck. Why?

A pulse.

Aaron jolts in the bed again, his heart racing a little too fast for comfort. A pulse. He was checking someone’s pulse. Someone had died, or almost died. Who? Who was it, who had looked so pale, so still, whose hand had he taken, whose hand had squeezed around Aaron’s own right before he passed out, who-

_Alexander._

“Alexander.” Aaron says the name out loud, feeling like his whole body is starting to shake. How could he have forgotten about Alexander? Alexander lying motionless beneath him, eyes closed, his face blank, head lolling back when Aaron had shaken him. Alexander.

Aaron glances around the room again, this time taking in the empty beds that surround him. He’s the only one in the medical room. So that means-no. There’s a second room, another place that Alexander could be.

“He’s not dead.” Aaron whispers under his breath, trying to sit up and swing his legs over the side of the bed, but he gets tangled in the covers, the pain in his leg flaring up and making his head spin a little. But he has to get up. He has to go and find Alexander, because he isn’t dead. He can’t be. He had squeezed Aaron’s hand, he’s sure of it.

Without another thought, Aaron rips the I.V from his arm and pushes himself into a standing position, biting on his tongue and drawing blood when his right leg buckles. He catches himself on the bedside table, keeping himself upright as he takes in quick breaths. He _has_ to find Alexander.

Aaron presses up against the wall, keeping his weight off of his injured leg and hopping on the other over towards the door. He manages to get over to it with relative ease, pulling it open and hopping out into the hallway. He looks around, noting with relief that there isn’t anyone in the hallway. He doesn’t want anyone to get in his way.

He slowly makes his way down the hall, feeling sweat drip down his face and his back as he moves. His leg feels like it’s on fire, and his mind is fuzzy, and he wonders for a moment if any of this is even real. What if he’s dreaming? But the pain wouldn’t be this bad if it was all a dream. This is real. And he’s going to find Alexander.

Aaron reaches the other medical room and pushes open the door, trying to steel himself for what might be on the other side. If Alexander isn’t there…Aaron grits his teeth and gives a big push, limping into the room and cursing softly at the pain in his foot and leg. He definitely tore some stitches. But that’s not important, not right now.

Aaron steps into the room and blinks his eyes rapidly, willing them to get adjusted to the darkness of the room. He feels along the wall, needing to find the lightswitch. His finger hits it, and he flicks the switch up. As light fills the room, giving Aaron a good view, he feels all of his breath leave him at once and he almost slides to the floor.

Alexander is there.

Aaron gets over to the bed as quickly as he can, not even paying attention to his injured leg anymore. All that matters is that Alexander is here, he’s alive, his chest is rising and falling and Aaron can see the color in his cheeks and the movement of his eyes under his lids. He’s alive, he’s here.

Aaron reaches the edge of the bed and pulls himself up onto it, doing his best to not crush any part of Alexander in the process. He quickly leans over Alexander bracing his hands on either side of him before moving on hand to press against Alexander’s cheek. When his fingertips meet warm skin, Aaron can’t stop a sob from leaving him. Alexander is _alive_.

Another sob leaves him, and in the next moment, Aaron is crying in earnest, his shoulders shaking and chest heaving as he tries to gulp in air. He isn’t sure if the noise or the movement is what wakes Alexander up, but when Aaron looks back down at him, Alexander is looking up at Aaron with glazed over eyes, looking disoriented, but then his eyes lock on Aaron’s, and his gaze becomes more focused.

“Aaron.” He croaks out, his voice sounding incredibly hoarse. He blinks slowly, and Aaron watches, frozen, as one of Alexander’s hands rises off the bed, shaking until he presses it against Aaron’s chest, his eyes growing a little wider. “Aaron.” He says again, sliding his hand up until it’s resting against Aaron’s cheek, his breathing coming a little quicker.

“You’re okay.” Aaron breathes out, leaning down until their foreheads are touching. “You’re alive, you’re o-okay.” Aaron stammers on the last part, trying to swallow around the lump in his throat. “I thought you died, I-I thought I lost you.”

“’M okay, ‘m fine.” Alexander slurs, tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes. He moves his hand to the back of Aaron’s neck, pulling him closer. “And you? You’re…okay? You…” Alexander tilts his head and looks down, his brow furrowing. “Your leg.”

“It’s fine.” Aaron reassures him, wondering why no one had told Alexander he was okay. But then, he realizes, no one had told Aaron that Alexander was okay. He has no clue how long it’s been since they won the battle. How long had he been unconscious? “Don’t worry about me.”

“I…always worry about…about you.” Alexander says, a crooked smile lighting up his face as Aaron looks back down at him. God, he’s missed that smile. He has such a beautiful smile. “Bellamy?” Alexander asks a moment later, tensing a little underneath Aaron. “He’s…okay?”

“I…yeah.” Aaron says after a brief pause. It had taken him a moment to remember seeing Bellamy’s pod on he surface of the ocean, and Theodosia telling him that Bellamy had a pulse. He is okay. But where is he? Has he not come to visit him or Alexander? Aaron has no memory of him coming. But he must be okay. “All of us are okay, we all made it.” He tilts his head, unable to wait any longer, and presses his lips to Alexander’s.

The kiss starts off slow, gentle, but soon Aaron is pushing against Alexander with more desperation, breathing through his nose when Alexander’s arms wrap around his shoulders. He almost lost him. Aaron kisses him harder, coaxing his lips open so their tongues can meet, and he shivers when Alexander sighs into his mouth. But then a hand is pushing at Aaron’s chest, so he pulls away reluctantly.

“Can’t breathe.” Alexander says with a short laugh, panting a little as he blinks up at Aaron. “Gotta…gotta build up to that again.”

“Good thing we have all the time in the world.” Aaron whispers with a smile, letting his fingers trace over Alexander’s lips.

They stay that way for a little while, staring at each other and hands roaming over skin gently, finally able to realize that they really do have all the time in the world. Nothing has to be rushed any more.

“Hey.” Aaron murmurs after a few more minutes of silence, his hands going back to either side of Alexander’s face.

“Hey.” Alexander whispers back, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth, making Aaron’s heart beat faster.

“I…” Aaron shifts a little on the bed before looking straight into Alexander’s eyes. “I love you.”

“Aaron.” Alexander says, his voice louder now as he looks up at him with a serious expression. “I’ve loved you for almost five goddamn years.”

Aaron chuckles, letting their foreheads rest against each other again. He can’t belive they all made it. They can be happy now, they can stop worrying about dying, about not having a world to live in.

“We all made it.” Aaron murmurs. “You, me, and Bellamy. We’re all gonna be together.”

Alexander only hums in response, his eyes drooping shut again, but his arms remain around Aaron, pulling him in closer until Aaron just climbs further up on the bed, curling around Alexander and holding him against his side. He almost thought he wouldn’t get to hold him again.

Alexander seems to fall asleep almost instantly, but Aaron doesn’t mind. He just lays his arm against Alexander’s chest, finding an amazing sense of calm in being able to feel Alexander’s chest rising and falling. They’re okay, they’re really okay.

-

Aaron wakes up to Alexander tensing against him, and then he feels Alexander arching off the bed, a choked gasp escaping him, and then a succession of loud beeps fill the room, coming from the monitor beside Alexander’s bed.

Aaron pushes away from Alexander, fear gripping him as he watches, dumbfounded, as Alexander begins to twitch uncontrollably, his head thrown back, neck muscles straining. Then, within seconds, the doors are being thrown open as doctors rush in, their loud voices echoing off the walls. They glance at Aaron briefly before turning their attention to Alexander.

Aaron is still in shock, and the voices of the doctors all bleed together into a jumbled mess in his mind as they lift Alexander off the bed and onto a gurney. He doesn’t understand what’s happening. He-

“Aaron.” Another voice says, one that he recognizes. “Aaron, come on.” A warm hand encircles his, pulling him away, away from Alexander.

“No.” Aaron argues, not wanting to leave. He promised to never leave Alexander again. “I have to stay, I-“

“Aaron.” Theodsia is suddenly in front of him, distracting from what else is happening in the room. “Please come with me. I promise you can come back, okay? You aren’t leaving him. But the doctors need to help him. I promise I’ll bring you back later.”

Aaron lets Theodosia lead him back to his room, leaning heavily on her as they walk, barely even noticing the pain in his leg. His mind is only on Alexander, on how he is in pain, on how he is alone now. Aaron doesn’t understand what’s happening.

“Theodosia.” Aaron rasps out once they reach the other medical room. “Is he…what’s wrong with him?”

“We don’t know.” Theodosia says softly, leading Aaron over to his bed and watching with worried eyes as he sits down. “The tole of drifting alone, it definitely has had effects on his brain. But we don’t know how bad or…” Theodosia sighs and then looks back up at Aaron. “Did he wake up?”

“He…” Aaron furrows his brows. “Of course he did. What do you mean did he wake up?” He keeps staring at Theodosia, feeling even more lost as her eyes slowly start to widen. “What? What is it?”

“Aaron, he…” Theodosia shifts on her feet. “He was in a coma. Ever since the battle, he…he hadn’t woken up.”

Aaron feels the remaining shred of his control crumble, and he brings his hands to his eyes as he takes in the news. It makes sense now, why Alexander had seemed so out of it when Aaron had talked to him, why he hadn’t known anything about him or Bellamy.

“Theodosia…when…how long have I been out of it?”

“Almost a week.” Theodosia says quietly, and Aaron brings his hands back down to look at her. “You woke up, but you were on so much pain medication that you were never really fully conscious. But Alexander…he wasn’t waking up. We…all of this, the side effects of drifiting alone, we still don’t know much about it. You and Washington managed to be okay, but Alexander piloted a Jaeger meant for three people and he-“

“Is he okay?” Another voice breaks in, and Aaron turns to the door, his heart leaping in his chest.

“Bellamy!” Aaron tries to stand up but then breathes out sharply when his leg almost gives out. He’s about to try again, but then he gets a closer look at Bellamy.

There are dark circles under his eyes, and his skin is paler than usual. There’s also a strange set to his jaw that isn’t usually there, and a glint in his eyes that makes Aaron stop what he’s doing. Bellamy’s doesn’t look at him, just keeps his gaze on Theodosia, clearly waiting for an answer.

“I was just telling Aaron that we don’t know.” She tells Bellamy, looking between him and Aaron with a nervous air that Aaron doesn’t understand. “The doctors are with him now. But…well…”

“What?” Bellamy snaps out, making them both jump. His jaw is clenched even tighter, and Aaron can see his hands shaking at his sides. What’s going on with him? “You obviously know something, so just tell us!”

“There’s a lot that could be wrong.” Theodosia says quickly, and Aaron feels his stomach drop. “The…the tests haven’t happened yet, but… I mean, you saw today…he could be prone to seizures and-“ She cuts off quickly when Bellamy turns and slams his hand against the wall, her eyes going wide.

“Could…” Aaron clears his throat and glances over at Theodosia. “Could you let me and Bellamy talk for a little, please?” He needs to figure out what’s going on. He needs to figure out what’s wrong with Bellamy.

“Of course.” Theodosia murmurs, standing up and squeezing Aaron’s shoulder gently. “I’ll…give you two some time. But I’ll come back when there’s news about Alexander. He’s gonna be okay.” She glances over at Bellamy briefly before exiting the room.

Once she’s gone, a thick silence fills the air, and Aaron shifts on the bed, his eyes on the back of Bellamy’s head as he tries to think of something to say. He’s never seen Bellamy like this before, not even when he had first come back after those five years. He feels at a loss. _But this is Bellamy_ , Aaron reminds himself. _He’ll talk to you._

Aaron pushes himself off the bed, biting at his lip at the throbbing in his leg. Doing his best to ignore it, he limps over to Bellamy slowly, stopping once he’s just a few feet away. He waits, but Bellamy still doesn’t turn around, so he takes a deep breath and reaches out.

“Bellamy…” Aaron starts, but his hand is barely on Bellamy’s back before the other man is spinning around, his face furious, and Aaron can’t help but flinch back. The motion causes Aaron to stumble, and he’s sure he would have fallen if it weren’t for Bellamy reaching out and wrapping his hand around Aaron’s wrist, steadying him.

Aaron is about to thank him, but then Bellamy lets go of his arm quickly, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking away, his jaw twitching. The silence between them stretches on again, and Aaron is more unsure than before. He doesn’t know what to do.

“Bellamy.” Aaron tries again, but he keeps his hands at his sides this time. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” Bellamy asks lowly, a strange grin curling on his lips. His eyes move to Aaron’s, dark and empty. “What _isn’t_ wrong?”

“What do you m-“

“Why did you do it?” Bellamy asks, his voice almost a whisper. He steps closer to Aaron, letting him see just how bloodshot his eyes are, how pale he looks. “I need to know. I haven’t been able to…to sleep, or…just why did you do it, Aaron?”

“Do what? I-“

“Eject me from the Jaeger. Why did you do it?”

“I…” Aaron swallows, feeling a sense of panic rise in him. He hadn’t expected Bellamy to react like this. “I just wanted to protect you! You were hurt and I-“

“Bullshit!” Bellamy snaps out, his voice cold, his eyes even colder. “I was connected to you, Aaron, I knew about the plan. I felt you and Alexander think about it. You were going to do it even if I hadn’t gotten hurt. You two planned it together, planned to _rip_ me away.”

“Bellamy, it wasn’t, _isn’t_ , like that! I swear, we-“

“Then what was it like, Aaron?” Bellamy asks with a sneer, his voice rising. “Give me an explanation, a real one! Why did you do it?”

“Because I wanted you to survive!” Aaron yells back, throwing his hands up in frustration. “That’s the truth! I wanted you to survive, I wanted you to live! Alexander and me, we just wanted you to be okay!”

“Do I look okay to you?” Bellamy asks, his voice softer now, a twisted grin on his face. His breathing is rapid, his cheeks getting a little flushed from his anger. “Do you think you made the right choice?”

“I-I don’t know.” Aaron whispers, stepping back so he can sit down on the edge of his bed. His body feels numb. “I’m…I’m sorry.” The words sound weak even to his own ears.

“You’re always sorry.” Bellmay mumbles, passing his hand over his eyes and then letting out a sharp laugh. “And I always forgive you. But…this time, I…I don’t know, Aaron. I don’t know. I don’t think I can just…” He trails off, bringing his other hand up so that his face is completely obscured.

Aaron watches Bellamy as his shoulders shake, and feels part of himself start to crumble. He’d made a mistake, possibly one of the biggest mistakes of his life. He hurt Bellamy more than he ever thought he would. And he doesn’t know how to fix it.

“Bellamy, please.” Aaron begs, forcing himself not to cry. He has to say this, he has to make him understand. “I…we…we never meant to hurt you, that was the last thing on our minds. We just wanted to make sure you were safe no matter what. If the mission failed we wanted you to be able to-“

“To die alone?” Bellamy interrupts, throwing his hands down at glaring at Aaron with watery eyes. “You wanted me to come back here and just die by myself? Please tell me how that is supposed to make me feel better?”

“It’s, we…” Aaron presses his fingers to his eyelids and takes in a deep breath before continuing. “We just…if there was any chance of you being able to live and lead a life, we wanted that to happen. If we failed, maybe another plan would have come up, or if we won but had to die, then you could still be okay!”

“I wouldn’t have been okay!”

“Why not?”

“Because you and Alex wouldn’t have been there with me!” Bellamy shouts, and Aaron looks up at him to see the last ounce of control leave him. “How the fuck would I be okay living a life without the two people I love? Why would I want that? Would _you_ want that?”

“I-“

“You tried to force me into a life that I didn’t want, Aaron!”

“I…I didn’t-“ Aaron cuts off, feeling his hands starting to shake. He feels like he’s falling apart under Bellamy’s eyes, a feeling that he never thought he would experience in connection to Bellamy. “I was just…what if it had been me? Or Alexander? If we had been hurt, what would you h-“

“I would have let you choose.” Bellamy answers immediately, throwing Aaron an angry look when he opens his mouth to argue. “You think I wouldn’t? You think I wouldn’t let you choose yourself? What about when you left those five years ago? You think I wanted to let you go? I didn’t! But I knew it was _your_ choice. But when I asked you to let me stay with you and Alex, you didn’t listen.”

“You were hurt, we-“

“But you were going to do it anyway!” Bellamy interrupts again, and Aaron wishes he could argue, but deep down he knows Bellamy is right. “You were going to force me out even if I wasn’t hurt! But it should have been my choice.” Bellamy lets out a hollow laugh and takes a small step back, looking away from Aaron. “And I can’t forgive you for doing it. I can’t even…I can’t even _look_ at you.”

“Bellamy.” Aaron says his name weakly, reaching a hand out and feeling his face crumple when Bellamy steps further out of his reach. “Bellamy, please…please just listen to me. Please don’t…don’t be mad, just…let me explain!”

But Bellamy just shakes his head and continues to take small steps away from Aaron, the distance between them growing bigger and bigger. Then Bellamy is at the door, his hand on the knob, but he pauses and looks back at Aaron.

“You know what else? If you had let me stay, Alex would be okay.” He says the words softly, but Aaron feels the coldness of them seep into his skin. “He wouldn’t have had to pilot the Jaeger alone, and he would be okay. But he’s not. And now you have to deal with that.”

The words hang in the air, and Aaron and Bellamy stare at each other. Aaron feels dumbstruck, like someone punched him in the stomach. Is Bellamy blaming him for what happened? Is it his fault? He thinks he sees a flash of regret in Bellamy’s eyes, but before Aaron can think too much about it, the door is flying open, making Bellamy jump back in surprise as Theo rushes in.

“Aaron!” She runs over to him and bounces on the bed beside him, throwing her arms around his shoulders. “I knew you’d be okay! Mom wouldn’t let me come visit when you were still recovering but I finally convinced her to let me come!” She’s speaking quickly, and Aaron’s mind is still on what Bellamy had said, so he’s having trouble keeping up. But he looks down at her and tries to smile.

“It would take more than a couple of Kaiju to bring me down.” He tells her, patting the top of her head.

“But you are okay, right?” Theo asks, eyes going to his leg. “Does it hurt? Are you going to be able to walk?”

“I’m gonna be fine.” Aaron assures her, even though he isn’t entirely sure. No one has told him if his leg is going to be okay. “Where is your mom now?” Aaron asks, his mind going back to Alexander. He looks up at the door, noticing with a sinking feeling that Bellamy is gone.

“Talking to the doctors. Alex is okay now, he’s sleeping again. Mom said she would stop by as soon as she could.” Theo answers with a shrug. “Are you tired too? Do you want me to leave?”

“No.” Aaron says a little too quickly. He doesn’t want to be alone. He gives Theo another smile. “I would really appreciate it if you stayed.” He _can’t_ be alone right now.

Theo nods happily and takes his hand, chattering away about something that Aaron can’t force himself to focus on. Bellamy’s face, Bellamy’s words, are still at the forefront of his mind, making him feel cold and empty inside. Aaron had just wanted to save Bellamy, to make sure he got the chance to be happy.

But he had just made him miserable.

-

A few more days pass, and Aaron is finally allowed to go and see Alexander.

He’s had two more minor seizures since the first one, and the doctors hadn’t allowed Aaron to go and see him while they ran tests and tried to figure out what was wrong. But Aaron had constantly been arguing with them, telling them that he needs to be there for Alexander. Eventually they gave in.

The moment he’s in the room, Aaron climbs onto the hospital bed beside Alexander and buries his face into his shoulder, breathing him in and squeezing his eyes shut tightly when Alexander’s warm hand presses against the small of Aaron’s back.

“I’m okay.” Alexander tells him, rubbing his back. “Really. I just…have to take medication and…do some therapy. But I’ll be okay.”

Aaron nods against his shoulder, knowing that he should be grateful. Alexander is okay, he’ll live, and that’s what matters. It will just be different than before.

The doctors said that he’ll be prone to seizures, and because of them, he might experience random bouts of anxiety, get migraines, and be more tired than usual. And because of the seizues, he isn’t allowed to drive, which Alexander doesn’t actually seem too upset about. He’s more upset over what might happen to his mind.

The doctors said that his mind won’t work as fast as it did before. Piloting the Jaeger alone took a lot of brain power, and now, as the doctors describe, part of Alexander’s brain is on an indefinite vacation, trying to recover from the strain it experienced. It will need constant work to keep it from shutting down more.

“Good thing I’ll have you with me.” Alexander murmurs, breaking Aaron out of his thoughts. “Since my brain might go to shit, I’ll need you around.”

“That the only reason you want me?” Aaron asks, peering up at Alexander to see the smile on his lips that Aaron knew would be there.

“There might be a few more reasons.” Alexander teases with a wink. “Guess you’ll need me to carry you around when your leg flares up.”

“I’d like to see you try to carry me.” Aaron responds with a laugh. His leg seems to baffle the doctors more than Alexander’s brain. They have no idea what the Kaiju shocked him with. Apparently there had been some sort of poison, but they had managed to get it out before too much damage was done, but they still aren’t sure how it will affect him. All they can do is wait and see.

“But we’ll…we’ll be together now, right?” Alexander asks, his voice a little nervous. Aaron shifts on the bed and sits up, only wincing a little when his leg brushes over the sheets. He looks down at Alexander and presses a hand to his cheek. “Oh, don’t get all freaked out on me.” Alexander says with a laugh. “I know you care about me, but…but do you actually want to live with me? I’m annoying as hell, probably even more so now.”

“I want to live with you.” Aaron answers, running his fingers through Alexander’s hair. “I really want to. I don’t want to be separated. I just…I don’t think I could…” He swallows and shrugs, unsure of how to voice the words. He also doesn’t want to sound dramatic, but he really doesn’t think he could be happy living alone. “I want to stay with you.”

“Good.”

“Do you…” Aaron pauses and then sighs, unsure if he should bring the topic up. “Do you think Bellamy will still want to live with us? After everything that happened?” Aaron bites at his lip as Alexander sighs, moving one of his hands so he can pick at the bedsheet. They haven’t spoken about Bellamy much. It makes Aaron anxious and Alexander always looks close to tears at just the mention of his name.

“I…I don’t know.” Alexander eventually says, tugging at the sheets. “I just think he needs more time to calm down. He still, uh, hasn’t come to see me.” Alexander looks away from Aaron, his lips pressed together in a tight line. “I mean, people told me he sat next to the bed when I…when I was in the coma but…he hasn’t actually spoken to me about everything.”

“He will.” Aaron says, reaching out to take Alexander’s hand. He shouldn’t have brought up the topic. “Like you said, he just needs time.” He smiles down at Alexander, feeling a little better when Alexander smiles back. They’re going to be okay. They have to be. It wouldn’t be fair not to be, not after everything they’ve been through.

“Well, hello there lovebirds.”           

Aaron and Alexander both turn at the voice to see Maria and Angelica standing in the doorway, wide grins on both of their faces.

“Back at ya.” Alexander says, nodding his head at their entwined fingers with his own grin, and Aaron contiues to smile as Maria and Angelica shrug like it’s no big deal, but Aaron can see how happy they both are.

“What took you so long to come visit us?” Aaron asks with a teasing tone. “Too famous for us now?” He snorts at Maria’s smug smile. Her and Angelica had gotten a lot of attention for being the ones to figure out how the Breach works. Without them, the Kaiju would definitely still be a problem.

“We’ve gotten requests for like…ten interviews!” Maria says excitedly, walking closer to the bed and dragging Angelica with her. “And I’m thinking, I can totally write a book about this whole thing, right? Everyone would want to read it. And now I even have a romance element to add in too!”

“I’m so glad I could help you with your career.” Angelica says with a roll of her eyes. “Of course, we’ll have to co-author the book, since it was a joint effort.”

“I’m good with that as long as you mention how you didn’t believe my theory in the first place.”

“You have to admit it sounded ridiculous.”

“Did not.”

“Did too, it-“

“Okay, okay.” Alexander interrupts with a laugh. “If this book ever gets written, please send us a copy. And what about good ol’ King George? You gonna give him a chapter?”

“Well, uh,” Maria and Angelica both shift on their feet, and Maria clears her throat before continuing. “Funny story. He may or may not have gotten eaten by the baby Kaiju that we eventually drifted with.” Maria winces as she says it, and a brief silence falls.

“Well shit.” Alexander says, a sentiment that Aaron echoes in his own mind. “That’s uh…wow.”

“I mean,” Angelica shrugs. “I don’t want to say he had it coming, but…well, he had it coming.” She shrugs again and walks over to the bed, sitting on the edge and then smiling over at the two of them. “So do you know where you guys are gonna go once we get out of here?”

Aaron and Alexander both shrug in response. They don’t know, especially not since there are so many options. They could go anywhere.

In return for all of their service, the government has set up a relocation program for the pilots and those who worked in the Hong Kong base. Or at least they say it’s in return for their service. In reality it’s probably to stop all of them from going around and telling everyone how the government was wrong to stup funding for the Jaeger program, since that’s what eventually saved everyone. But Aaron doesn’t really care; all he wants is to find a home, and this will help him do that.

They’ll get funding and transportation to any locaton they want to live in. The government will even set them up with any therapists or doctors that any of them will need. It will help them get on their way to living normal lives again.

“What about you two? Where are you gonna go?” Aaron asks, and Maria and Angelica share a look before Angelica looks back at him with a small smile.

“Well, that kind of depends on where you end up.”

“What do you mean?”

“I want to stay close to Eliza.” Angelica says slowly. “And obviously she’s going to stay with Theodosia and Theo, and well, they want to go where you go.” Angelica pauses and laughs when Aaron opens his mouth, nothing coming out. “Come on, are you really surprised? You are Theo’s godparent. The kid wants to be around you.”

“Maybe…” Aaron peers over at Alexander, who is looking back at him. “Maybe New York?”

“New York would be nice.” Alexander murmurs, reaching out to run his fingers over Aaron’s hand. “I could go to school, you’d have a lot of options to choose from too, and Bellamy would-“ Alexander cuts off with a wince, and Aaron squeezes his hand. “Well, anyway, Washington always talked to me about going to New York.”

“New York it is then.” Aaron says, giving Alexander a small smile.

“Plus I’m sure Madison would like New York.” Maria says with a nod. “And I would definitely like to live there because-“

“Oh my God!” Aaron shoots up in the bed, guilt running through him quickly. “Madison!” He practically yells the name and immediately sees the surprise in everyone’s faces. “I…how could I forget about him?” Aaron mentally slaps himself and then turns to Maria and Angelica. “How…how is he?”

“As well as you would expect.” Angelica says honestly. “He’s…well, not very good. But we’re all trying to keep him company. Lafayette is with him now, and of course Luthor hasn’t left his side for a second. He just,” Angelica pauses and sighs. “He’s been very quiet. And that can happen after losing someone, especially your drift partner. Half of you is missing. And Thomas was his whole life.”

Aaron nods, knowing that feeling all too well. They’ve all lost so much. Aaron looks down at his hand, noticing how Alexander is still running his fingers over his palm, and feels a strange sense of calm build inside him. They’ve all lost so much, but it’s over now. They won.

“I’d like to see Madison later.” Aaron says. “If that’s okay.”

“I think he’d like that.” Angelica responds with a grin. “Especially since he’s requested to live near you as well. You guys can hash out the details. But I feel like Madison will like New York.”

Aaron feels another emotion building up inside him, one that he doesn’t think he’s ever felt before. It’s a strange sense of belonging. Maybe it’s bad that he didn’t expect it…but he really _didn’t_ expect everyone to want to follow him, to want to stay near him. But now that they are, well, he can’t lie. It’s a good feeling.

It feels like he has a family.

-

The day comes for everyone to start leaving, to start their new lives, and Aaron is vibrating with excitement.

He’s ready to leave. Hell, he’s _been_ ready to leave. For a long time, he never thought that he would make it to this point, never even dared to imagine living in a world that wasn’t war ridden. He hasn’t had a world like that for over ten years. But then he met Alexander and Bellamy, and they made him want that world.

Aaron glances around the train station, laughing as Theo pushes him in his wheelchair a little too fast. He had woken up with his leg hurting too much to walk, but not even that could dampen his mood. He’s more excited than he’s been in a long time.

He has Theo stop him a few feet away from where Alexander and Bellamy are talking to each other in hushed tones. They’ve been talking that way for the past few minutes, but Aaron has kept his distance, wanting to give them time alone.

Bellamy still hadn’t spoken to either of them the past few days, still upset over what they had done. But he’s here now, and Aaron will give him and Alexander space to talk. He just hopes that Bellamy will like living in New York.

Everyone else has already boarded the train, and Aaron is about to wheel himself over to Alexander and Bellamy to tell them it’s time to go when Alexander’s harsh tone reaches his ears. He looks closer, and can see the pure anger on Alexander’s face. Bellamy’s mouth is moving, saying something else, but Alexander turns away without another word, making his way over to Aaron.

“What’s going on?” Aaron asks, but Alexander just shakes his head.

“I’ll meet you in the train.” Is all Alexander says before bending down, pressing his lips to Aaron’s cheek briefly before pulling away, leaving him alone with Bellamy.

Aaron feels a sense of trepatidion, but he pushes his panic away and wheels himself over to Bellamy, noticing how he is watching Aaron with a guarded expression. Bellamy has never looked at him that way before

“What…what’s going on?” Aaron asks again, more fear creeping into him when Bellamy looks away from him, staring off to the side. “Bellamy?”

“I’m not coming.”

Aaron inhales sharply and closes his eyes, the words hitting him hard. No. This isn’t happening. Aaron just doesn’t understand, he’s missing something, because there’s no way Bellamy wouldn’t come with them.

“You mean just for now, right?” Aaron asks, opening his eyes again to see Bellamy still looking away from him. “You’ll come later?”

Bellamy slowly moves his eyes over to Aaron, anger and sadness clear in his gaze, and Aaron feels himself starting to panic more and more. He can’t lose Bellamy. Not after everything they’ve been through. He did all of this so him, Alexander, and Bellamy could have a life together.

“I’m staying in Hong Kong.” Bellamy says, his voice void of any emotion.

“But…but for how long?” Aaron asks, moving himself closer to Bellamy. “Bellamy, for how long?” When Bellamy still doesn’t give an answer, Aaron’s hand shoots out to grab the front of Bellamy’s shirt. “For how long, Bellamy?”

“Aaron…”

“Forever?” Aaron asks, his voice sounding high pitched to his own ears. “Huh? Is that it? You’re just going to leave? After everything?”

Bellamy shrugs, and Aaron feels his hands start to shake where they are still clutching the fabric of Bellamy’s shirt. This isn’t happening. Bellamy wouldn’t do this. He’s just testing him, to see if Aaron really loves him.

“Bellamy.” Aaron pleads, looking up at him. “Please, come with us. You…you don’t have to live with us yet, if you don’t want to, but please come to New York. We can work this out.”

“Let me go, Aaron.” Bellamy says softly, bringing his hands up to cover Aaron’s. He tries to pull Aaron’s hands off of him, but Aaron just tightens his grip. “Aaron, let go.”

_Never let go. Never let go, never let go._

“No.” Aaron says, his voice cracking. “No, no! I’m not gonna let you go!” This can't be how it ends. It can't end with everyone coming with Aaron except Bellamy. This can't happen.

“It’s what I want.”

“How can you say that?” Aaron asks, not even bothering to blink back his tears. He hates this, he hates how Bellamy isn’t even looking at him anymore. “You want to leave us? Bellamy, we can have a life together now! We have time to fix everything, you can’t leave!”

“Let me go, Aaron!” Bellamy says again, his voice firm and unwavering. He really does want this. He’s not even bothered at the idea of leaving him and Alexander behind. He wants to be let go.

_Never let go, neverletgoneverletgoneverletgoneverletgo._

“Bellamy.” Aaron says, trying to put all the emotion he can into that single word, that single word that has brought him more comfort than Aaron ever thought possible. “Please, Bellamy. I love you. Please…”

Bellamy still doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even react to what Aaron is saying to him. He just looks at Aaron with blank eyes, and an even blanker expression. But his fingers curl around Aaron’s wrists, tugging at them, trying to get Aaron to let go. And finally, Aaron does.

He lets go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cries*
> 
> Only two more chapters left after this one D:
> 
> Sorry for the lack of Madison, but there was already so much going on in this chapter that I didn't have time to get him in there too. But don't worry, he'll be in the last two.
> 
> So what do y'all think? Will Bellamy actually keep away for long? Will he forgive them? And if he comes back, will Aaron and Alexander forgive him? Stay tuned to find out.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! I live for comments and I adore kudos :)
> 
> Follow me on tumblr @ fanciful-follies if you want to!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEW CHAPTER!
> 
> Just one more to go after this one
> 
> Enjoy x

_**~ THREE YEARS LATER ~** _

Aaron wakes up the way he usually does, with gentle fingers skimming over his side and soft lips brushing over the back of his neck.

He murmurs under his breath, his mind still attempting to wake up, but he presses back against the warmth behind him, faintly registering the chuckle he gets in response. Then lips brush over his neck again, and a kiss is pressed to his shoulder, pulling a soft sigh from his mouth.

“Aaron…”

“’M sleeping.” Aaron says, even though he opens his eyes, a smile forming on his lips when he feels those same fingers tap impatiently on his side. “Go away.”

“Mmm, you really want me to go away? Want me to leave you here in a cold bed?”

“No.” Aaron responds with a whine, laughing despite how hard he tries not to. He turns over onto his other side, his eyes landing on Alexander, who is watching him with a fond, amused look. “Why do you insist on waking me up so early?”

“Cause you’re irresistible. “ Alexander whispers, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Aaron’s nose, exactly where he hates it. But the man just chuckles again when Aaron rolls his eyes. “See, that right there, irresistible.”

“I hate you.” Aaron mumbles, but he reaches a hand out to pull Alexander closer, nosing along his jaw line before pressing a kiss of his own to the skin there. Alexander hums happily, moving his hand down Aaron’s side, but then he stops.

“How’s your leg?” Alexander asks, his hand hovering over his bare thigh. “What kind of day is it?”

“Good day.” Aaron answers after a moment of thought, and Alexander nods, letting his hand drop onto Aaron’s leg.

Good days are when that Aaron can walk without aid with only a minimal amount of pain. Normal days are when he needs a cane. Bad days are when they bring out the wheelchair from the closet. Awful days are when Aaron doesn’t leave the bed.

“How good?” Alexander asks with a smirk, and then he’s moving the covers out of the way so he can climb onto Aaron’s lap, his hair falling into his eyes momentarily as he bends down so he can kiss Aaron.

“Morning breath.” Aaron mutters, angling his head away, but then he inhales the scent of mint and squints his eyes at Alexander.

“Brushed my teeth already.” Alexander answers his questioning glance with a small smile. “You sleep too long. Now come on. Kiss me.” He leans down again, and this time Aaron lets him connect their lips.

The kiss starts out slow, as it always does when both of them are still waking up. But, as always, Alexander starts to kiss him harder, starts to roll his hips down onto Aaron’s, making them both gasp into each other’s mouths, their hands gripping a little tighter where they are resting against bare skin.

“What time is it?” Aaron manages to ask in the brief interval of time when Alexander’s lips aren’t on his.

“Why are you worrying about that right now?” Alexander whines before kissing him deeply, his tongue swiping over Aaron’s lip in an attempt to distract him.

“Alexander.”

“…it’s almost 11:30.”

Aaron wraps his arms firmly around Alexander’s waist before flipping them over so he’s on top. Alexander looks up at him with an expression of faint surprise and arousal, which then turns to disappointment when Aaron presses one quick kiss to his lips before climbing off of him.

“No fair.” Alexander mumbles, but Aaron just laughs as he stands.

“Theo is coming over in half an hour. We don’t have time, so keep it in your pants till later.” He laughs again when he sees Alexander pout, but moves over to the closet to grab some clothes.

Theo comes over every Sunday so Aaron can help her with any homework she has. Or well, that’s the excuse. They usually end up making an insane amount of food during a study break or watching a marathon of crappy movies on TV. But Aaron is pretty sure Theodosia and Eliza know that they both goof off. In fact, he’s pretty sure that they make Theo finish her homework before coming over.

“You better make this up to me later.” Alexander says, moving so he can pull some sweatpants on.

Aaron turns to respond, but then pauses when he sees an unfortunately familiar expression spreading over Alexander’s face; his eyes are strangely blank, but his brows are furrowed and his mouth is hanging open slightly. He glances around the room as if confused, and Aaron forces himself to not say anything, to not go over to Alexander and ask if he’s okay.

This happens more often than he’d like to admit; Alexander getting confused, forgetting where he is or what he was about to do. Usually Alexander doesn’t even remember it happening, but Aaron remembers every single memory lapse, remembers every single time that Alexander’s eyes go dim or he looks so lost that it breaks something inside him.

“Coffee!” Alexander blurts out suddenly, grabbing a shirt and throwing it on before heading over to the door. “That’s what I was gonna do, make coffee!” He nods and then exits the room.

Aaron sighs a breath of relief that Alexander was able to remember. Whenever he can’t, his mood drops dramatically, and Aaron can’t do anything to help him feel better. It’s even worse when Aaron tries to help him remember. It makes Alexander feel useless, and Aaron learned his lesson after the first few times he had tried to help.

The past few years have held many learning experiences for both him and Alexander.

They’ve become closer than ever before, but there are tough days. There are days where Aaron can’t walk, can barely even move, and he knows he isn’t good on those days. He lashes out, he’s mean, he’s said things he wishes he could take back when he remembers them the next day. And Alexander has bouts of insomnia, drives Aaron insane with how restless he is. Or there are days when Alexander gets a migraine, won’t speak to him the entire day. Then there are days where Alexander has a seizure, has to go to the hospital and get hooked up to machines. They try to live as normally as possible, but with everything that’s happened, it’s difficult to do. Aaron can’t help but think how easier it would be if they had a third person with them.

But they don’t.

Bellamy is a topic that they never discuss, a name that they never speak, not anymore. It hurts too much. But that doesn’t mean that Aaron doesn’t think about him, because he does. Every day. He can’t help it, he misses him, thinks that he always will. But Bellamy is gone. He made his choice. And Aaron has to accept that and move on.

It helps that he has other people to hold onto.

The doorbell rings a little after twelve, and Aaron goes to answer it since Alexander is in the shower. He pulls the door open, getting the wind knocked out of him immediately when Theo pulls him into a crushing hug. At 13, she’s already almost as tall as he is.

“Hey.” Aaron says with a chuckle when Theo finally releases him. He looks behind her to see Madison and Lafayette sitting in the car. Sometimes they’ll drop Theo off if Eliza and Theodosia are busy. He looks back down at Theo and smiles. “Why don’t you go inside, I’ll be in soon.”

Theo nods and heads in, but Aaron leans in the doorway and waits as Lafayette says something to Madison before getting out of the car and walking over to the house.

“Hello, Aaron.” Lafayette says, leaning down to press two kisses to Aaron’s cheeks. “I hope you are well?”

“I am.” Aaron answers. “You doing okay?”

“Of course!” Lafayette says with a grin, nudging his glasses up with one of his fingers. He glances back at Madison before looking back at Aaron with a worried expression. “James is…feeling more down that usual.”

Aaron nods, figuring that would be happening. The three year anniversary of the war ending is coming up. Or, to Madison, the three year anniversary of Jefferson’s death.

His death had affected Madison drastically, as to be expected. The man is more withdrawn than ever, more quiet, more subdued. Sometimes it seems like the only people he speaks to are Luthor, Aaron, and Lafayette.

Him and Lafayette had moved in together once they got to New York. At first Aaron and Alexander were unsure if they were a good pair together, but for some reason, the two of them are close. Aaron isn’t sure if it’s because they have compatible personalties, or if it’s because they’ve both lost everyone that’s mattered to them. But Lafayette and Madison are good for each other, they keep each other going.

“Hey, Laf.” Alexander’s voice says from behind Aaron, and he turns to see Alexander running a towel over his wet hair.

“Alexander.” Lafayette greets him warmly. “I hear you have an exciting week ahead of you! You have a big speech?”

Alexander grins smugly, and Aaron rolls his eyes. He’s been chosen to be a guest lecturer at a conference about the war, and has been talking non-stop about it. He’s going with Angelica and Maria to discuss the science and the hard work behind the last battle. It’s something he’s been working towards for a long time.

“I’m excited for it.” Alexander says, bouncing on his heels. “Honestly I’m surprised it took them so long to invite me. And hey, listen. We’re looking for someone to stay with Aaron, would you and Madison be able to?”

Aaron flushes at the question, knowing that he should be used to this by now. Neither him or Alexander are able to be alone, not with the conditions they have.

“Ah, I am sorry.” Lafayette says with a frown. “But James is not going to be in a good place this week, and I must give him all of my attention. What about Eliza and Theodosia? Are they busy?”

“They’re going too, to see Angelica speak.” Alexander says with a sigh. He runs a hand down Aaron’s back. “But no worries man. We’ll figure something out. We-“

“Aaron!” Theo’s voice comes from inside. “Can we order pizza? I’m hungry. And we need to finish the movie from last time! Come oooonnn!”

“I’d better go.” Aaron chuckles, clapping a hand on Lafayette’s shoulder. “If you or Madison need anything, just call. Tell him we’re all here for him, okay?”

“I will.” Lafayette says with a smile. “Thank you.”

Aaron says his goodbyes and heads inside, where Theo is already looking on her phone for the best place to order pizza from. Their dog, a large golden retriever, is wagging his tail happily beside her, as if he knows what they’re about to do.

“He’s excited.” Theo says happily, looking down at the dog. “He probably thinks I’m gonna give him a piece of my pizza again.”

“That’s because you will.” Aaron teases, ruffling Theo’s hair. “You do it every time.”

“He just looks at you with those eyes!” Theo answers defensively. “Mom and Eliza won’t let me get a dog. But I’m so glad you guys got a dog, just like Bellamy wanted and-“ She cuts off with a wince and wide eyes, realizing her slip.

Aaron gives her a small smile, but then he turns to see Alexander standing behind him, his face a little more pale than usual. Aaron clears his throat and picks up the phone to order the pizza. As the phone rings, Aaron looks down at their dog, unable to keep himself from wondering if Bellamy got one without them as well. He always wonders if Bellamy is happy with his choice, if he’s living a good life.

A small, angry part of Aaron hopes he isn’t.

-

A few days later, Aaron is outside, kneeling beside the garden and yanking out weed after weed.

When him and Alexander first bought the house, there was no garden, just an empty backyard. Aaron had taken up gardening just a few months after they moved in. He’s still not sure what made him start, but he loves it now. He loves being able to plant things in the ground and watch them grow, loves watching things come to life. It’s relaxing, being able to have control over the garden. And it’s comforting, because he knows the flowers will come back every year.

Aaron glances around to make sure the dog is still in the yard before opening the sliding door and stepping inside the kitchen, wiping his feet on the mat. He grabs a water bottle from the fridge and is about to go back outside when he hears the faint sound of voices coming from the hallway.

Aaron figures it’s just someone trying to sell them something, but then he gets a better sound of Alexander’s voice, and realizes that the tone sounds angry. He takes another step towards the hallway, the conversation becoming clearer and clearer.

“No, I will not let you in.” Alexander is hissing. “You don’t get to come in, not after everything. You need to leave.”

The other voice responds, but Aaron still can’t hear it. His curiousity getting the better of him, Aaron steps into the hall.

“Alex, please.” The other voice says, and Aaron feels his heart stop. It can’t be…. “Just…can we talk? Please…I...I just want to see him.” That voice…it’s a voice Aaron has thought of for so long. A voice that he hasn’t heard in three years.

“No.” Alexander snaps out, and Aaron feels his feet leading him closer and closer to the front door. “No way. You-“ Alexander cuts off as the floor creaks, turning around and making eye contact with Aaron, his eyes going wide. He tries to close the door, but then a hand is curling around the edge of it, stopping the door from swinging shut.

Aaron watches, his heart pounding as Alexander reluctantly steps away, allowing the person on the other side to step inside. There’s a brief moment where Aaron thinks that he’s hallucinating, that he’s dreaming, but then the person is looking right at Aaron, his eyes more familiar, more beautiful, more comforting, than Aaron wants them to be.

“Aaron.” Bellamy says softly, sounding breathless. Those eyes roam over Aaron’s face, making his heart beat even faster. Bellamy takes a step forward, but Aaron takes a step back and watches as that motion makes Bellamy freeze where he is.

Aaron looks over at Alexander, who is looking right back at him with a worried expression. The silence in the room is deafening, and Aaron sways slightly, leaning against the wall as he tries to catch his breath. He can’t breathe. He wasn’t expecting this, he isn’t ready. He isn’t-

“Aaron.” Bellamy says again, a pleading tone in that one word.

But Aaron doesn’t look at him, can’t look at him. He never thought he’d see Bellamy again, never thought that any of this would happen. He can’t take it in, can’t wrap his mind around the fact that Bellamy is standing right in front of him. His head is spinning with so many thoughts and emotions. He’s confused, he’s angry, he wants to cry, wants to yell, wants to throw himself into Bellamy’s arms, wants to-

“I-I can’t.” Aaron stammers. He wraps his arms around himself before turning around and leaving the hallway as quickly as he can. He has to get out of here, has to think. He steps back outside and stumbles, landing on his hands and knees in the dirt.

 _You’re okay_ , he tells himself. _You’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay_. He doesn’t realize he’s saying the words out loud until he finds himself gasping for breath, digging his fingers into the dirt underneath him.

He hears the doors sliding open, hears footsteps approaching, footsteps that aren’t Alexander’s. Aaron pushes himself up, tries to get himself under control. He tenses as he sees Bellamy out of the corner of his eye, holds his breath as Bellamy sits down slowly beside him. More silence.

“Are you even going to look at me?” Bellamy asks quietly, and for some reason that makes Aaron furious.

“That’s all you have to say to me?” Aaron spits out, still keeping his face turned away. “You’re trying to make me look like the bad person here? Trying to make it seem like you’re the only one getting hurt by this?”

“No.” Bellamy answers just as quietly, and just like that, Aaron feels all of his anger leave him.

He just feels empty.

“Why did you come back?” Aaron asks, looking down at his hands which are still covered in dirt. There’s no point in beating around the bush, no point in tiptoeing around the conversation that needs to be had.

“I don’t know.”

“And how long are you staying?”

“I…I don’t know.”

“Then go.” Aaron says, clenching his jaw and staring determinedly at the ground when he feels Bellamy’s gaze on him. “We don’t need that right now, okay? We don’t need this…this temporary pity from you. You…” Aaron swallows, thinking of how broken everything has felt since Bellamy left. “You have no idea what you did to us when you…so just…just go. If this is just a brief visit-“

“And if it’s not?” Bellamy interrupts, and Aaron can’t stop himself from looking over at Bellamy, a decision he immediately regrets.

He regrets it because he knows he can’t hate Bellamy as soon as their eyes meet. His eyes are still that same beautiful shade of brown, his hair is still dark, still flopping into his eyes, and he’s looking at Aaron with that frustratingly earnest, honest expression on his face that Aaron used to love so much.

“What if I…what if I want to stay?” Bellamy asks, his eyes staying locked on Aaron’s. “What then?”

“I don’t know.” Aaron says, unable to look away now. “I…it’s not just my decision.” He looks away at that, knowing that it’s true. He might be able to tolerate Bellamy being around, might even forgive him eventually, but Alexander…Aaron isn’t sure what Alexander will do.

He looks away when Bellamy swallows with a pained expression and turns away again. _Good_ , Aaron thinks to himself. Bellamy should be hurt. He shouldn’t expect it to be this easy.

Aaron sneaks another glance at Bellamy, feeling more calm to observe him now that Bellamy is looking away from him, a far off look in his eyes. Aaron traces his eyes over Bellamy’s face, taking in the circle under his eyes, the thinness of his cheeks, the bite mark on his lips that are a sure sign he’s been worrying at them lately. Suddenly, Bellamy is looking at him again, inspecting Aaron’s face just as closely.

Aaron is unexpectedly overwhelmed by a feeling of embarrassment, and he goes to turn his face away, but then Bellamy’s fingers are under his chin, turning him back gently.

“Wait, I…” Bellamy opens and closes his mouth a few times, and Aaron can feel his hand shaking. “Just…a little longer. Please.”

Aaron nods, and Bellamy exhales shakily, but he keeps looking at Aaron. His hand moves, fingers trailing over the side of Aaron’s face, and Aaron lets it happen. He lets Bellamy have his moment, lets himself have it as well, because he’s not sure if it will happen again, if he _wants_ it to happen again. But soon, it becomes too much. Aaron shuts his eyes and turns his head away, swallowing slowly as he feels Bellamy’s hand fall.

The silence between them is thick, and Aaron feels like crawling out of his skin, but then there is a loud bark, and suddenly a ball of golden fur is between them, attacking Bellamy with soft paws and excited yips.

“You have a dog!” Bellamy exclaims, his face lighting up as it jumps at him, trying to lick his face and neck.

“Steve!” Aaron reprimands sharply, and then he bites his tongue as he feels Bellamy tense up beside him. He tries not to, but Aaron can’t stop himself from looking over at Bellamy to take in his reaction.

His hands are still on Steve’s back, but he’s gripping the fur more tightly, and his eyes are wide, filled with so many emotions that Aaron can’t bare to look at them for long. He drops his eyes to Bellamy’s chest, which is rising and falling rapidly.

“You should…” Aaron licks his lips and shakes his head. This is all too much. “I think you should go now.”

“Okay.” Bellamy answers, his voice cracking slightly. But Aaron hears him stand up and walk back inside. Aaron waits a few moments before following, needing to regain control. When he steps inside, Bellamy and Alexander are standing in the kitchen, neither of them looking at the other.

“I, uhm, I left my number on the fridge.” Bellamy says, shifting on his feet. “Just…just in case you ever want to…to talk.” He glances at both of them, and then lowers his gaze when they don’t respond. He nods at the ground before turning on his heel and heading towards the front door.

The sound of the door closing behind him echoes through the house, and Aaron watches as Alexander’s anger slips off his face, pain replacing it immediately. Aaron steps over to him, opening his arms hesitantly, but Alexander doesn’t hesitate before throwing himself into Aaron’s embrace. But he doesn’t do it fast enough for Aaron to miss the way his face crumples.

-

They dance around the subject of Bellamy over the next few days, but Aaron knows they’ll have to do something about it eventually. He needs to talk about, needs to know what Alexander is thinking. They're together now, in everything, so Aaron needs to know. He breaches the topic tentatively one morning as him and Alexander are drinking coffee.

“We still don’t have someone to stay with me.” Aaron starts out slowly, watching Alexander’s face as he hums in response.

“You could come with me?” Alexander tries, but Aaron shakes his head, and Alexander nods. He knew that Aaron would say no. Aaron doesn’t like talking about the war, or hearing about it. It’s still too much.

“There is…” Aaron pauses, almost backing down when Alexander looks at him. “There is someone who could stay…if we asked him to.” He bites at his lip as he watches the meaning sink into Alexander. He thinks that maybe he was worrying about nothing, but then Alexander’ jaw clenches, and his eyes flash.

“So that’s how it is?” Alexander asks, his voice angry. He pushes his chair back as he stands. “One visit and you’re already thinking of letting him back into our lives? One look at him and you’re gonna jump back into his arms? Gonna go off with him and leave me here and-“

“Alexander.” Aaron says his name firmly, standing up as he does so. He steps over to Alexander, who is shaking, his eyes staring accusingly, but he lets Aaron place his hands on his shoulders. “Alexander.” He says again, moving his hands to Alexander’s cheeks, cupping his face gently. “You are the most important person to me. You will always come first in any decision I make, always. I will never do something that makes you upset. You know that.”

“Yeah.” Alexander mumbles, still looking upset, but he curls his fingers into the front belt loops of Aaron’s jeans. “Yeah, I know.”

“If you don’t want him to stay with me, then he won’t.”

“But you want him to.” Alexander says, and it’s not a question.

“I…yes.” Aaron admits. He does. “I…I want to at least try it. I…things won’t ever be the same, I know that. He left us, he hurt us. But…but he’s back. And I don’t think that I can just stand back and let him slip away again.” He brushes his thumbs over Alexander’s cheeks. “But this isn’t just about me. If it upsets you too much, I have no problem finding someone else to stay with me.”

“Why are you so goddamn reasonable?” Alexander mutters, and Aaron laughs before letting their foreheads rest against each other. “Fine. Whatever. Jon can stay, but you owe me for this. You better give me two orgasms tonight to make up for it.”

“That can be arranged.” Aaron says, kissing Alexander and nipping at his lower lip. “If you promise not to threaten him, maybe I’ll even make it three.”

“Deal.” Alexander says, a smirk on his face, and he pulls at the collar of Aaron’s shirt, dragging him towards the bedroom.

Bellamy comes over a few nights later, dufflebag in hand and an expression on his face like someone hit him over the head. He watches in a daze as Alexander gives him instructions on what to do if Aaron’s leg gives him trouble, on what to cook, on the places he’s allowed to go in the house (he stresses over and over again that Bellamy is sleeping on the couch and nowhere else).

Then Alexander is stepping over to Aaron, throwing his arms around his neck and kissing him more roughly than usual, and Aaron knows what he’s doing, knows that he’s being more dominant to make Bellamy uncomfortable. But Aaron lets him do it, lets him lick into his mouth before pulling away, face flushed but with a smirk playing around his lips.

“You’ll call me if you need anything.” Alexander says, and Aaron nods. “I mean it. Anything. I’ll come back even if I’m halfway into my lecture, okay?”

“Okay.” Aaron says, knowing that Alexander is being one hundred percent honest. He grabs at Alexander’s hand when he goes to pull away. “Hey. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Alexander says, his eyes softening. He grabs his bags from the floor, giving Aaron one last smile before heading out the door, not sparing Bellamy another glance.

The door closes and silence falls. Aaron sees Bellamy shift on his feet, and feels something fill him up that he has never felt in regards to Bellamy before. Awkward. He feels incredibly awkward.

“Do you, ah,” Bellamy pauses and clears his throat, clearly uncomfortable as well. “Uhm, do you want anything to eat? I can make you something if-“

“I already ate.” Aaron says, biting the inside of his cheek when Bellamy’s face becomes disappointed. “But…I mean, if you want to eat something, then we can-“

“No, no.” Bellamy interrupts quickly. “I-that’s fine. I was just offering. I’m not hungry.”

Another silence falls, and Aaron scratches at his arm as he watches Bellamy continue to shift on his feet. His eyes flick to Aaron occasionally, and he opens his mouth as if to say something a few times, but then closes it and shakes his head marginally. After a few minutes of this, Aaron can’t take it any longer.

“I might just go to bed. I’m…tired.”

“Oh.” Bellamy says, looking pained. But he nods. “Right. Yeah.”

“Cool.” Aaron responds, wincing at how strangely that comes out. “There’s pillows and stuff already on the couch for you, so…yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow.” Bellamy echoes, watching Aaron go with the same pained look as before. He looks like he wants to stop him, wants to say something, but Aaron rushes down the hallway towards the bedroom, not giving Bellamy the chance.

He flops face first onto the bed, groaning at how awkward everything feels. He thought that he could do this, thought that he’d be able to handle Bellamy, fix everything. But he’d been naïve. Aaron groans again and rolls onto his side, pulling the covers up and around himself. What if he can’t fix it? What if the rift between them is just too big?

The sound of Steve’s paws reaches him, and then the dog is leaping onto the bed, sniffing at Aaron’s cheek until he pushes him away. Then he curls up next to Aaron on the bed, looking at him with big eyes that make Aaron chuckle.

He pets the dog as he thinks, wondering if he’s made a mistake in inviting Bellamy to stay. He hadn’t expected everything to feel so different, but it does. Him and Alexander have built a life together, a life without Bellamy. They hadn’t wanted to, but Bellamy hadn’t given them any other choice, and now Aaron…well, he isn’t sure if Bellamy will fit into their life.

He’ll just have to wait and see.

-

When Aaron wakes up the next morning, his leg feels like it’s on fire.

He immediately reaches to the other side of the bed, groaning when his hand lands on empty space. Alexander is gone, he’d forgotten. But he needs him. Aaron twitches on the bed, trying to call out, but his voice is caught in his throat, and all that comes out is gasping breaths.

He rolls over, reaches out blindly for the phone that he knows is on his bedside table, but his leg throbs, causing him to twitch again, and he hears his cellphone tumble to the ground. Groaning again, Aaron grabs at his leg with both hands, praying for it to stop. He’s faintly aware of Steve jumping off the bed, but then he can’t spare another thought to anything else except the immense pain shooting up and down his leg.

But then there are hurried footsteps approaching, quickly followed by arms grabbing at Aaron’s shoulders, shaking him, and Aaron can just make out Bellamy’s frantic voice.

“Aaron, Aaron! Can you hear me?” He moves Aaron onto his back, ripping the covers back so they aren’t touching Aaron’s leg, which he is still clutching tightly. “Okay, okay. What do you want me to do? What do I-“

“Alexander.” Aaron grits out. “Call-call him.” He barely gets the words out before Bellamy is crouching to pick up his phone, scrolling through the contacts before holding it up to his ear.

“Alex! No, it’s me. It’s Aaron, he’s-yeah. What do I do?”

If Aaron were more conscious, more clear headed, Bellamy’s frantic, teary voice would probably hit him harder, but all he can focus on right now is the pain in his leg. But then Bellamy’s hand is near his face, the coldness of the phone pressing against his cheek. Aaron grabs at it blindly and brings it closer.

“Alexander.” He whimpers, worried that he’ll break the phone with how tightly he’s holding it. “Alexander…”

“I know, Aaron.” Alexander’s voice is soft in his ear, making Aaron wish he were really that close to him. He needs him here. “Try to breathe through it, okay? You’ve done this a hundred times, you can do it again.”

“Hurts.” Aaron says, trying to stay conscious. “I’m trying.”

“I know you are,” Alexander soothes him, “and you’re doing great. Now I need you to rate the pain for me. I need to know if Jon has to take you to the hospital.”

Aaron squeezes his eyes shut as he thinks. He knows this isn’t the worst pain he’s felt. It’s definitely not as bad as the time that he had attempted to cut his leg off after two days of constant pain. Alexander had found him before he could do it, had yelled at him for an entire week afterwards.

“Seven.” Aaron gasps out eventually.

“Okay, we can deal with that. You’re gonna be okay. Hand the phone back to Jon.”

Aaron takes in a shuddering breath as he hands the phone back to Bellamy. He can faintly hear Alexander’s voice instructing Bellamy on what to do. He hears Bellamy responding, but can’t make the noises form into coherent words. He thinks that he might pass out for a few minutes, because when he finally opens his eyes again, Bellamy is talking to him, not Alexander, and he’s leaning over Aaron, getting his hands underneath him.

Bellamy’s arms scoop him up as if he’s nothing, and Aaron’s head spins as he’s carried over to the bathroom, seeing the bathrub already filled up with ice cold water. He whimpers, knowing what comes next, but Bellamy just shushes him, tells him it will all be okay.

He’s barely aware of Bellamy stripping him, but then he’s being lowered into the water, and he knows he screams. He always screams. But Bellamy’s grip is firm on his shoulders, keeping Aaron from thrashing around too much.

“Just for a minute, Aaron.” Bellamy says, his voice being the only other thing for Aaron to focus on. “Just a minute and then I’ll take you out, okay? You’ll feel better, I promise.”

Aaron tries to nod, but everything hurts, everything is cold, and he ends up just banging the back of his head painfully on the wall. One of Bellamy’s hands moves up, cradling Aaron’s head and murming soft assurances as the one minute passes like an eternity.

Finally, Aaron is being pulled out of the tub and back into Bellamy’s strong arms. He feels himself placed back onto the softness of his bed, maneuvered into a sitting position, and then there is a towel gently rubbing over his skin, drying him off. Boxers are slipped back onto him, and then Bellamy is moving him into a lying position.

Aaron cracks his eyes open when nothing happens for a moment, and sees Bellamy staring down at him with wide, uncertain eyes. The front of his shirt is soaked from holding Aaron, and he’s a holding a familiar bottle of lotion in his hand.

“Will this hurt?” Bellamy asks, waving the bottle. Aaron can’t stop himself from laughing. Of course it will. He nods at Bellamy, and sees the man grow more uncertain, caught between wanting to help Aaron and not wanting to cause him more pain.

Aaron reaches his hand out for the bottle, squeezing some of it onto his own hands before giving it back. He looks down at his leg, taking in the deep gashes, the puckered skin, and then starts to rub the lotion in, inhaling sharply between his teeth as he does so. Then Bellamy’s hands are joining his, getting his entire leg lathered in the cream to help soothe the skin. Finally, Bellamy rushes into the bathroom and returns with a large washcloth that he proceeds to wrap around Aaron’s leg, the warmth of it enveloping him.

Aaron manages to stay conscious long enough for Bellamy to get him to take some pain medication, but then he is falling asleep quickly, Bellamy’s hand clasped around his being the last thing he feels before going under.

When he wakes up again, the room is dark, and the pain in his leg has reduced to a dull throb.

Aaron pushes himself up into a sitting position, noticing the sandwich that has been placed on his bedside table along with a glass of water. He reaches out for it gratefully, wondering how long he’s been asleep. But he’s barely gotten a bite in before Steve comes racing into his room, stopping at the edge of the bed and then opening his mouth to begin barking.

“Steve!” Aaron hisses, not wanting to wake any of the neighbors. “Stop it!”

But the dog continues to bark, and moves back and forth restlessly a few times before running over to the door. He stops there and looks at Aaron, barking one more time before exiting the room. Realizing the behavior, Aaron unwraps the washcloth from his leg and stands slowly before proceeding to follow Steve.

He gets out to the living room to see Steve standing next to the couch, where Bellamy is thrashing wildly in his sleep.

Aaron limps over to him as quickly as he can, kneeling next to the couch and placing his hand over one of Bellamy’s shoulders. He tries to shake him awake, but Bellamy’s eyes remained squeezed shut, his breathing erratic.

“Bellamy.” Aaron says, but he still doesn’t respond. “Bellamy!” He says the name louder, and this time Bellamy shoots up into a sitting position, his eyes wide. He’s gasping for breath, looking around the room. His eyes land on Aaron, and he breaks into sobs.

“You’re alive.” He gasps out, causing Aaron to look at him in confusion. “You’re alive, you’re okay. I thought you died, I thought you left me.” He cuts off as another sob breaks from his lips, and then he’s shaking, and Aaron doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know what’s happening. "I thought you were _dead_."

“Bellamy, it’s okay, you’re okay.” Aaron murmurs as calmly as he can. He gets on the couch next to Bellamy, and the other man immediately reaches out to him, fingers gripping the front of his shirt tightly.

“The water was so cold.” Bellamy says, his eyes still wide. Up close Aaron can see how glazed over they are. “When-when I swam to you. It was so cold. But you were just lying there, you and Alex, and I thought you were both dead.”

“You’re okay.” Aaron says again, trying to piece together what’s happening. He sees how Bellamy’s eyes are still glazed over, and he realizes that Bellamy is having some sort of night terror. He thinks that it’s three years ago, right after the last battle.

“Alex!” Bellamy cries out, releasing Aaron’s shirt and looking around frantically. “Where is he? Where did they take him? Is he alive? Aaron, please tell me he’s alive. I can’t-I…if he’s dead I-“

“Bellamy, look at me!” Aaron says, feeling his own hands starting to shake. But he moves them so he can cup Bellamy’s face, trying to ground him. “Alexander is okay, we’re all okay. You’re having a nightmare.” He watches as Bellamy continues to shake, his breath coming in short pants.

A memory comes to Aaron, a memory of the many times that Bellamy had calmed him down. Aaron takes a deep breath before moving one of his hands to press against Bellamy’s chest. Then he moves his other hand so he can take one of Bellamy’s, moving it so he’s pressing it against his own chest.

“Breathe in with me, Bell.” Aaron murmurs, willing himself to take in slow, steady breaths. He has to stay calm for Bellamy. “In and out, okay? In and out. Just breathe.”

Bellamy is still staring at him with wide eyes, but he starts to take in longer breaths, ones that don’t make it sound like he’s suffocating. Aaron isn’t sure how long they sit there, palms pressed against each other’s chests, but finally, the tension in Bellamy’s body starts to leave, and then he’s leaning against Aaron, murmuring words he can’t hear.

Aaron is silent as Bellamy, clearly exhausted, falls further against him until he’s curled on the couch, his head resting in Aaron’s lap. He hesitates a moment before reaching for Bellamy’s cellphone and dialing Alexander’s number. It rings a few times, and Alexander answers, sounding tired and irritated.

“What do you want, Jon? It’s the middle of the night and I really-“

“It’s me.” Aaron cuts in.

“Oh. Well hi then. How are you? Your leg okay? Didn’t want to cut it off this time?”

“I’m fine.” Aaron responds slowly, placing his free hand on top of Bellamy’s head when the man makes a small whimpering sound, twitching a little in his sleep. “It’s, uhm, it’s Bellamy.”

“What did he do?”

“He didn’t _do_ anything, Alexander.” Aaron says with a roll of his eyes. “He…he had some weird nightmare. He thought he was…at the base or something, after the final battle. He thought we were dead and he…” Aaron shrugs, and then realizes Alexander can’t see him. “I don’t know. He was freaking out and I didn’t know what to do.” He pauses, and for a few moments there is just silence on the other end, and then Alexander sighs.

“Is he okay now?”

“Yeah. He’s sleeping.” Aaron looks down at Bellamy, feeling a tug inside of him. “I just…never thought about him hurting as much as we are.”

“He’s not.” Alexander snaps out, and Aaron just presses his lips into a tight line and doesn’t respond. Alexander’s lets out an angry huff. “Or whatever, maybe he is. But he could have come back whenver he wanted to, and he didn’t. He made his choice.”

“I guess.” Aaron says softly, letting his fingers trail through Bellamy’s hair. “I just…I think that…I think that what we did hurt him more than we understand.” He pauses again, waiting for Alexander to say something.

“I, uhm,” Alexander clears his throat. “I don’t know if I can talk about all of this right now.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” He says quickly. “I just…maybe this is something we should talk about in person. But, uh, how have you two been doing? Besides the nightmare and the leg thing.”

“There hasn’t exactly been a lot of time to talk between those two things.” Aaron answers. “I don’t know. Things have been awkward. I don’t know if he wants to talk about…about everything.”

“Please.” Alexander says with a snort. “If Bellamy will talk to anyone, it’s you, Aaron. Thought he was gonna kiss you as soon as he saw you the day he came back.”

“Would you be mad if that happened?” Aaron asks before he can stop himself. He’s not even sure where the thought came from. He doesn’t even know if he wants to kiss Bellamy again so soon, or if they’ll ever get to that point. “Alexander?” Aaron asks when he doesn’t respond. “Sorry, I didn’t-“

“We’ll talk when I get back.” Alexander says firmly, but he doesn’t sound angry. “I know we have to, so we will. But not…not right now. And if it happens before I get back that’s…that’s okay. I know how you feel but just don’t…no more than that, please? I-“

“No more than that.” Aaron confirms with a smile. “I’m not about to take him to bed, Alexander. It’s only been two days. That is a privilege reserved only for you.”

“Good.” Alexander says, and Aaron can hear the smile in his voice. “Damn, two days…I miss you.”

“I miss you, too.” Aaron murmurs, realizing how true the words are. He’s not used to being apart from Alexander, not even for two days. “Tell me about the speech. How’d it go?”

He smiles as Alexander launches into a re-telling of the past two days, sounding more and more excited, his voice filling Aaron’s ear. He really does miss him. They talk back and forth for an hour or so, Aaron eventually falling asleep with Alexander still talking, his voice lulling him into a deep sleep.

The next morning, Aaron wakes up before Bellamy, and decides it would be best if he wasn’t around when Bellamy wakes up. He thinks it would just make them both feel awkward. So he goes and takes a shower, his leg feeling a million times better than before. He’ll just need his cane today.

When he gets out of the shower, Bellamy is no longer on the couch, and Aaron walks around a little until he spots Bellamy sitting outside by the garden, Steve lying down next to his chair. Even from inside Aaron can see the dark circles under Bellamy’s eyes. He hesitates a moment before opening the door and stepping outside to join Bellamy.

“Hey.” Aaron says when Bellamy doesn’t turn his head as he walks over. “Bellamy?” He pauses when Bellamy jumps at his voice, head snapping over to him.

“Hey.” Bellamy croaks out, giving Aaron a small smile. “Sorry, I spaced out for a second.” His eyes move to Aaron’s leg and the cane he’s leaning on. “Is your leg okay?”

“Fine. I usually need the cane.”

Bellamy only nods, and Aaron walks closer, pulling the other lawn chair next to Bellamy’s so he can sit beside him. Neither of them say anything, but Aaron can see Bellamy’s hands shaking in his lap. He waits and doesn’t say anything, figuring that if Bellamy wants to talk, he will.

“You grow all of this yourself?” Bellamy asks after a few more minutes, nodding at the garden. “It’s impressive.”

“I like to do it.” Aaron says with a shrug. “It’s distracting, keeps my mind focused.” He pauses to see if Bellamy will say anything else, but the man is back to staring off into the distance. “I, uh, I tried taking classes at Colombia with Alexander, but it was too much. Either they talked about the war or people recognized me, asked me too many questions. I’m not ready for all of that yet.”

“It’s impossible to escape it sometimes.” Bellamy murmurs, his eyes slowly moving over to Aaron. “I…I became a therapist while I was in Hong Kong, helped people with PTSD from the war.” He trails off for a moment and then laughs. “Although I’m not sure if I’m the best person for the job, not when I’m still…”

“Do you always have those nightmares?” Aaron asks, noticing how Bellamy twitches at the question. He looks away from Aaron.

“It’s not always that bad. But…” He pauses to swallow. “But seeing you hurting, and then the cold water from the bath, it all just…triggered something in my mind, made it worse than usual.”

“I’m…sorry.” Aaron says, but Bellamy just shakes his head.

“There’s nothing you can do. I haven’t had a full nights sleep since I…since the end of the war.”

Aaron nods, knowing that Bellamy isn’t exaggerating. He’s thinner than the last time Aaron saw him, walks as if something is weighing him down. His eyes aren’t as expressive, and Aaron knows that Bellamy hasn’t had it easy, it would stupid to think that. But Aaron still doesn’t understand everything, he doesn’t understand….

“Why did it take you three years to come back?” Aaron asks softly, watching as Bellamy looks back over at him. Aaron tries not to look angry, but he knows there must be something in his expression, because Bellamy winces.

“I…” Bellamy shakes his head again and takes in a deep breath. “I needed time, I…I had to…to be away.”

“For three years?” Aaron asks, not bothering to keep the bitterness out of his voice. “That’s a long time.”

“So is five years.” Bellamy snaps, his eyes flashing. He bites his lip and looks away from Aaron, clearly trying to keep himself under control. “I needed time, Aaron. I don’t know what else to tell you. I couldn’t…I couldn’t be around you and Alex, okay?”

“Why not?”

“Because I was angry.” Bellamy says, looking back at him. “I was beyond angry. And I knew that…that if I stayed with you, it would make everything worse. Aaron.” Bellamy says his name pleadingly. “I had to be alone. I needed time to think.”

“But why didn’t you just tell us that?” Aaron asks, his voice cracking. Now he looks away, staring down at his hands, remembering how Bellamy had torn them away from where Aaron had been gripping his shirt. “You didn’t tell us you needed time. You just…you just left, without saying anything. You just let us go like…like we were nothing.”

“I felt that way too, you know.” Bellamy murmurs. “Like I was nothing. After you sent me to the surface, I felt like nothing to you and Alex.”

“We did it to protect you, we-“

“It didn’t feel like that.” Bellamy cuts in, his voice a little louder. “It felt like you didn’t want me with you. You tore me out of the drift and I…” He trails off and Aaron looks back over at him to see Bellamy staring at the ground with his jaw clenched. “I woke up alone in my escape pod. I got out…and I saw you and Alex on the other pod, draped over each other, not moving. My heart stopped. I swam over to you both, thinking you were dead.” He takes in a deep breath, moving his eyes so he can hold Aaron’s gaze. “But I got to you, saw you were alive, and I…I just got so mad. In that moment, looking at both of you, it just felt like…like I didn’t belong. Maybe you didn’t mean for it to be like that, but that’s what it felt like.”

“But we wanted you to come with us. We…” Aaron shuts his eyes as a memory washes over him. “I begged you to come with us. I told you I loved you and you just…you tore me away. You left. You-“ He stops when he feels a hand on top of his, and he opens his eyes to see Bellamy looking at him with guilty eyes.

“I know.” He says quietly. “And I…I think about that day all the time, wondering if I should have gone with you. But…” He twines their fingers together. “Aaron, I couldn’t. I _couldn’t_ go with you, okay? I don’t know how to explain it, but I just knew I couldn’t go with you. I’m sorry it took me three years, but I needed that time. I understand if you can never forgive me, if you can never let me back in again, but I…can we try?” He looks at Aaron with imploring eyes. “That’s all I want. I just want to try.”

Aaron stares at him, feeling so many emotions flow through him. He’s angry, upset, confused, but he knows that he wants to try too. That’s what this was all about, having Bellamy stay with him. He knows that he wants to try. So Aaron nods, and Bellamy exhales in relief, squeezing Aaron’s hand gently.

They stay out in the garden most of the day, mostly staying silent. There’s a silent agreement between them to drop the conversation for now. They talk a little about other things, about what they’ve done over the three years they’ve been apart. The afternoon passes smoother than Aaron expects. They eat lunch, take Steve for a walk, and by the end of the day, Aaron thinks that maybe, just maybe, this will work, that Bellamy will be able to fit into their lives.

They end the day curled up on Aaron’s bed with a wide space between them. Aaron is on his side, facing away from Bellamy, and trying to to get his mind to calm down. But he can feel Bellamy tossing and turning.

“Aaron?” Bellamy whispers eventually. “Do you…do you hate me?”

Aaron sighs at the question, but turns over so he can look at Bellamy. Their eyes meet, and Aaron can see the fear in Bellamy’s eyes.

“No.” Aaron answers truthfully. “I don’t hate you, Bellamy. I…I don’t think I could ever hate you.”

“Okay.” Bellamy murmurs, picking at the bed sheets. He bites his lip, and Aaron knows that he wants to say something else, so he waits. “Uhm, does…does Alex hate me?”

Aaron sighs again, not knowing how to answer that question. Alexander is different from Aaron, has a different temperament, has different things that are unforgivable to him. But Aaron has seen the way his eyes look when they talk about Bellamy. He remembers how upset he’d been when Bellamy first came back to them.

“I don’t think he hates you.” Aaron finally answers. “But he…he’s upset, and I…I’m not sure if he’ll ever be able to forgive you.”

“Yeah.” Bellamy’s voice is resigned, his face going blank, and Aaron only hesitates a moment before reaching out and taking his hand.

“But he might. He did agree to letting you stay with me, and I think that’s a good sign.” He gives Bellamy a small smile, which Bellamy returns, his eyes getting a little brighter.

They remain that way for a while, staring at each other without saying anything. Bellamy’s eyes stay on his, searching for something, and Aaron lets him look for whatever it is he needs, knowing that he’s doing the same thing. He feels a pull towards Bellamy, a feeling that he had sincerely been worried about not being able to feel again.

“Aaron.” Bellamy’s voice is barely above a whisper, and he says his name like a question. “Is…can I…can I kiss you?”

Instead of answering, Aaron moves closer and slides his arms around Bellamy’s neck. He leans forward, and their noses brush against each other before Aaron tilts his head, finally, finally, letting their lips touch.

The kiss is gentle, barely a even a kiss, but Aaron melts into it anyway. How could he have forgotten what is was like to kiss Bellamy? Three years without it has been too long.

Three years.

That information sinks into Aaron’s mind as their tongues curl around each other, and he moves his hands so he can cup Bellamy’s cheeks. They’ve been apart for three years, they’ve lost three years that could have been spent together. He knows he should be mad, he should be furious with Bellamy. Maybe he is, or he will be. But right now, all he wants is to make up for that lost time.

“Bellamy.” Aaron murmurs between a kiss, brushing his thumbs over his cheekbones. There is so much inside of him that he wants to say. “Bellamy…”

“Aaron.” Bellamy breathes back before diving back in, both of them getting lost in the slick sounds of their lips touching. “I missed you, missed you so much. You and Alex. I’m-“ He cuts himself off with a particularly hard kiss, and that’s when Aaron feels the tears hitting his thumbs.

He pulls away, and Bellamy immediately starts crying in earnest, his whole body shaking. Aaron folds his arms around him, cradling Bellamy against his body and feeling tears slip down his own cheeks. He didn’t understand how much he missed Bellamy until this moment, how huge of a hole Bellamy put inside of him when he left.

Panic hits Aaron for a moment when he thinks about the chance that Alexander won’t be able to forgive Bellamy, won’t be able to let him back in. What will Aaron do? He’ll never leave Alexander, never, but he can’t lose Bellamy again either. He doesn't know what he'll do.

He buries his face into Bellamy’s chest and breathes in deep. Being near him feels good, it feels right, and Aaron doesn’t want to lose it again. Bellamy grips him tightly when Aaron starts to shake, so tight it hurts, but Aaron doesn’t let go.

He’s never letting go again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't resist bringing Bellamy back. I was so close to waiting till the last chapter, but him dealing with Alexander needs a chapter of it's own. Cause let me tell you now, that is gonna be an explosive conversation. 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading :D It means a lot! Kudos and comments are loved and appreciated!
> 
> Follow me on tumblr @fanciful-follies if you want to! :)


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is y'all. The end. 
> 
> Enjoy x

The smell of hospitals never bothered Aaron.

Even now, waiting for Alexander to be released, it’s not the smell that bothers him. It’s the waiting. It’s the uncertainty that comes with having to sit in a chair placed in the waiting room, so far from where he wants to be, from where he _should_ be. And he should be by Alexander’s side, instead of going on his seventh hour of waiting.

It had happened in early in the morning, Alexander’s seizure. Aaron had been debating on whether or not he needed his wheelchair, when he’d heard a crash from the living room. He’d found Alexander on the floor. His seizures happen more often than either of them want, but it also meant that Aaron went into instant reaction mode, making sure there was nothing around Alexander that could harm him, shoving a pillow under Alexander’s head, and then calling the ambulance. It had all happened in a blur.

But now, sitting alone in the waiting room for hour after hour, it gives Aaron plenty of time to think about what happened. Even though it happens a lot, Aaron doesn’t think he’ll ever be used to seeing Alexander that way. He hates it, hates how helpless he is to do anything. And there is always that part of him that worries, that is terrified that Alexander won’t come out okay.

Aaron’s phone vibrating in his pocket pulls him out of his thoughts. He sees Theodosia’s name flashing across the screen and answers it.

“Hey, Theodosia”

“Aaron.” Theodosia’s quiet voice answers. “How is he? Any news?”

“They’re still doing tests.” Aaron sighs, picking at his jeans. “But if everything comes back okay, he shouldn’t have to stay the night. It was a minor one this time.”

“Good, that’s good. You were in the ambulance with Alexander, right? Do you need me or Eliza to come get you?”

“Yeah, if you can. I’ll let you know when he’s released.”

“Or you could…” Theodosia pauses and clears his throat. “You could call Bellamy, if you want…to come get you.” She pauses again, sighing when Aaron doesn’t answer. “You know he’d want to.”

Aaron still doesn’t say anything. He knows Bellamy would want to, he knows Bellamy would probably break five different traffic laws to get to the hospital, would stay as long as they needed him to.

Bellamy would drop everything to help them, even though they hadn’t contacted him in over a month.

Aaron knows it’s bad, knows that all three of them just need to sit down and talk. But that’s easier said than done. Alexander is busy with classes, Bellamy is still trying to get situated in New York, and all of them are dealing with it being three years after the end of the war. Three years since the nightmare ended. But sometimes it still feels like it’s happening.

Aaron knows that him and Alexander get moodier around the anniversary of the war ending. They both get inside their own heads, thinking of everything they have lost instead of what they have won. But it’s hard to be happy when the people you fought for aren’t with you. Aaron can’t help but think of his parents during the anniversary, and Sally. And he knows Alexander is thinking of Mulligan, Laurens, and Washington. It’s just not a good time for them to try and talk to Bellamy.

“You’re avoiding him.” Theodosia says. “You _are_ , and you know it.”

“It’s…it’s not as easy as you’re making it to be.” Aaron argues despite knowing that Theodosia is right, at least a little bit. “It’s…this isn’t just about me. I’m…me and Alexander, we can’t just…forget everything that happened. I-I wish we could, but we can’t.”

“The first time we talked after Bellamy came back, you seemed pretty ready to let him back in.”

“That was…I…” Aaron falters and squeezes his eyes shut. He knows she’s right. He’d been so excited after him and Bellamy finally talked. “Theodosia, you know why I…you know how Alexander feels.”

“Yeah, and it’s bullshit. He needs to-“

“Stop.” Aaron cuts in more sharply than he intends. “Sorry, I didn’t mean…just…don’t do this with me right now, okay?”

“I’m sorry.” Theodosia says after a moment, her voice soft again. “I shouldn’t have brought it up now. But I…I just seeing you so upset, Aaron. You and Alex. I know how much it hurt you, when Bellamy left, you know I do. But, just let me say this, I also know that it’s not fair for Alex to stop you from talking to Bellamy if you want to.”

“He’s not stopping me.” Aaron murmurs. “He just doesn’t want me to, and I’m trying to respect that. I…Alexander had always stayed by my side, and I…I just feel like it would be shitty of me to make things harder for him. But we’re working on it, I promise.” That’s kind of a lie, but Theodosia doesn’t need to know that. They’ve still been avoiding the topic of Bellamy being back.

“Okay.” Theodosia says slowly, not really sounding like she believes Aaron. But she drops it. “Call me when you need me to come get you.”

They say goodbye, and Aaron only needs to wait another hour for Alexander to be released out to the waiting room, his face screwed up in an expression of exhaustion and annoyance. Aaron breathes a sigh of relief as he stands, wincing a little when his leg starts to cramp.

“You ready to go home?” Aaron asks, taking one of Alexander’s hands. All he gets is a grunt in response, but that’s normal after days like today. Alexander usually withdraws into himself, is more distant. Aaron has learned not to take it personally. “Theodosia is waiting for us outside.”

Alexander’s annoyance seems to grow at that, but Aaron directs him towards the exit anyway. He knows that Alexander hates other people to see him after he’s had a seizure, but Aaron doesn’t have enough money for a taxi, so Alexander will just have to swallow his pride for the time being.

Thankfully Theodosia doesn’t ask any questions as she drives them home. Aaron catches her peeking at him a few times with an expression that Aaron knows to mean that she has something to say. And sure enough, it comes out once she pulls into their driveway.

“You sure you don’t need anyone to help you two out with anything?”

“No.” Alexander says before Aaron can answer, and Aaron closes his mouth and sighs. His leg hurts more than it did in the morning, and he’s exhausted. Help would…well, it would be nice. But Alexander is already climbing out of the car, so Aaron gives himself a small shake. He’ll be fine.

“Aaron.” Theodosia says his name before he can follow Alexander. “Call Bellamy.”

“Bellamy is the last person Alexander wants to see right now, Theodosia.” Aaron says. “But I’ll…I’ll call him later and tell him what happened, okay? I promise.” He gets out of the car before Theodosia can say anything else.

When he gets inside, Alexander is already in the bedroom, changing into sweatpants and a fresh t-shirt. He turns when Aaron walks in, looking more exhausted than before. Aaron pulls the covers down on the bed and climbs on so he can rest on his back, opening his arms for Alexander to join him.

Alexander doesn’t hesitate. He practically throws himself on top of Aaron, burrowing his face in his chest and taking deep breaths. Aaron tries not to hiss out in pain when Alexander’s weight presses down on his leg. He takes in a few deep breaths of his own before rubbing one of his hands up and down Alexander’s back.

“You want to talk about it?” Aaron whispers, breathing out slowly when he feels Alexander shake his head. “Okay, that’s okay. Just try and sleep.”

Silencec falls after that, but neither of them sleep. Aaron can feel Alexander moving restlessly against him, causing his leg to throb, but he doesn’t want to tell Alexander to get off. He knows that Alexander likes to be close after a bad day, that he needs to be comforted. Aaron shifts, trying to get his leg into a better position.

“Do you need me to move?” Alexander mumbles, lifting his head so he’s looking up at Aaron. He rolls off when Aaron nods reluctantly, lying on his side and wrapping his arms around himself.

Aaron muffles his groan as he unzips his jeans to take them off in another attempt to stop his leg from hurting so damn much. Once he’s done, he rolls onto his good side and reaches out for Alexander, pulling him in so they are chest to chest again.

But his leg is still throbbing, and Aaron can feel sweat dripping down his back. Everything is starting to hurt. Alexander shifts closer, sniffling, and Aaron looks down to see his cheeks stained with tears.

“Hey, you’re okay.” Aaron murmurs, pushing Alexander’s hair out of his face. “You’re okay. You’re safe, I’m right here.” He runs his fingers through Alexander’s hair, scratching at his scalp and neck until Alexander’s body stops trembling.

“’M so tired.” Alexander breathes out, his voice hoarse.

“Sleep. I’ll stay with you.”

“Feel nauseous. Water?”

“Yeah. Hold on.” Aaron slowly pushes himself up into a sitting position. He looks down at Alexander again, seeing how his face is pinched in pain, his eyes squeezed shut. Aaron takes a deep breath before standing up, one of his hands shooting out to rest against the wall when his leg almost buckles underneath him.

Somehow, he makes it out into the kitchen, but he’s pretty sure his back is drenched in sweat. He opens the cabinet and swears under his breath when he sees that there is only one glass inside, all the way in the back. Aaron reaches for his phone, and swears again when he remembers that he left it in the pocket of his jeans, all the way back in the bedroom.

Aaron clenches his jaw and pulls himself up onto the counter underneath the cabinet. He breathes a sigh of relief when he finds that he’s balanced enough to reach the glass. But he barely has it in his hand when the pain in his leg suddenly flares up, causing him to cry out and fall back.

There’s the sound of Steve barking loudly, the sound of breaking glass, an intense pain in his head, and then darkness.

-

When Aaron finally feels himself slipping back into consciousness, he first becomes aware of how warm he feels. Then he breathes in the familiar scent of his house. He blinks his eyes open, letting them adjust to the darkness of the room.

“Aaron?” A voice says from beside him, and Aaron turns his head to see Bellamy leaning over him with a worried but relieved expression. “How are you feeling?”

“Head hurts.” Aaron says, confusion now settling in. What happened? “I’m…I’m in my room?” He tries to sit up, but the whole room seems to spin as he does. He brings a hand up to his head, more confusion hitting him as he feels a line of stitches near his temple.

“You fell.” Bellamy says, and he reaches out to bring Aaron’s fingers away from the stitches. “You went to the hospital. Do you remember that?”

“Oh.” Aaron closes his eyes as the memories come rushing back. He remembers falling, remembers bright lights and the sterile smell of the hospital. He remembers seeing Alexander’s blurry face above him, occasionally replaced by Bellamy’s. “Alexander? He’s okay?”

“Yeah.” Bellamy breathes out, a fond expression spreading over his face. “I’ll go get him. He’s in the living room with Madison.”

“Madison’s here?”

“Yeah.” Bellamy’s face takes on another expression, one that isn’t so happy. “I…Alex called me when everything happened, asked me to come over. But…well, you know how he is. He needs to be comforted but I…I just figured Madison would calm him down better than me right now, so I called him.” Bellamy gives Aaron a tired smile before heading out of the room.

Aaron nods slowly, trying to make sense of the words, trying to make sense of everything that happened. He’d fallen, gone to the hospital, and now he’s home. Bellamy is here, but Alexander…he isn’t happy about it. Won’t let Bellamy comfort him. That’s why Madison is here. Aaron is still trying to piece everything together when he hears familiar footsteps approaching the bedroom.

Alexander rushes in, looking like he’s about to pounce on Aaron, but he forces himself to stop at the edge of the bed at the last minute instead. Then he sits down beside Aaron, reaching out to trail his fingers across Aaron’s cheek.

“You idiot.” Alexander whispers after a moment, blinking his eyes rapidly. “You scared me.”

“I’m sorry.” Aaron murmurs, nuzzling into Alexander’s palm. “I’m sorry.”

“I heard you fall, and then Steve started barking…I walked out there and you were on the ground…” Alexander stops and shakes his head, swallowing slowly.

“I’m sorry.” Aaron says again, reaching out to pull Alexander closer so he can curl against him. He rests his head against Aaron’s chest. “I shouldn’t have done it, I should have told you my leg hurt. But I just…I didn’t think it would be that bad, I didn’t think that I wouldn’t be able to…” Aaron trails off, but Alexander nods against him, and Aaron falls silent, knowing that Alexander understands. Both of them hate thinking that they can’t do normal things sometimes, like getting a glass of water from a cupboard.

“But you’re okay now.” Alexander mumbles into Aaron’s chest, giving him a small squeeze.

“We’re both okay.” Aaron says back. He shifts a little on the bed. “And at least my leg doesn’t hurt anymore.”

Alexander snorts at that, and Aaron feels a smile spread across his face as Alexander’s shoulders shake as he continues to laugh. Alexander pulls away so he can look up at Aaron, his expression less tense than it had been before. It makes Aaron relax as well, and he pulls Alexander up so he can rest their foreheads against each other gently. He takes a deep breath.

“You called Bellamy.” He murmurs, taking another deep breath when Alexander stiffens for a moment.

“I…yeah. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is.” Aaron argues, pulling back so him and Alexander can look at each other more clearly. He tucks a piece of hair behind Alexander’s ear. “It is. I…thank you, for doing it.”

“I…” Alexander shrugs, but then he sighs and looks away from Aaron. “Theodosia called me, while you were getting stitches.” His eyes flick back to Aaron’s. “She told me that you’ve been avoiding Bellamy to make me feel more comfortable.” The words are said somewhat accusingly, and Aaron is unsure of how to react. “You shouldn’t…you don’t need to do that.”

“Alexander…” Aaron shuts his eyes and leans his head back. He’s not sure how to have this conversation, or how to even start it. But he does know that it’s a conversation that needs to happen. “It’s…I’m glad that you think that but…but it hasn’t felt like you mean that.”

“What do you mean?”

“You never talk about Bellamy.” Aaron begins in a rush, keeping his eyes closed. “You get so angry when he’s just mentioned, so how am I supposed to have him over, or even talk to him? You don’t…you’re not ready to talk to him yet, and I…it makes it hard for me. I’m not saying I’m angry at you.” Aaron tilts his head back down and opens his eyes, meeting Alexander’s gaze. “Because I’m not. I understand you need time. But I…”

“You miss him.”

Aaron nods at Alexander’s statement, and Alexander looks away and starts to bite at his lip. Aaron wants to say more, but he forces himself to stay silent, giving Alexander time to collect his thoughts. But the waiting kills him.

“I don’t know what to do.” Alexander says eventually, still looking away from him. “I want you to be happy, you know that. But I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I can let him back in. I don’t-“ Alexander cuts off with a firm shake of his head, clearly unable to keep talking about it.

Aaron nods with a clench of his jaw, feeling something that isn’t quite anger building inside of him. He doesn’t know what to do either, but he knows that he needs Bellamy. He needs him back in his life and it feels unfair that he is so close but Aaron still can’t be near him. And he hates that he understands how Alexander feels, hates that he really can’t feel mad at him, because he understands.

“I’m sorry.” Alexander whispers, putting his hands on Aaron’s face, cradling it gently. “I’m trying, Aaron, I’m-“

“You’re not trying.” A voice cuts in from the doorway, making Aaron and Alexander jump and turn to see Madison standing in the doorway. “You haven’t even begun to try.”

“James, what are you-“

“Have you talked to him at all since he’s been back?” Madison asks, cutting Alexander off again. He walks further into the room, his eyes narrowed in frustration as he points at Alexander. “You haven’t tried at all!”

“James…” Aaron says his name quietly, drawing Madison’s attetion towards him. Aaron can see the man’s chest rising and falling rapidly. “James it’s o-“

“Don’t tell me it’s okay!” Madison snaps out, and Aaron feels Alexander recoil at the harsh tone. Madison has barely talked in the past three years, let alone yelled. “None of this is okay! Bellamy is standing right outside of this room, _waiting_ for you, and you’re acting like you don’t care!” His voice has climbed in pitch. “How can you not care? How can you not care that the person you love is _here_?”

Aaron can hear how fast Alexander is breathing, but he can’t look away from Madison, whose eyes are getting wider and wider. The man takes a step closer, passing a hand over his eyes and then shaking his head. When he looks back at them, his eyes are filling with tears.

“Bellamy is here.” He says, his voice cracking on the last word. “He’s here, and he loves you, and I don’t understand how that isn’t enough for you. I don’t understand. I would do anything to be in your position right now, anything, If T-“ Madison stops and shakes his head again, taking in a shuddering breath. “If Thomas was here, there is nothing that could stop me from making sure he stays. I don’t understand why you’re pushing Bellamy _away_.”

Silence hangs heavy in the air after that, and Aaron shifts on the bed, pushing Alexander off of him so he can stand up. He hasn’t heard Madison speak that much in one go for over three years. He steps over to him, but Madison gives another shake of his head, and Aaron pauses.

“Just talk to him.” Madison says, his voice soft again. “Give him a chance, let him give you a chance. Just…just don’t let him go. If you do, you’re both bigger idiots than I thought.” And with that, Madison exits the room, and a few moments later, Aaron hears the sound of the front door closing.

Aaron turns to look back at Alexander, who is staring at him with wide eyes. But then Alexander nods, a look of determination flittering across his face. Aaron nods back, the silent agreement flowing between them.

-

They invite Bellamy to stay with them throughout the next week. Aaron uses the excuse of them needing someone around as they recover, which is half true, but he thinks that all three of them know that this is really a trial run to see if Bellamy can fit back into their lives.

It doesn’t go smoothly. Not at first.

The tension between Alexander and Bellamy seems like it will explode at any second, and it makes every moment feel like they are all walking on glass, waiting for it to crack. Sometimes, even if Aaron laughs at something Bellamy says, he’ll feel Alexander glaring daggers at him. It makes it so when Alexander leaves to go to classes, Aaron is almost relieved, which is a feeling he hates to feel.

“He hates me.” Bellamy mumbles one day as the door closes behind Alexander. He slumps against the kitchen counter and brings his hands to cover his face. “This isn’t going to work…”

“Do you want it to work?” Aaron asks with a snap, feeling the last of his calm slipping. It’s been a long couple of days.

“You know I do.” Bellamy says, throwing Aaron an accusatory look as he glances back up at him.

“Then keep trying.” Aaron tells him with a sigh. He goes over to stand next to Bellamy, giving him a small nudge with his elbow. “The silent treatment won’t last forever. Alexander isn’t capable of that for too long. Just…keep trying, okay?”

“Yeah.” Bellamy answers, attempting to give Aaron a small smile. “Okay.”

It takes one more day for the dam to break, for the flood of everything that has been kept inside to come spilling out. Aaron thought that he would be ready for it, for all of the words and the emotions to finally appear, but he wasn’t ready for how strongly Alexander would react. But whether he’s ready or not, it happens.

“I think I’m gonna go and walk Steve,” Bellamy says that night, pushing his chair back after a long, silent dinner. “I’ll be back soon.”

“You mean you won’t wait three years this time?”

Aaron winces at Alexanders words, and he looks up to see Bellamy frozen to the spot, his face blank but his jaw tight, and his hand flexes at his side. Aaron looks at Alexander to see him glaring down at his uneaten food, his fork shaking in his hand. After another moment, Bellamy turns to look at Alexander, determination clear on his face, and Aaron takes a deep breath, steeling himself for what is about to happen.

“You know what I don’t understand?” Bellamy asks softly, the smallest trace of a waver in his voice. “I don’t understand why you forgave Aaron so fast after those five years, but you won’t even look at me now.”

“Maybe it’s because I like him more.” Alexander bites out, standing up himself and spinning to stare at Bellamy, just in time to see the hurt flash across Bellamy’s face.

“Guys…” Aaron tries weakly, trying to calm his own frantic heartbeat. He tries to communicate everything he’s feeling to Alexander when he turns to look at Aaron, tries to tell him that he can’t do this, can’t listen to the two of them tear each other apart in front of him. He only looks at Alexander for a few seconds, but the man gives him a short nod before turning back to Bellamy with a deep breath.

“It’s different.” Alexander says shortly, gritting his teeth in an attempt to stay calm. “You…you leaving is different. You…you left when we had time to fix everything. When Aaron left, the war was still happening and…and everything was uncertain. But you left when we finally had time to…to build a life together. You gave up on us.” Alexander pauses for a moment. “You gave up on us, and it wasn’t fair. So I can’t forgive you. I can’t.”

“ _That’s_ not fair!” Bellamy shouts, surprising all of them. Bellamy never shouts. But Bellamy is different now, Aaron reminds himself, Bellamy has changed too. “I…” Bellamy huffs out an angry breath and runs a hand through his hair before opening his mouth again. “I always tried so hard to make you both happy. I was always there, I did everything I could to make things better, to at least try. Whenever you hurt me, which you did,” Bellamy shoots an angry look at them both, “I forgave you, I let it go. But I…I do one thing wrong, I make one mistake, and you two can’t find a way to forgive me? That’s bullshit. I don’t deserve that!”

Aaron watches in silence as Alexander opens and closes his mouth a few times, no sound coming out. He turns to Aaron, the shock and uncertainty clear on his face for a moment before he carefully slides the emotions from his face. Aaron blinks at him a few times, unsure of what to say or do. He realizes that Bellamy meant those words for him as well, so he lifts his eyes to Bellamy, who is breathing heavily.

“I told you,” Aaron starts, “that I am trying my best. I _am_.” He stresses when Bellamy snorts. “But…” Aaron falters when Bellamy glares at him again, the glance throwing him off, but he looks over at Alexander and takes a deep breath. “But I understand where Alexander is coming from, too.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m right!” Alexander says, his voice ringing out loudly. “Aaron left us because he couldn’t stay after what happened, because he was hurting too much. He did it to help himself. You just left to hurt us! You did it out of petty anger!”

“Don’t tell me why I did it!” Bellamy yells back, his face contorting in his anger, and Aaron has to force himself to not look away. He hates this, but he has to be here. “I left because I had to! I didn’t want to hurt you, I-“

“You don’t even know how bad it was!” Alexander shouts, pointing a finger at Bellamy. He’s breathing quickly, and Aaron stands hesitantly, wanting to be able to calm Alexander down quickly if he needs to. “You weren’t here! You didn’t see us. You didn’t have to watch like I did.” Alexander’s voice breaks, and Aaron can see the tears starting in his eyes. “Aaron didn’t get out of bed for a week after you left. You have _no_ idea what it was like.”

Bellamy’s eyes flick over to Aaron, a slightly nauseous look replacing the anger on his face. Aaron stares back, not saying anything, because he can’t lie. He remembers how bad those first few months without Bellamy were. They had felt broken. They _were_ broken.

“I…” Bellamy pauses and swallows. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, and when he re-opens his eyes, there is more calm in them than Aaron has seen in a long time. “I wouldn’t have been to help you if I stayed.” He says the sentence quietly, but Aaron still sees Alexander’s head snap up.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that I wouldn’t have been able to help!” Bellamy says again, his voice getting a little louder, and his eyes a little wider. “I wasn’t-I wasn’t…you couldn’t leave the bed?” Bellamy asks, voice cracking. “Neither could I, okay? I wasn’t just…just out in the world having a great time without the two of you, I hate that you think that.”

“But that was your choice.” Aaron says, and both Alexander and Bellamy turn to look at him, almost as if they had forgotten he was there. He licks his lips as he feels his stomach churn under their gazes, but he forces himself to keep going. “I…Bellamy, you know that I…that I’m happy you’re back, but I…I don’t understand why it took you so long…or why you cut us off…I…”

“I know it was my choice.” Bellamy says softly, looking only at Aaron now. “I know how it seems to you, but it…it wasn’t a choice, not really. It didn’t feel like a choice to me.” He takes a small step forward, but then glances at Alexander and stops, but he keeps looking at Aaron. “Please, just…just try to understand. Remember what you said, once you came back? You said you had to leave because staying just…it just reminded you of _everything_. That’s how I felt.”

“But why?” Aaron asks. “Why? We told you we never meant to hurt you, we told you we were sorry, we-“

“ _You_ told me you were sorry.” Bellamy interrupts, his eyes moving over to Alexander, who is watching the exchange with parted lips, and Aaron feels his heart skip a beat when their eyes meet. “Alex never did.”

“What? So that’s why you left?” Alexander asks with a sneer, but Aaron can see the slump to his shoulders, can hear the waver in his voice. “You’re gonna put all that on me? Fuck you, Jon.”

“That’s not what I’m saying!” Bellamy says, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. “Can you stop putting words in my mouth? I meant,” he opens his eyes, “that you didn’t even understand why I was so upset, and that hurt. When I talked to you at the train station, you didn’t _understand_! After everything, you said you wouldn’t have changed what you did! You told me that you would still throw me out of the Jaeger, even after you saw how it affected me!”

Aaron takes a step back from where he is standing, searching for something to ground him. He feels like he’s slipping, like the world is coming crashing down and there is no way to stop it. His thoughts feel like they are spiraling. But then a warm hand is slipping into his, tugging him back into reality.

“Aaron.” Alexander’s voice is soft in his ear. “Aaron, okay, it’s okay. Please, look at me.”

Aaron opens his eyes to see Alexander looking back at him with scared eyes. Aaron gives a small shake of his head, still trying to collect himself. But he gives Alexander’s hand a small squeeze, trying to show that he isn’t angry. He just needs a moment.

“You still would have left.” Aaron rasps out eventually. “Don’t…don’t put that on Alexander. You decided to leave before that.”

“I wasn’t trying to blame him.” Bellamy says, chewing at his lips as he looks at the two of them. “That’s not…I was just trying to say that he didn’t even regret what you did and-“

“I still don’t regret it.” Alexander says, twisiting so he can face Bellamy completely. “I’ll never regret it, okay? I will never regret saving your life! I’m sorry that you think it was kicking you out, or whatever bullshit you tried to argue. We were trying to protect you! And I would never change what we did. So I’m…I’m sorry that it upset you, but I’m not sorry for doing it, because it saved you! I lost so many people, and fuck you for thinking that I would just let you go too. Sorry for caring about you, sorry for lo-” He cuts off and buries his face into Aaron’s shoulder, his body shaking, leaving Bellamy standing there in silence.

“And I wouldn’t change what I did either.” Bellamy says after a few more moments of quiet. “And I’m sorry it hurt you, you know I am, Alex, you _know_ that. But I was hurting, and I wasn’t okay. I…I knew being with you two would hurt more than being away for that time. I know it sounds awful, okay? But I _needed_ to be away. I knew that if I came with you two, I would really destroy everything.” Bellamy stops, but Aaron keeps staring at him, unable to look away. “All of us were hurting so much, and I was angry. Maybe it was irrational, I really don’t know. But you…you didn’t need me with you when I was like that. I would have hurt you…I…it all would have fallen apart and…” Bellamy stops again, pain lacing his voice. “It killed me being apart, and all of this, it’s killing me now. But please… _please_ don’t let this be the end. Please don’t tell me that I made it all fall apart anyway.”

Bellamy’s plea hangs in the air, but Aaron and Alexander don’t say anything. Alexander is still shaking slightly against Aaron, and Aaron feels shaken himself. Everything came out too fast, too rushed for him to really take in. He opens his mouth in an attempt to speak, but his throat feels tight, and nothing come out.

Bellamy looks at them a beat longer before nodding, his mouth forming a thin line. He nods once more at the floor, and then he’s pushing past the two of them and sliding the back doors open, disappearing into the night air.

Alexander takes in a shuddering breath as the door closes, but he doesn’t move. Aaron can feel his shirt growing damp from where Alexander’s eyes are pressed against his shoulder, but he doesn’t move, just keeps holding Alexander close. Eventually, Alexander pulls away and swipes a hand over his eyes. Then, surprising Aaron even more, he steps away and pulls the back doors open himself, walking out after Bellamy.

Aaron watches from the window as Alexander steps over to Bellamy. He thinks he sees Alexander’s lips moving, thinks he sees Bellamy nodding his head. For a moment, the two of them just stand there, side by side, neither of them moving. But then Alexander moves a step closer. He reaches out slowly, and he takes Bellamy’s hand.

Aaron can’t stop the smile that spreads across his face. He keeps watching as Bellamy stares down at the hand now clutching his, and Aaron sees the exact moment that all of the anger, at least for now, slips away from both of them.

When Aaron finally steps outside to join them, Bellamy and Alexander are embracing, Bellamy’s hand cradling the back of Alexander’s head while Alexander clutches at the back of his shirt, burying his face in Bellamy’s shoulder as both of them whisper apologies and promises that Aaron can’t hear.

But they must hear him coming, because they pull away from each other slightly, both of their faces wet with tears, but they open their arms so Aaron can slide between them, finally, finally, feeling both of their arms go around him.

They stand that way for a while, the garden in front of them as they hold each other, shivering occassionally because of the wind. But they are all to happy to move, too worried that leaving this moment will ruin everything. Eventually, however, Bellamy lets out a small laugh, causing Aaron and Alexander to look up.

“Three years of not fighting with you two has really got me out of practice.” He smiles, eyes still a little uncertain, but relief spreads across his face when Alexander snorts in response.

“Well, then I’ll just have to get you back into practice.”

“I…I hate you both.” Aaron says with a weak laugh, leaning his head on Bellamy’s shoulder and pulling Alexander closer. Then he thinks about the words he just said, worrying that it’s too soon to tease with them. “This is good.” He murmurs, letting his eyes slip shut. “This is good.”

“Does this…can I stay?” Bellamy asks, and Aaron can feel his voice vibrating. He wants to say yes immediately, but he pauses and cracks open an eye to look over at Alexander.

Alexander hums low in his throat, like he’s considering the question, and then he let out a dramatic sigh, which makes Aaron’s heart beat nervously. But then Alexander winks at him, a slow smirk spreading across his face.

“We’re gonna need to buy a bigger bed.”

_**~ Three months later ~** _

Things don’t get better immediately.

In fact, they almost get worse. There are still days where Alexander’s temper will flare, his anger and his hurt bursting out of him and putting a dark cloud over everyone and everything. Or Bellamy’s anger and guilt will push on him until he breaks, pushing Aaron and Alexander away as he shuts himself up in their room. And there are days where Aaron, sick and tired of the fighting, will slip outside, refusing to speak or acknowledge Alexander and Bellamy until they calm down.

But they keep trying.

“Is it supposed to look like that?”

Theo’s voice causes Aaron to look up from where he’s been petting Steve on the couch. He spots Theo with her nose pressed against the window of the stove, her eyes squinting as she looks at the pie baking inside.

“What does it look like?” Aaron asks, pushing himself off of the couch.

“Bubbly.” Theo answers, leaning back on her heels and glancing over her shoulder to look at Aaron. “It’s really gonna suck if we ruin the pie.”

“There’s no _we_ ,” Aaron starts with a wink, laughing at Theo’s pout, “this is you and Bellamy. _I_ am not ruining the pie.” He laughs again when Theo rolls her eyes, but goes over and opens the oven door so he can take a peek at the pie baking inside.

It’s the last Friday of the month, meaning that it’s also the night of their monthly dinners. It used to stress Aaron out, having to be around everyone for hours on end, but now it’s something that he’s come to love. He loves being with everyone, loves being surrounded by people who understand everything, who have been through everything that he has. It switches houses each time, but this month it’s Alexander and Aaron’s turn to host.

And Bellamy’s.

It’s the first dinner that Bellamy has attended, and he’s more nervous than Aaron would have expected. Ever since he found out about it, he’s been planning like crazy. Aaron and Alexander had tried to pitch in and help, but that only seemed to add to Bellamy’s nerves.

“Don’t touch the pie!” A yell comes from behind Aaron, and he turns to see Bellamy rushing over to them, Aaron’s superman apron tied around his waist. “Don’t touch it!” He says again, nudging Aaron out of the way.

“Is it burnt?” Theo asks, peering from behind Bellamy as he takes it out of the oven. “I swear I was watching it.” Her and Aaron watch with bated breath as Bellamy fiddles with the pie.

“It’s fine.” Bellamy sighs out in relief. “It’s perfect.” He glares at Aaron when he snorts at the words, and purses his lips in a pout. “Don’t laugh. You’re lucky I’m taking over the cooking duties. Maria told me that everyone hates when it’s at your house cause the food is awful.”

“Liar.” Aaron laughs, turning to Theo who is now pointedly not making eye contact. Aaron huffs out a laugh and tugs Bellamy closer, smiling at the shocked expression that flits across his face.

They haven’t been very affectionate. Things between all three of them are still awkward, and they haven’t quite figured out the physical aspect of their relationship again. They all sleep in the same bed, but that’s as far as anything has gotten.

“Please don’t make out.” Theo whines under her breath, breaking Aaron out of his thoughts and causing a flush to rise against Bellamy’s cheeks. “I see enough of that at home with Mom and Eliza.”

“So things are good between them?” Aaron asks with a chuckle, releasing Bellamy and leaning against the counter so he can look at Theo.

“More than good. They’re actually-“

The rest of her sentence is cut off when the front door opens, signaling Alexander’s return from classes. It’s Friday, which means that Maria was at one of her classes too, which also means that Angelica will be tagging along as well. Sure enough, all three of them walk into the kitchen moments later, Maria talking mid-sentence;

“-professor had no idea what they were talking about!”

“I know!” Alexander exclaims, nodding his head furiously. “Like, when he said that thing about-“

“Yes that was ridiculous, and then-“

“Exactly! And-” Alexander cuts off once he gets further into the kitchen. He inhales and then turns slowly to look over at Bellamy. “You’re making…pie?”

“I am!” Bellamy answers with a small grin. “Is that okay? Do you like pie?” His question is asked casually, but Aaron rolls his eyes. The whole reason Bellamy is making pie is because of Alexander.

It’s no secret that Bellamy and Alexander are still working things out. On most days they say only a few words to each other, still trying to get a feel for what their relationship is now. The trust between them has faded, and will take a long time to form again. There are still a lot of emotions to uncover, a lot of mistakes to make up for, but they’re both trying.

Most of the time they come to Aaron for advice, or on Alexander’s part, to complain about how awkward everything is. But Aaron lets them talk to him, listens to them, gives small hints on how to make things better. He doesn’t want to get too involved, knowing they need to figure things out on their own. But he figured clueing Bellamy in that Alexander has a weakness for pie isn’t exactly interfering.

“I-yeah.” Alexander says with a shrug, feigning disinterest. “Pie is…I like pie.”

“Great!”

Aaron and Theo share a brief look before ducking their heads to hide their smiles. They continue to watch in amusement as Alexander attempts to sample the pie a few times, Bellamy always catching him and swatting at him with an oven mitt.

Madison and Lafayette arrive next, Luthor trotting along behind them, and Aaron can’t help the feeling of surprise that hits him when he sees Madison smiling a genuine smile, one that reaches his eyes. He hasn’t smiled like that in three years.

“He is having a very good day.” Lafayette whispers to Aaron once Madison goes over to talk to Bellamy. “A good _week_ , actually. I do not know what changed, but I will not question it. He is happy.”

“Good, that’s good.” Aaron says, nudging Lafayette with his elbow. “And you? You’re good?”

“I am. It is…it is nice,” Lafayette says with a smile, “to see James so happy. He has been talkative as well. It’s good. You all should come and visit more often, I think he would like it. Bring Steve. You know how much he loves dogs, sometimes I think James would have ten dogs if he could.”

“Good luck if that ever happens.” Aaron chuckles, walking back into the kitchen with Lafayette and laughing again when Alexander immediately wraps Lafayette in a big hug, the taller man letting out a small squeak of surprise.

Aaron and Alexander set the table while Bellamy shuffles around the kitchen, getting the rest of the food ready for dinner. In the middle of everything, Theodosia and Eliza walk in, wide smiles on both of their faces as they greet everyone. Aaron is almost suffocated by the hug Theodosia gives him, feigning passing out once he gets released, which gets him a firm smack on his arm.

Finally, they’re all seated at the table, Aaron between Alexander and Bellamy, and everyone is chatting happily and digging into the food with much more enthusiasm than Aaron and Alexander are used to. Aaron peers over at Bellamy, who is grinning down at his plate, and can’t stop himself from reaching out to grab Bellamy’s free hand, giving it a small squeeze. Bellamy’s grin grows even wider.

“Bellamy is in charge of making the food every month!” Angelica declares from where she’s sitting, already getting seconds. “Seriously. Aaron and Alex, you guys aren’t ever allowed to cook again.”

“Gee, three years of cooking for you and this is the thanks we get.” Alexander says dryly. But then he takes a bite of his food and looks over at Bellamy, chewing slowly with his head tilted to the side, as if he’s thinking. He swallows and then looks back down at his plate. “But yeah, whatever, Jon can cook when it’s our month. Takes the stress off of me anyway.”

Bellamy makes a soft noise in the back of his throat at Alexander’s words, and Aaron has to duck his head again so that everyone else can’t see the smile spreading across his face. This is the first time Alexander has alluded to any kind of future with Bellamy.

“Enough talk about the food,” Eliza starts with a laugh, “even though it is delicious. But, well,” She looks over at Theodosia, and Aaron spots the blush that is creeping onto her cheeks, “we have an announcement to make. Theodosia and I are-“

“Getting married!” Theodosia finishes, blurting the words out with a huge smile. “We’re getting married!”

There’s a brief beat of silence, and then it feels like everyone is talking at once. Angelica is suddenly hugging Eliza, happy tears streaming down both of their faces, and Madison is pulling away from an embrace with Theodosia so Maria can take his place. Alexander and Bellamy are both still sitting in stunned silence as Lafayette cheers from his seat, and Theo is watching everyone with warm eyes, shaking her head fondly as she looks up at Theodosia and Eliza

Aaron pushes himself out of his seat, rubbing at his leg as he goes over to Theodosia. She spots him over Maria’s shoulder and opens her arms, pulling Aaron into a hug.

“You’ll be my best man.” She murmurs in his ear before pulling back so they can look at each other. “No arguing. If you say no, the wedding is off.”

“Well in that case…” Aaron laughs and shakes his head, but then he looks at Theodosia more seriously, a strange sensation building up inside of him. “Hey, threat or no threat, I want to be your best man. I…it means a lot, you asking me.”

“Good.” Theodosia says softly, pinching Aaron’s cheek in a teasing gesture before stepping away so she can hug her daughter.

Aaron watches everyone laughing and smiling together, his heart beating fast in his chest. He stands there a moment longer before turning away and walking quietly to the back doors, opening them up and stepping outside. He was hoping that the cool air would calm him down, clear his head, but instead he just starts shivering, and has to wrap his arms around himself.

He’s happy for Theodosia and Eliza, he is. He’s happy that Madison is happy. He’s happy that Bellamy is back, and that Alexander seems to be warming up to him. Aaron is happy. He just wishes Sally were here to be happy with him.

“Aaron?” Bellamy’s gentle voice reaches him, and Aaron turns slightly to see Bellamy sliding out of the doors as well, walking over to him with a hesitant step. “Are you okay?”

“Fine.” Aaron says, giving him a small smile. “Just…overwhelmed.”

“Thinking about Sally?”

Aaron exhales sharply, bu gives a short nod. He’s still surprised sometimes when Bellamy can read him so easily. He looks down at his feet when Bellamy walks closer, but then he feels warm arms wrapping around him, and Aaron lets his head drop onto Bellamy’s shoulder, closing his eyes and breathing in time to Bellamy’s heartbeat.

“I still think about her all the time.” Aaron murmurs after a moment. “Theodosia is…she’s like a sister to me, and I…sometimes I feel guilty for thinking that way. Or…or for thinking how much I wish Sally were the one asking me to be her best man. I just…I miss her.”

“She’d be so happy for you.” Bellamy whispers, his breath tickling the side of Aaron’s face. “You know that, right? She’d be so happy, seeing how far you’ve come, seeing the life you’ve built.” Bellamy’s hands smooth up and down Aaron’s back, causing him to shiver and move closer to Bellamy. “I wish I had gotten to know her better.”

“She liked you.” Aaron says, laughing softly. “Thought you were cute. She…” Aaron pauses, but then he pulls back so he can look up at Bellamy. “She always used to tease me about you. She used to…to talk about us getting married, told me that she was already planning her rehearsal dinner speech, she…” Aaron trails off, a lump suddenly forming in his throat.

Bellamy’s hands come up to cup his face, and Aaron looks up to see tears welling up in the corners of Bellamy’s eyes. Aaron sighs into the touch, allowing himself to get lost in the feeling of Bellamy’s thumbs brushing over his skin. He’s not sure who moves first, but suddenly, their lips are touching, and Aaron closes his eyes and leans into the kiss.

It ends moments later, but they remain leaning against each other, Bellamy’s hands returning to Aaron’s waist and pulling him closer.

“Get inside before you freeze.” Alexander’s voice calls out, and Bellamy and Aaron pull away from each other to see Alexander leaning against the doorframe, a stern look in his eyes, but a smile on his lips. “C’mon, everyone headed home.”

Aaron nods and steps over to the doors, pausing briefly when he feels Bellamy take his hand. But he smiles and tugs Bellamy forward, leading him inside. It’s just the three of them now, and Alexander looks between Bellamy and Aaron for a moment, shifting on his feet and biting at his lip.

“Want to watch a movie?” He blurts out a second later, a frown forming on his face when Aaron and Bellamy just look at him in shock. They don’t usually do things together unless it’s eating and sleeping “What? Just…shut up and come on.” He stomps into the living room, giving them no choice but to follow.

Bellamy sits on the couch hesitantly, and pulls Aaron down with him so they are sitting side by side. He’s nervous. Aaron can tell by the way his foot is tapping on the floor, and by the way he is squeezing Aaron’s hand a little too tight. They both watch as Alexander picks up a DVD, grumbling to himself as he turns on the TV. Then he heads over to the couch, plopping down on Bellamy’s other side and hugging a pillow to his chest as the title screen pop up on screen.

“Star Wars?” Bellamy asks softly, turning to look at Alexander, who is determinedly staring at the TV.

“You told me you never saw the originals.” Alexander says with a shrug, but he glances over at Bellamy and then back at the screen, his lips twitching. “I’m not dating someone who hasn’t seen the originals.”

“Oh.” Bellamy murmurs, and Aaron feels his hand twitch in his grasp. He’s still looking at Alexander, his mouth hanging open slightly. He takes a deep breath. “I…does this mean that…I mean, are we-do you…I-“ He cuts off when Alexander turns to look at him again, his eyebrows raised. “Do…do you…like me?”

Aaron holds his breath as Alexander continues to just stare at Bellamy, not saying anything. He peeks around Bellamy to try and get a better look at Alexander, and can practically see the gears turning in Alexander’s head. Their eyes meet briefly, but then Alexander is looking back at Bellamy. He leans forward, lips parting, and kisses Bellamy softly, their lips barely touching.

Aaron feels Bellamy tense beside him, but in the next moment, Alexander is pressing closer, kissing Bellamy with more intent, and Bellamy relaxes into it, bringing up his free hand to rest it against Alexander’s jaw.

Aaron watches as they pull away from each other, taking in Alexander’s expression, which is a mixture of thoughtfulness and smugness, and then glances at Bellamy, who is looking as if someone poured cold water down his back. Alexander must notice the expression too, because he snorts loudly before kissing Bellamy one more time before turning his attention back to the screen.

Aaron, too worried that saying something will break whatever just happened, leans back into the couch and rests his cheek on Bellamy’s shoulder. But he still feels Bellamy moves his other arm, extending it out so he can wrap it around Alexander’s shoulders. He hears Alexander hum happily, and smiles into the fabric of Bellamy’s shirt.

They’re just starting the next movie when Aaron feels Alexander shift. He looks over at him, sees the content, sleepy smile on his face, and feels his heart jump in his chest.

“Pie.” Alexander mumbles, and Bellamy shifts as well, looking down at him in confusion. “Really want some more pie.”

“So you liked it?”

“I fucking loved it. Why didn’t you make it before? Kept your cooking skills to yourself all this time. Bastard.”

Bellamy laughs, his eyes lighting up at the easy manner in which Alexander is teasing him. He looks over at Aaron, surprise and happiness written across every line of his face, and Aaron smiles back.

“I’ll get us some.” He whispers, standing up and heading over to the kitchen. He takes the leftovers out of the fridge and puts three slices on individual plates. He somehow balances them in his arms, and heads back to the living room, stopping in his tracks when his eyes land on Alexander and Bellamy.

They’re both asleep, Alexander’s face buried in the crook of Bellamy’s neck as he lies slumped against him. Bellamy’s arm is still wrapped around Alexander’s shoulders, his own face resting against the back of the couch, a smile playing on his lips as he breathes in and out slowly.

Aaron sets the plates down on the counter softly, a warm feeling building inside of his chest. He walks back over to his boyfriends and slips back onto the couch beside Bellamy. He picks a blanket up off of the floor and puts it over Alexander and Bellamy before snuggling up closer to them, lying on his side with his head in Bellamy’s lap.

Moments later, Bellamy’s hand comes up to rest between Aaron’s shoulder blades, and then Alexander’s fingers are brushing over the back of Aaron’s neck. Aaron smiles and lets his eyes close. It’s been so long since he’s felt this relaxed, since he’s felt this whole.

It’s been almost sixteen years since the war with the Kaiju began. Sixteen years since Aaron lost his parents, his home, his family. It’s been ten years since he met Alexander and Bellamy, ten years since his life got a little brighter. It’s been eight years since he lost Sally, his sister, his best friend. Eight years since he thought that his life could never be the same, could never be good again. He’d been so scared to live ever since then, scared to grow up without a family, without a home.

But here, now, lying beside the two people who mean so much to him, the people he loves, Aaron has never felt happier, has never felt more thankful to be alive. He has a home. He has a family.

And he’s never letting go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAHHHHH :,)
> 
> This chapter seriously took me forever to write. Endings are so hard because there is so much I want to say, so much I want to show, but not enough time to get it all out. But this chapter was one of my favorites, and I really, really hope you guys liked it too! Things are still gonna be tough for these boys, but they are gonna be okay :)
> 
> Thank you to each and every one of you for reading this story. It means more than I can say, and I just really appreciate you all sticking with it. To all of you who leave kudos/comments/interact with me on tumblr about this story, THANK YOU! I really wish I could explain how great it makes me feel. (and special shout out to @burrfucker on tumblr. She writes amazing reviews of every chapter, and has just inspired so much of what I put into this story.
> 
> I will be taking a short break from writing after this, and by short I mean like a month probably lol, but stay tuned for another fic coming sometime around January! Head over to my tumblr @ fanciful-follies to keep in touch/send me one-shots to write. I'll still be on pretty frequently!
> 
> Thank you so much to all of you again! I love you guys! :)

**Author's Note:**

> *Exhales*
> 
> I promise that things will speed up next chapter, and that lot more characters will be introduced (Theodosia, Schuyler sisters, Alexander and Bellamy) so hold tight. (But isn't Aaron a cutie. Also SALLY!!!)
> 
> As of right now, this will update weekly on Saturdays until I finish up my other hamilton fic that's in progress, and then updates will probably come quicker. 
> 
> I'm really excited/nervous to write this fic and hope you guys will stick with it! It really is going to be a lot of fun. Kudos/comments/feedback are loved and greatly appreciated. Come on tumblr and talk to me @ fanciful-follies where my blog has descended into chaos.
> 
> Thank you! :)


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